Discussion Anyone else want to kill themselves because they're a bad person?

[kosmischerunfall]

Do you want to ctb because you think you're a bad person?
Did you do some stuff that is unforgivable and now you can't cope with what you have done?

I want to kill myself because i have done some pretty bad things, especially as a child.
I also have those disgusting thoughts about hurting other people..
I know i would be never capable of that but it's still haunting to me.. why do I have these thoughts?
I think death would be to merciful, but on the other hand the world would be better off if i didn't exist, lol.

I wish i could apologise to everyone i have harmed, send them letters before suicide, buy some chocolate♡~

I was wronged in the first place because i was born, yes my family harmed me but i can't blame everything on them..

Please help me:(

 

[Withered]

I've been an asshole (to say the least) to people in the past---people to whom above all else I should have given my love. However, I don't think that me doing those bad things constitutes me being a bad person, especially since I am remorseful and haven't done those things since.

I see something similar for you: you have done some unfortunate things in your youth for which you are remorseful, although I have no ability to tell if you have done something like them since. But, honestly, who doesn't do stupid stuff as a kid? What you say makes me feel like you are a pretty good person.

Additionally, you should revisit your stance on your family harming you by your mother giving birth to you. That's pretty fallacious.

 

[khinterest]

Oh yeah I have had a few suicide attempts due to me just being who I am. The world does not understand or care to understand deeper psychologically issues. The good thing with you is you seem to not be able to go through with anything so it's just yourself you got to worry about. You also have care enough to not force your traumas on others. Better then constantly and actively wanting others to die horrid deaths, but we all die in the end so maybe it's deserved. The thoughts are so isolated and makes people with these thoughts want to blow their fucking heads off and die and get away from everyone. I think we are better off away from this fucking place that hates us. Lots of good methods to look through on this site!

 

[wham311]

Aming other reasons absolutely, this probably being the main one. The worst is that people who want to kts for being bad people don't get sympathy, just compounds everything

 

[theboy]

This is called "impulse phobia"

 

[tshirt]

yes. cant forgive myself for something, on top of spiraling in all aspects of my life afterwards and wont recover from it. i wanna end things very soon

 

[SNastablesalt]

Do you want to ctb because you think you're a bad person?
Did you do some stuff that is unforgivable and now you can't cope with what you have done?

I want to kill myself because i have done some pretty bad things, especially as a child.
I also have those disgusting thoughts about hurting other people..
I know i would be never capable of that but it's still haunting to me.. why do I have these thoughts?
I think death would be to merciful, but on the other hand the world would be better off if i didn't exist, lol.

I wish i could apologise to everyone i have harmed, send them letters before suicide, buy some chocolate♡~

I was wronged in the first place because i was born, yes my family harmed me but i can't blame everything on them..

Please help me:(

I have hybristophillia/I am a hybristophile so yes absolutely

 

[bankai]

You're showing remorse. That's a sign that you're willing to change. Obviously you can't do anything about the stuff in the past. But you can make up for it going forward.

 

[FoxSauce]

Well yes. I know I'm a shitty person, others will know too. I'm not worthy of breathing thr same air as anyone does. I cant forgive myself for things I've done.

It strings along with me...I want the pain to stop. I dont wanna be a burden, I don't wanna be a failure and don't want to be a parasite in this world.

But if I do end it. Where would I go? Is it selfish? Will people be happy when im gone?

I still dont know.

 

[wham311]

It is impossible to forgive yourself.

Karma kinda really is a thing. You suffer for everything you do wrong and every bad choice you make. All comes back..

Do the right thing

 

[amerie]

Me lol

I'm literally human gluttony, I'm lazy and needy hence why I don't want to make friends anymore because I suck ass at keeping them. I'm rude and weak and I frankly have no idea how I've been surviving.

With the way I'm going I doubt most are going to care if I died right now, I think they'd naturally feel a little sad because we're human and seeing someone kts is uncanny but they'd get over it and move on in a few days or probably like 3 months.

 

[tormentedhusk]

I live solely for myself. I only want to kill myself because my life is bad.

 

[masterofnone]

I want to CTB because I'm starting to think that while these good people in my life are holding me to stay on this earth, I'm poisoning them in turn. My bitterness, negativity and addiction are hurting the people around me. They are too good for me, especially my partner. I am not a good person to any of them. So, it's time for me to go.

 

[Who_I_Am]

I know that feeling.

But I thought recently, that all this bad things I did hit me in the first place, and I'm worst towards myself and not somebody else. Then I asked for forgiveness from myself and granted it to myself (because, heh, are there any other options?). I even asked forgiveness for wanting to ctb - I was furious at myself, but OK, forgiveness was granted. It's kinda helps a little. Maybe you should try too.

 

[Namelesa]

Yea a lot of why I want to die is cus of the guilt, shame and self-hatred I have for myself with mistakes that have hurt other people. I feel like such an awful person and I don't want to live with things I forever regret. My continued existence is just going to cause more mistakes no matter what happens so I feel like its best for me to die early so I can't do anymore harm to anyone.

 

[wham311]

I know that I won't hurt anyone else but I have really hurt people I really care about and it has imprisoned me to the point where I can not function

 

[usernamesarehard]

It's not the main reason. But yeah it is a factor. I'm working on getting better, but I probably won't ever be a good person.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

it's definitely one reason. i can't keep atoning for all the things i've done. there's too many sins and i can't continue living knowing the sins just keep piling up. something as disgusting and hateful as me shouldn't exist. i can't apologise to people because they're long out of my life and it's a pointless effort. it would never erase the pain i've caused. i shouldn't exist. i can't make anyone happy.

 

[Saturn_]

I'm an unforgivable person and I get only what I deserve. I'm sure all the people I've abused for years would be laughing if they observed the completely and utterly miserable state I'm in. Once I had a drug trip and imagined everyone in my life going about their lives happily as I looked up at them from 6 feet under. It made me really happy.

 

[imgonesoondontworry]

i cant live with the guilt. i hurt two people that didnt deserve it. i didnt show up for them when they needed me and then i said really hurtful things to them. i thought i was justified because they had done things to hurt me in the past so its okay for me to hurt them but i was wrong. it didnt make me feel any better to hurt them. it just makes it harder to sleep now. im a burden to my family. i know that they would be sad if i was gone and that they love me but i dont add anything good to their lives. i really am just a burden. they say im not but i know its just not true and theyre just saying that to make me feel better. i cant show up for the people i love the way i used to. my mental ailments as well as my chronic physical disabilities keep me in pain and constant fatigue and make it near impossible to get out of bed to even go to the fucking bathroom or get myself food. im a terrible person. i know for a fact that those two ex friends of mine are going to laugh once i finally kill myself

 

[exciccil]

Do you want to ctb because you think you're a bad person?
Did you do some stuff that is unforgivable and now you can't cope with what you have done?

I want to kill myself because i have done some pretty bad things, especially as a child.
I also have those disgusting thoughts about hurting other people..
I know i would be never capable of that but it's still haunting to me.. why do I have these thoughts?
I think death would be to merciful, but on the other hand the world would be better off if i didn't exist, lol.

I wish i could apologise to everyone i have harmed, send them letters before suicide, buy some chocolate♡~

I was wronged in the first place because i was born, yes my family harmed me but i can't blame everything on them..

Please help me:(

Why do so many of us feel this way for a spectrum of different reasons?

 

[wham311]

Haunted by the pain I've caused others. Hell. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could undo it.

I can't see absolutely anything in media or news etc without feeling so fucking guilty and pained.

And people are like why are you going over the relationship you ruined? Because I have a fucking conscience

This is hell

 

[kopebaldy]

I'm a huge asshole and my existence has never been a positive influence.
Not to brag but I serve as a pretty good "don't be like him" lesson lol.

 

[exciccil]

I ghosted my ex of three years that I didn't want to break up with for a month because I abused her trust and I don't see a redeemable outcome. I still don't know what's going on. All this time alone has given me time to realize how shallow I am, and how my life is not worth the cost of my family, nor the burden. I wish my family would take me more seriously, I have older Gen X parents who are hardy. I'm afraid even my death won't phase them after a long while. It all just pains me, any outcome. I wish I could just be free to run in opium fields like DeCaprio in the Basketball Diaries. Instead, all I can do is smoke and ponder my death, wondering where it all went wrong. I feel like the "lead paint eater" version of Hunter S. Thompson. (I did not eat lead paint) I gave up my nicotine addiction of 6 years since, but I smoke MJ every day. I've done drugs I am not proud of. I wish I could reverse the wheel of time. I'm hoping there's some kind of infinite timeline when I die, like quantum death, although I have a lot of rational doubt. I was raised in Catholicism so I feel I will always have some sort of irrational fear because of that. If only. Break on thru to the other side.

 

[LetMeOut67]

I'm not a bad person but I have evil thoughts I'm ashamed of
I don't know how you get through life without becoming bitter angry resentful and unpleasant.
I probably don't come over as bitter to people but inside I'm a seething cauldron of hate envy and anger

 

[kitkat9234]

I'm an awful person scumbag drug addict severely mentally ill. Everything I touch turns to shit.