Anyone else with mental health issues feel like this?

[joydivision]

So after reading these threads for weeks now, I have finally joined. But oddly enough today is the first day in a long time I don't want to kill myself. I am just wondering if anyone else feels like this? Let me explain. I have been on one of my long downward spirals where my medication isn't doing a fucking thing and all I want do is end it rather than spend another day feeling like this. Then all of a sudden today I feel good. This has happened a few times in the last 5 years but it only seems to last a few days, maybe a couple of weeks.

 

[Bandzbandz]

I don't really have that. There are times when I do feel that things will get better but then I'm like, what's the point of everything if I'm just suffering still.
But I know a lot of people do. And that's why it's ok to take a step back from everything and do YOU! And DO NOT go into any research of methods or even thinking about approaching it because you sound like you're having a difficult time but sound hopeful still. If there was a glimpse of hope for me, I wouldn't even get this far into thinking.
It's okay not to be okay! But don't rush into anything unless there is NO WAY OUT. You're okay. You're going to be okay.

 

[Bandzbandz]

So after reading these threads for weeks now, I have finally joined. But oddly enough today is the first day in a long time I don't want to kill myself. I am just wondering if anyone else feels like this? Let me explain. I have been on one of my long downward spirals where my medication isn't doing a fucking thing and all I want do is end it rather than spend another day feeling like this. Then all of a sudden today I feel good. This has happened a few times in the last 5 years but it only seems to last a few days, maybe a couple of weeks.

If you feel like you just need somebody who understands to listen, surely message me. I'm here and keen to help you with whatever I can.

 

[great-ape99]

So after reading these threads for weeks now, I have finally joined. But oddly enough today is the first day in a long time I don't want to kill myself. I am just wondering if anyone else feels like this? Let me explain. I have been on one of my long downward spirals where my medication isn't doing a fucking thing and all I want do is end it rather than spend another day feeling like this. Then all of a sudden today I feel good. This has happened a few times in the last 5 years but it only seems to last a few days, maybe a couple of weeks.

I have dealt with severe depression, and I have N ready to use any minute. But I am not depressed anymore. And I want to live a full healthy life. Then when the time is right and I can't go anymore I will end my life on my own terms.

 

[Bandzbandz]

I have dealt with severe depression, and I have N ready to use any minute. But I am not depressed anymore. And I want to live a full healthy life. Then when the time is right and I can't go anymore I will end my life on my own terms.

My heart just skipped a beat at the joy that I have gotten from reading this!
IM SOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU! And I'm so glad to hear that you've made that choice. I hope you find peace within yourself first and dedicate lots of time to heal - you ALWAYS come first. Please live for those of us who cannot.

 

[joydivision]

I feel like I should explain my story ....it's a whooper of a story. But it really messed up my head. It's long though. Maybe I should type it all out and let everyone weigh in.

 

[Crazycatlady72]

I have fleeting moments of optimism but everything always goes to hell again. Most often my own doing. Sometimes after venting, I actually do feel a little better.

 

[Bandzbandz]

I feel like I should explain my story ....it's a whooper of a story. But it really messed up my head. It's long though. Maybe I should type it all out and let everyone weigh in.

Please do! That's what we're here for, listen and support you with whatever decision you choose to make.

 

[joydivision]

I have dealt with severe depression, and I have N ready to use any minute. But I am not depressed anymore. And I want to live a full healthy life. Then when the time is right and I can't go anymore I will end my life on my own terms.

Can I ask if it was medication that made the difference or was it something else?

 

[great-ape99]

My heart just skipped a beat at the joy that I have gotten from reading this!
IM SOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU! And I'm so glad to hear that you've made that choice. I hope you find peace within yourself first and dedicate lots of time to heal - you ALWAYS come first. Please live for those of us who cannot.

Thank you for the support. ;) And yes even though I am generally healthy I still have some mental baggage I should work through. So thanks for that. :)

 

[joydivision]

Please do! That's what we're here for, listen and support you with whatever decision you choose to make.

OK I am going to start typing it tonight and post soon.

 

[Dead_Inside]

Yep. Don't know if I love those days or hate them.

 

[user90872]

I have absurd mood swings (I'm not maniac, though) and this kind of thing happens every damn time. It's actually funny in a way that I can cry my eyes out for two weeks straight and then suddenly, without any logical reason whatsoever, I feel relaxed and at peace. My problems are as bad as they were, but I'm having a good time. This tendency started showing after my suicide attempt. It really did bother me at first and it still does to some extent, but now I'm just ignoring all this nonsense and I try to go with the flow.

 

[Bandzbandz]

I have absurd mood swings (I'm not maniac, though) and this kind of thing happens every damn time. It's actually funny in a way that I can cry my eyes out for two weeks straight and then suddenly, without any logical reason whatsoever, I feel relaxed and at peace. My problems are as bad as they were, but I'm having a good time. This tendency started showing after my suicide attempt. It really did bother me at first and it still does to some extent, but now I'm just ignoring all this nonsense and I try to go with the flow.

I believe that "at peace" feeling comes from the realization that suicide is in fact an option. I feel the same way.

 

[shadow11]

I believe that "at peace" feeling comes from the realization that suicide is in fact an option. I feel the same way.

I think so too if it gets too bad I can just do it the rope is hanging in the closet for assurance

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

I have good days and good moments where I feel better, but they're rare.
I'm not sure if it's mental illness or just PMS xD

 

[okyeah]

Yep mood swings every week. The best and most stable I've felt was when I was working on a goal. However I have learned that goals for me are pointless and don't really lead to anything. So sometimes I'll start daydreaming about accomplishing a goal and I'll feel better. Then I snap back to reality and realize it's all BS.

 

[shadow11]

So after reading these threads for weeks now, I have finally joined. But oddly enough today is the first day in a long time I don't want to kill myself. I am just wondering if anyone else feels like this? Let me explain. I have been on one of my long downward spirals where my medication isn't doing a fucking thing and all I want do is end it rather than spend another day feeling like this. Then all of a sudden today I feel good. This has happened a few times in the last 5 years but it only seems to last a few days, maybe a couple of weeks.

Never have good days anxiety is debilitating barely can move from the couch

 

[SamK]

i cant remember the last time i had a mental break from all this

good topic though

 

[Smilla]

I feel like hell all of the time, without a break. No mood swings for me.

 

[DF90]

Yes, I do. Happens to me a few times a month though.

 

[QueenEtna]

As long as i have games i will be in a good mood :P i need constant distraction other wise i will start having bad thoughts. Only night time i get really depressed since I just lay there and think all night i hardly get any sleep around 2-4 hours max.

 

[joydivision]

ok so I have another question. Actually I have a few questions before I tell my story. Perhaps I'll start a new thread for some of them though. Anyways for those of you who do have these insane manic episodes, have you ever felt like it was more than just mental illness, like there was something physically wrong with you? The other day I wen to the hospital. Not because I wanted help but because I thought there might be something wrong physically. I thought (and prayed) that it was cancer, making for an easy, guilt free way out. I was having night sweats, migraine, trouble sleeping, vertigo, bruising easily , no energy at all ....and so forth. Alas, it wasn't. The doctor ran some blood tests to rule out everything else. Nothing. He told me that often people with mental illness think they have some sort of physical illness. These symptoms seemed to get progressively worse and then all of sudden after a week they stopped. And like I said at at the top of the thread, I don't want to kill myself. No change in meds or anything. So has anyone else gone through these manic episodes thinking they have a physical illness?

 

[Volatile]

Whenever novelty enters my life, my suicidal thoughts die down for awhile. I'm starting a new semester today so it interests me. That feeling will last a few weeks