Anyone feel trapped in life?

[violetdevil]

Like my life is a prison and death is the only way out. That's how I feel.

 

[SenseOfLoss]

Same

 

[HAL 9000]

When I was 18 I was hospitalized and when I was released my Mother told me she would ctb if I ever succeeded. I'm 28 now.

 

[Kerrtu]

I feel trapped big time, though I try and counter the feeling with knowing my life will soon be over. It's no easy feat. I just got off a call with my ex, who was yelling at me, and I was trying so hard not to break, but I had to wrap the call up/end it as my nose started to bleed. Once that call was over I could really cry, and clean myself up.

(physical health has been plummeting)

Anyhow, I have tried many times to end the relationship, to no avail. Sometimes I drift off and think of straight up running away from everyone/anyone - losing myself in a forest somewhere and dying from the elements, etc.

I'm feeling so hurt, and so burnt. I can't wait to for this to be over. To be freed from the trap.

As I was having coffee earlier I began to think of the notes or letters I may write before I CTB. I was thinking of my father specifically - his brutality and vicious verbal attacks…wondering if writing him a letter would even matter. I don't think it will. But, if I were to write that letter, I have some ideas.

I want to tell him a bullet in the back of his head would be too good for him. I want to tell him to look at himself in the mirror when he inevitably tries to point fingers of blame once I'm gone. He'll no doubt try and play "grieving father" and I want to get ahead of his BS. I thought of my sister, how she'd get a kick out of the joke "no wonder our father and brother love living here, it's a state of denial".

Ay.

Feeling very Bob Wiley today -

 

[SolomonKado]

Like my life is a prison and death is the only way out. That's how I feel.

I try to make better of my life, but it always all crashes around me. I feel that no matter what I do I am forced back to this absolutely damning road. Like I don't even have control over me.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Like my life is a prison and death is the only way out. That's how I feel.

Absolutely.......waiting to pick my moment and Im out of here

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly feel trapped here in this existence I was burdened with, it's horrible to me how suicide is purposely made so difficult by people who wish to make existence into a prison where one is expected to suffer until they die anyway. It's always dreadful and tiring feeling trapped here, it should be easier to be free.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Yes and I'm desperately trying to get out. For the past 6 weeks I've dealt with the mental abuse from my wife. My cat who was my baby was given mercy for his health issues. There's no easy way out and despite several attempts I'm still here. Living causes more pain than anything and it just keeps going.

 

[brainwormz]

Yeah. Trapped. Trapped in a body I never wanted in a life I didn't ask for withchoices my adolescent schizophrenic brain couldn't understand. Am I even really schizophrenic? Who can say. I've had every diagnosis there is. From antisocial personality disorder to schizoaffetive to autism and back.

I am trapped in my city in a dead end job with $1200 a month insurance that made it impossible to pay my rent or buy my meds. Trapped in debt from my trips to the hospital and a car I don't even drive. Trapped in a life I never wanted.

I'm going to ctb soon though. As soon as I can figure out how to know myself out at the carotid I'm going to try partial hanging. No checking into a psychward this time. No more trying to get help. There is no help for people like me. I just hope I'm right about the afterlife not existing. My friend who was dead for a while said it was like dreamless sleep.

 

[day]

Being that I have such an attachment to the date I planned to CTB on yea I do feel a bit trapped.

I hate that I basically am forced to live for another 5 months. I just want the suffering to end...

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

Yes everytime..