Anyone think they're consciously/subconsciously try to kill themselves with their substance of choice?

[TheYounger]

For me it's vodka.

 

[Heartattackpending]

Me too, vodka. When I tried (and failed, obviously) I knew I would have to get drunk. It was the only way I could work up the motivation and energy to do it.

 

[AlwaysAnhedonia]

I have tried to drink myself to death. Not as easy as you would think. Death by Alcoholism is usually a slow, painful process from liver failure or pancreatitis. The withdrawals from the last time I drank were horrific. Months of protracted withdrawal. Loved alcohol until it lost its ability to numb me.

 

[xLosthopex]

Yes, my main addiction is my eating disorder
Have had anorexia nervosa for 11 years and it's almost killed me many times
N is still my preferred and chosen method but I'm fully aware that this will kill me first if I don't manage to overcome my SI and drink my N in the meantime :/

 

[Heartattackpending]

Sorry, misread intent of your post. I did have a bit of a drinking problem but was pretty healthy otherwise, so it would have been a long drawn out process if I was to keep at it. Did consider getting winter wasted and passing out in the snow. Never did though.

 

[TooConscious]

I definitely tried to kill myself with alcohol, benzo, opioids in my early twenties, I damaged all my organs and ended up in agony many times with pancreatitis gastric bleeds and just general unwell states leading to collapsing while being so weak going to buy alcohol and having a seizure it's not a fun way to go i soon quit that plan it's not like in the movies they make me sick as if it's a joke when your an alcoholic with a severe suicidal ideation you stink of shit no one wants to be around you you're not charming your foolish crigeworthy if not arrogantly aggressive. Alcohol doesn't turn you into a God like the damn sucking scum movies portray and you die a rocks tar you go to hell and I'm fucking sick of the Brainwashing.

 

[Heartattackpending]

Yeah, for sure. Movie Leaving Las Vegas comes to mind. Hollywood romantasy, silly love story/ fairy tale, bs. I think it got Nicholas Cage an Oscar though. Go figure.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Abused drugs a year ago. Decades of nictoin consumption has left me with worse overall health and i can feel heart/vascular disease is already in its simmering stage. I dont know how long it will draw out but I definitely did some irreparable damage which i dont regret in principle but I know it will be painful and slow so I am fearful in that sense

 

[rosie]

yes, and i know that even if it's not soon smoking, drinking and doing drugs is going to catch up with me. i know for a fact it'll be my own hand that kills me, be it intentional or not

 

[Hirokami]

Not quite a substance, though I guess it's not exactly healthy, either. For me, it's barely eating one meal a day. Even then, they tend to be small meals. Though, I do realize starvation is one of the worst ways to go. At least it gives me some control over my batshit insane life.

 

[willitpass]

definitely. work around a lot of chemicals such as bleach and glass cleaner and "accidentally" a little bit and inhale deeply throughout my shifts. and caffeine. lots and lots of caffeine. maybe one day my heart will give out. not the typical substances of choice but those are my go to's. caffeine is an easy one because it's socially acceptable

 

[UnemployedMD]

Yep, my life has become an reenactment of the movie "Leaving Las Vegas." Complete with running away to Las Vegas, a bunch of fickle relationships with women who think they can change me, and an unhealthy gambling habit. Can't believe someone else mentioned it first.

I've been drinking myself to death over the past year and every time I step back and think about what I am doing, I just remember all the reasons I have to be doing it and how the fact that it will kill me eventually is an added bonus to the escape it gives me from my nightmare of a life.

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

Cigarettes, fast food, sugar drinks for last 2 decades. Ended up in hospital for septic blood/infection (was diabetic, didn't know). Almost died. After got out week later I quit cigs and cut back on junkfood/sugar. SI smacked me upside the head and was like nope, done with that crap.

 

[eternalpeace]

Yeah, for sure. Movie Leaving Las Vegas comes to mind. Hollywood romantasy, silly love story/ fairy tale, bs. I think it got Nicholas Cage an Oscar though. Go figure.

Yes, Nicholas Cage did win an Oscar for that movie. It's one of my favourites!

 

[Ligottian]

My favorite line by Cage in LLV: I can't remember if my wife left me because of my drinking or that I started drinking after my wife left me.

 

[little helpers]

there's a line in Trainspotting that kinda goes like this, "there's no problems with heroin. it's only one when you run out."

basically something like that.

it's killing me, and reviving me just the same.

I can try COPD though. sweet baby tar and the Malboro Man got me digging my own grave.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Unless I can find some Fentanyl-laced weed, it ain't gonna happen. [I only use edibles, don't smoke.]

 

[bigfishlittlefish]

For me it's vodka.

Yaeh. I'm seriously underweight atm and right now my pain is so severe that the only way I can get through any amount of time is by drinking and taking coke (and I have a *bunch* of health problems). I'm barely eating and honestly yeah, there's definitely part of me that's hoping that this will just finish me off without me having to do anything further myself.

I tried getting covid several times but can't seem to catch it. Just my luck :(

 

[Sanva]

Yes, my main addiction is my eating disorder
Have had anorexia nervosa for 11 years and it's almost killed me many times
N is still my preferred and chosen method but I'm fully aware that this will kill me first if I don't manage to overcome my SI and drink my N in the meantime :/

same here. i'm kinda recovered now but the main reason i was anorexic for a long time was that i just wanted to die. and i still go back to those old habits when it gets really bad

 

[TooConscious]

Yeah, for sure. Movie Leaving Las Vegas comes to mind. Hollywood romantasy, silly love story/ fairy tale, bs. I think it got Nicholas Cage an Oscar though. Go figure.

You hit the nail on the head.
Exactly the movie that started my train of thought.
It annoys me it goes down as true because when you're drinking so heavily to die you're not bouncing around the bars acting cool.... Your stuck in bed, but often unable to sleep, the only way I would believe leaving Las Vegas is if it lasted a few days and combined with cocaine.
Its totally different from the writings
Is that the legacy the guy wanted to leave, encourage people to go on some sad adventure realize it doesn't work and get themselves further into shit Street.

 

[*Psyche*]

Mine is a very long game vice... smoking. My dad passed from lung cancer. So, I am already predisposed. However, I don't smoke nearly as much, or the heavy kind of cigarettes that he used to. Might not work in my favor.

 

[TerminalConscience]

Ironically dissociative anesthetics are my favorite drugs.

 

[elfin]

for me it isn't a substance, it's my eating disorder.

 

[absoluteanimal1]

Yes, by eating unhealthy foods in excess.

 

[downndone2]

I have tried to drink myself to death. Not as easy as you would think. Death by Alcoholism is usually a slow, painful process from liver failure or pancreatitis. The withdrawals from the last time I drank were horrific. Months of protracted withdrawal. Loved alcohol until it lost its ability to numb me.

Death by alcohol is awful, I've watch several family members die a slow agonizing painful death from it. Liver issues due to alcohol are not quick.

 

[jimmy7754]

Sports

 

[myopybyproxy]

eh idk. i dont ever do it (eating disorder stuff or drugs) at the intensity or frequency to die even long term, just ruin my quality of life.