Anyone else wish things were better instead of having to ctb?

[Volatile]

i do. The sadder and lonelier I get the more I just want to connect with people.

Death is attractive when I don't feel lonely or sad but just miserable and fed up with life.

 

[Wantingpeace]

Oh yes

I'm sorryn

 

[Shay]

Definitely. I wasn't depressed until 4 mo ago when a doctor ruined my life. If he didn't I would be happy and living a normal life.

 

[Throwaway563078]

Yes. I don't really want to die. But death is pretty attractive since I'm been struggling most of my life. Wish I wasn't so fucked up and traumatized and had the ability to be content.

 

[AndyCurious]

Yes. I don't really want to die. But death is pretty attractive since I'm been struggling most of my life. Wish I wasn't so fucked up and traumatized and had the ability to be content.

Exactly my thoughts too Throwaway... Hugs <3

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Yes, I want to believe in a better future but judging by the way everything has gone so far, I don't see it happening.

I think as such you can divide the userbase here into multiple categories: those who have decided to end it regardless, those who still have hope, those who simply think ctb should be an acceptable option, etc.

 

[Airhead]

It's really difficult. It's sort of a gamble either way. I could stay alive and hope there's a small percentage chance that things will get better. Or I could end it and ensure I won't feel pain. I'm still in the process of deciding but I have my means prepared.

 

[Throwaway563078]

Exactly my thoughts too Throwaway... Hugs <3

*hugs back* :)

 

[AndyCurious]

*hugs back* :)

Thank you ;-) ♡

 

[Jblack]

I do at times wish things could be better. But life is cruel, at least for me and I have those moments when I know that I am ready to exit. I have not settled on a method but know that at some point I will exit the painful life I live. I do want that exit to be as painless as possible. I think that I at least deserve that much

 

[Limbo]

Of course, I was content 5 months ago

 

[Throwaway563078]

I do at times wish things could be better. But life is cruel, at least for me and I have those moments when I know that I am ready to exit. I have not settled on a method but know that at some point I will exit the painful life I live. I do want that exit to be as painless as possible. I think that I at least deserve that much

I hope your exit will be as peaceful as possible.

 

[Volatile]

Of course, I was content 5 months ago

What's it like suddenly not feeling alright anymore?

 

[Kogoruhn]

I wish i didn't have this illness. For me and my family. Life has been always hard for me but i always pushed forward. At least until 4 years ago. I hate that i reached an irreversible point where i have to ctb or live at 30% normal.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I don't. I think the problem is with my whole personality, not just my life circumstances (although they are pretty bad too). But I'd be willing to give life another chance if I earned a few million dollars and could live in luxury isolated from the rest of mankind.

 

[Volatile]

I don't. I think the problem is with my whole personality, not just my life circumstances (although they are pretty bad too). But I'd be willing to give life another chance if I earned a few million dollars and could live in luxury isolated from the rest of mankind.

Do you have any personality disorders?

 

[Schopenhauer]

Do you have any personality disorders?

I've never been formally diagnosed. But I'm quite certain I've a degree of autism. I'm just maladpted to life in a society. Or life in general....

 

[Rocky M]

Of course. I would give what little I have left to have my old friend back. She's all I need but she doesn't care

 

[Limbo]

What's it like suddenly not feeling alright anymore?

It feels like a dream.

 

[Ella Disenchanted]

So much. I wish so badly that things had turned out differently. I breaks my heart into a million pieces to know I have no other choice.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I think I'm past that point already. I've accepted my situation and I'm glad to leave soon. Anything else would just raise false hopes and I know they won't lead anywhere. I've been struggling in that weird state between hope and desire to leave for such a long time and my hopes got crushed every single time so I'm not falling for it anymore. I simply want to get it over with. Accepting my situation gave me so much peace.

 

[Jai]

i do. The sadder and lonelier I get the more I just want to connect with people.

Death is attractive when I don't feel lonely or sad but just miserable and fed up with life.

I'm sure everyone here would think so

 

[Going Home]

I wish but I know things will NEVER get better. Things are getting worse daily. Certain people are determined to make my life miserable and uncomfortable financially and emotionally. I'm ready for a release from the psychological terrorism.
I dream of being at peace, being free and cannot wait to get there. I'm still looking for a partner around my age, 40s, near San Diego Ca. Right now I can't travel.

 

[Sun Stealer]

Don't think there is a person here who does not wish they could live that illusionary dream you see on the adverts.

 

[Jon]

I would like life to get better, but how I feel is that the clock is ticking. It's like that sensation of watching the clock tick after the morning alarm has sounded. I don't want to leave the comfort of my bed, yet I know, inevitability I have to.

I'm still going as normal, I take pleasure in a number of hobbies, and just bought some creatine (along with the blue rope someone recommended me to buy on another thread), so I'm going to start doing pull-ups and hopefully build some muscle, then it's possible I could start dating again.

So for now at least, I'm working on a way of staying in while planning a way out in case circumstances push to do so. They surely will at some point, just want to be ready.

A nice little quote from Seneca fits quite nicely here:

There is not one of us who thinks of the time when he must leave this apartment. We are like aging tenants, who even when mistreated still allow themselves to be detained by habit and by their fondness for the place. Do you want to be free as concerns your body? Dwell in it as one who will move on. Keep in mind that you must someday be deprived of this habitation; you will then face your eviction more courageously.​

 

[Sun Stealer]

Jon you and me the same. Getting out of bed is horror. Leaving house is horror.

 

[0blivi0n]

That's why I love sleep: it's the only time when I don't have to face how horrid this life is.

 

[Sun Stealer]

Never going to date again though. Too much pain

 

[Sun Stealer]

Oblivion live attacks me in my sleep

 

[Jon]

Never going to date again though. Too much pain

So true, in fact my whole downfall started when I broke up with my ex. Almost six years ago. A huge regret on my part, every morning she would make me coffee and bring it to me while I was still in bed. I've dated many women, but no one was as loving and caring as her, but I just wasn't happy and I started desiring other women. A huge mistake, nothing is more painful than remorse, the memories form a mental scar which I just cannot seem to heal.