Discussion Anyone here a hikikomori?

[freedompass]

Dying Out of Sight: Hikikomori in an Aging Japan | NHK WORLD-JAPAN

It's estimated over a million Japanese live as "hikikomori," recluses totally withdrawn from society. Some hikikomori may even go for decades without leaving their house. While in the past the phenomenon was most commonly associated with young men, recent data has revealed a much wider...

www3.nhk.or.jp

I expect the answer is yes. The above is a sad and sombre documentary about older hikikomori with only a few tiny pinpoints of light in a very dark picture. Not for the faint hearted! At the end the narrator quotes one of the social workers as follows: 'you don't have to prove anything: we're just glad you're alive'.

To me it is a serious indictment of any society that a person feels so utterly unwelcome and alienated there that they retreat from all social life whatsoever. When their parents die some of them let themselves starve to death rather than ask for help.

Yet this is not classified as a mental illness (as far as I'm aware).

Why am I interested, why am I watching? My son has lived like this for many years. He's 26 now. I read a Reddit post from the sister of a hiki where she said 'it's like grieving someone who's still alive'. I knew exactly what she meant.

I watch true crime and it is particularly torturous for families when their missing loved one's body is never found, leaving them forever with the uncertainty as to what happened to them. In some strange way I feel the same. No closure.

At least our loved ones (if we have any) won't have to go through that. Unless we want them to I suppose.

 

[whatevs]

There's still time for your son to turn it around, if that's any consolation. The 30 yo age limit would make things harder to overcome.

I've never been a full hiki, my family saw me, I walked the dog, etc. But it was semi. Overall I needed to find myself and the Internet helped me with that, no regrets.

 

[Grey-zoner]

I was never a full hikikomori, but have been a long-term NEET, and currently am one for the past two months (almost 32 years old), although I'm determined to find a job of some kind as sitting around unemployed feeds my ideation (so does working). The reasons for my NEETdom: social deprivation due to being taken out of school at a young age (this is the US, so it's legal), and my mother also becoming a NEET when I was 15. Haven't had any adult role models for how to survive in this society, but at least I'm doing better, am physically healthy, own a car, etc... Could be worse.
I'll have to watch the NHK documentary. I've been to Japan, but if I ever return attending one of these hikikomori groups will be a priority. As far as I'm aware nothing like this exists in America, which is characteristic of our society. I see these people as fellow brothers in suffering and stagnation.

 

[ever so lonely]

i am buddy been a recluse since covid and lockdown it is peaceful but still have the mental health issues of course, but at least i have limited dealings with shitty people, which is beneficial to mental health i find, i am there with you mate

 

[freedompass]

I'm not a hiki, you could say I'm sort of a Neet. I don't do shit but I live independently, run a house and get disability benefit for mental health. I'm blessed in that respect. I could never stand living with my mother.

My son stayed with her for 7 years. It was a complete nightmare dealing with that situation. She would continually play the victim and deny all accountability for why he's messed up to begin with. Which just escalated his sense of grievance and entitlement. Her absolute financial enabling and tolerance of awful behaviour just made him worse.

He moved to live with his ex foster mum and I'm still fearful that he will end up coming back. I felt disgusted by the toxicity they both created. My mum can never seem to grasp she has a choice to let him live there or not. Has no idea what a boundary is. It is crazy making.

I'd happily let him live with me if he was able to keep a clean tidy room, do chores sometimes and be decent, respectful and civil. But there is too much baggage between us and he hates me while I find him extremely triggering. He is a troll online and in real life. I don't blame him for being angry, I would be too. But no one benefits from putting up with abuse.

 

[akirat9]

5 years

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I am in education so I do not fit "NEET" but if I had it my way I probably would have become a hiki, but also it would have escalated my depressive, suicidal thoughts. I feel the most comfortable at home and I feel like an alien outside.

 

[CTB Dream]

Hikiomori no human social not interact alone vegetable human no care abuse only even online bad real sruggle continue live , always hikio even long ago now thingy worse. Human cruel online offline bad wish not exist not born what do vegetable reason human cruelty

 

[StolenLife]

Not a hikikomori because I have to go out for Uni and to the store etc. But no one to call or to hang out with, no birthday wishes from anyone, no one asking how I am except my parents. So I guess I would be a semi hikikomori.

 

[Dead Horse]

Technically in uni but I'm struggling to get my degree for waaay longer than I normally should. Otherwise, I live somewhat like a hikikomori.

Sometimes, I feel sorry for my family for feeling unable to help me, but I feel so hopeless at this point in my life that I don't believe anything can be done.

I sometimes think of humans as complicated machines, like computers. They just work most of the time without us having to do much, and they can work for years to the point that we forget how complicated they are and can't appreciate how difficult it is for them to function. But once something critical breaks in one of them, it's almost impossible to fix. I don't know how much sense it makes.

 

[foreverfalling]

I was hikki for a year after university, due to being directionless and depressed. I managed to get a job after that, but otherwise basically still hikki. No friends, no social life, rarely go out except for exercise. I stay in my room on the computer most of the time.

 

[Klophy]

I was a full on Hiki for a few years. Now i'm able to go outside for the bare minimum like groceries. Still no active social life or any friends at all. Majority of my time is spent rotting away.



So no longer a Hiki but a NEET. Not really an upgrade. I'm almost hitting 30, things just get harder to overcome the longer you stay.

Do you know how your son ended up like this or if he wants to break out of it?

 

[Install-Gentoo]

I used to be in college until I realized there's no path that will ever lead me to a satisfied life. I've been a complete NEET for around 7 months now. I don't look for any job or education or anything. I just don't care anymore.
I don't find this state fun. Yes, I play games and watch shows to pass the time, but that's all it is, using up time. I spend any other time possible to try to convince pro-life people of a pro-choice and pro-human rights stance. But I guess we all know that's pointless.
I have no productive hobbies. I stopped talking to my friends once they betrayed me in various ways. I have no future, and I barely have a present.
Fuck.

 

[NoLightRemains]

Yeah this is basically my life now, maybe a bit less isolated. I moved out of home at 18 and worked till I was 27 until life went to shit and I became disabled. I've grown increasingly isolated over the last two years. More tired of humans. I still leave for small errands, but that's it. My family is nice and concerned about me, but I just try to stay in my room. I don't see how I can ever leave this lifestyle when I just have such a jaded view on life/humanity.

 

[freedompass]

Do you know how your son ended up like this or if he wants to break out of it?

Honestly I can't say I really know my son. It's complicated. He was in foster care from age 8. I was pressured to cope as a single mother despite severe mental illness. It wasn't my choice. So there's that. And post partum psychosis, mother and baby units, when all the experts say 0-3 years are so important for forming bonds with primary caregiver etc. It was all such an awful hot mess that it would be surprising if he was well adjusted. We are estranged for now. I honestly don't know if there's a relationship to rebuild anymore. I'm a neet myself so if he wants that I get it. But he needs to find a way to make it work for him.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Honestly I can't say I really know my son. It's complicated. He was in foster care from age 8. I was pressured to cope as a single mother despite severe mental illness. It wasn't my choice. So there's that. And post partum psychosis, mother and baby units, when all the experts say 0-3 years are so important for forming bonds with primary caregiver etc. It was all such an awful hot mess that it would be surprising if he was well adjusted. We are estranged for now. I honestly don't know if there's a relationship to rebuild anymore. I'm a neet myself so if he wants that I get it. But he needs to find a way to make it work for him.

When was the last time you saw your son? Do you think he seemed happy with his NEET life? I was once a lurker on a message board that was populated with a lot of NEETs, there was a section for depression, naturally, but there was a very vocal sect who felt that they were the most 'free' given this lifestyle. I think it's interesting, maybe we all thrive under certain environments... I don't know where I'm going with this.

 

[freedompass]

When was the last time you saw your son? Do you think he seemed happy with his NEET life? I was once a lurker on a message board that was populated with a lot of NEETs, there was a section for depression, naturally, but there was a very vocal sect who felt that they were the most 'free' given this lifestyle. I think it's interesting, maybe we all thrive under certain environments... I don't know where I'm going with this.

I 'saw' him at my mum's house a few months ago when I visited her there but as he refused to acknowledge or meet me face to face it was just a glimpse. I would not describe him as happy, he's pretty angry and resentful which I don't blame him for however I won't tolerate disrespect and abuse as my mum did. The atmosphere between them was extremely toxic, I was very relieved when he finally left. My relationship with my mother has suffered too because I hate how she enabled him and plays the victim.

No question, we let him down badly, so did social services, healthcare, education, society. I wanted to get him away from her for both their sakes and he seemed to take that as wanting to make him homeless but since there's no communication between us anymore, of any kind, I guess he thinks whatever suits his narrative or helps him get by…

Yes some neets claim they like the lifestyle or that it's preferable to 'wage slavery' lol. I've heard of a few for whom it seems to be a genuine choice. Usually they inherited property or an income from parents, still live with them or are in countries with generous welfare or disability benefits.

I knew of one guy who would work a job for a few months, save then go abroad to a cheaper country for the rest of the year, which I guess is semi neet. Another lives a nomadic life travelling while getting generous 'neetbux' from his (Nordic) country. He ended up meeting a girl in the U.K. and she's pregnant the last I heard. Good luck with that.

Personally it was mental illness that caused me to end up neet and I just got lucky being born in a country that supports people like me and even gives us free housing. I don't feel I've missed out on anything not having a career, I'm here because the prolife society wants me alive so let them pay…that's how I feel anyway.

 

[Hikikomori1]

Yes.

 

[leloyon]

Formerly, not recovered though, was forced back into society.

 

[ANONYMOUSM]

i wished

 

[borderline-feline]

I used to live a hikikomori lifestyle, and I plan to go back to it by quitting my job and going on disability. I'm not cut out for the outside world or any kind of work.

 

[Rocinante]

I was never a hikikomori but there was I time where I wouldnt leave my room much unless everyone else was away or asleep. I don't think I can go very long with interacting with people before I become sad. I don't really try to be introverted. But due to my high inhibition I tend to be.

 

[sammiechzxv]

Probably on the edge of being one

 

[Davey36000]

I used to be, not anymore. I try not to identify, though. At the end of the day, labels like 'normie ' or 'hikikomori' are just labels for simple minds.

People are usually more complex than that.

 

[LostinCyberspace]

I am, have been for almost two years at this point.

 

[vitbar]

I have and do verge on it, but I've always had to go to work.

 

[brainwormz]

I spent 15 years being a neet hikikomori. Best 15 years of my life. Once I got used to the loneliness I was happy. I watched terrabytes of anime and read untold manga. Played ut24, cod and l4d2 constantly. I was ungodly good too. Getting banned from servers "for aim botting" or "wall hacking" was my favorite seal of approval. One time I got banned from a cod server for spawn camping but I was always moving the whole game. Everyone was just salty that I was sprinting in a circle around the whole map with a 32:1 kd and they couldn't kill me. After a while I decided to try actually aim botting out of aherr boredom. There where actually bot friendly servers where you could put your bot against other aimbots which was funny af.

But that's all in the past. Now I'm a wagey loser who sucks at Vidya doesn't watch anime or read manga and always wants to kill itself. I remember feeling like I lived in a gilded cage back then. I was safe in my cage.