Discussion Anyone normal by mental health standards but still want to CTB?

[°Celsuis_Caesar]

 

[Graytaichi]

Me.i have no chronic illness but quality of life is bad

 

[todestrieb]

Define neurotypical with objective measurable means and I'll believe the discussion merits research. The contemplation of CTB in itself is socially taboo, making you what would be deemed neurodivergent.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

No im ducked in the head :(

 

[DrWh033]

Yes.
Me. Succesful in my profession, generally happy, botched by a surgical mistake which caused something called widespread CRPS/neuropathic pain. I am bedridden for 3+ years with out having got a minute of true sleep. Messed up by 20 different drugs, tried every form of pain control ( invasive or not).
Time to leave. Life is nice but you need some luck. Physical health and abscence of pain is the number one condition for a decent life.

Define neurotypical with objective measurable means and I'll believe the discussion merits research. The contemplation of CTB in itself is socially taboo, making you what would be deemed neurodivergent.

Not really, a person with terminal pancreative cancer ( with knowledge of what follows) does not need to be neurodivergent to contemplate ctb and neither would a person with tetraplegia at age 20. I would even go as far as to say that the tetraplegic 20 year old with spinal cord neuropathic pain who wants to remain alive is the neurodivergent one.

 

[outrider567]

Yes, I'm totally normal by mental health standards(or was), physically fit, no pain or discomfort, financially secure---But losing my life partner to kidney failure suddenly, has destroyed me, she and I were each others whole life---Nothing interests me anymore, and I still can't STAND the fact that she's gone these past 4 months, and in my mind I still constantly see images in my brain of her in the hospital, so helpless..............For myself, I always feared death but now I truly welcome it and look forward to it--Sometimes you can get attached to somebody just too much and when they disappear, its time for you to do likewise

 

[whatevs]

Yes.
Me. Succesful in my profession, generally happy, botched by a surgical mistake which caused something called widespread CRPS/neuropathic pain. I am bedridden for 3+ years with out having got a minute of true sleep. Messed up by 20 different drugs, tried every form of pain control ( invasive or not).
Time to leave. Life is nice but you need some luck. Physical health and abscence of pain is the number one condition for a decent life.

Not really, a person with terminal pancreative cancer ( with knowledge of what follows) does not need to be neurodivergent to contemplate ctb and neither would a person with tetraplegia at age 20. I would even go as far as to say that the tetraplegic 20 year old with spinal cord neuropathic pain who wants to remain alive is the neurodivergent one.

Either by mental or physical anguish our hand is forced to do what everyone abhors and runs from frantically.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

Who's definition of 'normal'? A therapist once told me that normal is just a cycle on the washing machine.

Outside of ongoing depression, which cycles from minor to severe, I'm probably considered fairly normal by mental health standards. That is if you ignore the fact that I want to kill myself. Per the mental health community, nobody that wants to kill themselves is normal.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

I'd say my mental health is quite excellent seeing my desire to ctb before my physical conditions render me immobile and quality of life goes to zero. That's called taking action in my book.

The same people who call ctb a mental illness are the same ones who abandon loved ones when they become a burden.

 

[Julgran]

"To be sane in a world of madman is in itself madness" - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

As has been asked before in this thread - what's the definition of being "mentally healthy" or to have a "mental problem"? I mean, anything from short-term sadness to true derangement could be said to be a "mental problem", since they both affect the mind.

 

[HappyForever?]

No physical or mental illnesses. But my body (particularly face) is defective, and it's only a matter of time before I develop depression as a result.

 

[Romeo1984]

Yes, I'm totally normal by mental health standards(or was), physically fit, no pain or discomfort, financially secure---But losing my life partner to kidney failure suddenly, has destroyed me, she and I were each others whole life---Nothing interests me anymore, and I still can't STAND the fact that she's gone these past 4 months, and in my mind I still constantly see images in my brain of her in the hospital, so helpless..............For myself, I always feared death but now I truly welcome it and look forward to it--Sometimes you can get attached to somebody just too much and when they disappear, its time for you to do likewise

I totally relate with you. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I'm totally normal too, 37 years old, a good life, I'm graduated in my professional area, with a great job that pays me well and a very good financial life, with a good house and a good car.
I have friends, family, I'm beautiful, very healthy and I can relate to people easily.
But my life and the will to live disappeared after my wife died 9 months ago due to COVID. We live almost half our lives together.
Just like you said, she and I were everything to each other.
We told each other that we were living in a small universe of good things and now it's over. It feels like I woke up in another reality.

My family says that I have to keep going, move on and give life a chance to continue.
I think because I had such an amazing relationship, where I always publicly showed everyone how much I loved her and wanted to always be with her until the end of my life, after she died, several women tried (and still try) to relate with me, even friends of ours. Maybe they want to live what we had. But I push away, women who are interested in me, because I don't want to and I don't feel attraction or connection with them.
I gave the opportunity to try with some women, but I couldn't after a few dates.
I don't like lying and hurting people so I open up and say how much I love and miss my wife. I say they won't have the same love. At most they can have company and sex. And amazingly, they still want to!

I feel terrible when I think of killing myself, because there are so many people worse than me, wishing they had "the life" I have. I feel like an ungrateful person.
Thoughts of her, of everything we've done together and could do, are constant. I remember all the terror that those days in the hospital were, feeling useless and not being able to do anything for her.
I have the feeling that there is no way out for me.

I was always aware that we are all going to die someday, but before that I was afraid of dying because my life was amazing. Now it's all I want most. Get out of this life, which has become a prison and rest eternally.

 

[Gaga786]

I would say im normal by mental health standards. Will go to study in the US in a reputable college in August and Im currently giving my A level exams but I feel broken. my childhood trauma completely destroyed me in every way. it consisted of bullying to neglect to depression.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I totally relate with you. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I'm totally normal too, 37 years old, a good life, I'm graduated in my professional area, with a great job that pays me well and a very good financial life, with a good house and a good car.
I have friends, family, I'm beautiful, very healthy and I can relate to people easily.
But my life and the will to live disappeared after my wife died 9 months ago due to COVID. We live almost half our lives together.
Just like you said, she and I were everything to each other.
We told each other that we were living in a small universe of good things and now it's over. It feels like I woke up in another reality.

My family says that I have to keep going, move on and give life a chance to continue.
I think because I had such an amazing relationship, where I always publicly showed everyone how much I loved her and wanted to always be with her until the end of my life, after she died, several women tried (and still try) to relate with me, even friends of ours. Maybe they want to live what we had. But I push away, women who are interested in me, because I don't want to and I don't feel attraction or connection with them.
I gave the opportunity to try with some women, but I couldn't after a few dates.
I don't like lying and hurting people so I open up and say how much I love and miss my wife. I say they won't have the same love. At most they can have company and sex. And amazingly, they still want to!

I feel terrible when I think of killing myself, because there are so many people worse than me, wishing they had "the life" I have. I feel like an ungrateful person.
Thoughts of her, of everything we've done together and could do, are constant. I remember all the terror that those days in the hospital were, feeling useless and not being able to do anything for her.
I have the feeling that there is no way out for me.

I was always aware that we are all going to die someday, but before that I was afraid of dying because my life was amazing. Now it's all I want most. Get out of this life, which has become a prison and rest eternally.

Obviously, you are a very intelligent person. Nine months since your wife passed-away is not a long time at all. They (don't ask me who) say that it takes, on average, three years to get one's life back to some semblance of normal after losing someone very close in to them. It seems you are dealing with a good amount of guilt from not being able to do anything to help your wife while she was dying in the hospital from Covid. Have you actually spoken with any therapists or grief counselors? You didn't mention it, but if you have any children or grandchildren, it would be especially hard on them to lose you, too.

 

[Siterfau]

As other people said, I think just the fact that you want to CTB already disqualifies you from being "normal by mental health standards".

 

[ReluctantSeeker]

Looking at progressive blindness in the future. This is an unacceptable outcome for me and I want to prepare for other activities while I still have some independence.

 

[jamie_]

i was key word on was

 

[Forever Sleep]

Define neurotypical with objective measurable means and I'll believe the discussion merits research. The contemplation of CTB in itself is socially taboo, making you what would be deemed neurodivergent.

Yeah, I've always wondered this- whether the act of contemplating suicide means you're mentally abnormal in some way. I only once went to a conceller/doctor who gave me a multiple choice type questionnaire, diagnosed moderate depression and gave me anti-depressants. I've been suicidal since childhood- not sure whether that means I've been depressed/mentally deficient that whole time.

 

[todestrieb]

Yeah, I've always wondered this- whether the act of contemplating suicide means you're mentally abnormal in some way. I only once went to a conceller/doctor who gave me a multiple choice type questionnaire, diagnosed moderate depression and gave me anti-depressants. I've been suicidal since childhood- not sure whether that means I've been depressed/mentally deficient that whole time.

Depression is a spectrum. Things are only divergent when they don't fit the bill in society. It's some Giver shit.

 

[ornitier199]

Yes I do

 

[ReluctantSeeker]

I'd say my mental health is quite excellent seeing my desire to ctb before my physical conditions render me immobile and quality of life goes to zero. That's called taking action in my book.

The same people who call ctb a mental illness are the same ones who abandon loved ones when they become a burden.

Or they're just downplaying something they haven't experienced themselves. Their tune will probably change if they unfortunately find themselves walking the same dead-end path.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Or they're just downplaying something they haven't experienced themselves. Their tune will probably change if they unfortunately find themselves walking the same dead-end path.

Trust me, their tune always changes when they suffer a life changing disability or start getting depression. Life isn't so beautiful anymore huh? Haha
I just feel for those people guilted by family to stay alive but end up alone rotting somewhere while they could have ended it earlier. I promised to never let myself fall for that trick.

 

[may13]

"Normal"?

 

[Seeking_Peace]

"Normal"?

That's actually possible. Robin Williams killed himself after Lew Body Dementia started destroying him. I thought he was wise for doing that. He could see the future and checked out.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think even if I have any sort of mental disorder (I've had autism, adhd, ptsd, schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety labels all thrown at me), it wouldn't matter since I have no interest in treating them.

 

[ReluctantSeeker]

Trust me, their tune always changes when they suffer a life changing disability or start getting depression. Life isn't so beautiful anymore huh? Haha
I just feel for those people guilted by family to stay alive but end up alone rotting somewhere while they could have ended it earlier. I promised to never let myself fall for that trick.

I think a lot of folks don't consider that once their condition gets to a certain point, their ability and means to do things independently are greatly reduced.

Planning (and following through!) things like this (far?) ahead of time goes so much against the morals that we're taught, and natural survival instinct, and the desire to enjoy life normally, that it's a hard barrier to overcome. With that said, I find a bit of solace in trying to make preparations, and making progress. It reminds me that I still may have a say in how things turn out.

For the ones that feel guilty due to obligations they feel, or promises they've made, I offer this to consider: You have limits too. As well as a right to peace, after trying your best. If the others you care about, care about you too, over time they will see your suffering, and they will understand to some degree. They will hopefully have also wanted peace for you.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

I think a lot of folks don't consider that once their condition gets to a certain point, their ability and means to do things independently are greatly reduced.

Planning (and following through!) things like this (far?) ahead of time goes so much against the morals that we're taught, and natural survival instinct, and the desire to enjoy life normally, that it's a hard barrier to overcome. With that said, I find a bit of solace in trying to make preparations, and making progress. It reminds me that I still may have a say in how things turn out.

For the ones that feel guilty due to obligations they feel, or promises they've made, I offer this to consider: You have limits too. As well as a right to peace, after trying your best. If the others you care about, care about you too, over time they will see your suffering, and they will understand to some degree. They will hopefully have also wanted peace for you.

100%. Self-preservation definitely is the natural thinking but at some point we weigh pros and cons of living. I just think those being bitter and mad at the deceased shows their happiness wasn't important to you.