Hey guys so I posted a goodbye thread a while ago.
Well, I went ahead and went to the place I had chosen and I was just so worried but decided to go for it anyway.
I found a spot hidden from any monkeys that could interfer and settled.
I didn't have anything to lie on because I half-assed the preparation.
Anyway went ahead and started taking the benzos (SN method BTW) and took 6mg. Now I know that's so overkill because I think I vomited due to it. I'll explain later
I took those and I moved out my spot to check my phone one last time to check parents aren't worried. Just paranoid. Had to move hundreds meters somewhere I could have phone signal.
Did so and tried going back to my place. It was all dark at this point late night so I didn't have a clue where I had put my shit and got lost like an idiot. I was also full hangover from the benzos. I was like drunk. I took the tagamet too BTW and I think it potentiated the 6mg Ativan to like 9 or who knows.
So I couldn't find it and had to give up. I was feeling relaxes at that point. I sincerely thought I would go through with it. But always worried I could fail and somehow end up worse. That's my only reason I'm still here.
So I left everything in my spot. I lost my wallet with 50 euros, the SN, the pills and the bag etc. Whatever I guess.
Guess what my phone ran out of battery just as I was heading out where there would be signal. So now I was far away with no way to come back home.
Anyway I went to the nearby ville and knocked a random house. I got lucky and they opened the door and I was drunk as fuck.
I made up that some friends abandoned me in a drunken state and I needed to call my dad.
He eventually came and I got home. Way home I vommitted everything and passed out in the travel. Felt like shit from the benzos for two days. I followed the metro regimen and it didn't do shit for my vomiting. I'm not sure if it was vomiting from travel and benzos (I get sick easily traveling) or just travel. I think former. Meto is supposed to stop that or not?
Anyway epic fail like my life but it's ok I have more SN just more scared now and less resolve. So I'm stuck. I want a gun. Its the best method and most reliable. I can get a shoty. No handgun. Or F.
Not sure. Just hating living hating my horrible luck in life everyday and want to die so bad. Always alone.
Sorry for not updating and lurking. Im really embarrassed and probably won't read responses here due to social rejection possibility which I had a lot in life and fucked my brain the first place.
My takeaways from that were:
1. No more than 3mg Ativan to not induce vomit
2. Fuck regimen (also meto made me feel like even more shit and depressed) and go for a strong stat dose.
Sorry again and thanks to everyone who was nice in the goodbye comments. And the people I talked to. Im antisocial too so it takes effort for me to talk really. Just hoping to die soon. Thanks
Well, I went ahead and went to the place I had chosen and I was just so worried but decided to go for it anyway.
I found a spot hidden from any monkeys that could interfer and settled.
I didn't have anything to lie on because I half-assed the preparation.
Anyway went ahead and started taking the benzos (SN method BTW) and took 6mg. Now I know that's so overkill because I think I vomited due to it. I'll explain later
I took those and I moved out my spot to check my phone one last time to check parents aren't worried. Just paranoid. Had to move hundreds meters somewhere I could have phone signal.
Did so and tried going back to my place. It was all dark at this point late night so I didn't have a clue where I had put my shit and got lost like an idiot. I was also full hangover from the benzos. I was like drunk. I took the tagamet too BTW and I think it potentiated the 6mg Ativan to like 9 or who knows.
So I couldn't find it and had to give up. I was feeling relaxes at that point. I sincerely thought I would go through with it. But always worried I could fail and somehow end up worse. That's my only reason I'm still here.
So I left everything in my spot. I lost my wallet with 50 euros, the SN, the pills and the bag etc. Whatever I guess.
Guess what my phone ran out of battery just as I was heading out where there would be signal. So now I was far away with no way to come back home.
Anyway I went to the nearby ville and knocked a random house. I got lucky and they opened the door and I was drunk as fuck.
I made up that some friends abandoned me in a drunken state and I needed to call my dad.
He eventually came and I got home. Way home I vommitted everything and passed out in the travel. Felt like shit from the benzos for two days. I followed the metro regimen and it didn't do shit for my vomiting. I'm not sure if it was vomiting from travel and benzos (I get sick easily traveling) or just travel. I think former. Meto is supposed to stop that or not?
Anyway epic fail like my life but it's ok I have more SN just more scared now and less resolve. So I'm stuck. I want a gun. Its the best method and most reliable. I can get a shoty. No handgun. Or F.
Not sure. Just hating living hating my horrible luck in life everyday and want to die so bad. Always alone.
Sorry for not updating and lurking. Im really embarrassed and probably won't read responses here due to social rejection possibility which I had a lot in life and fucked my brain the first place.
My takeaways from that were:
1. No more than 3mg Ativan to not induce vomit
2. Fuck regimen (also meto made me feel like even more shit and depressed) and go for a strong stat dose.
Sorry again and thanks to everyone who was nice in the goodbye comments. And the people I talked to. Im antisocial too so it takes effort for me to talk really. Just hoping to die soon. Thanks
