Are you planning your own funeral?

[Lotus]

I'm thinking about planning my own funeral. I've talked a little to my mother about it (not my funeral, but in general). Funerals in my country have such a negative energy, with terrible music, even worse food and nobody can show other feelings than being apathetic or sad standing their in their black clothes. My mother said that when she eventually dies, she wants happy music, good food and a good spirit, and happy stories about her as a person. That's what I want as well. I was thinking about choosing a song, food to be served, a coffin and other arrangements.

Have you guys thought of the same thing? And how do you do it? Do you just write a specific note, or do you contact the different companies?

I have the money to cover the expences. And I would like to do this so my family don't need to worry about it when I'm gone, and that my own funeral has a little touch of me. I don't want a funeral that's completely unlike me (which most funerals are).

 

[Manja]

I will write a note to just throw me in a ditch with homeless people or whatever they do with those who have nobody...

 

[Flume]

I wrote a really long note on what I wanted... then later on I threw it away beacuse no fucking cares anyway so why should I.

 

[Lotus]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have to think about this a little bit further. I think they will respect my wishes if I make a note, but I would prefer to make the arrangements by myself.

 

[CyanideSoup]

I don't see the point. I won't know what's going on. I'll leave some money for my family so they can sort it but it's up to them how or if they remember me. I just hope I'm cremated and not buried.

 

[Lotus]

I don't see the point. I won't know what's going on. I'll leave some money for my family so they can sort it but it's up to them how or if they remember me. I just hope I'm cremated and not buried.

Yeah. I'm thinking about being cremated, but it's so common to be buried in my country. No one in my family has been cremated.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

i just talked about being cremated and about the suit i wanna wear. nothing more, i don't even care if they won't do what i asked i'll be dead so it doesn't matter. all matter is that i stopped suffering

 

[angie]

I'm thinking about planning my own funeral. I've talked a little to my mother about it (not my funeral, but in general). Funerals in my country have such a negative energy, with terrible music, even worse food and nobody can show other feelings than being apathetic or sad standing their in their black clothes. My mother said that when she eventually dies, she wants happy music, good food and a good spirit, and happy stories about her as a person. That's what I want as well. I was thinking about choosing a song, food to be served, a coffin and other arrangements.

Have you guys thought of the same thing? And how do you do it? Do you just write a specific note, or do you contact the different companies?

I have the money to cover the expences. And I would like to do this so my family don't need to worry about it when I'm gone, and that my own funeral has a little touch of me. I don't want a funeral that's completely unlike me (which most funerals are).

I have paid and organised my funeral already .Save my family having to worry about it .Last helping hand i can give them And it is a good feeling knowing its all seen to as well .

 

[Berlin76]

I'm thinking about planning my own funeral. I've talked a little to my mother about it (not my funeral, but in general). Funerals in my country have such a negative energy, with terrible music, even worse food and nobody can show other feelings than being apathetic or sad standing their in their black clothes. My mother said that when she eventually dies, she wants happy music, good food and a good spirit, and happy stories about her as a person. That's what I want as well. I was thinking about choosing a song, food to be served, a coffin and other arrangements.

Have you guys thought of the same thing? And how do you do it? Do you just write a specific note, or do you contact the different companies?

I have the money to cover the expences. And I would like to do this so my family don't need to worry about it when I'm gone, and that my own funeral has a little touch of me. I don't want a funeral that's completely unlike me (which most funerals are).

. I have arranged my own funeral months ago. Did it because i know i am going and my family doesn't have to stress about it.
It gives also some closure weird enough

 

[Lotus]

I have paid and organised my funeral already .Save my family having to worry about it .Last helping hand i can give them And it is a good feeling knowing its all seen to as well .

. I have arranged my own funeral months ago. Did it because i know i am going and my family doesn't have to stress about it.
It gives also some closure weird enough

Really? Do you mind sharing some of the practical information with me? I totally understand if you don't want to, and if you want to limit the audience you can also PM me. But no pressure of course.

I can really relate to what you guys are describing, and that's the reason I want to do it as well. Thank you for replying to my thread.

 

[Berlin76]

Really? Do you mind sharing some of the practical information with me? I totally understand if you don't want to, and if you want to limit the audience you can also PM me. But no pressure of course.

I can really relate to what you guys are describing, and that's the reason I want to do it as well. Thank you for replying to my thread.

Well it depends on the person really.
But most is about whongets invited and how you want to be buried or cremated etc. And how much people can come what location etc. So this is all is the total som of it all that make out the cost ofcourse

But i did it also because i really need it my mom wouldn't know what to end also like insurance and tv and mobile and car.
These all have to be ended when you're gone.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

No. I want my body to be throw somewhere and be devorated by crows. I'm piece of shit that only fills space.

 

[Jean4]

It is honestly a concern for me, since I have nobody. I guess I will be thrown in a mass grave with the homeless. Fitting. I will have nobody here to care. Why should it stop in death?

 

[Lotus]

Well it depends on the person really.
But most is about whongets invited and how you want to be buried or cremated etc. And how much people can come what location etc. So this is all is the total som of it all that make out the cost ofcourse

But i did it also because i really need it my mom wouldn't know what to end also like insurance and tv and mobile and car.
These all have to be ended when you're gone.

Thanks for sharing. I have made arrangements with a law firm to make sure of all the legal stuff (money, testament etc). I will also handle the practical stuff with my rent and stuff beforehand so that they don't have to worry about that. I'm ending all of my online accounts and social media, and deleting almost all of my emails (except those that are important for them to have, like my renting release).

I'm not just sure about what to do with my actual funeral. I'm shopping for the dress I want to CTB in. I want a long, beautiful white dress. My mother tells me I look like an angel in white. I know mothers tells all that kind of stuff, but you know. I also have to find the dress I want to have in my funeral. I will have to find the songs of my choice, and I guess that my mother would like to sing, so I have to find a song for her as well. I will have to find some location (even though I want to have it a little cozy like my mother's apartment), and the food that's going to be served. At last I will have to find a coffin. I can't imagine my family wants be to be cremated, so I guess I'll have to respect some of their wishes.

Is it anything else I should consider? I actually want to make a collage of pictures of me and my closest family, and some stories that I want to share. I want to make it a nice funeral. I also want the guests to be wearing clothes of different colours. Not only black, but I guess that's not up to me to decide what they're going to wear.

It is honestly a concern for me, since I have nobody. I guess I will be thrown in a mass grave with the homeless. Fitting. I will have nobody here to care. Why should it stop in death?

I am so sorry to hear that.

 

[Berlin76]

Just make the logical steps and make it easybfor family afterwards to handle things.

 

[Soul]

I've left clear instructions for no funeral or memorial of any kind.

A Tibetan sky funeral would be nice but way too expensive from Europe.

 

[hatelife]

I wrote I want them not to waste much money on mine on the suicide note I have written to them

 

[Secrets1]

funerals and wakes are torture for everyone involved imo, been working on my will recently and emphasized I don't want to have one at all.

 

[underthesea]

I'm thinking about planning my own funeral. I've talked a little to my mother about it (not my funeral, but in general). Funerals in my country have such a negative energy, with terrible music, even worse food and nobody can show other feelings than being apathetic or sad standing their in their black clothes. My mother said that when she eventually dies, she wants happy music, good food and a good spirit, and happy stories about her as a person. That's what I want as well. I was thinking about choosing a song, food to be served, a coffin and other arrangements.

Have you guys thought of the same thing? And how do you do it? Do you just write a specific note, or do you contact the different companies?

I have the money to cover the expences. And I would like to do this so my family don't need to worry about it when I'm gone, and that my own funeral has a little touch of me. I don't want a funeral that's completely unlike me (which most funerals are).

Hello,
I prepaid for my own cremation, since I have no family. Went to local mortuary and told them I wanted to preplan and prepay for own cremation. They give various forms to fill, e.g embalming or not, who will ID body (in my case no one, from driver's license picture) etc. I even paid for ash scattering and specified place, time and how I wanted ashes scattered. They take pictures and send photos as proof to whoever's name you put on the form. They take care of everything. It is a pretty easy process. The prepaid money is held by a life insurance company and if anything is left over after all expenses, it goes to whomever you wish and put down as beneficiary or to your estate. The mortuary might state that every six months or a year price of expenses might go up and you have to pay the difference. In my case, since I plan to go soon, it didn't matter. I just nodded and agreed!

I created my own "MY LIFE" video which will be sent out, along with my goodbye note to couple of people I know. Not many. I created beautiful packages, goodby note letter sealed with wax etc. Packages pre-addressed and prepaid from post office so police can just drop them in mail.

It was rather interesting making own life celebration video. I felt tearful watching it, but not in a depressing way. More that I accomplished so much even with all the obstacles I encountered and that I did everything I ever wanted to do, more than majority of people I know. Watching pictures of all my adventures put me at ease with my decision, which was arrived over many years of contemplation, not impulsively. So putting the video together with all pictures, choosing music etc was a great relief, so was writing the goodbye note, which wasn't a diatribe or regurgitating accusations or sad things. I kept it fairly neutral without even explaining all my reasons.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I'd prefer not to have one. I want to be cremated. The thought of all those fake and abusive people from the past showing up and either disrespecting my memory or only coming because they feel obligated to... Ew, no thanks.
Also keeping someone in the ground in a certain spot for decades apparently also costs money, so not being buried will be a lot easier for my family financially.

 

[OneBigBlur]

If I had the money I'd hire someone to read a suicide note during the funeral letting everyone know what heartless pieces of shit they were while I was alive. The idea of that sounds somewhat satisfying.

 

[lmroch]

This is a free simple site to document your wishes.
Store all important documents, Some need witnessing, some need a notary.
Appoint who you want to take charge.
Make your wishes known, music, food, OR nothing.
Share your information with the one/s person you trust.
https://www.joincake.com/

 

[Conker]

No, there probably won't be one.

 

[Lotus]

Hello,
I prepaid for my own cremation, since I have no family. Went to local mortuary and told them I wanted to preplan and prepay for own cremation. They give various forms to fill, e.g embalming or not, who will ID body (in my case no one, from driver's license picture) etc. I even paid for ash scattering and specified place, time and how I wanted ashes scattered. They take pictures and send photos as proof to whoever's name you put on the form. They take care of everything. It is a pretty easy process. The prepaid money is held by a life insurance company and if anything is left over after all expenses, it goes to whomever you wish and put down as beneficiary or to your estate. The mortuary might state that every six months or a year price of expenses might go up and you have to pay the difference. In my case, since I plan to go soon, it didn't matter. I just nodded and agreed!

I created my own "MY LIFE" video which will be sent out, along with my goodbye note to couple of people I know. Not many. I created beautiful packages, goodby note letter sealed with wax etc. Packages pre-addressed and prepaid from post office so police can just drop them in mail.

It was rather interesting making own life celebration video. I felt tearful watching it, but not in a depressing way. More that I accomplished so much even with all the obstacles I encountered and that I did everything I ever wanted to do, more than majority of people I know. Watching pictures of all my adventures put me at ease with my decision, which was arrived over many years of contemplation, not impulsively. So putting the video together with all pictures, choosing music etc was a great relief, so was writing the goodbye note, which wasn't a diatribe or regurgitating accusations or sad things. I kept it fairly neutral without even explaining all my reasons.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Thank you for putting so much effort in replying me. I truly appriciate that. I'm just so afraid that the company will get suspicious if I say I want to plan and pay for it myself. Is that even a common thing to do, unless you're dying of a somatic disease? I really like the easy going process you're describing. I have to check it out. The only problem is that my funeral most likely will be in my home town, and not the city I'm living in. I have to have that in consideration.

The "MY LIFE" video sounds so great and heart warming, and I love how you thought about sending the package. I will certainly have that in mind.

Yes, I have also thought about making a video like that. Almost like the video shown for Lilly Kane in Veronica Mars, just not that outragious of course, but the video really showed her happy life and her dad (yes, I know it's a TV show) cried watching it. I'm really thinking about doing something similar.

Thank you so much for sharing all this with me. I really do feel honored to be in this community.

This is a free simple site to make known your wishes.
You can store all important documents,
Some documents need witnessing, some need a notary.
Share your information with the one person you trust.
https://www.joincake.com/

Thank you for the tip! I will definately look further into it!


And FYI I'm having an appointment with the law firm TOMORROW at 10 am. That's 12 hours to go. I'm a little thrilled, and I hope she can make some of the things easier for me, and maybe have me think of other things that I'm not really thinking about now.

It's also reassuring that the lawyer has full confidentiality, even though I'm not going to say "hey, I'm planning to CTB, so you have to help me with the practical stuff".

 

[underthesea]

Thank you for putting so much effort in replying me. I truly appriciate that. I'm just so afraid that the company will get suspicious if I say I want to plan and pay for it myself. Is that even a common thing to do, unless you're dying of a somatic disease? I really like the easy going process you're describing. I have to check it out. The only problem is that my funeral most likely will be in my home town, and not the city I'm living in. I have to have that in consideration.

The "MY LIFE" video sounds so great and heart warming, and I love how you thought about sending the package. I will certainly have that in mind.

Yes, I have also thought about making a video like that. Almost like the video shown for Lilly Kane in Veronica Mars, just not that outragious of course, but the video really showed her happy life and her dad (yes, I know it's a TV show) cried watching it. I'm really thinking about doing something similar.

Thank you so much for sharing all this with me. I really do feel honored to be in this community.


Thank you for the tip! I will definately look further into it!


And FYI I'm having an appointment with the law firm TOMORROW at 10 am. That's 12 hours to go. I'm a little thrilled, and I hope she can make some of the things easier for me, and maybe have me think of other things that I'm not really thinking about now.

It's also reassuring that the lawyer has full confidentiality, even though I'm not going to say "hey, I'm planning to CTB, so you have to help me with the practical stuff".

Hello,
When I went to the mortuary I offered no explanation other than saying I have no family or friends who can take care of my arrangements, should anything happen to me, so I wanted to take care of it myself. They really shouldn't press you too much. Less you volunteer the better. Don't look guilty when you go, just matter of fact business like as if you are going to live long but want this out of your way so your body doesn't become ward of the state. They won't question you, at least I wasn't. I even said I was terminally ill (a lie) but that it was personal and I didn't wish to discuss it. They just want your business!
If you have a lawyer even better! As part of your estate planning etc, you just tell your lawyer you want to set aside money for your funeral and prepare a document outlining in detail exactly how you want it to be. You can find approximate cost by calling any mortuary in your home town. Just say it was part of your planning for the future. You can set aside that money with your attorney or an escrow account, your attorney should be able to guide you. But outline everything in a document specifically, which mortuary, whether burial or cremation. Burials are more complicated- you need to specify which plot, headstones, viewing, embalming, caskets, viewing ceremonies, flowers whatever.

I just took basic cremation, no frills, no casket just basic cardboard box for cremation, basic plastic urn with biodegradable bag for ashes,, no viewing nothing. But I have no one who cares, so it was easy. I just specified ash scattering, as mentioned in prior post. Sound like you might want something more elaborate, so be specific in your document with your attorney. He/ she should be able to take care of it for you. You are paying them for goodness sake!

You don't have to tell your attorney (or anyone) any reasons or your plans to CTB. None of their business. Do not feel guilty or show any guilt or hesitation. As I said, act like you are being prudent and realistic in planning for the future so no one else will be troubled. People do it all the time.
Good luck.
P.S. you can easily make prepaid arrangements even with another mortuary I.e your hometown via phone and email discussions. Just make sure any contract you sign includes transportation of body from wherever you are. Some people travel a lot and their contract might include expense to transport their body from wherever they are to the mortuary. Transportation of body can be a significant expense, especially if you die in some other country and they have to fly back the body, unless one cremates it wherever they die. Something to consider in costs.

It is honestly a concern for me, since I have nobody. I guess I will be thrown in a mass grave with the homeless. Fitting. I will have nobody here to care. Why should it stop in death?

Hello,
I am saddened to hear that.
I have no one who cares either. If you do have the money, you can prepay for basic cremation and ash scattering.

Otherwise, at least in USA, the medical examiner will declare a person dead and the State takes over and will cremate unclaimed bodies at State's expense. So no, you won't be thrown in a mass grave. In USA, I believe they will cremate not bury at State's expense, since cremation is cheaper.

 

[Lotus]

Hello,
When I went to the mortuary I offered no explanation other than saying I have no family or friends who can take care of my arrangements, should anything happen to me, so I wanted to take care of it myself. They really shouldn't press you too much. Less you volunteer the better. Don't look guilty when you go, just matter of fact business like as if you are going to live long but want this out of your way so your body doesn't become ward of the state. They won't question you, at least I wasn't. I even said I was terminally ill (a lie) but that it was personal and I didn't wish to discuss it. They just want your business!
If you have a lawyer even better! As part of your estate planning etc, you just tell your lawyer you want to set aside money for your funeral and prepare a document outlining in detail exactly how you want it to be. You can find approximate cost by calling any mortuary in your home town. Just say it was part of your planning for the future. You can set aside that money with your attorney or an escrow account, your attorney should be able to guide you. But outline everything in a document specifically, which mortuary, whether burial or cremation. Burials are more complicated- you need to specify which plot, headstones, viewing, embalming, caskets, viewing ceremonies, flowers whatever.

I just took basic cremation, no frills, no casket just basic cardboard box for cremation, basic plastic urn with biodegradable bag for ashes,, no viewing nothing. But I have no one who cares, so it was easy. I just specified ash scattering, as mentioned in prior post. Sound like you might want something more elaborate, so be specific in your document with your attorney. He/ she should be able to take care of it for you. You are paying them for goodness sake!

You don't have to tell your attorney (or anyone) any reasons or your plans to CTB. None of their business. Do not feel guilty or show any guilt or hesitation. As I said, act like you are being prudent and realistic in planning for the future so no one else will be troubled. People do it all the time.
Good luck.
P.S. you can easily make prepaid arrangements even with another mortuary I.e your hometown via phone and email discussions. Just make sure any contract you sign includes transportation of body from wherever you are. Some people travel a lot and their contract might include expense to transport their body from wherever they are to the mortuary. Transportation of body can be a significant expense, especially if you die in some other country and they have to fly back the body, unless one cremates it wherever they die. Something to consider in costs.

Hello,
I am saddened to hear that.
I have no one who cares either. If you do have the money, you can prepay for basic cremation and ash scattering.

Otherwise, at least in USA, the medical examiner will declare a person dead and the State takes over and will cremate unclaimed bodies at State's expense. So no, you won't be thrown in a mass grave. In USA, I believe they will cremate not bury at State's expense, since cremation is cheaper.

Thank you so much for explaining it even further to me. I guess I'm just too worried, but I think that you're right that they aren't going to ask a lot of questions. Thanks for all the advices. Yes, I think I have to go with the burial for my family's sake even though it's more complicated. I'm meeting up with my lawyer in about two hours, so hopefully she will give me some insight and a professional opinion about all the aspects I'm concerned of.

Thank you for reminding me about transportation of the body! I didn't really think about that. Oh... So many things to take care of. But I will be more at peace when it's handled I think.

 

[chris8000]

Personally, I don't care about my funeral, who is there etc? Why should I care? I won't be there, this is one less thing to worry about!

 

[anchored_astronaut]

I've discussed my desires for my funeral with a trusted relative (a brother). I have a condition that is most likely going to result in my premature death even if I don't catch the bus, so it was easier to bring up than I imagine it is for those of you in decent physical health. I came home from a long hospital stay and on the drive back just straight up said "when it happens that I don't leave alive, I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes set free in the sea."

He and I are both pisces and we both accordingly share a love for the sea. I like to think it'd be good for him to get to visit me when he visits the beach, not have to drag himself to some miserable cemetery, and I like to think whatever was left of my consciousness, if anything, would be happy resting in my favorite place in the world.

So my funeral would be a chartered boat, whatever handful of people loved me, and my ashes tossed into the ocean with arms full of orchids.

Even if I can't see or feel it, I want it to be that way.

I'd get see sick if I was alive, anyway.

I'm not sure how we'd pay for it because were all broke, but that's the ideal.

 

[Lotus]

I'm actually quite happy right now. I made a will in collaboration with my lawyer, and she provided me with a lot of useful information. Normally, after my death, 50% of my fortune will go to each parent if there isn't a will and I don't have any children. Now, my will only includes my mother and my siblings. I was so afraid that my abusive father had to inherit something from me after my passing. I feel so calm now. It's also stated in the will that the funeral costs will be covered at first, and then the rest of the fortune will then be shared among my mother and siblings. I don't have so much money, but it's enough to make me want to make these arrangements.

Now I'm headed to the bank to release all of my funds. It's a bunch of stuff that needs to be done, but I will feel good afterwards. After that I'm going to contact a funeral bureau in my home town and make up my mind of how I want my funeral to be. This is a little bit thrilling to be honest.

Thank you for everyone who has contributed to my thread. It really means a lot.

 

[Chlo]

I really cannot imagine there being a funeral after my death to be honest.