Anyone feeling almost NO pain?

[houseofleaves]

Right now i'm reading a [good] book about suicide and suicidal people. And it says that suicide is [often] a result of unbearable psychological pain. But for me, it's not completely true.
I had my deal of pain, yes (truly unbearable pain, i mean) — but then the pain was gone (as any other feelings); and now i can even joke and smile about the events that triggered the pain (sadly, doing this doesn't make my situation any better).

I don't want to be pressured to die by anything (including pain). I want to die free, want to make a calm decision. Recently i was super happy making death plans (i mean like where to go, what to do), but then my psychiatrist prescribed me lithium carbonati and now nothing makes me happy .

So, my question is — is there anybody like me, who is not suffering right now from any kind of pain, but still plans to die? Thank you

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm not suffering physical pain, if that's what you mean, and it seems to be what you mean. I'm depressed and hopeless. Never been more depressed and hopeless. That's enough for me.

 

[Alex6216]

Nope, I still feel pain the same way I did before. If I didnt feel any pain I would've just slit my throat and died that way

 

[houseofleaves]

I'm not suffering physical pain, if that's what you mean, and it seems to be what you mean. I'm depressed and hopeless. Never been more depressed and hopeless. That's enough for me.

nah, that's not what i mean(( i meant psychological pain (like yes, being depressed and hopeless);

personally i'm absolutely not depressed, but yes, i'm hopeless (but does it hurt — to finally be able to understand, what would your life really be like? to know the truth?)…

 

[locked*n*loaded]

nah, that's not what i mean(( i meant psychological pain (like yes, being depressed and hopeless);

personally i'm absolutely not depressed, but yes, i'm hopeless (but does it hurt — to finally be able to understand, what would your life really be like? to know the truth?)…

Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding. I'm no expert, but sounds like recovery for you. Maybe that needs to be explored a bit. Maybe it's worth it. You gotta make that decision. Who knows where it might lead for you?

 

[houseofleaves]

I'm no expert, but sounds like recovery for you.

oh no. oh dear god no.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

oh no. oh dear god no.

Well, just a thought that came to me because you infer that you are having almost no pain. For me, I am still having pain and I know it's not going anywhere. I imagine that there's people like you, who have gotten on some type of drug that has numbed them to the point of feeling almost nothing, but are still intent on ctb. I highly doubt you're breaking any new ground here (sorry) for feeling that way.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I am numb but hopeless

 

[Al Cappella]

I always feel some level of psychological discomfort. I'm trying to make myself as tough and resilient as possible.

 

[houseofleaves]

there's people like you, who have gotten on some type of drug that has numbed them to the point of feeling almost nothing, but are still intent on ctb.

i understand what you're talking about but this i got this condition before taking any drugs

I highly doubt you're breaking any new ground here (sorry) for feeling that way.

of course i'm not, i never claimed that i do

 

[locked*n*loaded]

i understand what you're talking about but this i got this condition before taking any drugs

of course i'm not, i never claimed that i do

Wasn't meant as dig towards you. Just saying you're like so many others here. There's a lot of us, and the powers to be have no idea how to solve the "problem".

 

[Fengshuiside]

As a 5-yo I was in so much mental pain I just wished I died or never had to feel again.

Well my wishes got answered eventually and now I've been entirely numb for 4 years and going. Im not on antidepressants or actively take drugs, something in my brain just snapped years ago when I had a total mental breakdown.

No emotions, happiness, laughter, depression or sadness. I used to be very empathetic, and now I'm still kind but unable to emphasize or connect with ppl at all or understand them on an emotional level. I don't feel joy from anything. All music sounds like organized noise and I can't enjoy it at all anymore.

I mean it is a lot more effortless to keep myself alive like this compared to how I was before, when I was constantly suicidal, sad and depressed. But at the same time since I feel like a soulless robot 24/7 now, I see no point in living anymore. I just put food in my mouth to keep my body alive, each time wondering why I still do it.

So yeah, I no longer feel psychological pain, but it's a pain of it's own.

 

[Superdeterminist]

That's interesting and I think people like you are uncommon. I reckon it is rare that someone would commit suicide without being depressed. Personally I am quite depressed about life.

 

[houseofleaves]

As a 5-yo I was in so much mental pain I just wished I died or never had to feel again.

Oh. Oh my god. That's so awful. I'm sorry life has been like that for you… (i understand that sounds lame, but i'm truly sorry)

Well my wishes got answered eventually and now I've been entirely numb for 4 years and going. Im not on antidepressants or actively take drugs, something in my brain just snapped years ago when I had a total mental breakdown.

yes, something like this happened to me too! (had a breakdown because a lover left me and now i don't understand [earthly] love at all — for example, i recently slept with a beautiful girl and felt NOTHING)

No emotions, happiness, laughter, depression or sadness. I used to be very empathetic, and now I'm still kind but unable to emphasize or connect with ppl at all or understand them on an emotional level. I don't feel joy from anything. All music sounds like organized noise and I can't enjoy it at all anymore.

sounds like a nightmare to be in.

I mean it is a lot more effortless to keep myself alive like this compared to how I was before, when I was constantly suicidal, sad and depressed. But at the same time since I feel like a soulless robot 24/7 now, I see no point in living anymore. I just put food in my mouth to keep my body alive, each time wondering why I still do it.

+++

So yeah, I no longer feel psychological pain, but it's a pain of it's own.

yes…

 

[Fengshuiside]

Oh. Oh my god. That's so awful. I'm sorry life has been like that for you… (i understand that sounds lame, but i'm truly sorry)

yes, something like this happened to me too! (had a breakdown because a lover left me and now i don't understand [earthly] love at all — for example, i recently slept with a beautiful girl and felt NOTHING)

sounds like a nightmare to be in.

+++

yes…

Nah it's fine honestly. It's just an unfortunate situation. I'm not stoked about the fact that at this point I have no other options but to end my life but being how I am currently it isn't as big deal to me as it may be to others To me it's more like unplugging a TV than committing suicide. I'll be ending it within 1-3 months from now. Thanks for the kind words anyways. Hope you find your way out of that state, it's no joke.

 

[BigG91]

Right now i'm reading a [good] book about suicide and suicidal people. And it says that suicide is [often] a result of unbearable psychological pain. But for me, it's not completely true.
I had my deal of pain, yes (truly unbearable pain, i mean) — but then the pain was gone (as any other feelings); and now i can even joke and smile about the events that triggered the pain (sadly, doing this doesn't make my situation any better).

I don't want to be pressured to die by anything (including pain). I want to die free, want to make a calm decision. Recently i was super happy making death plans (i mean like where to go, what to do), but then my psychiatrist prescribed me lithium carbonati and now nothing makes me happy .

So, my question is — is there anybody like me, who is not suffering right now from any kind of pain, but still plans to die? Thank you

*It's more of a " it's better i die than this kind of a feeling "

Why did you get prescribed lithium ?

I've been and am on lithium for long...

 

[houseofleaves]

Why did you get prescribed lithium ?

I've been and am on lithium for long...

Suicidal thoughts. It's the gold standard for treating them apparently

 

[BigG91]

Suicidal thoughts. It's the gold standard for treating them apparently

I heard it's a gold standard for treating bipolar disorder.

"Lithium treatment remains the "gold standard" of treatment for preventing recurrences in bipolar disorder, both types I (with mania and major depression) and II (with depression and hypomania). It also has evidence of effectiveness for preventing suicidal behavior in patients with bipolar or major depressive disorder."

It's not the gold standard for suicidal thoughts.
It's effective in preventing.

Lithium makes you feel weird. It's difficult to explain.

 

[houseofleaves]

"It also has evidence of effectiveness for preventing suicidal behavior in patients with bipolar or major depressive disorder."

*cough cough* yes, this

It's not the gold standard for suicidal thoughts.
It's effective in preventing.

preventing suicide, yes, that's what it should do

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I'm in a weird state. I've no hope for the future, and no desire to do things, but I don't believe I'm depressed - or at least, as emotionally depressed as I've been in the past.

For me I worry that loss of definitive depression means I am close to giving up entirely. Not out of sorrow, not out of rage, not out of numbness, but out of a simple, empty acceptance. There is a sense of peace in that, but it is a cold peace.

I still feel happiness at times, however weak and fleeting, and I actually feel on the border of content most of the time, but it's simply not enough to sustain me anymore. So even though I'm not in explicit emotional or physical pain, I'm still always thinking about suicide.

 

[BigG91]

*cough cough* yes, this

preventing suicide, yes, that's what it should do

I'm sure sure if I've felt less suicidal on lithium but what you're feeling now is probably a symptom of existing illness or the lithium but i feel it's the lithium because I've taken ot before for 2 years and now 1.5 years and am feeling the same. You could ask your psychiatrist to adjust the dose.

 

[The Abyss]

Before I had the physical pain it was mental & the burden of ASD in an NT reality, but now I've got this physical pain that's not getting dealt with it's reaffirming the act.

 

[houseofleaves]

I don't believe I'm depressed - or at least, as emotionally depressed as I've been in the past.

For me I worry that loss of definitive depression means I am close to giving up entirely. Not out of sorrow, not out of rage, not out of numbness, but out of a simple, empty acceptance. There is a sense of peace in that, but it is a cold peace.

Yes. This. This.