Venting anyone remember me? i’ll be gone next week.

[jade]

hello dear forum, long time no see. I wonder if anyone actually remembers me though I doubt it.
The past year has been a rollercoaster, clinics, psych wards, stitches, OD's, suicide watch. I'm so done and I've finally made up my mind. I cannot work anymore due to my mental health and I cannot stay in my abusive home much longer. I've got no money to leave, and no will or energy to do so. I've been suicidal and self destructive since I was 10.
So.
I have a very strong rope, a good place to hang from (full suspension), and drugs. I won't be found for a whole day, and I'm positive it'll work, I've tested it thoroughly.
I will do it next week, if anyone cares I will be posting on this thread on my last day.
I'll leave no note. I want my psychologically abusive mother to find me. I blame my BPD on her childhood neglect.
This is not impulsive - I've thought about everything meticulously for a long time.
It's my time to go, I can feel it and every day it just gets stronger. No amount of therapy has worked. I've tried so much medication my body is actually suffering because of it. I will miss my cat terribly and will spend all my remaining days with him.
That's all. Just wanted to vent, feel validated I guess, and give an update to anyone who might care enough to read this.
Thank you

 

[exhausted]

Brings tears to my eyes. Every time I see someone with BPD decide to go, it's like losing a soul-sibling. I completely understand, but I hate the fact it comes to this. I am sorry that you have suffered for so long and that it's been such an awful year. I know many of us feel that rage/apathy towards our parents. It's such a wound. I hope you feel peaceful. I hope you aren't scared of ctb. I only joined recently so I don't have an opportunity to remember you, but yeah.

 

[Quarky00]

I feel ya.
Sounds like a rollercoaster combined with a ghost train – while getting hit on the head.
Long rough exhausting ride. Sad about the situation. Take solace you're not alone (hi cat!).

my abusive home ... I've got no money to leave, and no will or energy

Yeah. That! I hate abusive mothers. I was a runaway child.

Some that remember you are probably not here. But others are. This could make the last week a bit nicer.

 

[jade]

Brings tears to my eyes. Every time I see someone with BPD decide to go, it's like losing a soul-sibling. I completely understand, but I hate the fact it comes to this. I am sorry that you have suffered for so long and that it's been such an awful year. I know many of us feel that rage/apathy towards our parents. It's such a wound. I hope you feel peaceful. I hope you aren't scared of ctb. I only joined recently so I don't have an opportunity to remember you, but yeah.

I'm glad to find another bpd companion but i'm also sorry because i know what that feels like and i'm sure you deserve better. I'm not scared, I'm quite peaceful actually. I've found comfort in this forum before, so it was only fair to come and say goodbye.

 

[Quarky00]

* And ya know what? I sometimes think the psychological abuse is much worse and damaging than physical one. Really crushes you. But that's just me (wasn't beaten very hard etc).

 

[jade]

* And ya know what? I sometimes think the psychological abuse is much worse and damaging than physical one. Really crushes you. But that's just me (wasn't beaten very hard etc).

i absolutely agree. that stuff gets into your brain and changes the way you see life, people, everything. it messes you up, big time.

 

[i'mfine]

familia abusiva? es difícil, siempre tuve una familia así ... lo peor es que quieren tratarte normalmente cuando lo desean, solo te deseo suerte y mucho coraje

 

[jade]

familia abusiva? es difícil, siempre tuve una familia así ... lo peor es que quieren tratarte normalmente cuando lo desean, solo te deseo suerte y mucho coraje

i'm sorry you've also had to deal with a family like that. it sucks. and thank you for the courage.

 

[enjoy]

fellow sufferer of bpd here. we really lost the mental lottery, eh? statistically speaking, one in ten people diagnosed with bpd succeed in ctb. if you really think about it, that's a lot. it hurts to know that this evil, evil illness claims so many of us. i'm sorry i don't know you; i joined the site less than a month ago. this is definitely the first time i've seen any of your posts because i definitely wouldn't forget about another lil peep fan on the forum!

regardless, i hope you find peace whether you end up ctb or not. i'm here for you if you want to chat for the next week, and in the event that you decide to stay with us or your attempt fails, i'll still be here for you. even if some people have forgotten that you were a part of ss, all of us still love you and we will miss you when you're gone. you're one of us; a member of the community. and while it will always be 100% your choice, we do get pretty sad when people go.

 

[jade]

fellow sufferer of bpd here. we really lost the mental lottery, eh? statistically speaking, one in ten people diagnosed with bpd succeed in ctb. if you really think about it, that's a lot. it hurts to know that this evil, evil illness claims so many of us. i'm sorry i don't know you; i joined the site less than a month ago. this is definitely the first time i've seen any of your posts because i definitely wouldn't forget about another lil peep fan on the forum!

regardless, i hope you find peace whether you end up ctb or not. i'm here for you if you want to chat for the next week, and in the event that you decide to stay with us or your attempt fails, i'll still be here for you. even if some people have forgotten that you were a part of ss, all of us still love you and we will miss you when you're gone. you're one of us; a member of the community. and while it will always be 100% your choice, we do get pretty sad when people go.

that's so sweet of you, this community keeps surprising me so many peep fans! i love it. much love, thank you for the support and hugs.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

I don't know you, because I only just started being active after joining back in the summer. However, I also suffer from BPD so I can probably relate (in some way) to a lot of your suffering. I would not wish that suffering on my worst enemy. I am so sorry that you also have been afflicted with this terrible illness, I hope that you find peace in whatever decision you make. My inbox is always open if you want to chat.

 

[souljah222]

i hope you end up in a better place no matter if you do it or not

 

[Pan]

hello dear forum, long time no see. I wonder if anyone actually remembers me though I doubt it.
The past year has been a rollercoaster, clinics, psych wards, stitches, OD's, suicide watch. I'm so done and I've finally made up my mind. I cannot work anymore due to my mental health and I cannot stay in my abusive home much longer. I've got no money to leave, and no will or energy to do so. I've been suicidal and self destructive since I was 10.
So.
I have a very strong rope, a good place to hang from (full suspension), and drugs. I won't be found for a whole day, and I'm positive it'll work, I've tested it thoroughly.
I will do it next week, if anyone cares I will be posting on this thread on my last day.
I'll leave no note. I want my psychologically abusive mother to find me. I blame my BPD on her childhood neglect.
This is not impulsive - I've thought about everything meticulously for a long time.
It's my time to go, I can feel it and every day it just gets stronger. No amount of therapy has worked. I've tried so much medication my body is actually suffering because of it. I will miss my cat terribly and will spend all my remaining days with him.
That's all. Just wanted to vent, feel validated I guess, and give an update to anyone who might care enough to read this.
Thank you

Please know, dear friend, that I don't need to know you to know that I Love You

 

[MsMaudlin]

I'm pretty new here, but after reading your post I want to send you a big hug.
Whatever path you decide to take, I hope it will be a smooth and gentle one.
Love and peace ❤

 

[jgm63]

Thanks for your post, wishing you the best for your journey ahead....
Maybe see you again on your goodbye thread if you decide to proceed.....

 

[jade]

Please know, dear friend, that I don't need to know you to know that I Love You

*hugs*

 

[Deathwish1968]

So sorry to hear about your suffering. I hope you will find the peace you are looking for.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Brings tears to my eyes. Every time I see someone with BPD decide to go, it's like losing a soul-sibling. I completely understand, but I hate the fact it comes to this. I am sorry that you have suffered for so long and that it's been such an awful year. I know many of us feel that rage/apathy towards our parents. It's such a wound. I hope you feel peaceful. I hope you aren't scared of ctb. I only joined recently so I don't have an opportunity to remember you, but yeah.

Same here. Hope you achieve the peace that's longed for. From one BPD sis to another.
If only life is a viable option...

 

[Secrets1]

More bpd love coming your way! It's fuckin exhausting. Healthcare system wasn't built for this crew. Hope can only disguise itself as fool's gold for so long. I'm sorry for your suffering

 

[jade]

ok, so today is my last full day. i'm trying to clean some mess from my room, throwing away a backpack full of empty wine bottles and all the stuff i used to SH. as much as i hate my parents, i'd rather take some weight off their shoulders. then i'm going on a walk near the lake, tell my partner i love him so much, listen to music and spend time with my lovely cat. will update tomorrow when i actually go through with it. ❤

 

[MsMaudlin]

ok, so today is my last full day. i'm trying to clean some mess from my room, throwing away a backpack full of empty wine bottles and all the stuff i used to SH. as much as i hate my parents, i'd rather take some weight off their chests. then i'm going on a walk near the lake, tell my partner i love him so much, listen to music and spend time with my lovely cat. will update tomorrow when i actually go through with it. ❤

Sending you lots of love for your last day ❤

 

[Time]

I hope it's a beautiful day & you're able to enjoy it, jade.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Hey fellow BPD sufferer, welcome back to the forum I know how hard this is to live with, I almost envy you for going. Please keep us up to date when the time comes, we are here for you, like always. Sending so much love

 

[BabyYoda]

Good luck

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I wish you peace.

 

[Soul]

@jade, I wish you a peaceful and easy exit. I'm sorry life wasn't a better fit. Journey well x

 

[homebound]

I hope you have a great last day I also know how hard BPD is to deal with. I hope your journey is peaceful and I am sending lots of love. I will keep you in my thoughts today and tomorrow.

 

[MachinaArcana]

Good luck. I hope you will feel calm and peaceful.
Sending warm thoughts your way.

 

[Mooshi]

I wish you peace, good luck.

 

[issyishere]

I hate reading goodbye threads from people who were dealt shitty cards. it makes me angry at the world for being so cruel. i can only hope you find peace and your exit is quick. keep a spot warm for me. I won't forget you i promise you that.