Anyone got the energy or motivation to style their hair?/Should I style my hair?

[TheGoodGuy]

I wonder does anyone on here have the energy and/or motivation to spend time styling their hair? Especially older people, people in your late twenties who most likely don´t go to school anymore.

I am asking because I have been growing my hair for some time to get a special emo haircut which I don´t even know will fit my grown up head with less cute features compared to when I was a teenager also the hairline might be a problem but also the motivation to style it will I have it and for how long? I mean as a teenager I went to school where every day I of course hoped for some validation or at least some attention especially from girls but as an adult who mostly just sits in his room or when not injured might workout is there even motivation to style such a hard hairstyle?

I imagine this that on days I go outside I will go workout and most likely after breakfast and then I will workout and then shower but to make this hairstyle below I would most likely need to shower, blowdry my hair, straighten it and then style it was some product and hairspray for then go workout for 1½-2 hours and for what just to feel a bit good looking (if it even will suit me anymore) and then take a shower and it´s ruined. I know this seems like an insignificant problem but it bothers me since I haven´t cared about my looks in years and have no sense of style so I am trying to get back to it but there is no dopamine drive like there was like a teenager back then I knew I wanted to look as emo or goth as possibly and it felt amazing getting myself ready and finally look as I wanted now I don´t care but want to try again even if I need to force myself to try some stuff but first and most importantly is the haircut imo but what to do?

I feel my life is already over or rather it´s more than a feeling it´s a fact so anyways I am wondering if anyone in here especially older people like people in their late twenties or older how do you get the energy and/or motivation to style your hair when there are no one to do it for because I doubt I will have the energy or motivation to style this hairstyle when home alone e.g. "I am doing it for myself" ain´t going to fly here. Also consider getting snake-bite piercings again but again will it suit me and do I care to style my hair to make the style work?

 

[trashprincess]

As a 31 year old that was deprived of my chance to be the emo I was meant to be, I support this SO MUCH

Also as a trans woman, I've found it's really important to connect with my identity. When I dress up, part of me wants attention for it, but the main reason is so I can be myself. It's about being the person I've always wanted to be. And when I dress up, it's literally easier for me to function.

I missed out on too much growing up. I kind of just refuse to accept that it's ever too late. Heck this "You should only get to be happy and express yourself when you're young" nonsense. I think it would be cooler if the emos stayed emos and the goths stayed goths, and when they grow up, it could just mean they are BETTER at connecting with that identity.

I don't want to be "boring grown up in businessy wear". I wanna be a manic pixie dream girl and if they think someone in their 30s being happy is cringe, then heck em'.

And regarding not wanting to dress up for yourself, you can always take pictures to share with people. Or maybe you can't do it for you now, but maybe it would help knowing older you might appreciate having that picture.

Idk I'm kinda rambling I think I just love it when people feel empowered to be themselves

 

[untothedepths]

I know this seems obviously over said but in my humble opinion should be the norm: You only live once so just do it!! People care too much about how different or weird other people look and are super judgemental for no logical reason.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

As a 31 year old that was deprived of my chance to be the emo I was meant to be, I support this SO MUCH

Also as a trans woman, I've found it's really important to connect with my identity. When I dress up, part of me wants attention for it, but the main reason is so I can be myself. It's about being the person I've always wanted to be. And when I dress up, it's literally easier for me to function.

I missed out on too much growing up. I kind of just refuse to accept that it's ever too late. Heck this "You should only get to be happy and express yourself when you're young" nonsense. I think it would be cooler if the emos stayed emos and the goths stayed goths, and when they grow up, it could just mean they are BETTER at connecting with that identity.

I don't want to be "boring grown up in businessy wear". I wanna be a manic pixie dream girl and if they think someone in their 30s being happy is cringe, then heck em'.

And regarding not wanting to dress up for yourself, you can always take pictures to share with people. Or maybe you can't do it for you now, but maybe it would help knowing older you might appreciate having that picture.

Idk I'm kinda rambling I think I just love it when people feel empowered to be themselves

I don´t think you´re rambling at all you´re making almost too much sense almost everything you said I have thought myself except I have a hard time feeling my feelings anymore because of anhedonia and apathy so I think this might be part responsible for why I don´t feel such a strong feeling of identity anymore, I am so confused as to who I am, people say teenagers are confused and don´t know who they are but I did back when I was Emo or Goth I knew I am Goth! And was very passionate about the style I am not passionate about anything anymore and feel no passion or sense of style unfortunately but maybe if I am very lucky (doubt it) maybe if I get the hairstyle and "dress up" and it actually looks good on me it might give the passion back. I just don´t think I look close to as good and feminine as I did as a teenage Emo or Goth boy so I almost never take pictures anymore and not at all for social media I just take some pictures at least once a year for older me because in 5 years or more I would love to have had these pictures back when I was younger and looked better which also sums up why we should live in the present and not past although I am very bad at this.

Anyways that was a rant/rambling but I agree with you I also don´t really want to be a boring grown up in grown up clothes, despite I just bought a buttoned shirt which suits me well (my brother picked it out because again I have no sense of style) but I really don´t want this to be my identity, soon to be 30 wearing shirts, with short hair looking like a normie I want to stand out and need to in order to feel a bit special, sad to admit but it´s the truth I like to stand out.

I also agree people should have stayed alternative when growing up, a few I used to know still is and it still suits them even if they don´t look at good as in the past, but usually the women look better but to be frank looks wise I think females are more lucky they don´t change as much as men here is why. As children we all start out looking feminine but as we grow older boys change to look more masculine and turn into men with broader frames, less soft skin, more muscles, voice deepens and when even older like in their twenties their hairline or even a lot of their hair will be lost to manhood and they start growing beards I think these changes are horrifying it´s just my opinion, I liked being a cute femine emo boy to the point where I actually looked like a girl but then I got older and now I look way less feminine and can´t even totally get rid of facial hair (I have considered getting it lasered away because facial hair and proof that I am getting older terrifies me). Anyways I don´t think girls look change as much as men, they do change a lot unfortunately but not as much. When I see elder men who are Goths, Emo´s etc. many are near bald or have a horrible hairline and look so manly compared to their younger self I even recently saved some pictures of a Emo guy who shared his before and after pictures and it was so sad to see how good he used to look and how he looked now I would post the pics but I think it would be too shaming plus I don´t know if you feel attacked by anything I have written I certainly didn´t mean to just stating we might be in the same boat because of our age and with this text I just wanted to explain why the elder alternative looking females look way better and the men can have it way harder still looking good if you went for the cute feminine look because our feminine features might be gone where metal heads are luckier they often look more masculine so elder metalheads still look like metalheads. But I also agree with you I don´t wanna be a grown up who wears boring business wear or boring shirts so it´s a dilemma.

Lastly if you even read this far I think if I end up looking good in the style I could try and take some pictures like when people cosplay to feel better it might be fun and I could do it for myself or post some online if I end up liking the pictures. Btw now I written all of this I am going to post although I probably shouldn´t I am a quite negative person and your reply was so positive, nice and loving plus I like the hearts too so anyways if you made it this far thanks for your reply so I will still consider getting that haircut to try it out even if it means having to look like a bum while my hair is growing to the right lenghts before I get it cut into the hairstyle I want.

I know this seems obviously over said but in my humble opinion should be the norm: You only live once so just do it!! People care too much about how different or weird other people look and are super judgemental for no logical reason.

I guess you´re right and I think I objectively look younger than I am so maybe I should give the style and hairstyle a last try because if I don´t ctb I will hate myself for wasting even more of my "youth" althouth I don´t feel youthfull at all anymore I might not think the same in my late 30´s or my 40´s if I ever became that old so yeah maybe I should just go through with it while I contemplate ctb instead of standing completely still in life for 10 more years.

 

[trashprincess]

I don´t think you´re rambling at all you´re making almost too much sense almost everything you said I have thought myself except I have a hard time feeling my feelings anymore because of anhedonia and apathy so I think this might be part responsible for why I don´t feel such a strong feeling of identity anymore, I am so confused as to who I am, people say teenagers are confused and don´t know who they are but I did back when I was Emo or Goth I knew I am Goth! And was very passionate about the style I am not passionate about anything anymore and feel no passion or sense of style unfortunately but maybe if I am very lucky (doubt it) maybe if I get the hairstyle and "dress up" and it actually looks good on me it might give the passion back. I just don´t think I look close to as good and feminine as I did as a teenage Emo or Goth boy so I almost never take pictures anymore and not at all for social media I just take some pictures at least once a year for older me because in 5 years or more I would love to have had these pictures back when I was younger and looked better which also sums up why we should live in the present and not past although I am very bad at this.

Anyways that was a rant/rambling but I agree with you I also don´t really want to be a boring grown up in grown up clothes, despite I just bought a buttoned shirt which suits me well (my brother picked it out because again I have no sense of style) but I really don´t want this to be my identity, soon to be 30 wearing shirts, with short hair looking like a normie I want to stand out and need to in order to feel a bit special, sad to admit but it´s the truth I like to stand out.

I also agree people should have stayed alternative when growing up, a few I used to know still is and it still suits them even if they don´t look at good as in the past, but usually the women look better but to be frank looks wise I think females are more lucky they don´t change as much as men here is why. As children we all start out looking feminine but as we grow older boys change to look more masculine and turn into men with broader frames, less soft skin, more muscles, voice deepens and when even older like in their twenties their hairline or even a lot of their hair will be lost to manhood and they start growing beards I think these changes are horrifying it´s just my opinion, I liked being a cute femine emo boy to the point where I actually looked like a girl but then I got older and now I look way less feminine and can´t even totally get rid of facial hair (I have considered getting it lasered away because facial hair and proof that I am getting older terrifies me). Anyways I don´t think girls look change as much as men, they do change a lot unfortunately but not as much. When I see elder men who are Goths, Emo´s etc. many are near bald or have a horrible hairline and look so manly compared to their younger self I even recently saved some pictures of a Emo guy who shared his before and after pictures and it was so sad to see how good he used to look and how he looked now I would post the pics but I think it would be too shaming plus I don´t know if you feel attacked by anything I have written I certainly didn´t mean to just stating we might be in the same boat because of our age and with this text I just wanted to explain why the elder alternative looking females look way better and the men can have it way harder still looking good if you went for the cute feminine look because our feminine features might be gone where metal heads are luckier they often look more masculine so elder metalheads still look like metalheads. But I also agree with you I don´t wanna be a grown up who wears boring business wear or boring shirts so it´s a dilemma.

Lastly if you even read this far I think if I end up looking good in the style I could try and take some pictures like when people cosplay to feel better it might be fun and I could do it for myself or post some online if I end up liking the pictures. Btw now I written all of this I am going to post although I probably shouldn´t I am a quite negative person and your reply was so positive, nice and loving plus I like the hearts too so anyways if you made it this far thanks for your reply so I will still consider getting that haircut to try it out even if it means having to look like a bum while my hair is growing to the right lenghts before I get it cut into the hairstyle I want.

I guess you´re right and I think I objectively look younger than I am so maybe I should give the style and hairstyle a last try because if I don´t ctb I will hate myself for wasting even more of my "youth" althouth I don´t feel youthfull at all anymore I might not think the same in my late 30´s or my 40´s if I ever became that old so yeah maybe I should just go through with it while I contemplate ctb instead of standing completely still in life for 10 more years.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts I definitely get a LOT of that

As a trans woman I have had all those same concerns about feminity as I age, as I unfortunately didn't start estrogen until I was 28, so I ended up with some dysphoria-inducing masculine features.

So one thought I have is that, is that styles can evolve and adapt. Certain LOOKS might not suit you as you age, but luckily Emo and Goth aren't looks, they are aesthetics. Maybe the problem is that Elder Alternate Fashion just isn't as developed as Young Alternative Fashion. There's so many young people exploring these styles, and so you gonna find all sorts of people with that drippy drip. But there's just so few people discussing things like "How to be a Emo Twink in your 30s and 40s", and I think that's a real shame

Also things like hats, wigs, head coverings, and makeup all exist. So you can also just use those and never let go of your youth I mean.. what you think trans woman and drag queens do

Lastly.. I encourage that, if you feel this is a part of you, treat it as such. Emo/Goth/Alt stuff can be so much more than just fashion. It can be culture, it can be community, it can be a state of mind. There's more ways to engage with this than just looking the part, and you don't have to look the part to be a part of it. You just have to feel it in your heart

My motto is: "Embrace your inner anime protagonist". Don't ask "Can I be emo?". Declare to the world that "I WILL be emo! Imma be the hottest dango emo there ever dango was I tell you hwhat!!!"

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts I definitely get a LOT of that

As a trans woman I have had all those same concerns about feminity as I age, as I unfortunately didn't start estrogen until I was 28, so I ended up with some dysphoria-inducing masculine features.

So one thought I have is that, is that styles can evolve and adapt. Certain LOOKS might not suit you as you age, but luckily Emo and Goth aren't looks, they are aesthetics. Maybe the problem is that Elder Alternate Fashion just isn't as developed as Young Alternative Fashion. There's so many young people exploring these styles, and so you gonna find all sorts of people with that drippy drip. But there's just so few people discussing things like "How to be a Emo Twink in your 30s and 40s", and I think that's a real shame

Also things like hats, wigs, head coverings, and makeup all exist. So you can also just use those and never let go of your youth I mean.. what you think trans woman and drag queens do

Lastly.. I encourage that, if you feel this is a part of you, treat it as such. Emo/Goth/Alt stuff can be so much more than just fashion. It can be culture, it can be community, it can be a state of mind. There's more ways to engage with this than just looking the part, and you don't have to look the part to be a part of it. You just have to feel it in your heart

My motto is: "Embrace your inner anime protagonist". Don't ask "Can I be emo?". Declare to the world that "I WILL be emo! Imma be the hottest dango emo there ever dango was I tell you hwhat!!!"

The problem is I don´t really feel anything anymore so there is no drive to dress a certain way I just like how it looks but my personality is definitely emo the way I view the world, my mindset is very stereotypical emo with all the negative thoughts but also Goth in many ways so I wanna dress how I "feel" inside I just hate how hard it is to find the clothes and I hate shopping online because the clothes never fit and a few month ago I tried ordering a hoodie to fit the emo style and got scammed by the website after I send it back in wrong size they just didn´t send anything back not even my money they claimed it must have been lost in the mail and apparently it was my fault so I hate shopping online the clothes never fits on first try.

I have also considered makeup again but first and foremost is the hairstyle it carries the whole look imo and I don´t wanna use wigs I want it to be me and if it suits me I wanna try makeup too like I used to and hopefully it will make me look more feminine and young I hope so since already people guess my age is 22-23 and I will be 30 next month so I take that as a good thing they perceive me younger I am obsessed with youth!

 

[trashprincess]

The problem is I don´t really feel anything anymore so there is no drive to dress a certain way I just like how it looks but my personality is definitely emo the way I view the world, my mindset is very stereotypical emo with all the negative thoughts but also Goth in many ways so I wanna dress how I "feel" inside I just hate how hard it is to find the clothes and I hate shopping online because the clothes never fit and a few month ago I tried ordering a hoodie to fit the emo style and got scammed by the website after I send it back in wrong size they just didn´t send anything back not even my money they claimed it must have been lost in the mail and apparently it was my fault so I hate shopping online the clothes never fits on first try.

I have also considered makeup again but first and foremost is the hairstyle it carries the whole look imo and I don´t wanna use wigs I want it to be me and if it suits me I wanna try makeup too like I used to and hopefully it will make me look more feminine and young I hope so since already people guess my age is 22-23 and I will be 30 next month so I take that as a good thing they perceive me younger I am obsessed with youth!

That's gotta be really tough. Is there anything that lets you feel?

Oof Shopping is a doozy! I've tried online shopping a bit but it's always just overwhelming and unsatisfying for me. I've been fortunate enough to find a really good thrift store (I actually work there). It definitely doesn't have everything I want. But right now I'm still trying to figure out how I want to dress and thrift stores are great for that cuz they'll have a lil of everything.

I get that, I don't like wigs either lol. The hair is definitely one of the most iconic aspects of the emo looks. However I think there's an argument to be made for the eye makeup as the defining part of the emo look. Food for thought

 

[TheGoodGuy]

That's gotta be really tough. Is there anything that lets you feel?

Oof Shopping is a doozy! I've tried online shopping a bit but it's always just overwhelming and unsatisfying for me. I've been fortunate enough to find a really good thrift store (I actually work there). It definitely doesn't have everything I want. But right now I'm still trying to figure out how I want to dress and thrift stores are great for that cuz they'll have a lil of everything.

I get that, I don't like wigs either lol. The hair is definitely one of the most iconic aspects of the emo looks. However I think there's an argument to be made for the eye makeup as the defining part of the emo look. Food for thought

Glad you enjoy thrifting around I unfortunately don´t like used clothes I am a bit delicate. And I don´t think there is anything that makes me feel, I used to be able to feel nostalgia but in the recent year it seems to have disappeared too although it doesn´t stop me from reminiscing but it doesn´t give me the sad and happy feelings of nostalgia anymore.

I was about to write I think the hair is way more important but thinking of it well I still think it´s the most important part but make-up is a close follow up if you think about people like the lead singer from Green Day he has short hair but the make-up give the emo look where as the hair imo isn´t that emo in itself only in combination with the make-up.

 

[Forveleth]

First: styles, looks, outfits, clothing, accessories, etc DO NOT have an age limit. I don't care if you're 5 or 105, wear what you damn want. I'm in my 40s and I have wild, dyed hair all the time. I hate my hair but I look terrible bald so if I have to look at it all the time, it's going to be fun colors, dammit.

When I have my hair up and all sprayed (read as: cemented) in place, I don't wash it. After my workouts (and I get sweaty) I just do a quick body rinse and don't bother getting my hair wet until the day I'm ready to pull it down.

You do what you want and don't worry what anyone else says/thinks! It also may take a while to find "you". Maybe your style will even change over the years, mine certainly has, and that's ok. You don't have to let one single thing define you for the rest of your life. Just keep trying to see what works.