Are there people here who are afraid of losing their motivation to ctb?

[Defenestration]

Hi, i think my ctb is scheduled for March 25...

I don't want to do it before because my mother's birthday is in a few days and after mine...
I don't want to make a traumatic date for my loved ones and for the funeral to be between my mother's birthday and the link... I want death and funeral to be after this...

I HOPE THAT ON THE 25TH I WILL HAVE THE STRENGTH TO GO..I AM OFTEN CHANGE FROM ONE DAY TO ANOTHER TO SUICIDE and the survival instinct is very strong. I'm going to try to do things that I love all this time but I'm afraid of losing my motivation for ctb if i do too many things that i like(date already shifted).

I can't wait for the 25th to arrive...it seems like a very long wait to me!!
Afraid of survival instinct the 25 and delete.

At first it was planned for February 29 but my mother and my sister were sick.


Are there people here who are afraid of "losing their motivation to ctb"?

Thanks

 

[Slow_Farewell]

It's not so much losing the motivation..hmm, well i'll let you decide.
It's more like im afraid that life would get better to a certain extent, then i'd put off CTB'ing, then life would suck again and i'd miss my window again.
Kinda like i'd miss quitting while I was ahead? if that makes sense.

 

[luneylonegirl]

Me here. I survived 3 OD attempts last year. And now, i slowly losing my gut. I just thinking yesterday, how my parents will be shocked. If i ctb, i will transfer all my pain and maybe worst to them. People in my country didn't even understand ctb. How people will bash me for die? How it will affect my parents, my friends, or also my lil sis?

Why tf God do this to us lol. We shouldn't be born in the first place.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Are there people here who are afraid of "losing their motivation to ctb"?

Nope, haven't lost it and its been over a year. it wanes sure but its ever present.

 

[UKscotty]

Setting dates is just setting yourself up for a feeling of failure.

Most of us won't even know how we will feel this afternoon, let alone in a month.

How many people tell themselves they will quit overeating, drinking, smoking etc next week, then feel like a failure when they don't.

Have to be more realistic and go with the flow day by day.

If we want to do something as life changing as CTB or indeed really dieting or quitting smoking, we are either ready or we are not. It's not something that we can say we will be ready for x days from now.

 

[kindalone]

It's not so much losing the motivation..hmm, well i'll let you decide.
It's more like im afraid that life would get better to a certain extent, then i'd put off CTB'ing, then life would suck again and i'd miss my window again.
Kinda like i'd miss quitting while I was ahead? if that makes sense.

I know what you mean. Then it's like you're in this weird limbo of never feeling good enough to be fully committed to life but also can't really CTB because something always happens to pick you up just enough. In the end, you're stuck being miserable. It's better if it's one or the other. I guess that's my interpretation. Sorry if I got it wrong.

 

[lostinwoe]

i have no motivation to even find a method for me im broke and live in a small town

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I know what you mean. Then it's like you're in this weird limbo of never feeling good enough to be fully committed to life but also can't really CTB because something always happens to pick you up just enough. In the end, you're stuck being miserable. It's better if it's one or the other. I guess that's my interpretation. Sorry if I got it wrong.

Nah, you got it. That's how i feel...
I know life's a cycle, what comes up, must come down and all that stuff..so yeah, i dont want to be in limbo, i just want to be done since i cant guarantee i'll stay on the upside, or even guarantee the fall might not be from that great of a height.

Given that, i'd rather not play anymore.

 

[Defenestration]

It's more like im afraid that life would get better to a certain extent, then i'd put off CTB'ing, then life would suck again and i'd miss my window again.

Yes this

Setting dates is just setting yourself up for a feeling of failure.

Most of us won't even know how we will feel this afternoon, let alone in a month.

How many people tell themselves they will quit overeating, drinking, smoking etc next week, then feel like a failure when they don't.

Have to be more realistic and go with the flow day by day.

If we want to do something as life changing as CTB or indeed really dieting or quitting smoking, we are either ready or we are not. It's not something that we can say we will be ready for x days from now.

Yes but i can't BEFORE 25 marth...thats why i have chosen this date. I would like to ctb 7,8 or 9 but i can't, even if huge pulsion

I know what you mean. Then it's like you're in this weird limbo of never feeling good enough to be fully committed to life but also can't really CTB because something always happens to pick you up just enough. In the end, you're stuck being miserable.

Yes it is this...between...

 

[mtoro998]

I dont Stress about such things. I will do it whenever I feel ready. I can always choose to die any time I want. I do stress about my sn expiring and not being able to buy more and having to take another route to finish the job.

 

[tbroken]

Just go and do whatever you think is the right thing. I'm just focusing on my freedom, so i'll do what i want when i want, i don't want my plans to be ruined and i don't want other's plans to get ruined by me.

 

[LastFlowers]

Reasons that motivate me to end my life only continue to intensify and multiply as time passes and circumstances push on a sort of nightmarish domino effect, completely out of my favor. It's a suffocating pile on.

It's the energy to do what needs to be done that's missing. Not the motivation.
For myself at least.
Killing yourself thoughtfully and practically is a daunting task.
Killing yourself impulsively is much "easier" but also with added risk and probably a lack of preparation for getting your end of life matters in order (a real pain if you're a private person who can't trust anybody around you).

If I had had a button that took care of preparations and ended my life with some sort of guarantee..the thing would have been smashed hundreds of times by now.

I dont Stress about such things. I will do it whenever I feel ready. I can always choose to die any time I want. I do stress about my sn expiring and not being able to buy more and having to take another route to finish the job.

I'm very concerned about the state of mine as well. It's just over 3 years old. Some say that's the cut off, others say it can be stored indefinitely as long as it's not opened or exposed to the elements.
I still don't know what the truth is.

I know the one I have is trusted (the "boisterous predator" one from the "jungle site"). I bought two.
I really don't have the brain left to go looking for a new product or taking the risk that it's shit ..or liable to get notice of the police.
I wasn't planning on being alive this long..big mistake because life has, of course, continued to get worse. But I've been waiting for certain things to be taken care of (dependent upon the cooperation of others)…and I've also been interrupted by CATS in need..multiple times.
But even that's turned into tragedy and loss somehow.

I just failed a beloved stray cat so miserably last month that when I found out the news of his demise..I nearly walked straight to the railroad tracks to rest my neck there until dawn brought the weight of the freight locomotive..slowly, painfully slowly..down onto me. At this point I wish I had.
I hate alcohol but started drinking heavily these last few months and so I probably could have fallen asleep on the tracks drunk if I wasn't concerned about how close other people and houses were to spotting me.

 

[dinosavr]

I would like to either fully "recover" (and never consider suicide ever again) or regain this feeling of being completely ready to go and having almost no doubts anymore.
I hate being stuck in this hell hole where I'm constantly changing my mind depending on various factors, people around, even the weather lol.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I have lost it in the past and it's caused me to procrastinate to now where it's less optimal for me to CTB.

 

[Chronosphere]

Yeah, was my biggest fear recently.
Rationalization helps. If I am losing motivation to kill myself, I just need to use depressants(like alcohol or depressing content) to keep it.
It's like having a supervisor who knows what's best for you, ignoring your immediate thoughts and emotions.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Well, there are very specific reasons for me to ctb. I don't see them removed anytime soon

 

[Geengezondementalit]

I know what you mean. Then it's like you're in this weird limbo of never feeling good enough to be fully committed to life but also can't really CTB because something always happens to pick you up just enough. In the end, you're stuck being miserable. It's better if it's one or the other. I guess that's my interpretation. Sorry if I got it wrong.

That's exactly right. Stuck in limbo.

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

Every time I feel like I'm losing motivation, life gives me a kick up the ass as if to say "ha you thought it was getting better? Yeah right, nice try, now get on with it" and then I want to die a soon as possible after that. It just depends on your circumstances I guess. Failed attempts don't help. But for me I feel like even if I try and get my shit together, something is always going to remind me that I'm not supposed to be here and/or that actually I don't really want to be here.

 

[Cherry_BB]

I sometimes think there's some worth to life, but when I really think about it does the damage done from my existence really outweigh the temporary happiness I feel in that moment? It depends on your view on life, but personally I think it's selfish for me to enjoy those moments when I could be helping others to make it up to them for putting up with me.

TL:DR: Nope, whether I want to CTB or not, it's for the greater good

 

[MiMif]

Yes I'm scared I will...I'm scared because I know ill never be happy and will just be stuck here lying and saying I'm not suffering on this awful planet

 

[Malaria]

Not really, I've been struggling with suicidal ideation for 17 years, and I don't think that's going to change any time soon.

What I am afraid of is people judging me or hating me if they see my posts, but I have that fear regardless of the environment I'm in.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Yep. It's happened to me plenty of times and life only gets much worse whenever I have hope or things start getting slightly better. I'm getting the distinct sense that it's occurring to me again and this time around I'm gonna plummet down the abyss and hit its bottom real fast this time around. Woo hoo.....

 

[EmptyHeaded]

No. For me, it's more of a rational thing than anything else, and the reasons won't ever change.

 

[BlockHammer]

It's more like im affraid that my optimism and confidence take over my brain and persuade me to think that my life would get better eventhough the circumstance that i've faced said otherwise, this would create a wrong assesment about my life and im gonna suffer more due to my overconfidence

One thing is that im more affraid when instead of dying do to an attempt of suicide, im gonna be left crippled for the rest of my life

 

[Defenestration]

J'aimerais soit me "récupérer" complètement (et ne plus jamais envisager le suicide), soit retrouver ce sentiment d'être complètement prêt à partir et de n'avoir presque plus de doutes.
Je déteste être coincé dans cet enfer où je change constamment d'avis en fonction de divers facteurs, des gens autour, même de la météo mdr.

This, very hard

A chaque fois que j'ai l'impression de perdre ma motivation, la vie me donne un coup de pied au cul comme pour dire "ha tu pensais que ça allait mieux ? Ouais c'est vrai, bien essayé, maintenant continue" et après j'ai envie de mourir le plus tôt possible après cela.

Same

 

[strangelife]

I have a huge motivation because of my health condition. I have to be at home all the time, although my life has always been very colorful and there are a lot of hobbies. I think that if my health does not improve by some miracle, then my motivation to commit ctb will not decrease in any way

 

[Defenestration]

my suicidal impulses come back in force when I realize that I am making mountains of myself over the smallest worry. At almost 37 years old, I am dependent on my old parents for everything... including my mother who has the beginnings of Alzheimer's. I was so overcovered and overprotected when I was little that now I'm lost over the smallest thing.

and in any case it won't be able to last long like this...
Ctb is the only solution...

 

[Aim]

Idk but my motivation for it has probably been lost 100 times already But thankfully it always comes back though. To keep it pushing forward fiending the right method. So

 

[Defenestration]

I don't hate life as such but it terrifies me because of my great social phobia... everything is an ordeal, the smallest little mundane thing...
and my parents who are becoming old/ill are not going to be able to me to help, to carry me at arm's length forever...

I need both of them like a 14 year old...and when they are very old and ill I will no longer be able to support myself (that would really be a horrible and vile son).

 

[Defenestration]

I won't be able to before April 10...and still not sure
Its long ..