• If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
  • Hey Guest,

    If you want to donate, we have a thread with updated donation options here at this link: About Donations

K

KafkaF

Taking a break from the website.
Nov 18, 2023
451
Anyone struggle to relax as well?

In my current state I can barely be productive. But at the same time, I also struggle a lot to relax.

Like I finished my writing for the day about 2 or 3 hours ago. And I was gonna play "Skyrim" afterwards. Yet here I am, just sitting online watching Youtube videos, scrolling through Reddit and not playing "Skyrim."

It's because I feel too exhausted to play "Skyrim." It feels like a chore. Which doesn't really make any sense because I enjoy it. And yet I keep procrastinating on it.

Anyone else experience this and if you do, how do you deal with it?
 
TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,889
Anyone struggle to relax as well?

In my current state I can barely be productive. But at the same time, I also struggle a lot to relax.

Like I finished my writing for the day about 2 or 3 hours ago. And I was gonna play "Skyrim" afterwards. Yet here I am, just sitting online watching Youtube videos, scrolling through Reddit and not playing "Skyrim."

It's because I feel too exhausted to play "Skyrim." It feels like a chore. Which doesn't really make any sense because I enjoy it. And yet I keep procrastinating on it.

Anyone else experience this and if you do, how do you deal with it?
Sounds like you´re describing me, but usually it helps later in the day usually after breakfast I will sometimes force myself to play and then after some time it will be harder to decide now I wanna relax on the couch watching a series or at least it was like this yesterday it´s still new to me trying to learn a game that isn´t just first person shooter where you change weapons on the same keys and reload etc. I am playing Cyber Punk 2077 so there is a lot to learn which I am not good at.

Also I get very easy stressed so a few weeks back (before my hand inury) I worked out and played a lot of Counter Strike but since I get so easily stressed my body just couldn´t relax I don´t know if this is something you experience also or if you mean it´s just too hard to get into gaming. I am a slow learner so it was only recently I realized that it was stress I was experiencing when I couldn´t handle anything anymore and completely stop working out so now when I feel this stress where I can´t relax where it feels like I can´t get down from 5th gear I will take a few days break from both working out and even playing Counter Strike because it stresses me too so if this is something you feel maybe take a break from the things that stresses you even if it´s competitive gaming. Also I could be totally wrong and you are exclusively talking about being too exhausted to game then my apoligies.
 
E

escape_from_hell

Student
Feb 22, 2024
105
Relate 100%.
For me the tension is also expressed in my muscles. Like hunched shoulders I keep trying to put them back down, it's like a constant workout trying to not be tense and ironically just makes everything worse.

So once I feel a bit better physically it helps me mentally relax as well. Unfortunately the physical relaxation is more linked to like circadian rhythm or something and just get brief windows.

Then the problem is that I have not been able to relax for so long, I try and 'recharge' during that time. Like you just allowing myself to breathe and chill scrolling shitty internet not really getting around to what I want or need to do because it seems so momentous. But it's never enough time to recharge. Then I feel like a guilty and awful procrastinator and the body tension comes back and it's impossible. If something needs to get done I have to do it by sheer discipline/force of will and it's miserable as fuck and physically painful.

My dumbass started going back to school thinking having goals, responsibilities, social environments and stuff would be good for me. I think it would if I made social connections but I don't fit in well and anhedonia makes interest impossible to fake. So I am even more stressed on top of it. It's something the 'old me' would have liked and the conventional psychotherapeutic advice seemed to be keep at your normal activities and you'll get better somehow.

I know if my ex reached out to me from some miracle it would alleviate instantly and it's crazy because it's been two years already. Grief is a plague on the soul when it feels like you murdered yourself by nuking your love through stupidity.

The truth is, I cope with kratom and it lets me enjoy working even but it's a very short window and I do not recommend anyone else resort to drugs to keep going. For me it's not even a question it's be a drug user and survive or die, literally and not sure which is better do the pro-lifers recommend drug addiction? I try to use the windows of productivity it gives me to work on getting everything ready to CTB. I feel more at peace knowing I will have that option.

edit: minor spelling fix
 
tryingtoquietdown

tryingtoquietdown

it's too loud in my head
Mar 6, 2024
25
What you describe sounds like executive dysfunction, which is just the name for when you want to do something but your brain and body can't muster up the energy and motivation to do it. It's exceedingly common for people with a range of mental illnesses. Your brain is utilizing most (or all) of its energy battling anxiety, depression, ennui, or whatever emotion(s) are negatively impacting you, so you don't have the energy left to do the things you actually enjoy because your brain is craving rest.

Like others have said, moving your body might help. Even if all it is is forcing yourself to stand up and walk across the room, it's better than staying sedentary for too long. Making sure you're drinking some water and getting some nutrients is also helpful. But those are just general tips for feeling better overall.

When I feel too overwhelmed to do something I enjoy, I try to ween myself onto it with smaller activities that are somewhat adjacent to my desired end goal. Like, if I want to play video games but am having issues getting off my phone, I try some phone games. There's plenty of puzzle games that work your mind and entertain you, but I also enjoy more games like Crossy Road or BitLife that require no real brain power. I use those games as stepping stones into the actual game I want to play, or I use them when I take a break from the video game to give my brain some rest.

As for the inability to relax, when I'm trying to recharge, I have very specific conditions. I need to be alone, I need my attention fully engaged (meaning I usually have music/a podcast/a video playing on my phone as I do something else), and I need to physically relax myself. For me, that means I need to exercise, but for you, that might be stretching, dancing, walking, massaging sore points on your neck/shoulders/back, rubbing your arms/shoulders/legs, stimming, playing with a fidget toy, or even meditation/mindfulness. Sometimes I have to do breathing exercises and talk to myself out loud just to bring my brain down to a less emotionally volatile place. It's dependent on the person, but I find that physical stimulation that either 1. exerts your anxious energy or 2. mediates it with soothing sensations makes relaxation a little easier.

Just remember that your brain is working overtime to deal with errant thoughts/emotions while still juggling everyday life. There is so much information coming at you nowadays that even the healthy brain gets burnt out after too long, so if you're dealing with mental illness or being neurodivergent, you've got even bigger hurdles to jump. Give yourself plenty of grace, understanding, and forgiveness. If you need more tips, I would suggest looking up methods to help with executive dysfunction. I can't vouch for any one trick, but you might find something useful.
 
Valso

Valso

Member
Mar 12, 2024
81
I have no problems with relaxing. I have problems with pretending to be indifferent when seeing people having what I'll never have and makes me wish vampires really existed cuz then I could ask them to kill me or to make me one of them feeling absolutely nothing for anyone or for anything.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Kit1
K

KafkaF

Taking a break from the website.
Nov 18, 2023
451
What you describe sounds like executive dysfunction, which is just the name for when you want to do something but your brain and body can't muster up the energy and motivation to do it. It's exceedingly common for people with a range of mental illnesses. Your brain is utilizing most (or all) of its energy battling anxiety, depression, ennui, or whatever emotion(s) are negatively impacting you, so you don't have the energy left to do the things you actually enjoy because your brain is craving rest.

Like others have said, moving your body might help. Even if all it is is forcing yourself to stand up and walk across the room, it's better than staying sedentary for too long. Making sure you're drinking some water and getting some nutrients is also helpful. But those are just general tips for feeling better overall.

When I feel too overwhelmed to do something I enjoy, I try to ween myself onto it with smaller activities that are somewhat adjacent to my desired end goal. Like, if I want to play video games but am having issues getting off my phone, I try some phone games. There's plenty of puzzle games that work your mind and entertain you, but I also enjoy more games like Crossy Road or BitLife that require no real brain power. I use those games as stepping stones into the actual game I want to play, or I use them when I take a break from the video game to give my brain some rest.

As for the inability to relax, when I'm trying to recharge, I have very specific conditions. I need to be alone, I need my attention fully engaged (meaning I usually have music/a podcast/a video playing on my phone as I do something else), and I need to physically relax myself. For me, that means I need to exercise, but for you, that might be stretching, dancing, walking, massaging sore points on your neck/shoulders/back, rubbing your arms/shoulders/legs, stimming, playing with a fidget toy, or even meditation/mindfulness. Sometimes I have to do breathing exercises and talk to myself out loud just to bring my brain down to a less emotionally volatile place. It's dependent on the person, but I find that physical stimulation that either 1. exerts your anxious energy or 2. mediates it with soothing sensations makes relaxation a little easier.

Just remember that your brain is working overtime to deal with errant thoughts/emotions while still juggling everyday life. There is so much information coming at you nowadays that even the healthy brain gets burnt out after too long, so if you're dealing with mental illness or being neurodivergent, you've got even bigger hurdles to jump. Give yourself plenty of grace, understanding, and forgiveness. If you need more tips, I would suggest looking up methods to help with executive dysfunction. I can't vouch for any one trick, but you might find something useful.
Yes, I believe that is true. I have a background in psychology so I am familiar with the term.

The idea of playing a game on my cellphone may not be a bad thought. I may try that. It is true that often taking smaller, less impactful steps can lead up to something bigger. I've experienced that with writing many times before.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Kit1
K

Kit1

Enlightened
Oct 24, 2023
1,022
I cannot relax. I am a workaholic - I log on and work even during leave periods. I cannot rest of there is any work to be done. This all goes against having CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). Sometimes I would work for 72 hours non stop - but the real danger is CFS relapse and if I had a total relapse, my memory goes, mobility becomes challenging etc. Also have complex PTSD, autism and other issues. It is a vicious cycle as I just don't know how to relax.
 
Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

Spunky
Apr 17, 2023
2,523
Skyrim is for girls. But seriously, aren't you bored of that game yet? I played it for 3 months and then sold it.
 
  • Wow
Reactions: sserafim
xsa

xsa

I need more time
Oct 7, 2023
209
I cannot ever relax as well. Every single minute is just thinking about what I'm gonna do next, how will poeple react, if I'm gonna sound like a npc or anything else. I hate waking up early and yet here I am, waking up at 5AM even though I could wake up at 7:50 AM and still get to my classes at 8AM with no problem🤷‍♀️ All of that just because I have to make sure I did everything that would help me calm down. It never works though lol

By the way, maybe you should start playing some smaller games. Just to get into gaming a little bit before starting with Skyrim. It's a huge game, so i would try playing something easier and shorter to just get the vibe
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Kit1
Final_Choice

Final_Choice

Mage
Aug 3, 2023
502
I feel almost exactly the same, for me it's not about being too exhausted to relax but to anxious. I guess I've gotten used to working as much as possible that now I always feel like I should be making progress in something important, and if I don't I get very anxious and can't relax But at the same time sometimes I just can't force myself to get productive, resulting in me just anxiously looking at my work, the time, or some other thing without actually paying attention to it but just getting stressed.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Kit1
CuriosityAndCat

CuriosityAndCat

Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
Nov 2, 2023
304
Anyone struggle to relax as well?

In my current state I can barely be productive. But at the same time, I also struggle a lot to relax.

Like I finished my writing for the day about 2 or 3 hours ago. And I was gonna play "Skyrim" afterwards. Yet here I am, just sitting online watching Youtube videos, scrolling through Reddit and not playing "Skyrim."

It's because I feel too exhausted to play "Skyrim." It feels like a chore. Which doesn't really make any sense because I enjoy it. And yet I keep procrastinating on it.

Anyone else experience this and if you do, how do you deal with it?
Yes, that's anxiety. Sometimes you just need to 'wind down.' Drinking tea or eating ice cream, listening to some music or an audiobook, and no screens for 15-30 min.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Kit1
InversedShadow

InversedShadow

Member
Dec 28, 2023
55
It be like that with games sometimes, u just no longer feel like playing them at some point, u want to but u dont to that, and that year later u just randomly come back to them, when it comes to relaxing though its much more difficult, for example I never seem to be able to relax properly during school year, because of how much it weighs on my mind, making me unable to do some things from the perssonal sphere for example to improve myself ( trainings, meditations, learning anything extra.. it all feels like i just cant bring myself to do them! )
 
D

DefinitelyReady

Desperate to go--
Mar 14, 2024
63
Relate 100%.
For me the tension is also expressed in my muscles. Like hunched shoulders I keep trying to put them back down, it's like a constant workout trying to not be tense and ironically just makes everything worse.

So once I feel a bit better physically it helps me mentally relax as well. Unfortunately the physical relaxation is more linked to like circadian rhythm or something and just get brief windows.

Then the problem is that I have not been able to relax for so long, I try and 'recharge' during that time. Like you just allowing myself to breathe and chill scrolling shitty internet not really getting around to what I want or need to do because it seems so momentous. But it's never enough time to recharge. Then I feel like a guilty and awful procrastinator and the body tension comes back and it's impossible. If something needs to get done I have to do it by sheer discipline/force of will and it's miserable as fuck and physically painful.

My dumbass started going back to school thinking having goals, responsibilities, social environments and stuff would be good for me. I think it would if I made social connections but I don't fit in well and anhedonia makes interest impossible to fake. So I am even more stressed on top of it. It's something the 'old me' would have liked and the conventional psychotherapeutic advice seemed to be keep at your normal activities and you'll get better somehow.

I know if my ex reached out to me from some miracle it would alleviate instantly and it's crazy because it's been two years already. Grief is a plague on the soul when it feels like you murdered yourself by nuking your love through stupidity.

The truth is, I cope with kratom and it lets me enjoy working even but it's a very short window and I do not recommend anyone else resort to drugs to keep going. For me it's not even a question it's be a drug user and survive or die, literally and not sure which is better do the pro-lifers recommend drug addiction? I try to use the windows of productivity it gives me to work on getting everything ready to CTB. I feel more at peace knowing I will have that option.

edit: minor spelling fix
Ugh let that ex go. If they've taken this long to reach out, they either don't want to or don't have the capacity/balls to do. I don't know which is worse. I thought if mine did I'd feel a little brighter too, but you can't put your happiness on someone. You don't want to go that route. Now I'm glad that they haven't reached out because it would just upset me and bring emotions that lead to nowhere. Don't be disillusioned. I had a marijuana license for a while and was grossed out that I had a to take a pinch of an edible just to survive everyday; and I remember telling my therapist something like, "So this is me? So weak that I have to take a drug just to pass through the day?" I don't recall her exact response, but it seemed like she didn't think that was odd or weak at all. That people do what they need to. Hell Seth Rogen and Snoop, as well as a vast amount of millionaires are high most days when they should be all set. More people than not are on antidepressants and there's all kinds of various drugs, synthetic or not, that are legal and productive people take them like a vitamin supplement. Thc didnt really work for me. L-theanine can help. I have an rx for diazepam and I still feel like I can never fully 100% relax, even in my sleep. It's like even my subconscious knows I'm not safe and can't fully breathe enough to relax. Propranolol has helped my heart rate too even though I had good blood pressure, just a high heart rate. Kratom made me sick so I never touched it again. I wish I could get a spray of spravato everyday instead of a few sprays twice a week. Havent been able to try ketamine. Spravato was the only time I've ever felt that relaxed that I can recall. But you dont always feel it and it wears off. Anyway, sorry for the book. Just my two cents. Good luck.
 
E

escape_from_hell

Student
Feb 22, 2024
105
Ugh let that ex go. If they've taken this long to reach out, they either don't want to or don't have the capacity/balls to do. I don't know which is worse. I thought if mine did I'd feel a little brighter too, but you can't put your happiness on someone. You don't want to go that route. Now I'm glad that they haven't reached out because it would just upset me and bring emotions that lead to nowhere. Don't be disillusioned. I had a marijuana license for a while and was grossed out that I had a to take a pinch of an edible just to survive everyday; and I remember telling my therapist something like, "So this is me? So weak that I have to take a drug just to pass through the day?" I don't recall her exact response, but it seemed like she didn't think that was odd or weak at all. That people do what they need to. Hell Seth Rogen and Snoop, as well as a vast amount of millionaires are high most days when they should be all set. More people than not are on antidepressants and there's all kinds of various drugs, synthetic or not, that are legal and productive people take them like a vitamin supplement. Thc didnt really work for me. L-theanine can help. I have an rx for diazepam and I still feel like I can never fully 100% relax, even in my sleep. It's like even my subconscious knows I'm not safe and can't fully breathe enough to relax. Propranolol has helped my heart rate too even though I had good blood pressure, just a high heart rate. Kratom made me sick so I never touched it again. I wish I could get a spray of spravato everyday instead of a few sprays twice a week. Havent been able to try ketamine. Spravato was the only time I've ever felt that relaxed that I can recall. But you dont always feel it and it wears off. Anyway, sorry for the book. Just my two cents. Good luck.
I appreciate your feedback. I have accepted that I will need substances to cope and more than likely it will change over time. Cycles.

I struggle with guilt which makes coping strategies tough. I know I should not always feel guilty especially given how little I mean to the world at large and how warped my understanding of the culture around me is anyway. In the case of the ex it was me that nuked everything in an anxiety-fueled escapist fantasy during covid. I had shitty relationships before and it's only in retrospect that we get the insights, I was in the wrong there, but clung to horrible people before etc. That's the bitch that 'wisdom' is: too little too late shoulda woulda coulda.

Really, our tastes in music, food, interests in general change over time as well. Our "natural" copes and addictions. Because everything really is a drug in a way, inputs that your brain/body respond to. Yes it's not direct pharma intervention but powerful nonetheless.

I hope you find the best combos that help you get thru the day. Sorry Kratom did not work out for you. It also makes me sick if I take too much which I've come to view as a built-in limit (good thing). Have found it helps the most when you feel the worst. And the worse you feel, the less you need. If you have a little left, you could try a small amount (500mg-1g) in a hot chocolate which is how I've learned to enjoy it.

You are spot on about the millionaires and big shot celebs. All these famous people who have it made and many of them end up with addictions and overdosing. That can be our clue that it is never 'enough' in life. The thought can help us calm down and breathe a bit. That thought and the right vices in moderation I guess.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: DefinitelyReady

Similar threads

crescentmoonisland
Replies
2
Views
136
Suicide Discussion
crescentmoonisland
crescentmoonisland
LunarLight
Replies
15
Views
174
Recovery
divinemistress36
divinemistress36
Whale_bones
Replies
6
Views
176
Suicide Discussion
Whale_bones
Whale_bones
StillBreathing
Replies
3
Views
130
Recovery
StillBreathing
StillBreathing
K
Replies
1
Views
68
Recovery
Alexei_Kirillov
Alexei_Kirillov