Are you ashamed of things your family would discover about you if you kill yourself?

[Addi_Madd]

Mine would find out about my massive debt and that I haven't been mentally well enough to work consistently for months, and what I've been doing to support myself. I don't have a will so they wouldn't be left with any of my debt (I was worried my mother as my next of kin could be pursued by the bank, but they can't if there isn't a will).

On the one hand I'll be dead so it won't be my problem that everyone will find out what a hideous disgusting shameful mess my life became while I acted for over a year that everything was okay. But I know it will hurt and confuse them, and disgust and anger them. Plus the practicalities of having to deal with everything like my house and god knows what they found find i thought I'd hidden or got rid of.

 

[pole]

nope.

never asked to come into this life in the first place. regardless, when your gone, your gone. you won't have to burden or feel for anything or anyone, and that sounds rather peaceful to me.

on the other hand, if someone does feel some sort of way with the baggage they leave behind when they CTB, perhaps resolve or try and alleviate the impact or weight of the baggage before you CTB, just for your own peace of mind.

i'm probably just gonna go far far away and somehow CTB somewhere isolated without anyone knowing what happened to me, so it's left open ended. that way, no one really knows what your life was or what happened to you.

 

[celan]

"Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto", or "I am human, and I think nothing human is alien to me." - Terence (Publius Terentius Afer)
We are all just human beings. There is nothing to be ashamed about, we all make mistakes. Nine out of ten things in my life went wrong and the one thing went fairish okay.

Unless you killed someone you have nothing to be ashamed about.

 

[Meliæ]

Yes, the fact I had planned to kill myself despite the fact they love me but, that's my life after all

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it, at that point I will be no longer in this world and I will not be able to feel any emotions. I guess I do like to keep things to myself and I am a private person, but I guess there isn't much to be ashamed about. Most of the things that went wrong for me, were out of my control.

 

[EraseRewind]

The majority of family know of my past so I wouldn't be ashamed and most of them live in another country. My wife knows everything about me and that I will die one day by ctb. I won't leave any debt except my tuition loans that die with me.

Of course I would feel bad that I'd got so low that I had to end it but in the end I'd be released.

 

[aviation]

No shame. But I don't wish to cause bad memories for others. It will hurt them, and that's inevitable, but my time here is at its end, and this is truly the right choice, for me, rather than extending this past its limit. This isn't my home, or my world, and my time here I don't regret at all, and I love watching this place and its people and directions, but I could never live in it like the people for whom this world is home, no matter the level of personal belonging each of them may (be able to) feel to it. I wish I could make this easier on the people here, that will never be able to understand this choice, and who have never truly been able to know me, on a deeper level, but still care about me in their own way - what they think of me, and know of me. But 'me' to them, is simply the surface level of the life I've spent here. And I'm not capable of treating this as all there is, as much as I wish I wouldn't have to hurt others.

 

[moths]

yeah i worry about stuff like that all the time. i have to remind myself that i won't be there to see the aftermath of it. i worry more about what would happen if my attempt fails and i have to live with my family knowing i'm suicidal and watching over me 24/7, plus everything they'll find looking through my room that i don't have the physical or emotional energy to clean. i guess i'll just have to make sure i don't fail

 

[RainAndSadness]

I'll be dead, who cares. Fuck what they think.

 

[316]

Mostly just the act itself and the things leading up to it. I'm probably going to have to make up some lie to my parents to get them to watch my dog overnight while I go home to ctb. They know something isn't right with me at the moment, I can tell, but obviously I keep telling them I'm fine when they ask

 

[xLosthopex]

Yeah… I deleted so many photos and accounts off my phone before I intended to ctb last Wednesday, they know I'm a stripper but not about the fact that I'm also a sugar baby, the police will definitely find out if they were to search through my phone(probably even despite me deleting a load of stuff) so idk if that info would be passed on to my parents or not ??
Anyways they prob will find out one way or another after i ctb

 

[BottomlessPit]

Rationally I know that I shouldn't give a fuck about any of that, but I still find myself purging any remains of mine from this world before I go.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

My idiocy is an embarrassment and shame for my entire family.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Yes, a lot of stuff to throw away or donate. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I were them. It really sucks and is such a fucking bummer.

 

[Donardard]

Nope I plan to lay my shit all out so when my mother realizes I haven't left my room for a few days or smells me...that she sees every single thing. Sorry if that's mean but I actually get giddy thinking about her discovering my art , my diarys , my the texts of her admitting that she knew her husband was abusing us ( I plan to delay email those to my siblings and her living siblings ) and lastly my corpse.

 

[blue_muse]

No, because they have a sneering way of making me think I have no privacy in the first place.

 

[Gl1tch3d G1rl]

Yes, people would be shocked, maybe even disqusted over how many gore, sh and suicide pages I'm in. I'm very much messed up on all edges. Lost my sanity many years ago.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

My wife knows everything about me and that I will die one day by ctb.

That's really beautiful that you have that kind of relationship where she knows you inside out and your most private thoughts. You'd be surprised what people hide from eachother within marriages. Can I ask did you meet her feeling this way?

And OP if you have a fairly normal, loving family I suspect they'd feel sorrow at you feeling you had to hide the extent of your internal suffering so much that it stopped you from working, as opposed to judging you.

 

[Jumping_realms]

Only if they found out I had masturbated before.

 

[Pure]

Idk my vibrators?

 

[My_name_is_Luka]

There are several things I need to organize..
First I'd need to clean anything that could discredit me, or cause further sufferance to my parents. When someone commits suicide, the police will inspect his belongings in search for proofs. The last thing that I'd desire is that someone sticks his nose in my private life or some information leaks out and becomes known. Sometimes suicides end up in the local news and I guess that the journalists try to get some extra info for their small piece of article.
Second I'd like to organize my money so that only my parents and sister can benefit from them. I'm in the unlucky situation that neither me and my sister are married (and won't ever be), so I'm haunted by the idea that soon or later relatives will inherit something.
Third, I'd delete all my private studies at my workplace; I'm quite sure that an employer gets the passwords of an employee that leaves the company (dead or alive).
I'd hate that someone else would benefit from all what I've done in my shitty life, without having been chosen by me.

 

[aviation]

I feel the opposite of shame. I feel almost pride. Everyone in my life will find out who I really am, then, and where I'm from and belong. I'm aware they won't be able to believe me, but that's not on me - I feel happy about sharing it. Genuinely sharing who and what I am, as my last act in this world. Being fully and truly genuine.