Help Anyone on here debase him/herself for attention?

[azucaramargo]

I mean, like beg a partner to stay with you even if the partner told you in no uncertain terms he/she wanted nothing to do with you? What about people who told you they don't want to be your bf/gf because they have too much on their plate, and you said this arrangement would be ok with you as long as the two of you could still have sex. And, the other person said he/she didn't even want the no-strings-attached sex? And, you felt like the lowest scum on the earth for wanting this companionship so badly -- even at the risk of your own self-respect? I've posted on here about stalking, too. Does anyone else on here stalk exes? People who've blocked your calls and texts? I could really use some help on this. How do people shore up the dignity and self-respect to gracefully duck out after they've been rejected? Has anyone had trouble with this, and been able to recover from the compulsive need to expose oneself to total humiliation before finally giving up the fight to be with a disinterested party? I need some help, please.

 

[MAIO]

I mean, like beg a partner to stay with you even if the partner told you in no uncertain terms he/she wanted nothing to do with you? What about people who told you they don't want to be your bf/gf because they have too much on their plate, and you said this arrangement would be ok with you as long as the two of you could still have sex. And, the other person said he/she didn't even want the no-strings-attached sex? And, you felt like the lowest scum on the earth for wanting this companionship so badly -- even at the risk of your own self-respect? I've posted on here about stalking, too. Does anyone else on here stalk exes? People who've blocked your calls and texts? I could really use some help on this. How do people shore up the dignity and self-respect to gracefully duck out after they've been rejected? Has anyone had trouble with this, and been able to recover from the compulsive need to expose oneself to total humiliation before finally giving up the fight to be with a disinterested party? I need some help, please.

Well you are never going to win an ex back by stalking her. She has to come back to you. Begging usually doesn't work although it some times does. Basically the natural reaction is to beg but that usually will push her away make her think her descion is right. So it's usually best to agree with her etc or say something like I love and adore you, so unless you want to be More than friends don't contact me again. This make seem fucked up but love itself is very fucked up.

 

[Kyrok]

Publicly

 

[azucaramargo]

Well you are never going to win an ex back by stalking her. She has to come back to you. Begging usually doesn't work although it some times does. Basically the natural reaction is to beg but that usually will push her away make her think her descion is right. So it's usually best to agree with her etc or say something like I love and adore you, so unless you want to be More than friends don't contact me again. This make seem fucked up but love itself is very fucked up.

Thank you, MAIO. I'm actually a heterosexual woman, so it's interesting that maybe you thought that behavior was more typical of a man chasing a woman? I'm embarrassed because I begged this guy even to stick around for a friends-with-benefits situation, and he still said, "Uh, no thanks." That's so embarrassing. Of course, I know begging will never win anything. But, can you relate to that desperation? Have you ever been in that space? Pleading and begging and stalking...and doing it without any thought of the long-term effect? MAIO, thank you again for responding to me in my hour of need. I was really struggling. And, even though I usually don't have the presence of mind to think long term like that, you were absolutely right that the constant calling (on my part) only reinforces his decision to leave me. It's just so embarrassing to have such crappy self esteem that I depend on the littlest bit of attention from others for happiness. (sigh). MAIO, you're a godsend. Thank you.

 

[Comatose11]

Well you are never going to win an ex back by stalking her. She has to come back to you. Begging usually doesn't work although it some times does. Basically the natural reaction is to beg but that usually will push her away make her think her descion is right. So it's usually best to agree with her etc or say something like I love and adore you, so unless you want to be More than friends don't contact me again. This make seem fucked up but love itself is very fucked up.

Will second this. My ex kept begging me to get back together with him. All it did was scare me off.

 

[MAIO]

Thank you, MAIO. I'm actually a heterosexual woman, so it's interesting that maybe you thought that behavior was more typical of a man chasing a woman? I'm embarrassed because I begged this guy even to stick around for a friends-with-benefits situation, and he still said, "Uh, no thanks." That's so embarrassing. Of course, I know begging will never win anything. But, can you relate to that desperation? Have you ever been in that space? Pleading and begging and stalking...and doing it without any thought of the long-term effect? MAIO, thank you again for responding to me in my hour of need. I was really struggling. And, even though I usually don't have the presence of mind to think long term like that, you were absolutely right that the constant calling (on my part) only reinforces his decision to leave me. It's just so embarrassing to have such crappy self esteem that I depend on the littlest bit of attention from others for happiness. (sigh). MAIO, you're a godsend. Thank you.

I know plenty of girls who have begged there ex to come back, begged to be friends with benifits etc. They almost always get used and are worse off for it. It's more typical of men becuase Hollywood/tv tells guys they are suppose to get woman back with begging. Which is not how it actually works. I am amshamed if this. Before I understood how this stuff works I begged my ex to come back. My self esteem was so low I lied and said the break up converted me to Christianity.(I have always been agnostic despite growing up in a very religious environment) It worked and I pretended and tried my hardest to be something I am not for over a year. It taught me you can't choose what you believe. She ended up becoming increasingly religious to the point she wanted to be a missionary. So we grow apart and split up.

 

[azucaramargo]

I know plenty of girls who have begged there ex to come back, begged to be friends with benifits etc. They almost always get used and are worse off for it. It's more typical of men becuase Hollywood/tv tells guys they are suppose to get woman back with begging. Which is not how it actually works. I am amshamed if this. Before I understood how this stuff works I begged my ex to come back. My self esteem was so low I lied and said the break up converted me to Christianity.(I have always been agnostic despite growing up in a very religious environment) It worked and I pretended and tried my hardest to be something I am not for over a year. It taught me you can't choose what you believe. She ended up becoming increasingly religious to the point she wanted to be a missionary. So we grow apart and split up.

MAIO, thank you so much for sharing this story with me. I'm sorry you had to rehash painful memories in order to give a fellow SS'er comfort, but I sure am grateful to you for it. Your story made me feel so much less alone and freakish. Thank you so, so much for your help, and for your perspective. I hope I can help you some day the way you've helped me. Thank you so, so much.

 

[MAIO]

MAIO, thank you so much for sharing this story with me. I'm sorry you had to rehash painful memories in order to give a fellow SS'er comfort, but I sure am grateful to you for it. Your story made me feel so much less alone and freakish. Thank you so, so much for your help, and for your perspective. I hope I can help you some day the way you've helped me. Thank you so, so much.

It makes me happy that I could help. Where are you from?

 

[azucaramargo]

It makes me happy that I could help. Where are you from?

Hi, MAIO. I live in South Carolina, USA, with my parents. But, I wouldn't say I'm "from" here. Where are you from?

 

[MAIO]

Hi, MAIO. I live in South Carolina, USA, with my parents. But, I wouldn't say I'm "from" here. Where are you from?

I have lived In so many different places. I currently have a big house in PA.

 

[Final Escape]

I mean, like beg a partner to stay with you even if the partner told you in no uncertain terms he/she wanted nothing to do with you? What about people who told you they don't want to be your bf/gf because they have too much on their plate, and you said this arrangement would be ok with you as long as the two of you could still have sex. And, the other person said he/she didn't even want the no-strings-attached sex? And, you felt like the lowest scum on the earth for wanting this companionship so badly -- even at the risk of your own self-respect? I've posted on here about stalking, too. Does anyone else on here stalk exes? People who've blocked your calls and texts? I could really use some help on this. How do people shore up the dignity and self-respect to gracefully duck out after they've been rejected? Has anyone had trouble with this, and been able to recover from the compulsive need to expose oneself to total humiliation before finally giving up the fight to be with a disinterested party? I need some help, please.

I've experienced something like this, being obsessed with someone. I think at some point I realized I have a problem with becoming obsessed with people who most likely are also attachment disordered or just not really interested in me, or simply can't love. It's such a terrible experience to go through this. You sound like me, I've had issues with love and sex addiction. I know it stems from lots of trauma in my childhood. You probably experienced some sort of painful event as far back as infancy or childhood that still plays out to this day. Almost all relationship problems and this type of stuff stems from a painful relationship event that is still unresolved and it plays out like this. I found info on this stuff on YouTube. It's the best place to figure out what is going on with u and often they give tips on how to deal. You probably need therapy but even getting a deeper understanding can go a long way to get u to become more aware of your unconscious reasons u do stuff.

 

[bunny]

yes. i've done those things. i get very obsessive and i become who i love. it's pretty frightening and it's better off to isolate myself from people because of that

 

[Red star]

How do people shore up the dignity and self-respect to gracefully duck out after they've been rejected? Has anyone had trouble with this, and been able to recover from the compulsive need to expose oneself to total humiliation before finally giving up the fight to be with a disinterested party? I need some help, please.

Yeah I get it. Gonna send you a message <3

 

[azucaramargo]

I've experienced something like this, being obsessed with someone. I think at some point I realized I have a problem with becoming obsessed with people who most likely are also attachment disordered or just not really interested in me, or simply can't love. It's such a terrible experience to go through this. You sound like me, I've had issues with love and sex addiction. I know it stems from lots of trauma in my childhood. You probably experienced some sort of painful event as far back as infancy or childhood that still plays out to this day. Almost all relationship problems and this type of stuff stems from a painful relationship event that is still unresolved and it plays out like this. I found info on this stuff on YouTube. It's the best place to figure out what is going on with u and often they give tips on how to deal. You probably need therapy but even getting a deeper understanding can go a long way to get u to become more aware of your unconscious reasons u do stuff.

Thank you so much, Final Escape. You're an example of why I love this site so much. Smart, compassionate, articulate, introspective people. Thank you so much for this. I will look on YouTube. xoxoxo Love to you, Final Escape. Thank you again.

 

[azucaramargo]

yes. i've done those things. i get very obsessive and i become who i love. it's pretty frightening and it's better off to isolate myself from people because of that

You become who you love? That sounds kind of interesting. What does that entail: becoming who you love?

 

[azucaramargo]

I have lived In so many different places. I currently have a big house in PA.

How nice! :)