I always wish for someone, anyone to just kill me. That way, I have indesputeable "excuse" to go out from this world to the next.
Like, I'm thinking about how anyone that's close to me would feel if I just one day dies because I choose to? They'll probably blame themself or maybe thinking that I'm "selfish" for doing that. If I suddenly died because I got killed, no one that I care about can blame themself about my death, right? Even if it's a brutal and painful death, I would still choose to be killed by some maniac than ctb. Sadly, I've been waiting my whole life for someone that want to kill me, and there was none lol so here I am, searching my way to ctb..