Are you afraid of death?

[Downbylife]

Also, The Big Bang proofs that something can come from nothing...
And that is why I believe in the eternal cycle death and birth of universes, so we (our souls, essence or whatever you want to call it) are bound to be reborn again and again and we wouldn't notice the nothingness inbetween without having a consciousness :) (even it was an incredible long period of time)
This is without taking any paranormal phenomenon into account (NDE's, reïncarnation.....)
(I once read a very interesting Reddit post about this, but It had been deleted :( )

This is exactly what I heard of some time ago and it's speeking to me. Brilliant idea!

 

[Trisolaris]

No, I welcome it.

 

[Tortured_empath]

Yes

 

[Echo81]

NO. I have had 2 attempts, so far, and I believe that there is more than just here. Walter

Can I pm you? I don't know if I even can yet though. It's about afterlife and some of my fears and things I've heard but I keep posting long ass messages and don't want to take away from the essence of this thread.

 

[greyhound]

I think I'm afraid of the actual death process. Like if using SN / N / opiates your brain cells will be dying due to lack of oxygen. Whether or not you're aware of that at the time I am still squeamish at the thought of it.

 

[Roadkill]

No, I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of LIVING

 

[whywere]

Can I pm you? I don't know if I even can yet though. It's about afterlife and some of my fears and things I've heard but I keep posting long ass messages and don't want to take away from the essence of this thread.

Please do. I would love to messgae "talk" to you. I am a global family member that is here . Now I am a ULTRA believer that this "life" is one of many, a stepping "stone", whatever, but to think that this is where one is born and dies and just ends everything, no. Now as part of a global family I totally respect other peoples ideas about a "afterlife" or if there is even one. Always remember that it take EVEYONE to make a whole person, idea, thought..etc. We are ALL important. Walter

 

[articledon]

It's weird, yesterday I wasn't afraid but today I feel anxious about it...wonder how I'll feel when my SN arrives

 

[whywere]

It's weird, yesterday I wasn't afraid but today I feel anxious about it...wonder how I'll feel when my SN arrives

WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide.You are now a part of a global family that loves, cares, has alot of empathy, kindness and support for each other. This site has helped me alot and I hope that we can do the same for you. Again, WELCOME and so glad to be able to call you a global family member!! Walter

 

[CivilizationV]

Nope, I'm scarred of the impredictibility, lack of control and pain that will bring me the method I choose.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

Maybe a bit but I'm much much more scared of continuing living this hell.

 

[articledon]

WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide.You are now a part of a global family that loves, cares, has alot of empathy, kindness and support for each other. This site has helped me alot and I hope that we can do the same for you. Again, WELCOME and so glad to be able to call you a global family member!! Walter

Thank you Walter, I truly appreciate the kind words

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Nope, I'm scarred of the impredictibility, lack of control and pain that will bring me the method I choose.

Yeah, me too.

Besides pain, failure scares me the most. Even if I don't end up crippled, I would lose my job, my few remaining friends, my freedom.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Not afraid of death, but afraid of not reaching it, failing and ending up in a worse state than in the present.

 

[articledon]

Not afraid of death, but afraid of not reaching it, failing and ending up in a worse state than in the present.

Yes, that is my only fear and unsuccessful attempt

 

[choosingmydestiny]

This is exactly what I heard of some time ago and it's speeking to me. Brilliant idea!

yes! I needed that info to calm me a bit, so I imagined someone could use it too.... even in my crappy way of explaining :p

 

[demuic]

No, the world is going mad and it's best to get out ASAP.

 

[Manaaja]

It changes constantly. One second I'll have a panic attack thinking of death, the other second I'm all like "When I die I'm gonna go to paradise and have so much fun!"

Right now I'm in such a bad mental state, I can't stand hearing people talk about there not being an afterlife. I'll get just more panic.

I hope there's an afterlife. I want another chance at life. A life in a world where I'm free to be me. But I also hope that if a person hopes to go to non-existence, they'll get that.

 

[idontevenknowanymore]

I guess I kind of am. That's probably a big reason why I've lived with the urge of ctb for over 7 years now. Big part is probably also what happens to my loved ones after I die. Sometimes I feel like it'd crush them, sometimes I feel like they wouldn't care at all.

 

[yetme]

I'm scared shitless of death and dying in general. All people do. Let's be honest here. otherwise we all would be dead by now. It's one thing to post your fearless comments here about how you're not afraid, but the fact that you are here and alive speaks for itself.

 

[idontwanttobeme]

i think i'm afraid of living, dying and of what happens after death. i've made my decision tho and i will ctb soon. i just really hope i won't fail cause i'm also afraid of being unsuccessful and what happens after that. i don't wanna do that to the few people who care about me

 

[MissingBB0308]

Wow I've been sitting on this for a couple years. Alright this is not a scientific description and does not contain any physiological explanations, just my layman's experience. The attempt that night was impulsive reaction to some bad news earlier that day which sent me over the edge with the other bullshit I was dealing with. I have never put it into words and hope I can relay best as possible the event.

After kicking the stool from under my feet things began happening instantly. I had a plastic bag fastened around my neck and proper hangmans noose fashioned out of a sturdy scarf around the neck at an angle decided on upon previous research. So-bowels began seizing and loosening immediately. It did not hurt but inside that whole part of my body felt like one of the balloon artists fucking with every single foot of all intestines. I could feel my sphincter or rectum, what ever is at the very end pulsing like crazy, again, no pain but the sensations with that whole.... internal party were very finely felt.

At the same time Terra forming is going on down south up in the noggin I've got flashing bright lights in a dark background. It was like synapses exploding. None of this hurt. There were streaks of yellow of whatever was burning out and at the end of this streak were the bursts of primary colors- the explosion. They went in all directions and did not appear to interact with each other. I do not know if this was brain cells dying or parts of the brain reacting like that in a cry for oxygen or from my eyes. I had no control over this process. I was not scared, I remember feeling like 'what should I do?' During this time I was aware of my situation and was knew things would progress extremely fast. My awareness did not reach beyond my bowels, brain activity and the weird bad feeling I had.

I believe my eyes were closed because the blackness and explosions were the only thing I remember seeing. Everything happened do fast but there was this feeling inside of me. My chest, some feeling clawed out of me and I began to swing and shake to reach the stool, which I did. I was hanging from a ceiling fan on a low ceiling. With my hands self tied behind my back, tied ankles and knees I was able to get enough leverage with the stool to wrench my wrist scarf loose and I don't remember how I got free after that. All I remember is trying to get the stool so I could stand on it and release pressure on my neck.. Real life Indiana Jones and that goddammit grail. I can't even believe I'm saying it but it's true. All after ingesting 2 large bottles one vodka one sake and about 80 pharmaceutical pills. I REALLY can't believe I'm saying this either but I guess I didn't want to die right then although I almost did in the days after.
The experience was and remains very clear to me. The time immediately after and days afterwards are a different story

Sorry for the lengthy reply, it's not much but hopefully it answers something or gives reference. I know 100% if I had waited longer or not at all to swing that would have been a successful attempt. I do know what I would improve for next time though. If you are interested in what I remember from the 'fog' afterwards, I can provide a description of that as well.

My fiancé hung himself last August. This reply brings me comfort to know he didn't feel pain. Just hope he didn't feel the regret you got to redeem yourself from.
My experience of hanging was just arterial asphyxiation so I could breathe and passed out in about 7 seconds (I counted). From that the pole snapped and it was like a high rush of blood back to my head that made me blind for a few seconds. But I didn't feel pain. I remember the pressure but I used the same thing he did and it was pretty quick for passing out. So no pain at all for me either. I would have been done for sure too.
Hope you're doing as well as you can now.

 

[Echo81]

My fiancé hung himself last August. This reply brings me comfort to know he didn't feel pain. Just hope he didn't feel the regret you got to redeem yourself from.
My experience of hanging was just arterial asphyxiation so I could breathe and passed out in about 7 seconds (I counted). From that the pole snapped and it was like a high rush of blood back to my head that made me blind for a few seconds. But I didn't feel pain. I remember the pressure but I used the same thing he did and it was pretty quick for passing out. So no pain at all for me either. I would have been done for sure too.
Hope you're doing as well as you can now.

Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry for you loss and pray that he is resting peacefully. I as well as can be and hope you are as well:)
Have changed my method. Now that I know I can shimmy my way out of a noose while dying I can no longer trust myself to carry through. Also I have read from medical professionals about the head and neck that come loose, the swollen eyes and tongue. The black and blue skin. My mother will insist on seeing my body and since she has ready had to see one of her injured, broken children die in her arms, I figure I should be as considerate as possible.
Are you retaining hanging as your method or will you improve on the process?

 

[MissingBB0308]

Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry for you loss and pray that he is resting peacefully. I as well as can be and hope you are as well:)
Have changed my method. Now that I know I can shimmy my way out of a noose while dying I can no longer trust myself to carry through. Also I have read from medical professionals about the head and neck that come loose, the swollen eyes and tongue. The black and blue skin. My mother will insist on seeing my body and since she has ready had to see one of her injured, broken children die in her arms, I figure I should be as considerate as possible.
Are you retaining hanging as your method or will you improve on the process?

I had a helium tank and exit bag made up. When I was hospitalised a second time it was found and removed. Bill used a ratchet strap that We used to attach our kayaks to the roof of our car. My experience of that is it is easy to attach and make a noose and it's super slippy. So it tightens and tourniquets very quickly which is why I passed out so quick. So yeah I'd go that option again. The only part of the equation that makes it unsuccessful was that I didn't consider the anchor point I was using. In a retake I would use a better anchor point. I had the advantage at the time of it being the day he'd died so I was pretty dissociated and found it easy to fulfil with no anxiety. Doubt I'd have that now I'm a few months along the line. We are all aware of the factors that must line up for it to not be an attempt to ctb and to successfully ctb. I feel I have those factors in my equation lining up currently. It'll come when it's ready I know that. I feel envious of his ability to cease to exist and that I had to deal with the blowback of his actions. I know it'll line up how I want it to. If not there are plenty of things to make a tourniquet with that has been successful for others. I find not being intoxicated is actually more helpful. Less likely to make mistakes. But you have to have balls for that haha

 

[Echo81]

I had a helium tank and exit bag made up. When I was hospitalised a second time it was found and removed. Bill used a ratchet strap that We used to attach our kayaks to the roof of our car. My experience of that is it is easy to attach and make a noose and it's super slippy. So it tightens and tourniquets very quickly which is why I passed out so quick. So yeah I'd go that option again. The only part of the equation that makes it unsuccessful was that I didn't consider the anchor point I was using. In a retake I would use a better anchor point. I had the advantage at the time of it being the day he'd died so I was pretty dissociated and found it easy to fulfil with no anxiety. Doubt I'd have that now I'm a few months along the line. We are all aware of the factors that must line up for it to not be an attempt to ctb and to successfully ctb. I feel I have those factors in my equation lining up currently. It'll come when it's ready I know that. I feel envious of his ability to cease to exist and that I had to deal with the blowback of his actions. I know it'll line up how I want it to. If not there are plenty of things to make a tourniquet with that has been successful for others. I find not being intoxicated is actually more helpful. Less likely to make mistakes. But you have to have balls for that haha

Oh man that sucks about the anchor point for sure.
You tried after you found your partner? I can't even imagine the pain you were going through and I am very sorry you had to go through that especially if you didn't know it was coming. And way to go for having the guts right then and there. It is interesting how your description of brain effect is a little different than mine I'm wondering if it is because I had had the pills and alcohol. Your way sounds pretty good especially with a helium kit. Was eyeing that method solo as well but chickened out because they were saying the helium gets mixed with air now.
I kayak as well and have a lot of rachet straps but never thought to use as a noose due to the sturdy sides of the straps.

 

[soakmeinbleach]

not death but pain. i think i just fear what i dont know no one ~~~truly~~ knows what happens so it scares me when i think abt it

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

I am afraid of death and the possibility of an afterlife, yes I am a coward and its the only thing keeping me here.

 

[MissingBB0308]

Oh man that sucks about the anchor point for sure.
You tried after you found your partner? I can't even imagine the pain you were going through and I am very sorry you had to go through that especially if you didn't know it was coming. And way to go for having the guts right then and there. It is interesting how your description of brain effect is a little different than mine I'm wondering if it is because I had had the pills and alcohol. Your way sounds pretty good especially with a helium kit. Was eyeing that method solo as well but chickened out because they were saying the helium gets mixed with air now.
I kayak as well and have a lot of rachet straps but never thought to use as a noose due to the sturdy sides of the straps.

I accessed the safety certificates of the gas available to me in local shops and made sure the gas I got was suitable. I also read five last acts and used the brand that is recommended in the book. Trialed it out and was for sure going to pass out in a small amount of time. Only concern is with not having a pressure gauge you can't know if there's been a leak and there's enough gas in the canister to finish. I think it was 30 mins of consistent air flow required. But I was willing to take the risk as it was pretty calm and less variables than hanging. But back to hanging, which I'm actually okay with because I know it's tried and tested

 

[Echo81]

I accessed the safety certificates of the gas available to me in local shops and made sure the gas I got was suitable. I also read five last acts and used the brand that is recommended in the book. Trialed it out and was for sure going to pass out in a small amount of time. Only concern is with not having a pressure gauge you can't know if there's been a leak and there's enough gas in the canister to finish. I think it was 30 mins of consistent air flow required. But I was willing to take the risk as it was pretty calm and less variables than hanging. But back to hanging, which I'm actually okay with because I know it's tried and tested

I've heard of this issue and aren't there canisters with pressure gauges or ones to attach or do I have a bad understanding? You are brave to try the rope again. I always feel like it so simple and need only 2 things - rope and guts but somehow guts not so easy...

 

[MissingBB0308]

I've heard of this issue and aren't there canisters with pressure gauges or ones to attach or do I have a bad understanding? You are brave to try the rope again. I always feel like it so simple and need only 2 things - rope and guts but somehow guts not so easy...

Well as I say. The ratchet tape is tried and tested in my eyes because it took Bill and I already know what it was like and would do it again on that basis.
In regards to the canisters yes you can buy pressure gauges but if there not being enough is a concern you would just buy 2 canisters. But in most cases one is sufficient I think