Anyone else who’s life has been ruined by psychedelics?

[DreamEnd]

Took Ayahuasca and now suffer severe ptsd from it

 

[GasMonkey]

@Lonerzepam has HPPD.

 

[spinningship]

Don't trust anyone anymore after lsd. Shouldn't have in the first place though. It made me see how little of a person i truly am.

 

[releasespieces]

Sorry that happened. I hope you can find a way to cope. Would you like to explain better your experiences that were so traumatic? Perfectly understandable if it's too upsetting.

Where did you take it? Don't some shamans or facilitators advise against it if they think it will be an issue? Have you considered trying to work with an indigenous healer to resolve issues involved with the experience?

 

[ThisIsLife]

It made me see how little of a person i truly am.

?

 

[DreamEnd]

Sorry that happened. I hope you can find a way to cope. Would you like to explain better your experiences that were so traumatic? Perfectly understandable if it's too upsetting.

Where did you take it? Don't some shamans or facilitators advise against it if they think it will be an issue? Have you considered trying to work with an indigenous healer to resolve issues involved with the experience?

I took it at a "church" in Florida with a good ayasceuro who trained in Peru. The ceremony was dark and painful. A lot of horror came up and terror. I could not process any of it. Then a month later it started with anxiety, panic attacks and flashbacks

 

[Dextroid]

Drugs in general have probably made my problems worse, but part of me doesn't want to admit that. Part of me thinks drugs are what are keeping me alive and that means they're good, but I can hardly think sometimes due to my desire to get more, and a lot of my life nowadays is spent wishing I was high. Shrooms were an experience that made me feel enlightened at the time, but I think the way I see the world now is worse. I wanna leave it more now that I've seen what other realities might look like. Basically, anyone who's curious about that stuff, don't do drugs. Please. I prefer you go on living instead of wanting to ctb more.

 

[brokenpersi]

Took a lot of schrooms and it actually helped to get better mood. Sorry to hear that something, thats should actually help you did the wrong thing.

 

[releasespieces]

I took it at a "church" in Florida with a good ayasceuro who trained in Peru. The ceremony was dark and painful. A lot of horror came up and terror. I could not process any of it. Then a month later it started with anxiety, panic attacks and flashbacks

Did you suffer from depression and other issues like that prior to taking it? Is your family life okay? Have you had any head injuries or concussions?

 

[DreamEnd]

Did you suffer from depression and other issues like that prior to taking it? Is your family life okay? Have you had any head injuries or concussions?

No everything everywhere was normal

 

[releasespieces]

Have you talked to the church or the ayasceuro about it?

 

[immrw]

I wouldn't say my life is ruined, but I took a 3.5g dose of shrooms alone the day before my birthday. Ended up being a nightmare trip, I don't even like thinking about it. I felt so lonely, realized how alone I truly am. I don't really have anyone that understands me or cares for me. All the pain from going days without someone checking in on me hit, and it created this hole in my stomach. Felt like everything around me was falling apart and I permanently fucked myself up and reversed years of therapy. It feels like now I'm hypersensitive to being alone (which I am 95% of the time). My apartment no longer feels safe. It sucks. I wouldn't advise anyone to try psychedelics if they're even a little bit depressed. Shit will bring out your worst demons.

 

[body_snatcher]

In some ways they helped me, but they made me twice as detached from others. Also my mushroom use led to severe psychotic episodes and year long HPPD. I would see cats run around my house that weren't there, things moved on their own, walls were moving, etc. for an entire year. And I had to hide my vivid hallucinations from everyone in my life so I wouldn't get taken away. Had a complete and total mental breakdown. They in a way destroyed me, I have never been the same. Luckily I have recovered from the HPPD. I've been to hell and back with them. I still question if what I'm experiencing is real often.

 

[Pluto]

There is a forum that I can recommend joining since there are people there who have extensive knowledge on this topic. It's not necessarily an unworkable situation. Here is a current discussion:

Can psychedelics open you to dark realms that stay with you?

My friend said psychedelics can open you to darker realms that stay in your consciousness after the trip is over. Fact or bs?

www.actualized.org

 

[qwerty1969]

I have had a similar reaction but not by psychedelics but simply by downing a drug cocktail. Be very careful what you mix. I took a prescription anti-anxiety drug, paracetamol, a prescription antibiotic, and a prescription painkiller.

 

[MarleySeraphim]

ive done acid like very frequently over the year and ironically i feel like life has less of a purpose and just got myself into a cycle of doing so much acid i couldnt tell fact from fiction

 

[WaitingToGo]

I've done shrooms 3 or 4 times. Used to be easy to buy and totally legal (sadly no more) in my country. The first time was definitely the best, had a really bad trip when I was depressed and haven't had any since. You have to be really in a good place mentally to enjoy and have a good trip with them. I wouldn't dare take any now.

 

[qwerty1969]

I first attempted ctb approximately 18 months or so ago and this all came about due a botched medical procedure that left me with a desire to end my life. I first tried cutting myself and ended up in hospital. The second time was shortly after this where I downed a combination of medications which has proven to be the biggest single mistake of my entire life. Since the overdosing I have attempted to hang myself of which I got very close as I did blackout. With regard to the overdosing I took paracetamol, anti-anxiety medication, painkillers, and antibiotics. Upon taking the medication I blacked out for 10 hours. The unfortunate thing now is that I am suffering with absolutely horrific nightmares that has made my life unbearable. I have also developed some issues all related to the overdosing which includes headaches, tinnitus, sensitivity to light, sound, and smell. I frequently twitch when I try to lay down and rest and the list goes on. I have consulted doctors and a psychiatrist and all they want to do is put me on more medication namely benzos which I refuse to take. One of the frustrating things is that everyone always says it's just a dream but it's much more than that. The dreams range from everything from the sensation I am being suffocated all the way through to dreaming that I am being raped. I read the hppb post yesterday and I can very much relate to this as this is what I experience in my sleep. I have not had a decent sleep in over a year and when I do fall asleep I wake up traumatised. This can happen 20 times over a period of 24 hours. So my word of warning is be very very careful taking medication cocktails because you have absolutely no idea how you will react neurologically. I am still trying to figure out how I am going to live the rest of my life. I am even more suicidal now because of the whole new set of issues I have from the overdosing.

 

[Lxions]

Drugs like psychedelics and opioids have ruined my life as much as I truly hate to admit that. It's caused major sensory issues and cognitive function delays. it's heightened my mood swings from my BPD, and made my PTSD episodes that much more extreme. I lack the ability to think clearly most of the time, and make rational decisions; and I'm unable to make close relationships/trust others. I suggest to anyone reading this to just never start, it isn't worth it.

 

[nosoul]

Dmt ruined me, I used heavily for 6 months, have insomnia, no appetite, anxiety and depression, though it was interesting in the beginning, it really fried my brain, hence my desire to ctb, among some other things. I'm a total mess now after abusing it, 6 months multiple times a day pure crystal dmt I extracted myself

 

[PongoHangs]

I've been doing Psychedelic drugs along with other substances for a long time now, and it honestly has ruined me. I don't feel like a good person. The things I've done while on Acid, Shrooms, DMT, and other drugs that don't count as Hallucinations like Coke, Xans, Perks, etc. Then things I've done to get high, I have so much guilt built around drugs, and alcohol because substance abuse has ended my life. I'm a hollowed-out version of who I used to be, I'm a junkie. I used to promise myself I'd never get into substances since multiple mental illnesses, drug dependencies, and just addiction in general run on both my parent's sides. It's too late now though, my life is already over, and I'm already dead.

ive done acid like very frequently over the year and ironically i feel like life has less of a purpose and just got myself into a cycle of doing so much acid i couldnt tell fact from fiction

I know what you mean, I have honestly started to believe I was going insane. Over the past year, I've been doing a shit ton of Acid, and since you're tolerance increases with the more you take I've just been taking more and more tabs. Because I'm at such a low point that I would rather fuck up my sense of reality than take a tolerance break. I just get a feeling while on LSDS that I can't find with any other drug, and definitely not while I'm sober.

 

[LigottiSchopenhauer]

LSD trapped me in a permanent adolescence. I started doing it heavily when I was 16, and I'm convinced that it ruined my brain's ability to develop normally.

 

[LookAway]

No. They have only helped me develop understand myself and others on a deeper level. I have gotten stuck in trauma loops before though and had to go back into the same situation that caused it to work through whatever I wasn't finished working through. They don't work for everyone. Sorry you're going through this.
Research chemicals did fuck me up though. Not including LSD.

 

[Lo Priest]

LSD trapped me in a permanent adolescence. I started doing it heavily when I was 16, and I'm convinced that it ruined my brain's ability to develop normally.

Hey curtis could you elaborate on your experience? i as well started at 16 and it seems we're on similar boats, would like your perspective.

 

[LigottiSchopenhauer]

Hey curtis could you elaborate on your experience? i as well started at 16 and it seems we're on similar boats, would like your perspective.

For sure. Back when I was 16, I dropped acid maybe twice a month. This culminated in a nightmare experience where I did 5 tabs and became convinced that I was "stuck" or "trapped" in a permanent loop, and that this loop is the basic substance of reality. The word "loop" is a nasty mind virus when you're on acid. I felt that my thoughts were repeating infinitely and that I was approaching some state of total annihilation through being subsumed into the loop that underlies all of existence. Obviously, the drug wore off and I didn't get literally stuck with a permanent high, but I feel that I was somehow "cursed" by this experience. I think it may have been my subconscious telling me that I had wrecked my normal brain development through heavy chronic use of this drug, and that I was doomed to experience my adolescent mental health challenges long past the time when they should have ended. I'm 25 now, and I still haven't overcome any of the issues that plagued me when I was in high school. I'm still an angsty teenager in many ways, and I suspect that acid may be to blame for this.

 

[parader]

omg they're my only hope right now
i'm desperate for something that works for me and don't think i can handle another dead end after transcranial magnetic stimulation
i've had problems with substance abuse before but never psychedelics (does zolpidem count?)
i watched all those youtubers and TED speakers saying how great and promising psilocybin can be and i'm betting everything on it because i don't have anything else
should i keep searching for something else?
i've used it twice, the first time was nice the second was neutral

 

[LigottiSchopenhauer]

omg they're my only hope right now
i'm desperate for something that works for me and don't think i can handle another dead end after transcranial magnetic stimulation
i've had problems with substance abuse before but never psychedelics (does zolpidem count?)
i watched all those youtubers and TED speakers saying how great and promising psilocybin can be and i'm betting everything on it because i don't have anything else
should i keep searching for something else?
i've used it twice, the first time was nice the second was neutral

Here's my advice as someone with tons of psychedelic experience, and you can take it or leave it: Most people who get into these drugs are searching for something that they never find. In all the time that I spent "tracing the invisible web," I never found what I was looking for. Right now, psilocybin and ketamine therapy is the hot new fad in mental health treatment, but the history of psychiatry and psychology is chock full of supposedly promising new treatments that turned out to be dead ends (I'm thinking of orgone therapy, primal scream therapy, etc.). In my opinion, psychedelics will do nothing for a depressed and/or suicidal person besides make those feelings stronger and more deeply ingrained. If your first trip was nice and the second trip neutral, I think there's a good chance that your experience will continue to decline and get worse, and you might end up having a truly bad trip in the future.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I've done shrooms and LSD a bit since my mid 20s, but I have used infrequently (maybe 3 trips a year max). I think at first it was a net positive for me, but as my mental health got worse, the trips stopped helping or actively made me worse. I think they have contributed to how detached I feel from other humans.

 

[parader]

Here's my advice as someone with tons of psychedelic experience, and you can take it or leave it: Most people who get into these drugs are searching for something that they never find. In all the time that I spent "tracing the invisible web," I never found what I was looking for. Right now, psilocybin and ketamine therapy is the hot new fad in mental health treatment, but the history of psychiatry and psychology is chock full of supposedly promising new treatments that turned out to be dead ends (I'm thinking of orgone therapy, primal scream therapy, etc.). In my opinion, psychedelics will do nothing for a depressed and/or suicidal person besides make those feelings stronger and more deeply ingrained. If your first trip was nice and the second trip neutral, I think there's a good chance that your experience will continue to decline and get worse, and you might end up having a truly bad trip in the future.

the first time i took 2 grams of shrooms, it felt nice and like life was worth living, like i was close to something that would mean something if only i kept trying
it held peace and comfort
the second time i took 3 grams and i felt like begging to a wall to help me, like i was screaming into the void and waiting for a good answer that never came
people say how crazy their trips are, how they visit other realities and such, but i've never felt more realistic and grounded in my whole life
and what i came to realize this second time is that i can't trust this will solve all my problems no matter how much expectation i put on it
and it scares the shit out of me because i don't know what else to do
i wish i could be those people who uses it and feel good for 6 months, to me it lasted like what, a week maybe?

 

[LigottiSchopenhauer]

the first time i took 2 grams of shrooms, it felt nice and like life was worth living, like i was close to something that would mean something if only i kept trying
it held peace and comfort
the second time i took 3 grams and i felt like begging to a wall to help me, like i was screaming into the void and waiting for a good answer that never came
people say how crazy their trips are, how they visit other realities and such, but i've never felt more realistic and grounded in my whole life
and what i came to realize this second time is that i can't trust this will solve all my problems no matter how much expectation i put on it
and it scares the shit out of me because i don't know what else to do
i wish i could be those people who uses it and feel good for 6 months, to me it lasted like what, a week maybe?

To be fair, it does seem like shrooms are safer and less likely to cause a traumatic bad trip than acid or the other more recently synthesized psychedelics. But your description of your second trip is really reminiscent to me of many trips I've had, where I kept waiting and begging for the "good trip" that never arrived, and ended up disappointed and frustrated. Every experience is a roll of the dice, you can never really predict whether it's gonna be good or bad.