Are you also a victim of narcissistic abuse?

[CTBookOfLife]

I grew up in a family of nothing but psychologically debilitated people, and a lot of them, including most of my parents, were narcissists. I can personally attest to the fact that being raised by narcs can definitely turn you into one, especially if you are a man. I've just recently realized that I'm infested with narcissistic personality traits, and I've never physically hurt a person, but I have destroyed a few hearts and minds. I'm probably autistic too, but I was never diagnosed because my parents didn't have me evaluated, I wasn't self aware enough to do it as an adult, and will probably CTB before I ever get around to it. I do think that narcissists can be rehabilitated to an extent, and there's a guy with a YT channel called 'Mental Healness' who definitely stands as an example.

Something I've noticed is how people with autism tend to able to become self aware of their narcissistic traits when others don't. It makes sense, considering that I and all of my fellow autistic friends have had many-a therapist marvel at "how self aware they are" about their mental health in general. It seems to be in many autists nature to just.. analyze themselves.

 

[AntHills]

Something I've noticed is how people with autism tend to able to become self aware of their narcissistic traits when others don't. It makes sense, considering that I and all of my fellow autistic friends have had many-a therapist marvel at "how self aware they are" about their mental health in general. It seems to be in many autists nature to just.. analyze themselves.

I only saw my last therapist for a grand total of 6 sessions and she constantly admired my self awarenesses, so that's actually fascinating. I constantly self-analyze, which is why I distract myself however I can to avoid all of the painful realizations that introspection brings. This thread has been pretty enlightening, so thank you.

 

[venin]

Last year, I learned my mom has narc traits and I'm starting to see that my siblings do, too. Growing up, I thought I had a "nice family", as I constantly got this message from my mom. I had a chronically ill dad and my mom went to nursing school so she could care for him. It seemed like she held the family together and kept everyone safe. But one of my sisters was SA'd by more than 1 person outside the family and I was SA'd by 1. My dad's unstable health caused frequent trauma and almost killed me once as a teenager. I think all of us kids have dealt with eating disorders, self harm, suicidality.

My mom was more concerned with fixing us than noticing what was happening right in front of her. The whole picture I had was in service to her image of herself as a savior. She taught us that we were mentally ill fuck-ups and had to listen to her to get better. She was completely self-involved and immature, to this day has no awareness that people have their own inner worlds apart from how she imagines them to be.

I was and again am a scapegoat. Oldest child, people pleaser, pretty, smart, and very naive; sometimes praised and sometimes treated like a manipulative, sex-obsessed, psychopathic liar. It was all projection but I believed it & felt shame all my life. I protected my sisters with everything I had but now they live far away and don't care that I'm suicidal.

I left home young and never intended to return but severe depression stripped me of my independence last year. Now the monster (as I call her) screams at me, threatens me with homelessness regularly, & orders me around the way she did with my dad and her own mother. They were kind and gentle. She would never speak to my sisters or her husband this way. They are all kind of assholes, and my sisters use their children as leverage. I'm the emotional punching bag & want to die because there's no way out.

I always thought how lucky I am for having such a great family until I realised I was born from Mephisto and Satan

That sounds horrible… I'm really sorry that happened & still happens…

I only saw my last therapist for a grand total of 6 sessions and she constantly admired my self awarenesses, so that's actually fascinating. I constantly self-analyze, which is why I distract myself however I can to avoid all of the painful realizations that introspection brings. This thread has been pretty enlightening, so thank you.

It's also been that way for me

Ty guys

Something I've noticed is how people with autism tend to able to become self aware of their narcissistic traits when others don't. It makes sense, considering that I and all of my fellow autistic friends have had many-a therapist marvel at "how self aware they are" about their mental health in general. It seems to be in many autists nature to just.. analyze themselves.

How does autism feel, from the inside?

If I can ask ofc

 

[CTBookOfLife]

How does autism feel, from the inside?

If I can ask ofc

You can ask, of course!

In my experience, many people with autism tend to be intellectually more mature and emotionally less mature. That's the reason why I consider myself both an "old soul" and a "child at heart."

Autistic people (this depends on how they were raised but it's most common) also tend to have a different look on life, people, society, even themselves. Able to see the flaws and not sugar-coat things, we are often called "rude" because of it.

So for me and others, we were able to see the flaws and differences in ourselves as well, do introspection!

I wouldn't give up my autism for the world despite the fact that if I didn't have it, I would be better off (I wouldn't have C-DID, possibly no BPD and CPTSD, etc). Autistic joy is like no other, when my favorite show is on, I'm having my favorite food, even small things mean so much to me.

It's kept me alive.

 

[venin]

You can ask, of course!

In my experience, many people with autism tend to be intellectually more mature and emotionally less mature. That's the reason why I consider myself both an "old soul" and a "child at heart."

Autistic people (this depends on how they were raised but it's most common) also tend to have a different look on life, people, society, even themselves. Able to see the flaws and not sugar-coat things, we are often called "rude" because of it.

So for me and others, we were able to see the flaws and differences in ourselves as well, do introspection!

I wouldn't give up my autism for the world despite the fact that if I didn't have it, I would be better off (I wouldn't have C-DID, possibly no BPD and CPTSD, etc). Autistic joy is like no other, when my favorite show is on, I'm having my favorite food, even small things mean so much to me.

It's kept me alive.

That's so sweet. Thx for the info

 

[Cashewmilk]

I'm still living with them. I never left, almost 35 years old. I was born into this family and I am so mentally and physically destroyed that I've become disabled and dependent on them, and boy do they use it to their advantage, sucking every bit of life out of me every single day. I don't know if I'd call them narcissistic in the classic sense, more like extremely toxic people who feed off of misery and negativity. My situation is so hopeless that my only two options to get out are suicide or homelessness...so I have no choice but to stay. Hanging and overdose attempts have never worked for me, and I don't have the willpower to do it in a more drastic way. I hope I get cancer or some debilitating disease and find doctors who believe in my suffering so I can take advantage of euthanasia in my country. (but that also seems unrealistic for me, even if I am suffering, the laws are so strict, and decisions are made based on personalities, personal convictions and their mood that day, so it just depends if I get healthcare workers who are feeling objective when they deal with me)

 

[venin]

I'm still living with them. I never left, almost 35 years old. I was born into this family and I am so mentally and physically destroyed that I've become disabled and dependent on them, and boy do they use it to their advantage, sucking every bit of life out of me every single day. I don't know if I'd call them narcissistic in the classic sense, more like extremely toxic people who feed off of misery and negativity. My situation is so hopeless that my only two options to get out are suicide or homelessness...so I have no choice but to stay. Hanging and overdose attempts have never worked for me, and I don't have the willpower to do it in a more drastic way. I hope I get cancer or some debilitating disease and find doctors who believe in my suffering so I can take advantage of euthanasia in my country. (but that also seems unrealistic for me, even if I am suffering, the laws are so strict, and decisions are made based on personalities, personal convictions and their mood that day, so it just depends if I get healthcare workers who are feeling objective when they deal with me)

I've been in your situation a good number of years… it's prison, hell, purgatory

 

[Cashewmilk]

You can ask, of course!

In my experience, many people with autism tend to be intellectually more mature and emotionally less mature. That's the reason why I consider myself both an "old soul" and a "child at heart."

Autistic people (this depends on how they were raised but it's most common) also tend to have a different look on life, people, society, even themselves. Able to see the flaws and not sugar-coat things, we are often called "rude" because of it.

So for me and others, we were able to see the flaws and differences in ourselves as well, do introspection!

I wouldn't give up my autism for the world despite the fact that if I didn't have it, I would be better off (I wouldn't have C-DID, possibly no BPD and CPTSD, etc). Autistic joy is like no other, when my favorite show is on, I'm having my favorite food, even small things mean so much to me.

It's kept me alive.

That sounds exactly like me, but I doubt I have any form of autism. I have wondered about it in the past, because this is not the first time I've related to autistic people's thoughts, but I have also not related to a lot of it, so that gives me major doubts. I know some autistic people need to do stimming behaviors, it kind of reminds me of odd things I've done since I was a small child. I would always use my fingers or other body parts to draw invisible shapes over and over again onto myself, for example, I'd use my thumb to outline shapes on my inner fingers of the same hand, or my index finger to make shapes on my knee if I was sitting and other variations (the shape is always the same, a circle and a cross inside of it, and an X on top of the cross - sometimes the cross and the X are switched). Also flexing muscles like calf and arm (not bicep like a bodybuilder, this is without moving any limbs, just sitting still) and jaw clenching, and since I've always used a desktop computer (and absolutely prefer to even today over tablets or laptops), I constantly right-click my mouse all over the screen on every single program, it's more satisfying if the popup menu is bigger, if nothing comes up it irritates me, and I hate those websites that disable right-clicking, can't stand them! Not because I want to use the pop-up menu, it's only for the sensation I guess, I don't know it's just a habit, and I do it repeatedly and rapidly.

These things have been going on my entire life and for as long as I've had my own computers, and I'm 35 now, I'm right-clicking right now while sitting here. There are many other weird behaviors I've had my whole life but it's too long to list and explain. I still don't know what or why I do them, and I've never really told anyone (well I have tried explaining to a psychiatrist in a psych ward when I was 14 but they weren't paying attention to me and diagnosed me as depressed and ignored me, and when I was 8 I had a verbally abusive teacher who made me take a hearing test because I wasn't paying attention in class, I've also been placed in ESL once even though my first and only language is English) Maybe it's ADHD or something. Who knows, it's not like I'm ever going to be taken seriously by a doctor from where I live, where there is a shortage of doctors and the healthcare system is hopeless (Canada, recently had a family member die because of how crap it is). Plus I'm an addict dependent on opiates and so pretty much all doctors just blame it on that, and treat me like I was born the day I started using drugs. No one cares to know about my childhood. So I gave up on healthcare a long time ago, I only see a doctor now for methadone and that's it. I won't even go for a rash or infection, unless it's a dental problem. Anyway, sorry for my rambling.

 

[Boudika]

Yeah, I'm. My mother is a narcissist. This is the type of person who will punch me in the face and then play the victim, that she is afraid of me and that's why she did it (I never used physical or psychological violence against her). Manipulation so that I am dependent on her, at the suggestion of moving out she starts to play a loving mother again. And when she seriously does something serious like strangling me or trying to push my face into a hot pan, she denies that any such thing happened at all. She can manipulate me about the smallest shit. All my life she has manipulated me to chase her ambitions, which she pushed into my head. I'm waiting until I finish high school (I'm in my last year) and fuck off from this crazy place to the other end of the country. As long as I can last the year, which I doubt.

 

[venin]

That sounds exactly like me, but I doubt I have any form of autism. I have wondered about it in the past, because this is not the first time I've related to autistic people's thoughts, but I have also not related to a lot of it, so that gives me major doubts. I know some autistic people need to do stimming behaviors, it kind of reminds me of odd things I've done since I was a small child. I would always use my fingers or other body parts to draw invisible shapes over and over again onto myself, for example, I'd use my thumb to outline shapes on my inner fingers of the same hand, or my index finger to make shapes on my knee if I was sitting and other variations (the shape is always the same, a circle and a cross inside of it, and an X on top of the cross - sometimes the cross and the X are switched). Also flexing muscles like calf and arm (not bicep like a bodybuilder, this is without moving any limbs, just sitting still) and jaw clenching, and since I've always used a desktop computer (and absolutely prefer to even today over tablets or laptops), I constantly right-click my mouse all over the screen on every single program, it's more satisfying if the popup menu is bigger, if nothing comes up it irritates me, and I hate those websites that disable right-clicking, can't stand them! Not because I want to use the pop-up menu, it's only for the sensation I guess, I don't know it's just a habit, and I do it repeatedly and rapidly.

These things have been going on my entire life and for as long as I've had my own computers, and I'm 35 now, I'm right-clicking right now while sitting here. There are many other weird behaviors I've had my whole life but it's too long to list and explain. I still don't know what or why I do them, and I've never really told anyone (well I have tried explaining to a psychiatrist in a psych ward when I was 14 but they weren't paying attention to me and diagnosed me as depressed and ignored me, and when I was 8 I had a verbally abusive teacher who made me take a hearing test because I wasn't paying attention in class, I've also been placed in ESL once even though my first and only language is English) Maybe it's ADHD or something. Who knows, it's not like I'm ever going to be taken seriously by a doctor from where I live, where there is a shortage of doctors and the healthcare system is hopeless (Canada, recently had a family member die because of how crap it is). Plus I'm an addict dependent on opiates and so pretty much all doctors just blame it on that, and treat me like I was born the day I started using drugs. No one cares to know about my childhood. So I gave up on healthcare a long time ago, I only see a doctor now for methadone and that's it. I won't even go for a rash or infection, unless it's a dental problem. Anyway, sorry for my rambling.

Ty for sharing

 

[rain26]

As I've mentioned in the thread title, I am curious to see how many of us here were victims of narcissists or other cluster B people.

If you would like to share some details about the narc or the abuse or what impact they had on you, your development and your future you're more than welcome.

Thank you and I wish you all easier days

My dad and his mother are both extreme narcissists and my whole life Ive had to walk on eggshells around them to avoid getting into any disputes with them. Its definetly effected me very much mentally and has made me afraid of confrontation, and Ive also developed trust issues.

 

[venin]

My dad and his mother are both extreme narcissists and my whole life Ive had to walk on eggshells around them to avoid getting into any disputes with them. Its definetly effected me very much mentally and has made me afraid of confrontation, and Ive also developed trust issues.

I'm really sorry. I know how cruel they can be…

For me it's my whole family… like the whole family, not just my parents

*my father is a sociopath or malignant narcissist or whatever

Cannibals of the mind & soul

 

[jacrispy]

I didn't think I was until my friend brought it up. I'd been in a narcissistic abusive relationship 5 years ago. this latest one didn't feel that way until the end. a discard saying they were triggered and needing space, followed by being blocked. me going crazy, wondering why this happened. my mistakes constantly got thrown back in my face. any time I voiced a concern it was fuel. the triangulation and flying monkeys was the worst part. her using her father as a way to communicate with me instead of doing it directly, having them constantly watch my social media. it's an absolutely crippling experience.

 

[venin]

I didn't think I was until my friend brought it up. I'd been in a narcissistic abusive relationship 5 years ago. this latest one didn't feel that way until the end. a discard saying they were triggered and needing space, followed by being blocked. me going crazy, wondering why this happened. my mistakes constantly got thrown back in my face. any time I voiced a concern it was fuel. the triangulation and flying monkeys was the worst part. her using her father as a way to communicate with me instead of doing it directly, having them constantly watch my social media. it's an absolutely crippling experience.

It's satanic and insane. I'm sorry you had that experience

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

As I've mentioned in the thread title, I am curious to see how many of us here were victims of narcissists or other cluster B people.

If you would like to share some details about the narc or the abuse or what impact they had on you, your development and your future you're more than welcome.

Thank you and I wish you all easier days

Yes I count myself as a victim of narcissistic abuse, weird thing is I still love that person with all my heart and that person is very important to me but it is hard on me sometimes and it used to be much much harder dealing with that person when I was younger. He too went through a lot of sh*t and sadly never really got the help he needed I think.

 

[venin]

Yes I count myself as a victim of narcissistic abuse, weird thing is I still love that person with all my heart and that person is very important to me but it is hard on me sometimes and it used to be much much harder dealing with that person when I was younger. He too went through a lot of sh*t and sadly never really got the help he needed I think.

That's so sad to hear. Do you still keep in touch?

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

That's so sad to hear. Do you still keep in touch?

Yes still in contact but less than we used to be

 

[rain26]

I'm really sorry. I know how cruel they can be…

For me it's my whole family… like the whole family, not just my parents

*my father is a sociopath or malignant narcissist or whatever

Cannibals of the mind & soul

Im sorry for you for having to live through that and I can partly understand what youve gone through so youre definetly not alone

 

[cactusflower]

yes, my ex is a narcissist and tore me down constantly by calling me names and gaslighting me and telling me to kill myself and making everyone believe that i was the problem and that i was crazy to the point where when he broke up with me i practically went insane because i stayed no matter what he did to me and he just discarded me like nothing and even said the breakup meant nothing to him even after he claimed we were soulmates and each others first love and that he wanted to marry me. they're cruel individuals and he told me he hopes i kill myself recently when i exposed his abusive behavior online and has currently been giving me the silent treatment for months so i've had to give closure to myself and get over him.

Felt this in a deep level. My ex is the same way. Constantly blamed me for all the issues in the relationship, and in the end not caring about my suicidal tendencies and guilt tripping me by saying the only reason he stayed was so I wouldn't kill myself and he'd feel guilty.

My mom was also a narc when I was growing up, but recently she's tried to fix herself so I'm glad for that at least. The hurt still cuts deep though

 

[venin]

Im sorry for you for having to live through that and I can partly understand what youve gone through so youre definetly not alone

Neither are you

 

[Already Gone6]

I don't like the word narcissist and don't like when people use it.

noun

1. a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
   "narcissists who think the world revolves around them"

That's basically a lot of people and everyone I know.

 

[venin]

I don't like the word narcissist and don't like when people use it.

noun

1. a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
   "narcissists who think the world revolves around them"

That's basically a lot of people and everyone I know.

Narcissist as in suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's a psychiatry diagnostic that's listed in the DSM.

In the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), [1] ​NPD is defined as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:

• A grandiose sense of self-importance
• A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
• A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
• A need for excessive admiration
• A sense of entitlement
• Interpersonally exploitive behavior
• A lack of empathy
• Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
• A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

 

[rain26]

I don't like the word narcissist and don't like when people use it.

noun

1. a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
   "narcissists who think the world revolves around them"

That's basically a lot of people and everyone I know.

While that is true that the word narcissist could be used to describe many people in the world, the form of narcissism those of us are describing is narcissistic personality disorder. This disorder can be characterized as someone who lacks empathy, needs a large amount of admiration, and exploiting and manipulating people around them to gain benefits for themselves. Theres much more to this disorder that Im not going to get into and the reason I bring this up is because those of us on this thread have had to deal with parents/family/friends who have this disorder and weve all had to suffer because of it.

 

[BlazingBob]

My dad is a malignant narcissist. My mom might be too or possibly borderline. No love or warmth but cold hostility, discouragement, hate.

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

My mother was a mix of narcissism and borderline as she said herself.

My father is a narcissist as my mother implied before and I can easily recognize the traits in him. Can't ever take accountability even for the smallest of mistakes.

My brother is a psychopath. And has casually without shame admitted plenty times to seeing women as beneath him and thought it was "fun old times" that he and his friends used to bully kids at school. I know he had the traits bc he seeks admiration, popularity, exploits women; had a history of conduct disorder such as: bullying others, sexually abusing others, manipulating, stealing, and possible animal abuse but not sure.

They all called me a liar when I called them out on abuse and my parents protect my brother by telling people I was a "crazy lying child" and "was never abused" and I was apparently ABUSING them by holding them accountable.

They've always been protective over "diagnoses" and the cluster b labels before many times it's obvious they have the disorders.

There's more and I might share my story on my own post…

While that is true that the word narcissist could be used to describe many people in the world, the form of narcissism those of us are describing is narcissistic personality disorder. This disorder can be characterized as someone who lacks empathy, needs a large amount of admiration, and exploiting and manipulating people around them to gain benefits for themselves. Theres much more to this disorder that Im not going to get into and the reason I bring this up is because those of us on this thread have had to deal with parents/family/friends who have this disorder and weve all had to suffer because of it.

Thank you! I know! We suffer bc of these cluster b people and I get they suffer probably too but it's a personality and relationship disorder so it makes everyone around them suffer too

Narcissist as in suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's a psychiatry diagnostic that's listed in the DSM.

In the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), [1] ​NPD is defined as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:

• A grandiose sense of self-importance
• A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
• A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
• A need for excessive admiration
• A sense of entitlement
• Interpersonally exploitive behavior
• A lack of empathy
• Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
• A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

Yeah that's what some of my abusers had.

I didn't think I was until my friend brought it up. I'd been in a narcissistic abusive relationship 5 years ago. this latest one didn't feel that way until the end. a discard saying they were triggered and needing space, followed by being blocked. me going crazy, wondering why this happened. my mistakes constantly got thrown back in my face. any time I voiced a concern it was fuel. the triangulation and flying monkeys was the worst part. her using her father as a way to communicate with me instead of doing it directly, having them constantly watch my social media. it's an absolutely crippling experience.

Yeah I've been through the exact same.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

yes but I became a verbal abuser so I'm no better. you know, hurt people hurt people and all that.

 

[venin]

My dad is a malignant narcissist. My mom might be too or possibly borderline. No love or warmth but cold hostility, discouragement, hate.

Ohhh, home

My mother was a mix of narcissism and borderline as she said herself.

My father is a narcissist as my mother implied before and I can easily recognize the traits in him. Can't ever take accountability even for the smallest of mistakes.

My brother is a psychopath. And has casually without shame admitted plenty times to seeing women as beneath him and thought it was "fun old times" that he and his friends used to bully kids at school. I know he had the traits bc he seeks admiration, popularity, exploits women; had a history of conduct disorder such as: bullying others, sexually abusing others, manipulating, stealing, and possible animal abuse but not sure.

They all called me a liar when I called them out on abuse and my parents protect my brother by telling people I was a "crazy lying child" and "was never abused" and I was apparently ABUSING them by holding them accountable.

They've always been protective over "diagnoses" and the cluster b labels before many times it's obvious they have the disorders.

There's more and I might share my story on my own post…

Thank you! I know! We suffer bc of these cluster b people and I get they suffer probably too but it's a personality and relationship disorder so it makes everyone around them suffer too

Yeah that's what some of my abusers had.

Yeah I've been through the exact same.

Fucking hell…….

If you want to continue here, you're always welcome

yes but I became a verbal abuser so I'm no better. you know, hurt people hurt people and all that.

Yup… sadly. I'm also guilty of that

Felt this in a deep level. My ex is the same way. Constantly blamed me for all the issues in the relationship, and in the end not caring about my suicidal tendencies and guilt tripping me by saying the only reason he stayed was so I wouldn't kill myself and he'd feel guilty.

My mom was also a narc when I was growing up, but recently she's tried to fix herself so I'm glad for that at least. The hurt still cuts deep though

It so does…

Glad to hear she's making changes though…
My "family" doesn't think the are reasons to change anything so yeah

It's good that he's your ex then!

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

Yeah my parents, an aunt, an ex, and my brother all have cluster b disorders and my mother is self-admitted. They're all incredibly abusive psychological type abusers.