I truly question the intelligence of anyone who can answer the question "Are you happy?" without substantial though and reflection. Someone who fires back a "yes" in a second or two. A dog is happy when its eating, regardless of how terrible its life is.
-
If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,006
Wow
You were rising like froth and now you find yourself in the mud. How unfair life is. Hopefully you can get back to those good years you had.
WhatPowerIs
Paragon
- Jun 19, 2022
- 958
If they do fire back a yes in one or two seconds, who am I to judge? Let them enjoy their happiness and contentment.
WhatPowerIs
Paragon
- Jun 19, 2022
- 958
Or maybe they really are just genuinely happy with their lives. Why drag them into misery?
KQuotientW
404: Reason to live not found
- Jul 17, 2022
- 326
I grew up in a family of narcissistic control freaks. They tried to stop me from completing any tertiary education, simply because any chance of me gaining financial independence or meeting people who might encourage ideas would help me to leave my toxic family.
Then, when I was 19 years old I was raped by a cop who offered me a lift home when his shift was over. I ended up raising that child - my, now adult, daughter - who is a result of that rape. I raised her with love because it wasn't her fault. You don't take it out on an innocent child. I had thought about giving her up for adoption but my mother said I shouldn't, which was part of a wider plan to keep me dependent on family. It meant that it was too hard to study or even hold down a job, though, as my daughter had behavioral disorders which are prevalent on her father's side. I read to her when I tucked her in at night, only had healthy food in the house, told her she is loved and often.
For the last 30 years, Victoria Police have bullied and harassed me after I tried to report the rape and because I tried to get child support from this prick. Even after this prick was thrown out of Vic Pol for sexually assaulting a female colleague and much later ended up on the sex offender register, I've still been harassed and bullied by police because I, again, tried to report what he did to me. Vic Pol is usually a boys' club so for him to get kicked out, his female colleague must have been from a policing family.
10 years ago, police took my privately owned home from me for having tried to report it again. I owned that home outright because my mother died and left me just enough to buy a home just outside the metropolitan area of Melbourne, in a rural area, but had a bus that took me to a train station. It wasn't worth city prices. I wasn't charged with anything because there was nothing to charge me with, but they just took my home to punish me for trying to report one of their own. Unable to work, having raised a child on my own and without family, I couldn't just buy another home and ended up moving to the middle of nowhere where there are no work opportunities.
For the past 9 years, I've had a stalker who is not an ex (everyone assumes) who police do nothing about, despite having a court order on this freak, because of who I am. This freak has damaged 3 of my vehicles to beyond repair and drivability. I hate that I can't get a job because I, again, don't have a working car. I've been offered a job driving cabs, but can't get to the job because I don't have a car at the moment. I can't afford another one and car insurance companies won't touch me because of the stalker.
My current home is a small dwelling on acreage, which those off grid tv shows paint as an ideal lifestyle, but it's injured my back. It's also worth so little that there's nothing else on the property market that is worth this little, so I can't move. The pandemic saw many people escaping to rural areas to avoid the constant lockdowns and restrictions. That further inflated prices in the area for on grid homes, further pricing me out of the market. I hate the fkn stalker but can't move anywhere.
I use crutches on a permanent basis, as I have degenerative disc disease, with nerves in my spine being pressed, which wouldn't have gotten this bad if I didn't live off the grid. The labour intensive environment sped up the degeneration and I've spent a fortune on chiropractors and physios. It's not so bad when I've stayed in a normal place and my back isn't put to the test everyday.
I'm not eligible for social housing because I own this shithole, even if it's worth so little. I do have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, but mine was fairly mild until I was forced to move to this shithole. It doesn't increase my chances of getting social housing because of disability. I can't find anywhere to rent because there's nothing available. When something does come up, there's a tonne of people queuing to see the property and they will offer more than the advertised price just to secure the rental property. So, because I don't work full time, my application isn't even looked at.
I'm not like my mother who married my stepfather for money and a big house in a posh neighbourhood. My stepfather was a pervert and I was expected to put up with his shit because my mother cared more about money. I could never marry only for money. Besides, my permanent use of crutches tends to turn men off asking me for a relationship and only creepy guys, like the stalker, have asked me for a relationship. They think my use of crutches means I won't have any standards and will accept the bottom of the barrel. I'm not embarrassed by my use of crutches. I do have standards, actually. If a decent guy or woman came along, I'd accept. Most of the men where I live are drug users or alcoholics who think there's nothing wrong with stealing underwear off my clothesline. I no longer dry my undies on the clothesline. The boonies seems to be full of people who live out here because they're creepy. I hate that I'm stuck here.
As for my adult daughter, in case people are wondering, she lives in New Zealand (I'm in Australia) and has schizophrenia, which, as it turns out, exists on her father side. I know this because her half siblings, whom I have had contact with, have similar sorts of things. No matter what I do or say, she's convinced I'm out to get her, which I'm not, not helped by her drug use that only makes her condition and paranoia much worse. We don't get along and, frankly, it's just exhausting. I'm not criticising those with schizophrenia on this forum as it's different for different people and I've advocated for many when I worked in community services.
So, yeah, at every fkn turn, my life has been fkd up by too many curve balls. I don't see a way out of here. Moving would improve my life, vastly. I've been stuck on this off grid property for 10 years and have been trying to find a way to move for 10 years. I stopped talking to family many years ago because they're so fkn toxic. I didn't want to be stuck for 10 years and don't want to be stuck here for another 10 years. The internet is so bad out here that I can't get a job even working from home.
Fuck my life.
Then, when I was 19 years old I was raped by a cop who offered me a lift home when his shift was over. I ended up raising that child - my, now adult, daughter - who is a result of that rape. I raised her with love because it wasn't her fault. You don't take it out on an innocent child. I had thought about giving her up for adoption but my mother said I shouldn't, which was part of a wider plan to keep me dependent on family. It meant that it was too hard to study or even hold down a job, though, as my daughter had behavioral disorders which are prevalent on her father's side. I read to her when I tucked her in at night, only had healthy food in the house, told her she is loved and often.
For the last 30 years, Victoria Police have bullied and harassed me after I tried to report the rape and because I tried to get child support from this prick. Even after this prick was thrown out of Vic Pol for sexually assaulting a female colleague and much later ended up on the sex offender register, I've still been harassed and bullied by police because I, again, tried to report what he did to me. Vic Pol is usually a boys' club so for him to get kicked out, his female colleague must have been from a policing family.
10 years ago, police took my privately owned home from me for having tried to report it again. I owned that home outright because my mother died and left me just enough to buy a home just outside the metropolitan area of Melbourne, in a rural area, but had a bus that took me to a train station. It wasn't worth city prices. I wasn't charged with anything because there was nothing to charge me with, but they just took my home to punish me for trying to report one of their own. Unable to work, having raised a child on my own and without family, I couldn't just buy another home and ended up moving to the middle of nowhere where there are no work opportunities.
For the past 9 years, I've had a stalker who is not an ex (everyone assumes) who police do nothing about, despite having a court order on this freak, because of who I am. This freak has damaged 3 of my vehicles to beyond repair and drivability. I hate that I can't get a job because I, again, don't have a working car. I've been offered a job driving cabs, but can't get to the job because I don't have a car at the moment. I can't afford another one and car insurance companies won't touch me because of the stalker.
My current home is a small dwelling on acreage, which those off grid tv shows paint as an ideal lifestyle, but it's injured my back. It's also worth so little that there's nothing else on the property market that is worth this little, so I can't move. The pandemic saw many people escaping to rural areas to avoid the constant lockdowns and restrictions. That further inflated prices in the area for on grid homes, further pricing me out of the market. I hate the fkn stalker but can't move anywhere.
I use crutches on a permanent basis, as I have degenerative disc disease, with nerves in my spine being pressed, which wouldn't have gotten this bad if I didn't live off the grid. The labour intensive environment sped up the degeneration and I've spent a fortune on chiropractors and physios. It's not so bad when I've stayed in a normal place and my back isn't put to the test everyday.
I'm not eligible for social housing because I own this shithole, even if it's worth so little. I do have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, but mine was fairly mild until I was forced to move to this shithole. It doesn't increase my chances of getting social housing because of disability. I can't find anywhere to rent because there's nothing available. When something does come up, there's a tonne of people queuing to see the property and they will offer more than the advertised price just to secure the rental property. So, because I don't work full time, my application isn't even looked at.
I'm not like my mother who married my stepfather for money and a big house in a posh neighbourhood. My stepfather was a pervert and I was expected to put up with his shit because my mother cared more about money. I could never marry only for money. Besides, my permanent use of crutches tends to turn men off asking me for a relationship and only creepy guys, like the stalker, have asked me for a relationship. They think my use of crutches means I won't have any standards and will accept the bottom of the barrel. I'm not embarrassed by my use of crutches. I do have standards, actually. If a decent guy or woman came along, I'd accept. Most of the men where I live are drug users or alcoholics who think there's nothing wrong with stealing underwear off my clothesline. I no longer dry my undies on the clothesline. The boonies seems to be full of people who live out here because they're creepy. I hate that I'm stuck here.
As for my adult daughter, in case people are wondering, she lives in New Zealand (I'm in Australia) and has schizophrenia, which, as it turns out, exists on her father side. I know this because her half siblings, whom I have had contact with, have similar sorts of things. No matter what I do or say, she's convinced I'm out to get her, which I'm not, not helped by her drug use that only makes her condition and paranoia much worse. We don't get along and, frankly, it's just exhausting. I'm not criticising those with schizophrenia on this forum as it's different for different people and I've advocated for many when I worked in community services.
So, yeah, at every fkn turn, my life has been fkd up by too many curve balls. I don't see a way out of here. Moving would improve my life, vastly. I've been stuck on this off grid property for 10 years and have been trying to find a way to move for 10 years. I stopped talking to family many years ago because they're so fkn toxic. I didn't want to be stuck for 10 years and don't want to be stuck here for another 10 years. The internet is so bad out here that I can't get a job even working from home.
Fuck my life.
Last edited:
Similar threads
Suicide Discussion
Buh-bye!