Anyone else wish things were better instead of having to ctb?

[bigj75]

Oh of course. We all want to live. We just want a quality of life worth living.

 

[undertherainbow]

No.
Been there done that. The world is going to shit. I've had it all and I've had nothing. I was unhappy with both. Depressions a bitch.

 

[TengoK]

I can't remember a time when I was last content - it's been a few years - but by now I almost wish I didn't remember it. The worst part is that I do. I sometimes go to sleep at night (if and when I can sleep) with the memories drifting through my mind. Even silly things like conversations I once had with a friend, or with friends. I know no one now. A few people on social media who will occasionally say "Miss you". But that's it. It means nothing. And if I try to suggest meeting up, regaining some of that friendship, they soon disappear back into the background again.

I am desperately, desperately lonely. There are a few different reasons why I think of ctb, but utter, abject, overwhelming loneliness is the main one.

I think in recent weeks I've somehow convinced myself that I want to ctb - even though I haven't yet gone through with it. But if I could experience even a little human warmth, a little companionship, I might find some reason to live.

 

[Nem]

Definitely. I wasn't depressed until 4 mo ago when a doctor ruined my life. If he didn't I would be happy and living a normal life.

Damn Shay, same thing happened to me and I swear it's the worst. Wanting to die because someone screwed you over is the worst way to feel...how can things be any worse?
Peace

 

[VincentValentine]

Well yeah. When I previously considered suicide a few yrs ago, I said that I would wait a few years to see if things got better and I could be happy. But that didn't happen so since now I know that was just wishful thinking rather than a realistic possibly, I have to do this.

 

[Final Escape]

i do. The sadder and lonelier I get the more I just want to connect with people.

Death is attractive when I don't feel lonely or sad but just miserable and fed up with life.

Yes, I went to Walmart today and I swear I thought I was in a shithole country lol! So depressing now in some Walmarts. I swear the majority of the people who go in there look impoverished or maybe overnourished.

 

[Nem]

Yep, a few years ago my Dr nicely tried to kill me with his ignorance and I pay for that every single day since this happened.
This sucks complete azz for sure and before I met my fiance I was doing pretty darn good but not now...at all and it's very sad.

 

[NoHope]

No, I actually want to just stop existing. I'm very tired of life and I don't enjoy anything anyway, there are no things that are so good that they would make me want to live. I want to have no thoughts, no memories, no feelings or senses, no desires. Just the perfect nothingness.

 

[Final Escape]

Yep, a few years ago my Dr nicely tried to kill me with his ignorance and I pay for that every single day since this happened.
This sucks complete azz for sure and before I met my fiance I was doing pretty darn good but not now...at all and it's very sad.

What happened?

 

[Nem]

What happened?

My Dr prescribed a dangerous combo of meds after I told him I was taking natural supplements. He said it was okay to take, after taking them two days I told my fiance that I wanted to stop them since j was getting sick and we were on vacation. She got angry like a a-hole that she was and demanded I keep taking them. I didn't want to deal with any silent treatment and two weeks later I suffered brain, kidney, muscle and nerve damage....ruined my life x10.
To top it off, when I told my fiance what happened she completely didn't give a shit. Probably should've gone berserk and burned the house down etc

 

[Schopenhauer]

Yes, I went to Walmart today and I swear I thought I was in a shithole country lol! So depressing now in some Walmarts. I swear the majority of the people who go in there look impoverished or maybe overnourished.

I live in an actual shithole country. Imagine how awful it is every day... Nonetheless, I guess I'm the problem, since most people in my country report higher than average happiness

 

[Shay]

Damn Shay, same thing happened to me and I swear it's the worst. Wanting to die because someone screwed you over is the worst way to feel...how can things be any worse?
Peace

I know. It sucks. It really does. And I blame myself for not fighting back. I tried. And knew drugs are evil. And I caved. 4 months of absolute hell and the doctor goes on with his life

 

[Nem]

I know. It sucks. It really does. And I blame myself for not fighting back. I tried. And knew drugs are evil. And I caved. 4 months of absolute hell and the doctor goes on with his life

Yep, I knew better too than to even go on any meds or even carry on the relationship from the start with my fiance. There was stupidity all over the place, mainly just taking the meds...this just sucks

 

[Shay]

Yep, I knew better too than to even go on any meds or even carry on the relationship from the start with my fiance. There was stupidity all over the place, mainly just taking the meds...this just sucks

I know. I'm so sorry. It's not just a little mistake like everyone keeps telling me. This isn't oops I forgot to take the dog out or sorry to hurt someone's feelings. This was my life.

 

[Final Escape]

I live in an actual shithole country. Imagine how awful it is every day... Nonetheless, I guess I'm the problem, since most people in my country report higher than average happiness

Where do u live if u don't mind me asking? Plus it's not because of other cultures that a country turns into a shithole. It's also because of the welfare state, central planning which leads to more unequal distribution of wealth due to state control over various services and goods that people need. Multiculturalism doesn't work well either because most people have ingroup preferences which is completely normal. Different cultures don't have same iq's or values and not all cultures are tolerant of other groups.

 

[bigj75]

No.
Been there done that. The world is going to shit. I've had it all and I've had nothing. I was unhappy with both. Depressions a bitch.

Damn I can't say that. I've had it all and when I had it all I wasn't depressed. I can't imagine having every thing and all still not being happy.

 

[Mr2005]

I'd love nothing more than to be happy and to have the life I want but that would require a time machine

 

[Lovemykids]

Wish to have my children back

 

[AaaSssDdd]

Definitely! But then again I think of all the little things that make life painful. Routines that are simple for others, chores for me. Maybe if I wasn't mentally ill, maybe if I wasn't a perfectionist, maybe. I'll never be happy in this body, in this mind though.

 

[Aesthler]

Yeah, I'd bargain for an extra ten good years.

 

[undertherainbow]

Damn I can't say that. I've had it all and when I had it all I wasn't depressed. I can't imagine having every thing and all still not being happy.

Yeah it blows. And theres only so much medication in the world...I've made peace with it though

 

[deathbycakes]

i do, but since the thing that can make me better is impossible so i'll stick to CTB plan.
life is just unfair.

 

[bigj75]

i do, but since the thing that can make me better is impossible so i'll stick to CTB plan.
life is just unfair.

I honestly think people make life far more unfair for each other than it actually is.

 

[Trashcan]

Yes. But the things I want to escape are unfixable. :/ Man I want to be forgotten when I die... good news is I'm not well known and unpopular, so I'll likely be forgotten.

 

[Roph]

I do... but it wasn't meant to be.

 

[faex42]

Absolutely but I have reasons to believe that my life will only get good worse.

 

[Essie]

That is all I think about 24/7. Before this happened 3 years ago, I'd spent 20 years working to finally have a "real" life, and got a better one than I'd even dreamt to have. Had just achieved it. Then a long serious of medical mistakes left me entirely crippled head to toe and in more pain than I could ever imagine. My brain can't comprehend this.

 

[MAIO]

i do. The sadder and lonelier I get the more I just want to connect with people.

Death is attractive when I don't feel lonely or sad but just miserable and fed up with life.

Nah I am not miserable or fed up with life, I am good . I just feel death-the only inevitable is the best option for me. I am ready to set sail for the west.'

 

[Zaynaldeen]

My Dr prescribed a dangerous combo of meds after I told him I was taking natural supplements. He said it was okay to take, after taking them two days I told my fiance that I wanted to stop them since j was getting sick and we were on vacation. She got angry like a a-hole that she was and demanded I keep taking them. I didn't want to deal with any silent treatment and two weeks later I suffered brain, kidney, muscle and nerve damage....ruined my life x10.
To top it off, when I told my fiance what happened she completely didn't give a shit. Probably should've gone berserk and burned the house down etc

Damn man, I feel for you. I would rather just torture that so-called doctor to death than kill myself. I hope you will find peace soon.

 

[Nem]

I know. I'm so sorry. It's not just a little mistake like everyone keeps telling me. This isn't oops I forgot to take the dog out or sorry to hurt someone's feelings. This was my life.

Exactly...it's YOUR fucking life!!! I swear some drs should be publicly hanged...I'd be in the first row and wouldn't miss it for the world.
Peace bro