Discussion Are you showing any signs?

[nuclearsnake]

It just dawned on me that I'm doing quite a few things that might have interpreted as 'signs' once I'm gone. I'm cancelling everything, talk about there be no point, how shitty everything is, etc. but nobody I talk to is really reacting. They just brush it off. Makes me more certain about my decision (and it also makes me happy because there's little chance I'm going to get caught now since nobody's giving a shit) but I also wonder if some of them will regret it.

I'm pretty obviously suicidal and considering I've had two attempts I'm surprised nobody seems to care. What about you guys? Are your suicides going to come 'out of the blue'?

 

[agreement]

I wonder this too sometimes.
I think that I (maybe we) overestimate the signs that we're giving and the ability to understand them by friends, familiars or "normies" in general.
Sometime I think that for sure everybody will go for "I was expecting it", but in reality most likely everybody will go for "wow, this is out of the blue totally, I knew he was so and so but i've never expected etc."
We (suicidals) have this relationship with death that other people don't have and don't understand.
People simply don't want to die and think that life is a gift or has a meaning or a o purpose or simply they don't think.

 

[agreement]

I forgot to say that tomorrow I'm going to spend some time with some friends and their childs for the first time in ages and I'm pretty worried about giving signs or let slepping things.
I think it will be ok since I'm in a good mood and those are real friends and there will be a lot of topics to cover.
I've denied a one-to-one long encounter with a friend because I don't have the mind to do it.

 

[286165]

Despite myself, I'm not even just giving signs, I straight up tell my mom every time that I want to die. I never tell her that I'm seriously looking into it, but she doesn't react at all anymore. I think she's exasperated by how often I feel this way lately.

I know that by saying this to her, I'm sabotaging myself, putting myself at risk of being committed or stopped. But like OP, I just desperately want someone to care, despite myself. Once I'm dead I want to be forgotten, but being forgotten before you're even gone is harder than the thought of dying.

 

[ge0rge]

yep. but I don't really care that much. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve.

 

[skitliv]

yep. but I don't really care that much. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve.

Same, and it has bringed me many troubles

 

[Lowri]

Not intentionally. I slip u sometimes though. For example we are talking about a character in a movie and i'll be like you know that's a really good way to die and I get funny looks and i forget I'm not on sanctionedsuicide -.-

 

[Ssname]

I have had to stop myself from saying that so many times. Watching a movie and almost say "that wouldn't kill them they would need to..... To me sure".
A few people know but most will be surprised.

 

[Final Escape]

It just dawned on me that I'm doing quite a few things that might have interpreted as 'signs' once I'm gone. I'm cancelling everything, talk about there be no point, how shitty everything is, etc. but nobody I talk to is really reacting. They just brush it off. Makes me more certain about my decision (and it also makes me happy because there's little chance I'm going to get caught now since nobody's giving a shit) but I also wonder if some of them will regret it.

I'm pretty obviously suicidal and considering I've had two attempts I'm surprised nobody seems to care. What about you guys? Are your suicides going to come 'out of the blue'?

I don't think mine will come as a big surprise. My whole life's been a train wreck. It's been a slow motion suicide in my case.

 

[Dead_Inside]

I didn't show anything they picked up on before my first attempt they apring. Now I am trying to act like I have recovered.... which I think I am not doing a great job of. I don't know what I am doing ...
It's hard to spend your nights trying to stop yourself from doing something stupid and then pretend like it's "all good" and "I feel better now".
I still have to look at myself in the mirror.... that person is sad - or something so much worse I don't have a word for it.

 

[286165]

It's a little ironic, isn't it. People who don't truly want to die will perform gestures and be more vocal about their wishes to die, while someone planning suicide acts like they're ok to avoid suspicion.

 

[Vicepuma]

Almost everyone I know will blame it on my relationship that ended. I've been a different person ever since. I often get "You're still down, aren't you?" comments and I just act more depressing lately.

And while I really, really hate how the relationship ended... I don't want people to think this girl is the source of it all. Heck, I don't want her to think that either. Makes me feel bad thinking about it.

 

[itsallover]

It depends on who you're telling. If it's immediate and eventually extended family or close friends then that's pretty fucked up of them. If it's just coworkers or acquaintances then they can go fuck themselves and should die first for that type of reaction. Some people get pretty happy before their suicide knowing their pain will end. That's how I felt when I seriously started to plan it. I posted about starting over but I don't know how to cope with the pain when not even painkillers and other medications won't work and find myself returning. I wonder how long chronic pain patients eventually turn to suicide. Mine is complicated because it was due to a medical error. If I can't sue and don't improve then I'm honestly going to feel like killing somebody. If anyone has a link to site dedicated to sufferers of medical malpractice then I would appreciate it.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I have a girlfriend and I have to take care of the exact same thing. She doesn't know anything about my plans and I have to be careful with my words. I think I sounds a bit too negative sometimes which could hint my plans. My mother asked me if I was suicidal about one month ago. I was surprised about that question because it kinda came out of nowhere. Maybe the way I talk give signals to people. I think it's kinda hard to avoid if you're really ready to go, you know. Because you have to put on a show and act constantly at that point and that's not that easy.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Despite myself, I'm not even just giving signs, I straight up tell my mom every time that I want to die. I never tell her that I'm seriously looking into it, but she doesn't react at all anymore. I think she's exasperated by how often I feel this way lately.

Same here, I told my mom that I wish I was never born and I that don't want to live anymore. I've discussed the topic of antinatalism, nihilism and all that "depressing" stuff. I literally said that I will hang myself and that I want to be cremated. And she's like "OK".
Maybe she thinks I'm just venting but the lack of any reaction is reassuring, the only person that would be truly devastated by my suicide - my grandpa - is already dead. No one else will be "moved" by it, I'm free to go which is fine by me lol.

 

[286165]

Same here, I told my mom that I wish I was never born and I that don't want to live anymore. I've discussed the topic of antinatalism, nihilism and all that "depressing" stuff. I literally said that I will hang myself and that I want to be cremated. And she's like "OK".
Maybe she thinks I'm just venting but the lack of any reaction is reassuring, the only person that would be truly devastated by my suicide - my grandpa - is already dead. No one else will be "moved" by it, I'm free to go which is fine by me lol.

I told her earlier that I wish I'd died in the car wreck I had this past saturday, for the 2nd time, and she's just been acting annoyed toward me since. That will make it way easier to go through with it, I didn't feel very bad for her in the first place but now I feel like she can go choke for all I care.

 

[Deadinside24]

It just dawned on me that I'm doing quite a few things that might have interpreted as 'signs' once I'm gone. I'm cancelling everything, talk about there be no point, how shitty everything is, etc. but nobody I talk to is really reacting. They just brush it off. Makes me more certain about my decision (and it also makes me happy because there's little chance I'm going to get caught now since nobody's giving a shit) but I also wonder if some of them will regret it.

I'm pretty obviously suicidal and considering I've had two attempts I'm surprised nobody seems to care. What about you guys? Are your suicides going to come 'out of the blue'?

I feel like mine will. I had a date, August 3rd, but I had some emotional conflicts that made me decide not to. However, I now have sodium azide which I didn't on the 3rd so if I did get triggered, I feel like I'd probably go through with it.

 

[Brokenanddeadinside]

I've told my father when I've been thinking about killing myself ive even asked him once to kill me when I was freaking out. He tells me that if I ever kill myself to shoot him before I shoot myself so he doesn't know. He talks to me about killing himself and sadly I've given him my ok as much as I don't want it but my whole life I've known that he wants too. him and I are both close too due to all the shit that's happened.

 

[Comatose11]

I'm going out of way to hide any warning signs. I haven't mentioned feeling suicidal or depressed or anything like that. I talk about my future as if I plan to have one.

 

[FairyAlys]

Like Comatose11, I am keeping up my "normal" facade; carrying on as usual.
Weirdly a person that I support at work who hadn't seen me for a week ,asked me yesterday if I was ok. I replied yes of course I am. He said you seem really different. I laughed it off but it shook me a bit!

 

[Tiburcio]

I can't avoid it, I'm like a broken jar thying to keep as much pain as possible but my fissures don't let me keeping everything inside me. Unfortunately I give suspicious hints about something bigger is going to happen.

 

[Sundayafternoon]

I'm not around anyone consistently enough to worry about showing signs. The family i once had labeled me as mean and surly a long time ago, so if around, they wouldn't notice any changes.

 

[BurningLights]

I've told many people I want to die, that I don't want to be here, I've told doctors, my case worker, with all the talk of loony bins you would think I would be put in one. But nope, maybe I'm not showing the ''normal' signs. But then I've been on this path for years now. To others it must just seem like the norm, but if any of them are truly surprised then they must be stupid.

 

[Imaginos]

Signs? Now there's a funny concept (at least when considering my own situation, that is). Those "signs" you describe (overwhelmingly depressive demeanor, non-involvement/detachment to everything, overall suicidal outlook, etc.) are basically just part of my essence as a, sadly, still living organism. The whole idea of "signs" are again, for me at least, entirely irrelevant since my parents are both already very much aware of how desperately I'd like to kill myself. What there also well aware of, however, is how much of a gigantic pussy I am. They know I'll never do it, I know I'm probably never going to do it, so that's pretty much the end of the story. I just suffer silently as one of, I'm sure, countless millions who'd off themselves in a nanosecond, if only there fear/survival instinct wasn't such an impassable obstacle anymore, thereby trapping them in life with no way out, except to wait for the miracle of death to someday arrive, while having to be victim to even more suffering in the meantime. No desire to live, too afraid to die. That's the real curse right there. Limbo made manifest. Like an emaciated horse dragging me along tied up & face first in the dirt through the vacant, desolate desert of existence itself.

 

[Gunsareourfriends]

I'm going out of way to hide any warning signs. I haven't mentioned feeling suicidal or depressed or anything like that. I talk about my future as if I plan to have one.

This is the facade I present aswel. I'm not drawing results for a partner in my country..I'm going to have to act alone. I was hoping to avoid that as I havnt been able to go through with it in the past by myself. The situation I am is my main motivator to ending my life.. I did it to myself n recently It got worser. Ending my own life is the only option for me.. I could run away and go try build a life for myself but it realisticly would solve nothing. Im always acting. I wish I could back in time. I have so much pain inside and I can't undo this without loosing every single thing my entire life stands for, including myself.
100% you would not believe the mess I have made of my life

 

[Nzbeelover]

This is the facade I present aswel. I'm not drawing results for a partner in my country..I'm going to have to act alone. I was hoping to avoid that as I havnt been able to go through with it in the past by myself. The situation I am is my main motivator to ending my life.. I did it to myself n recently It got worser. Ending my own life is the only option for me.. I could run away and go try build a life for myself but it realisticly would solve nothing. Im always acting. I wish I could back in time. I have so much pain inside and I can't undo this without loosing every single thing my entire life stands for, including myself.
100% you would not believe the mess I have made of my life

I'm going out of way to hide any warning signs. I haven't mentioned feeling suicidal or depressed or anything like that. I talk about my future as if I plan to have one.

 

[Comatose11]

Most people that know me personally know I want to die, so whenever I try getting stuff for my attempt (bags, balloons, and such) they get suspicious and shit and ask why I would want it, so it's pretty hard to kms with people like this, seriously I'm nervous about buying a god damn rope in case they find it and question me.

I don't think anyone sees me as a suicide risk but my family knows I've attempted it before. So I had my rope get shipped to a store because if it got shipped to my house I'm worried someone would see it and get suspicious. Or my favorite, "you're crying out for help." That's why I'm trying to be quiet about finding out the next time I get the house to myself. Because if I do ask my parents get suspicious and think I'm crying for help even though I just want to know if I can hang myself without being found in time.

 

[Laggy]

I'm pretty open about my plans to commit suicide. I beg my husband to support my suicide. I talk about it bluntly with my therapist and psychiatrist (they're just like "are you going to kill yourself -today-? No? Okay, see you in a few weeks"). I've learned that getting locked up isn't as big of risk as it's made out to be. Reading through these comments, it sounds like several other members have a similar experience.

 

[throwaway123]

Everyone knows that I'm suicidal and my death won't be a surprise. I doubt that anybody will actually care. They'll pretend to be sad for a few days and that's it. I've been "showing signs" for years now.

 

[RM5998]

I just desperately want someone to care, despite myself. Once I'm dead I want to be forgotten, but being forgotten before you're even gone is harder than the thought of dying.

Yeah, that idea is truly painful. I've communicated that I'd like to die before I turn 25, and given the same reasons that I have now, so I guess the distance allows people to not care (I'm 20 now). Of late, I've been trying to tie up loose ends, and appreciate what acquaintances I have. I've been hanging out with them more often, trying to be more appreciative, and trying to be what I think they would consider to be a better friend. I don't want the last memory they have of my living self to be that of the asshole that I normally am.