Discussion Are you scared of yourself?

[FoxSauce]

Just a disscusion

. Is moslty something in general I don't have anything specific


Mostly I am when im not in control of my emotions cuz I've had many impulsive decisions and thoughs.

Ofc thoughts come and go but still

Im mostly afraid of what I've might be come and be an evil human being or maybe hurt somebody. Maybe losing my sanity I'll do something unforgivable.

But I try not to think about those things or I'll spiral into full on questioning myself.

 

[Namelesa]

Yes I am scared of myself, mostly I am paranoid with whether my actions will hurt others or not or if I was to go into extreme mental pain and do something that I would regret doing cus of being so desperate to get out of that pain.

 

[Britney Spears]

Yes, and my illness. It's my worst enemy, but sooner or later I'll take it to the grave

 

[Apokryphiel]

Maybe, in some sort of sense. I acknowledge the fact that I am very sick. It's just that I have no desire to be anything else, as this is all I have ever known. I've made a lot of bad choices in my life - God knows I'll only make more. Maybe that's why I want to kill myself? Even if I'm afraid of myself, I will prove I'm stronger than wherever my mind has led me. It's only a matter of time now.

 

[FoxSauce]

Wh

Yes, and my illness. It's my worst enemy, but sooner or later I'll take it to the grave

What illness if I may ask,if ya wanna keep it private i understand

 

[bankai]

Yes, and you should be scared too.


Seriously though. Not really. I have a good handle on my temper. I make rational decisions for the most part. Even taking the bus is something that I've given much thought and I've not landed upon it easily. I've pretty logically convinced myself of the reasons that I need to take it.

Life is only worth it if everything that you do in life is worth the joy you get from it. In other words, the juice should be worth the squeeze. Everything is just painful for me at this point. Everything is mundane and monotonous.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not massively. I had a sadistic streak when I was young towards insects which I'm deeply ashamed of so hopefully, that would stop that re-emerging. I think that has gone- mercifully. I will kill pests if they look like they're infesting things but, I think I'm much more mindful now. It certainly scares me that I have been cruel in the past though.

If anything, I'm afraid I might chicken out of CTB before I become old and ill and miss my chance.

I'm almost guaranteed to humiliate myself in future social situations- if I end up having to be around people again. It's not exactly fear there rather than the anxiety of embarassing myself again.

I suppose it's the fear of knowing that social anxieties and fears/ lack of confidence would be even more accute since I've isolated for so long.

 

[Britney Spears]

Wh

What illness if I may ask,if ya wanna keep it private i understand

Don't worry. Thanks, honey. I'll say it here and explain myself better. Chronic derealization/depersonalization. Psychiatrists and psychologists still don't know; each one gives me a different diagnosis. In addition to the mental pain, everything I see and everything I try makes it worse. Cognitive impairment, amnesia, depression, anxiety, and short-term memory impairment. I've tried pills and psychotherapy, but nothing. My studies are ruined and my life. In a week, I'll go to the best hospital in Spain because my family wants me to go, but I know it will be in vain. I've had tons of psychologists and psychiatrists, and they still don't know what I have which give me different diagnoses. I just want to end my life as soon as possible and be done with this daily nightmare. I can't watch movies; I forget, I can't keep up, and so on with everything I see. It's very strange. And I have to force myself to read and understand because of everything I have. I can't take it anymore, and I know there's no cure other than to die. Thank you so much for your understanding, honey
I just want my family to see that there's no more money to spend on me and accept my decision to die. I've accepted and received help, treatments, and everything else with no cure. But I doubt it at 24 years old. Anyway

 

[FoxSauce]

Don't worry. Thanks, honey. I'll say it here and explain myself better. Chronic derealization/depersonalization. Psychiatrists and psychologists still don't know; each one gives me a different diagnosis. In addition to the mental pain, everything I see and everything I try makes it worse. Cognitive impairment, amnesia, depression, anxiety, and short-term memory impairment. I've tried pills and psychotherapy, but nothing. My studies are ruined and my life. In a week, I'll go to the best hospital in Spain because my family wants me to go, but I know it will be in vain. I've had tons of psychologists and psychiatrists, and they still don't know what I have which give me different diagnoses. I just want to end my life as soon as possible and be done with this daily nightmare. I can't watch movies; I forget, I can't keep up, and so on with everything I see. It's very strange. And I have to force myself to read and understand because of everything I have. I can't take it anymore, and I know there's no cure other than to die. Thank you so much for your understanding, honey
I just want my family to see that there's no more money to spend on me and accept my decision to die. I've accepted and received help, treatments, and everything else with no cure. But I doubt it at 24 years old. Anyway

No worries thank you so much for sharing! And big hugs to you! ♡

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

not scared. Annoyed that I'm still here. but not scared.

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

I believe I am afflicted with misophonia. When I am exposed to various sounds (chewing, the city's ambient humming noise, a conversation/television in another room, whistling, etc. etc. etc.) I enter an uncontrollable rage. It feels as if my nervous system is lit on fire.

As a child I was almost completely unable to eat dinner with my family as a result of this. Meals would frequently end in fights and/or tears.

Harming others during one of these episodes is a significant fear of mine.

The only thing that works to prevent episodes is complete isolation from sensory stimuli, but this is impossible. Even if I lived alone I would have to go out to purchase groceries/toiletries and work.

Argh. This feels so absurd to type out like this.

 

[Griever]

Because I'm very impulsive, I should be scared of myself

 

[miles-away]

Yes.

I'm spoiled, insecure, bratty, mean, over-emotional, paranoid, needy and lazy. I'm not in control of my emotions and regularly have tantrums like a 3 year old. I think the only person that hasn't really seen that side of me is my boyfriend. But I already get the hint he definitely thinks I'm way too invested in this relationship.
I feel like if I had gun, I'd have impulsively shot myself 100 times by now.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

Well I am my own worst enemy in the end.

 

[MissWannaLive]

I wasn't but lately I have started to fear myself. It started with impulsive thoughts of me one evening just sitting and my mind flipping some switch so when I got back to reality and thinking I have found myself with scissors against my skin. That was the start. Ever since them whenever I feel like my brain switches I fear myself. Not only to what I can do (I used to be scared of injuring myself) but what can my brain do when I will have the moment of not thinking at all. It already caused me to lose an important relationship and start to SH. It's trapping me inside my body with each seitch even more and no one understands. So yes. I'm scared of myself. Scared where it all will lead me.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I think there is some kind of dark me inside of me. Sometimes I think of murder, of terrible things, the anger always building. Like a beast on a leash, and I have to hold it day after day.

But the beast is just irritated, it wants to be free, to do what it was meant to do. I'm just making things worse for me and for the beast.

I do fear I'll make people suffer if I ever go coo-coo crazy. I do fear myself, and how far I've fallen. I fear being myself and accidentally being my other self. I hate it.

 

[garbage01]

Kind of. In many ways. I'm scared when I lose myself. When I can't process that I, and what's around me, is real. When I can't process that those I'm talking to are real and my actions have real consequences. I'll come to from an episode and I'll have such a deep pit in my stomach just asking myself "what the hell did I just do?" I feel like both the baby and the babysitter, making the mess and then finding said mess. I'm scared of myself in the way that I'm scared of who I am when I'm not myself. I'm scared because I know I'm good intentioned, but people know I'm unpredictable. I'm scared of the fact that I scare others. Even though I'm not trying to. I don't like that people treat me like an aggressive dog.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Kind of. In many ways. I'm scared when I lose myself. When I can't process that I, and what's around me, is real. When I can't process that those I'm talking to are real and my actions have real consequences. I'll come to from an episode and I'll have such a deep pit in my stomach just asking myself "what the hell did I just do?" I feel like both the baby and the babysitter, making the mess and then finding said mess. I'm scared of myself in the way that I'm scared of who I am when I'm not myself. I'm scared because I know I'm good intentioned, but people know I'm unpredictable. I'm scared of the fact that I scare others. Even though I'm not trying to. I don't like that people treat me like an aggressive dog.

Oh, honey, I can relate so much. It's like we have something wild inside of us and sometimes it goes crazy a leaves a path of destruction. Mama bear knows how much it hurts, dear, come, have a hug. *bear hug* You're not an aggressive dog, you're just a misunderstood little cub...