Are you concerned with what other people might feel? Or what you might miss out on?

[Phobia_DLW]

I am fortunate enough to have a handful of people around me that care about me and would be devasted if I CTB, I really don't want to inflict emotional distress or trauma/regret upon them and I cant internally justify hurting them. The thought of them feeling regret over something that I never even talked to them about (Ideation) really gets to me.

On the other hand, I also have this hope (false or not) that I would be able to enjoy life again and if I CTB, I will never get to do that.

At the same time, as I'm sure you are all familiar, it just simply hurts to keep living.

I guess what I am trying to ask is has anyone managed to come to peace with leaving their loved ones traumatized and not allowing hope to overpower your ideation?

 

[Bishop]

No. I don't live for another. Just as I would never ask another to live for me. That would be selfish. One must live their own life. Make their own decisions. Be it to ctb or live.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I will never be able to come to peace with what i will do to others by ctb. I feel horrible. What if I caused someone to ctb? My dad already said he would if I did.

I'm glad you still have hope

 

[1nocares]

I wanted to give myself a chance to actually enjoy being here, but I don't think anyone will hold me back from that choice. I know I'm going to go through with it one way or another. So this may be a silly reason, but I honestly just want to play TESVI

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

I am very much sad on everything i will miss out but i ruined it on my own already and seeing life following it's course while i'm rotting in bed is feeding my insanity.

I try not to think about how people might feel when i go but i cut contact with everyone already anyway. I have a hard time acting and enjoying life when i obsess about ending it.

Waiting for my ticket to ctb and be done with all the regrets and the "what if's?".

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I'd only be glad to never suffer in this dreadful, torturous existence ever again and I'll always find it torture to exist, to me existence is a mistake that only ever causes all this cruelty and suffering with no limit as to how much agony one can feel. I just find it so terrible and dreadful how this existence was imposed at all, all I want is to be permanently unconscious, the peace of non-existence solves everything for me, I'd be so relieved to no longer be burdened with this terrible, torturous existence, for me non-existence is just all that's positive.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

Not really

 

[hurts2b]

Struggle with this a bit too. But I only have one person in the world who'd care so it's a little different. Sometimes I feel shit at the thought of making this person my collateral. They'd be grieving alone too, since no one else in the world knows me.

On the other hand, a single decent relationship isn't actually a solution to any of the problems that make me want to die.

 

[interna]

yes, but i wish i didn't

 

[Untoten_]

I never got to be the mr Olympia sized meat head I wanted to be.

That's it.

 

[Spit On My Grave]

Society is a fabric, together we are united, strength becomes much greater if we gather together

 

[Phobia_DLW]

No. I don't live for another. Just as I would never ask another to live for me. That would be selfish. One must live their own life. Make their own decisions. Be it to ctb or live.

Hi, very true. Have you been able to severe ties with others in order to go ahead? If so, how?

How do you distinguish between your own life and others? It does not seem like our lives are separated. How would you ignore all the bonds that ties your lie to another?

I will never be able to come to peace with what i will do to others by ctb. I feel horrible. What if I caused someone to ctb? My dad already said he would if I did.

I'm glad you still have hope

Hello

Yes, thank you for pointing out that angle, someone else CTB because of me…I didn't even think of that.

I'm guessing your dad is someone you care about. Fuck, how do we contain this urge? OR is it even possible to contain?

I wanted to give myself a chance to actually enjoy being here, but I don't think anyone will hold me back from that choice. I know I'm going to go through with it one way or another. So this may be a silly reason, but I honestly just want to play TESVI

Same here, I don't think anything can change my mind, I don't think your reasons are silly, I am new here so could you please tell me what TESVI is?

I am very much sad on everything i will miss out but i ruined it on my own already and seeing life following it's course while i'm rotting in bed is feeding my insanity.

I try not to think about how people might feel when i go but i cut contact with everyone already anyway. I have a hard time acting and enjoying life when i obsess about ending it.

Waiting for my ticket to ctb and be done with all the regrets and the "what if's?".

Is it ok if I ask you to elaborate a bit more? How did you manage to cut contact?

The ultimate peace…that is the goal indeed…What is stopping you?

No, I'd only be glad to never suffer in this dreadful, torturous existence ever again and I'll always find it torture to exist, to me existence is a mistake that only ever causes all this cruelty and suffering with no limit as to how much agony one can feel. I just find it so terrible and dreadful how this existence was imposed at all, all I want is to be permanently unconscious, the peace of non-existence solves everything for me, I'd be so relieved to no longer be burdened with this terrible, torturous existence, for me non-existence is just all that's positive.

Is it ok to ask you to elaborate a bit more?

Not really

I'm in the same boat, any solutions you've thought of?

Struggle with this a bit too. But I only have one person in the world who'd care so it's a little different. Sometimes I feel shit at the thought of making this person my collateral. They'd be grieving alone too, since no one else in the world knows me.

On the other hand, a single decent relationship isn't actually a solution to any of the problems that make me want to die.

Do you have any strategies to cope with this?

Even one person feels like a lot does it not? Yea I know one person is just not enough…but fucking hell…I don't even want to make that one person feel negative emotions

I never got to be the mr Olympia sized meat head I wanted to be.

That's it.

No gold medals? PATHETIC!

Society is a fabric, together we are united, strength becomes much greater if we gather together

Then the opposite must also be true, right?