Anyone Have or Think They Have Hyperthymesia

[Flippy]

Hopefully I've spelled it correctly, but in case you aren't aware Hyperthymesia is a condition where you remember an unusually large number of experiences you've had in your life. Even very mundane things in superb detail.

I think I might have some form of this as I can remember seemingly inconsequential details and events right back to when I was perhaps 2 years old, and possibly maybe younger than that.

I wondered if anyone else thinks they may have this condition? I think it may be the cause of my suicidal thoughts at times as, basically, I can't forget anything.

It's not all bad stuff either, I remember both positive and negative equally well. I suspect that doctors and psychiatrists have not understood that when things from the past haunt me it's not that I'm trying to hold on to negative memories. It's more that I can't forget. The sad thing is that because I can remember positive events in my life just as well they really put the shitty stuff into context.

It's like I mostly perceive things as an almost unbroken narrative ribbon. So if I remember something good it will always flow through to something undesirable coming back. And it's like I have no control over it, almost like the past is constantly playing through on a TV screen in the background. If I'm depressed it's like torture.

It irritates me when I've been (essentially) accused of "dwelling on negative experiences". When the truth is I'm not actually dwelling on anything. Everything I recall feels like it happened 5 minutes ago. I thought this was normal, and everyone remembered things this way but over time I've come to realise perhaps they don't.

I just wonder if perhaps a lot of people who struggle and feel like they want to ctb have the same issues and feeling that way is kind of inevitable for us?

 

[Freelyffe88]

Very thought provoking, interesting thread.

I had never heard of Hyperthymesia before, but I theorize that such a memory/condition would create a greater potential for depression and suicidal thoughts, especially since negative experiences would be more likely to be trudged up (most people are more likely to remember/dwell on the unpleasant memories over positive ones). I can only imagine that remembering a negative experience as though it just happened would potentially make the burden that much heavier. I think we subconsciously carry our past with us (our insecurities, fears, triumphs, confidences, etc)… it influences our choices/decisions in everything we do, so when an otherwise forgotten negative memory is dug up, it has the potential to amplify things such as uncofidence/insecurities and effect our present decisions accordingly (even our mood). It's a cliché' at this point (Books like the Power of Now), but it really is beneficial to your overall health if you can be in the present and focus on the now… easier said than done of course.

While I don't think I have Hyperthymesia, my degree of remembering/dwelling on my negative embarrassing actions is probably in the 99th percentile. I have a vivid memory of every single negative and embarrassing action throughout my life, while my triumphs and positive actions are mostly a blur (I have plenty of vivid positive experiences, but in terms of positive decisions/actions/conversations, it's fuzzy). It's a reel that can play in my head if I'm not careful, but once I'm cognisant of it, I can typically shut it off, but the vivid memories are always there for playback.
In my case, there's likely no correlation between that and my desire to CTB… my journey is extremely atypical. But for those with Hyperthymesia I can see how it would create an additional challenge to being able to focus on the present.

 

[Flippy]

Thanks for the response! I'm sorry that you are haunted by negative and vivid memories :-( Hyperthymesia is considered to be quite rare but I wonder if that's true. We all have to exist inside the confines of our cranium, so I suspect people expect their memories to be functionally similar to others in general. If they have a dramatically better memory than others they may not get much opportunity to compare with others.

I've had no sleep as usual so I'm worried my post may be verging on gibberish.

I guess it doesn't matter if we remember everything both good and bad as the bad tortures regardless of how much of the good we remember. I suppose that if the bad things hadnt been more significant than the good maybe it might have made a difference.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I'm not into labeling shit, but I do relate. I think what is interesting about what you said is remembering mundane details. Yes, I remember that shit and much of all the negative shit I have endured. I would think that a doc might lean this towards OCD....like an obsession on the bad...I don't know. I don't have much of any good shit to think about...

If you can't sleep often Seroquel isn't a hard Rx to get. I've tried to get better but drs don't give a FUCK where I am at.