Anyone thinking of ctb because of their own stupid decisions..

[Itstimeforpeace]

I am facing some jail time for some stupid decisions. Anyone else in this position?

 

[Ready and waiting]

I can certainly understand that feeling! I don't know what it is that specifically worries you so much that you would rather CTB than serve time is it the length or... anyways I'm pretty sure it's a common fear/ thot! I was in jail for the first time a few years ago and the lack of freedom and just the way we were treated... I attempted twice while I was in there and ended up on the in the locked Ward at the mental hospital for two months

 

[Johnnythefox]

I'm not facing jail for anything, but probably a life time of stupid mistakes has led me to this point.
Hindsight is indeed a wonderful thing.

 

[OkTotti]

yes, i've got laid off of my dream job because of stupid pigheaded decisions and now I can't find any work... i do nothing all day for the past few months.. i can't take it any longer

 

[Empty Smile]

My stupid decision was allowing myself to live this long.

 

[TAW122]

No, but my life sucks in many ways that is just horrible. I would say it's partly circumstance based, but also some of it are the decisions I made in life (70% circumstances, 30% decision). Sometimes people are dealt with a shitty hand in life (Aspergers, social anxiety, and what not) and suffer throughout their entire life.

God forbid if I was actually facing jail time I might ctb out of fear for what will happen to my life and well being.

 

[Othermind]

Yeah, pretty much.
My life has always kinda sucked, but then I made some stupid decisions I came to regret and it was thoroughly fucked for good.
I'm not facing jail time, but guilt eating you alive your every waking moment is truly a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone, and this is coming from someone who's had severe depression for years.

 

[NotWorthLiving]

I'm not in jail or anything like that but my life is made from stupid decisions and I want to die so it doesn't get any worse

 

[therhydler]

I live in a mind-made prison. Partly due to stupid decisions

 

[Itstimeforpeace]

I should say I also have depression that seems to lead me down these terrible places of "do it today and face the consequences tomorrow". I can't keep doing these things. My family definitely deserves a better daughter.

 

[Othermind]

I can definitely relate, except the thought I'd face consequences never even crossed my mind. I'd just go like"To hell with it, my life is shit anyways".
I know it's easier said than done and it may come across as a platitude, but thinking it can't get any worse when you're down is the worst mistake you can make. I understand not having it in you to try and get better, but at the very least don't make any rash decisions and stick to the status quo.

 

[Dwellinglifeless]

I was arrested in a foreign country faced serious jail time and everything. Possibly my single biggest reason for ctb..
.though there are many others.

 

[Deivis]

The worst decision has been made is by our parents, actually..... We're just fixing their mistake.

 

[BjartNO]

So many of my own thoughts were echoed in this thread... Eerily similar

 

[15dec]

I'm not facing jail but I screwed up enough things in my life making stupid, impulsive decisions and can't stop doing it no matter how much I try. Don't really have any reason to carry on anymore and knowing I'll just continue sabotaging every good thing that comes my way and hurting other people is enough to make me want to ctb

 

[ausboy96]

I'm not facing jail but I screwed up enough things in my life making stupid, impulsive decisions and can't stop doing it no matter how much I try. Don't really have any reason to carry on anymore and knowing I'll just continue sabotaging every good thing that comes my way and hurting other people is enough to make me want to ctb

That is me to a T. Glad I'm not alone.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I'm at this hellish point in life due to trusting the wrong doctors and choosing the wrong country to live in. My life has been a series of one mistake after another that I could write a whole novel on. So much so that my CTB will be a permanent cure to a permanent problem.

 

[Pulpit2018]

Existing in this planet as a human,is a sort of prison itself.

 

[siray]

Hi, this is my first message. Reading all these posts makes me feel like I have finally found a community that can understand me. OP, can you please tell why you are facing jail time? I am really curious.

Also, I have finally reached a point in life where I have rationalized my CTB. It has little to do with stupid decisions on my part and more to do with the fact that it was a genetic predisposition. An Asperger's syndrome that was never diagnosed which made me antisocial and feeling disgusted every day of my life. Now that I given years of thought to it, it turns out absolutely nothing can convince me to not CTB.
Looking forward to interacting with this community until I CTB in a few months.

 

[therhydler]

Hi, this is my first message. Reading all these posts makes me feel like I have finally found a community that can understand me. OP, can you please tell why you are facing jail time? I am really curious.

Also, I have finally reached a point in life where I have rationalized my CTB. It has little to do with stupid decisions on my part and more to do with the fact that it was a genetic predisposition. An Asperger's syndrome that was never diagnosed which made me antisocial and feeling disgusted every day of my life. Now that I given years of thought to it, it turns out absolutely nothing can convince me to not CTB.
Looking forward to interacting with this community until I CTB in a few months.

Hey, welcome, and hope you find the support you need here

 

[Mule]

Ha. Stupid decisions are rather my forté. I very much doubt if I've ever made a sensible choice. But that is to be expected since I'm here. And I'm sure we've ALL broken the law at some point, I know I have.

 

[stargazer]

Yeah, I agree with all the others, and personally I've been to court, almost been arrested in the not so distant past. I don't like where my life is heading, or my long term health, or just getting old.
I'm lazy and I don't want to put in any more effort to a world I don't care for any longer, so I'm done.
My worst decisions were ever falling for all the brainwashing that makes life sound peachy "if you try" and "if you work hard" like a Disney movie, but I realised when I first started planning years ago, how stupid I was for believing it all. Personally.

Others may disagree, that's alright.

 

[Othermind]

Hi, this is my first message. Reading all these posts makes me feel like I have finally found a community that can understand me. OP, can you please tell why you are facing jail time? I am really curious.

Also, I have finally reached a point in life where I have rationalized my CTB. It has little to do with stupid decisions on my part and more to do with the fact that it was a genetic predisposition. An Asperger's syndrome that was never diagnosed which made me antisocial and feeling disgusted every day of my life. Now that I given years of thought to it, it turns out absolutely nothing can convince me to not CTB.
Looking forward to interacting with this community until I CTB in a few months.

Now that you mention genetic predisposition, is it weird that I don't believe in free will at all but I still feel guilty has hell, to the point where I want to ctb for it, for what I've done?

 

[Broken]

Yeah, pretty much.
My life has always kinda sucked, but then I made some stupid decisions I came to regret and it was thoroughly fucked for good.
I'm not facing jail time, but guilt eating you alive your every waking moment is truly a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone, and this is coming from someone who's had severe depression for years.

Guilt, shame and regret is horrible to live with. I'm just trapped hoping that one day I will have the oppurtunity to be loved and cared for again and I no if I'm lucky enough to get that again in life I won't throw it away. That's about as positive as a I can get.

 

[Broken]

That is me to a T. Glad I'm not alone.

Sounds awfully like me

 

[Broken]

I'm not facing jail but I screwed up enough things in my life making stupid, impulsive decisions and can't stop doing it no matter how much I try. Don't really have any reason to carry on anymore and knowing I'll just continue sabotaging every good thing that comes my way and hurting other people is enough to make me want to ctb

Sounds like me

 

[Broken]

Now that you mention genetic predisposition, is it weird that I don't believe in free will at all but I still feel guilty has hell, to the point where I want to ctb for it, for what I've done?

My wrong decision felt like a crossroad in my life. I finally had the chance to be happy and I didn't commit and chose canabbis. I lost the one person in life that believed in me until I let them down. i always thought I was going to die young. I always thought that and told people that but never in a suicidal way. I feel like I've written my own destiny.

 

[Othermind]

Guilt, shame and regret is horrible to live with. I'm just trapped hoping that one day I will have the oppurtunity to be loved and cared for again and I no if I'm lucky enough to get that again in life I won't throw it away. That's about as positive as a I can get.

That's way more positive than I could ever get.
I don't think I deserve to be loved and cared for because of what I've done, ctb feels like condemning myself to the gallows.

My wrong decision felt like a crossroad in my life. I finally had the chance to be happy and I didn't commit and chose canabbis. I lost the one person in life that believed in me until I let them down. i always thought I was going to die young. I always thought that and told people that but never in a suicidal way. I feel like I've written my own destiny.

The thing is, once you start to dig a little deeper into how our minds work, you realize that there's so many things influencing our behavior, from what we ate for dinner to the intrauterine environment we developed in as fetuses, that it becomes inconceivable to even entertain the notion of free will.
So that crossroads that you felt your life was at wasn't a crossroads at all, you were "programed" to go down that path anyways.
Now, I don't buy it 100% myself otherwise I wouldn't feel so horribly guilty but it makes sense as far as I'm concerned. Check out "Behave" by Robert Sapolsky, not an easy read by any stretch but really eye opening.

 

[Broken]

That's way more positive than I could ever get.
I don't think I deserve to be loved and cared for because of what I've done, ctb feels like condemning myself to the gallows.

The thing is, once you start to dig a little deeper into how our minds work, you realize that there's so many things influencing our behavior, from what we ate for dinner to the intrauterine environment we developed in as fetuses, that it becomes inconceivable to even entertain the notion of free will.
So that crossroads that you felt your life was at wasn't a crossroads at all, you were "programed" to go down that path anyways.
Now, I don't buy it 100% myself otherwise I wouldn't feel so horribly guilty but it makes sense as far as I'm concerned. Check out "Behave" by Robert Sapolsky, not an easy read by any stretch but really eye opening.

Sometimes I think that because at the time I made bad decisions I new they weren't good but I didn't realise the implications of my actions until it was to late. When I did wrong I didn't think about the hurt I would cause or the trust I would break. I hadn't learnt the value of trust. I thought it was ok because it was my addiction and it was but it affected others. Hindsight and regret have just zapped the life out of me. So I do agree that it was probably inevitable that I ended up in mental health depression hell but at least at the moment it feels like I've robbed myself of the chance to live and thrive. I suppose until I can change that mindset I'm fucked!

 

[BA81]

Guilt, shame and regret is horrible to live with. I'm just trapped hoping that one day I will have the oppurtunity to be loved and cared for again and I no if I'm lucky enough to get that again in life I won't throw it away. That's about as positive as a I can get.

Guilt, shame and regret are some of the things that make us who we are and help us grow. It's better to feel those things and to learn from them rather than to not feel those things and not learn at all.

Having a positive state of mind is a good first step towards achieving what you want.