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Ambivalent1
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- Apr 17, 2023
- 3,280
I don't see how I can ctb while plagued with regret despite how much pain I'm in.
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What did you regret at birth? LolEveryday since birth
You can die while experiencing horrible emotional pain? I can't. I need to feel at peace at the end.I am plagued with regret and it's just adding on to my need to CTB.
You can die while experiencing horrible emotional pain? I can't. I need to feel at peace at the end.I am plagued with regret and it's just adding on to my need to CTB.
GeneralAre you talking about the type of regret like how it will effect other people or just general regrets?
I presume the peace will come from the comforting thought of ending the emotional pain I'm in. At the very least I don't plan to CTB impulsively. It will take weeks maybe months of careful planning in order to be carried out so even if there is constant emotional pain from my regrets I might as well keep it as fuel.You can die while experiencing horrible emotional pain? I can't. I need to feel at peace at the end.
Fuck, man. I'm normally numb so emotional pain is largely uncharted territory.I presume the peace will come from the comforting thought of ending the emotional pain I'm in. At the very least I don't plan to CTB impulsively. It will take weeks maybe months of careful planning in order to be carried out so even if there is constant emotional pain from my regrets I might as well keep it as fuel.
There's no real solution to acclimating to emotional pain outside of getting used to it by having it happen over and over which feels impossible and not worth it even if it did happen.Fuck, man. I'm normally numb so emotional pain is largely uncharted territory.
Coming out of the wombWhat did you regret at birth? Lol
You can die while experiencing horrible emotional pain? I can't. I need to feel at peace at the end.
You can die while experiencing horrible emotional pain? I can't. I need to feel at peace at the end.
General
I wish I had done what Ashton Kutcher did in The Butterfly effect. He went back to utero and strangled himselfComing out of the womb
Yeah the safer route. I've missed many chances with women because of fear of some kindNot really. I feel like I largely did the best I could under the circumstances. I think we make the decisions we do for a reason. Sometimes, things in our life just feel too big to get over and we take the 'safer' route.
That's not to say I haven't behaved in ways I regret or feel embarassed about. I've been and continue to be selfish. I've also behaved rudely or embarassed myself frequently.
Again though, there are reasons behind that which I don't take full responsibility for. I think I'm selfish in part because I've felt like to some extent, people have abandoned me- so- I've done the same back.
I also just sank myself into a coping mechanism at the exclusion of everything and everyone else- mainly though again- because it proved to be more reliable! Sadly and unfortunately though- it meant that I did neglect people who did do a lot for me- which I do deeply regret. That doesn't feel very forgiveable considering how much they did for me.
Plus, I have really cringy memories where I must have come across rude or ridiculous because of social anxiety. That's more embarassment though- rather than regret.
Major decisions in life though? No. I probably made some unwise choices from time to time. Most of mine have been careeer related. Still- we don't get the benefit of hindsight- we just have to go on what we know and feel at the time.
What is it you actually regret? Why did you or didn't you make the decisions you made?
That's interesting. To continue living means acquiring more regret to obsess about.I find peace in being able to ctb. Yes, I have many regrets, but removing myself from the equation just makes it so that I can't build up any more. Besides, once i'm gone, I won't be able to reflect on any mistakes or hurts I've caused.