I made a massive mistake that would end my social life if it were to come out, and one person knows. I can't bare to live with it hanging over my head, and them possibly using it for blackmail. my life was already shit to begin with and had a level of depression, but this last mistake really made me feel like i need to end myself before i fuck up even more. anyone else?
todiefor
Scrap that, nothing matters at all after all
- Jun 24, 2023
- 474
Unless if u committed a serious crime, a mistake generally can be fixed, perhaps as time passes you realise it isn't really a big deal, but I can understand the immense stress that comes with being afraid something terrible will happen to you if people found out. What's the worse that could happen if they did?
you can call it a serious crime, and I was forgiven for it and it was never reported as per request of the victim, but I can't forgive myself for it, and anyone that is close to me in the future is at risk, lets say if I had a family. I've already mentioned it to my GP and i've gotten a psychologist appointment soon, but I know that my future is extremely bleak if it were to ever come out, and I have been a complete loser my entire life, with so many dumb and shameful mistakes, to the point where I see little to no optimism in my future, I will slowly continue to lose my mind, not be able to keep a job, not be able to support my parents, just be a leech to society if I didn't stop existing. whats the point in life that way?
the worst pain is that my parents are still alive. I'd have love to have left this wretched planet already, but them being alive makes it so tough to leave, its a special kind of fucked up if a god exists and it allowed such deplorable things to happen.
on top of all this, my parents have had a very tough life, I've lived through their struggles, their traumas, their mess. I see no reason for me to have kids, and have them go through the worst trials and tribulations that come with being a human being, I am not taking that chance.
unfortunately we are wired to only really feel happiness through procreation at the end of the day, at least I am unfortunately, and thus, nothing makes me happy, and I see no point in staying alive.
the worst pain is that my parents are still alive. I'd have love to have left this wretched planet already, but them being alive makes it so tough to leave, its a special kind of fucked up if a god exists and it allowed such deplorable things to happen.
on top of all this, my parents have had a very tough life, I've lived through their struggles, their traumas, their mess. I see no reason for me to have kids, and have them go through the worst trials and tribulations that come with being a human being, I am not taking that chance.
unfortunately we are wired to only really feel happiness through procreation at the end of the day, at least I am unfortunately, and thus, nothing makes me happy, and I see no point in staying alive.
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Well, sort of a mistake that could make things really complicated if it were to get out. But I have been suicidal long before that.....so there's that.
reaching_zer0
Member
- May 14, 2023
- 26
You will need some more posts! maybe 10-20.
That depends on what you personally define as "massive mistake" that is totally individual. But all personal reasons are legit to consider CTB if that is the only way out of the results or the future expectations. All in all it's you own choice at any time and whether you want to or you could fix your life or not.
ah got it, thank you. i'd go into further details but i'm afraid that my IP being logged to this account and you know, law enforcement being a thing, I might put my self into a worse situation. i do want to say that the fact that the victim explicitly doesn't want me to go to law enforcement actually just, in a fucked up way, makes it worse, because i wish I could go and get it over with, id be happy to spend time in prison, at least that way no one will be able to hold it over me, and I know i'd have done the right thing. I wish i had never told this one person about what I did, but I can understand in hindsight I was losing my mind a little keeping this 'secret' within me, no other soul knowing what I did, not even my own family, except for the victim and me, it has been a ton of accepting things, but it is still one of the worst things, and my future still seems bleak, either I lose it mentally, either it comes out, or I catch the bus. I'm truly afraid to have hope in this world right now, I know how little people care, right now i am purely at the mercy of the person I told, they assured me that they won't tell a soul, but them keeping this secret, what if they lose their minds about it and spill it to someone? At least I hope its in therapy, that way it will hopefully be under client privilege. Eitherway, my mistake brings pain to anyone I know, so yeah, its tough to live.
That situation sounds difficult. Depending on the possible prison sentence (and ofc imprisonment conditions) I personally would consider ctb, but that just my opinion. I wish you all the best whatever you may decide for yourself!
Pando, did it ever come out? I've recently made a mistake - I've had suicidal thoughts for a few years but this mistake is killing me.
I have made so many mistakes in my life and I feel it's pretty much buried me. I feel I have no more chances at redemption. I have 5 kids and I am starting to think they may be better off without me. My wife is divorcing me. I really have nothing left to live for besides my kids. I have a health condition that makes day to day life almost unbearable. I'm getting very close to the edge. Not much more I can handle. Just need to find the right way to go.
tiger b
AI without the I
- Oct 24, 2023
- 1,236
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