Discussion Are you jealous, knowing there are other people for whom suicide isn't even thinkable?

[slushy]

Suicide is on my mind, all day, every day whether I want it to be or not and I cannot see any other future for myself. So to know there are other people who never even think of or consider suicide makes me immensely jealous. Are you jealous of them? How are other people able to handle problems bigger than mine so much better than me? And still somehow appear happy? Is everyone just faking it? How could anyone be genuinely happy to be here?

 

[RandomBeaver]

Yeah sometimes it can be hard but to envy others when we compare ourselves. I think it has to do with everything and not just suicidal thoughts.

I've come to a point where I see people always hoping for the best as if they're on drugs. They're not enlightened and keep falling in the same trap.

However, I do believe people can genuinely be happy. It has to do with perceptions we have. I once experienced happiness. That is no longer the case. I've lost something.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

However, I do believe people can genuinely be happy. It has to do with perceptions we have.

And with the experiences we've lived through in our lives. I think that most people who are truly happy haven't gone through what we went through. I believe that there are things that we'll have to deal with during our whole life.

I'm envious in the sense that I wish I had a good family and support. I'll never have that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've always been a bit puzzled/ bewildered by people who don't/ haven't considered it to be honest. It's become normal for me. So much so, that on the rare occasions that I do feel a little more positive- I don't trust it and get really nervous- like I'm setting myself up for a fall- which is quite often the case...

Not sure if I do feel jealous of 'normal' folk. I guess part of me wonders whether it's just an act- in which case, I sort of admire them for being selfless and putting on a brave show for the people around them. Part of me wonders whether they are just delusional!

Still, I don't know if it is all sunshine for positive folk- on the flip side- they seem to fear and dread death a whole lot more. At least we welcome the inevitable...

 

[HappyForever?]

It depends. I'm jealous of those who are able to live in a state of blissful ignorance due to acceptable living conditions, or those who are able to stay relatively happy despite a hard life. However, I'm not jealous of those who suffer greatly yet do not consider suicide.

 

[sueoffside]

extremely jealous, it is unfair. I've never known life without my sui thoughts they first appeared in childhood.. to think people just don't feel like this or swing the opposite way and are terrified of dying bc they love life so much … is so alien to me

 

[Shu]

Not jealous one bit. I'm sure most of them have thought about it before. I'm not jealous of anyone... except for people with N lol

 

[lostallhope]

An interesting question! I've often thought about what would life be like if this wasn't a viable option. I developed my first suicide "plan" and wrote my first letter as a thirteen-year-old. Since then, it has always been something I've considered an option as my struggles with major depression have been a part of my life for other thirty years now. A friend recently berated me when I shared with them that I feel my cause of death in life has over a 50% chance it will be by suicide versus natural causes. I just don't have hope or excitement about my life/journey anymore. I'm single, lonely as hell, and don't see that all of a sudden changing in the upcoming years, and life is only going to get worse from this point on since I'm well past my prime.

Getting back to the question, I remember sharing a conversation with one of my brothers years back and being amazed by his response. I was in a major depressive episode and we were talking and I asked him out of curiosity, "Have you ever thought of or considered taking your own life." His response was quick and easy, "No, it's never crossed my mind." It was hard for me to comprehend. This has been a thought that has taken space in my brain now for years. During struggles with depression, it's what occupies my mind the majority of the day...planning, fantasizing about doing it to end the pain, etc.

I wonder what percentage of people in our country have never considered suicide or thought about taking their lives? For me, it's a viable option and thought I frequently think about.

 

[eremito]

I am not jealous. I am sad

 

[Zzzzz]

I'm not jealous. I don't mind if people are happy. Although most people I know don't seem very happy .

 

[brood]

I have thought about my death virtually every day since I became aware of my own mortality and since my early teens I have known that barring accident or sudden critical illness I will commit suicide, it's how I want it to be, it's right for me. Being in control of my life and my death makesn me happy and content. But that's just me other people are different, I'm not jealous, I love that people are different.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Suicide is on my mind, all day, every day whether I want it to be or not and I cannot see any other future for myself. So to know there are other people who never even think of or consider suicide makes me immensely jealous. Are you jealous of them? How are other people able to handle problems bigger than mine so much better than me? And still somehow appear happy? Is everyone just faking it? How could anyone be genuinely happy to be here?

Some people may not be handling things as well as you think, but are much more embarrassed than you are about being seen not handling things - others just have likely had an upbringing, or have genetics, that promotes better ways of handling life, thinking about problems, or that produces brain chemistry that is more conducive for mental stability and strength. I don't know if it makes me jealous of them, or if it just makes me hate myself more!

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not understand how anyone can want to live at all. To me, there is nothing good about being alive. Things could easily get so much worse for anybody. I do not envy anyone who is still alive, I only envy those who are gone and are at peace. Life is so meaningless and unnecessary and I want nothing to do with living at all. I could never want to live no matter what, I simply prefer the sound of non existence.

 

[princessdepression]

not jealous, depressed that this is the reality of my inner world forever to think about dying until I ctb. Seeing people happy doesn't strike envy in me, because I just can't see life as they do so I don't know exactly what there is to be envious about in the first place. All I can say is that people decently living life happy are just sad reminders I'm alone because there will be no inkling of understanding between them and I, and we will never be the same. If any of that makes sense. I'm quite stupid so it might not ^ - ^

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It never crossed my mind until about nine months ago…. It still seems quite impossible although I don't see any other choice long-term

 

[outrider567]

No, to be jealous of other people means you care what they do or think, I don't care about other people since my girlfriend died, I only care about my own miserable life these days, knowing how the end of her life means the end of my life as well

 

[Hurt]

Yes. And when I see everyone progressing in life except me I get very jealous.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

No. Why should I be?

If someone goes a natural way they'll probably end up with an extended and creepy hospital/hospice stay as their final weeks and months going out.

If someone doesn't entertain the thought of suicide under any circumstance I view them as the insane ones. Why would someone want to sit in a hospice situation and burden Medicare and probably be uncomfortable themselves

 

[demuic]

No, I see life as a prison or being held hostage, some people may accept or become used to their situation, it's still not one I want to be in. I prefer to accept death rather than be enthralled in this "reality."

I do not envy anyone who is still alive, I only envy those who are gone and are at peace.

I feel the same way.