Good to have your here (again), jade. Whatever the outcome or choice, you have my unconditional love and support. You and you alone are the only one who is capable of deciding on how to proceed. But the way it stands now, it will require introspection and, as hard as it is, serenity. However difficult it may be to find.
But please do NOT stop reaching out to other community members here, whether in posting threads or via PM. We're here for you, no matter how you feel, what you wish to decide, or what state of mind you're in.
And should you want to PM me, even if it's just to vent, yell, or scream - I wil listen. All ears, and with my whole heart.
Be well. Let everything sink in. Give it time. You owe that to yourself, and - dare I say it - this community; because we care about you, and want what 's best for u. And noone here will condemn or judge you for any of the choices you make. It's YOUR life, and ultimatey, you are the captain, gazing at the stars and steering the ship. Please don't ever forget that.
Hugs