Discussion Are you going to live “normally” until your CTB date?

[poofart]

This is more of a question for folks who have a specific date in mind.

Since you know you'll be gone soon, do you still live life "normally"? As in, do you still engage in things like work and school, or do you not care because it won't matter soon? Do you, instead, live without restrictions (within legal reason) since again, it won't matter soon? How's your life going to go until your CTB date?

 

[ultraviolence]

I still live with restrictions n I still care too much about matters. However, I have been trying to have as much fun as I can while I'm still here but I'm still sad in the moment when I do.

 

[BackpackBones]

I think since planning for my ctb I've been trying to be ever more present in my life.

Not sure exactly why. -Could be because of guilt (I don't want to be remembered poorly) or excitement (nothing to live for means nothing holding me back from doing the things I love and want to commit to).
I've seen myself chasing any new experiences and trying to hang out with as many people from my past as I can. I'm also going on dates and getting intimate with strangers but not really sharing my plans with them.
Maybe my subconscious is just doing this to regain more SI or something?

Regardless, I'm really enjoying the new-found comfort of living each day like its my last.

 

[BlackMoon]

I live normally. At least as long as my cat is alive.

 

[tinyghost]

i dont have a specific date in mind right now but i did leading up to my last attempt. i definitely cared less about doing "normal" things. i stopped taking my medication and eating for several days before, and holed up in my room basically just waiting. this time im trying to enjoy life more before i go.

 

[fishlover]

at the moment im living normally. my ctb date is still up in airs and i have the fear of 'fucking up my life doing what i want and then failing my attempt, being forced to live with the consequences of my actions' holding me back.
but still, its so hard to go through the motions of everyday life when all you want to do is die and you know that nothing you do matters in the end. i feel so impulsive, unhinged? ive honestly already have strayed in some ways- telling people how i truly feel about them, not caring about my digital footprint, posting and liking things on my public social media accounts that could ruin me socially... etc. i know that if i had a 100% surefire ctb method that thered be nothing to stop me- id do anything and everything and then just end it.

 

[Nlis2244]

If I was absolutely certain that I would be able to ctb at a certain date, I would just stop caring about anything and only do fun stuff while I can. But since I always have doubts, I don't want to do things that I would regret, like spending a lot of money. So I think I'll live more or less normally.

 

[Professor K]

I know everything I need to know about various methods thanks to this forum.

This year, for the first time, I have everything planned perfectly: chosen method, found the ideal spot, no regret, no letter... I can just decide to do it anytime, what's hard now is again an again, SI.

So, at the moment, I live my life pretending I'm normal, happy, ambitious, confident... and one day, when I'll feel like it's finally time to go, I'll just go for it.

I definitly think I live with a different mindset than people who don't plan on ctb, I know that absolutely nothing matters anymore and I'm not pressured by the delusionnal constraints this society imposes onto me. I take things seriously without taking anything seriously if that make sense.

 

[randal_bond]

This is more of a question for folks who have a specific date in mind.

Since you know you'll be gone soon, do you still live life "normally"? As in, do you still engage in things like work and school, or do you not care because it won't matter soon? Do you, instead, live without restrictions (within legal reason) since again, it won't matter soon? How's your life going to go until your CTB date?

Absolutely. Life goes on until it stops. And I have no idea when it'll happen. Of course, not being actively suicidal helps a lot.

 

[BLEH:3]

nope, high all the time and everywhere, no care for myself or body, no care for relationships and friends and whatever the fuck not. why not live a little when my youth has been ripped from me.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I live normally. At least as long as my cat is alive.

Same, except for my dog

 

[Iris Blue]

I have somewhat of an idea when I plan to CTB and at times it can be hard like during therapy or my psychiatrist appointments lying that I'm doing fine and no longer want to die. And also whenever I'm talking to someone who mentions something about the future and myself in it like with my friend and dad I get choked up but do my best to go along with it.

 

[lionetta12]

I'm waiting for answers for several months now regarding something that will be life changing and that will determine the rest of my life. If it's rejected I will end my life and I've planed everythint. Until I get the answer I'll keep living normally but if it's a negative answer I will go on with the plan and I will do a bunch of things that I've wanted to do a last time and then that's that.

 

[Headspace Dweller]

I'm going to try - I don't want to risk tipping anyone off to my intentions. I've been down that road before.

 

[Sarros]

Definitely going to try live normally. For 2 reasons.
First being to avoid arousing any suspicion that could complicate things.
The second being that, in the event I fail, I can try to pick up where I left off.

 

[Smelly_ballz]

I am living mostly normally. I don't want to get too risky since my plan isn't fool proof,. In fact, I'd say there's a pretty high chance I either back out or fail, so I definitly don't want to do anything too crazy. I have been spending more money and have offered to pay more than usually when out even tho I can barely afford it.