Anyone else trapped in an endless loop of methods?

[PrincessInWhite]

I am fucking tired of this. I am near rabid with exhaustion. I keep cycling between methods because I keep finding faults and risks with them when I choose them and I become petrified of ending up with more damage or in jail.

I'm currently exploring N again after swearing up and down I wouldn't. I can't find the thread right now but I found an account here of someone in the US who got a visit from authorities and had to go to a fucking courtroom in shackles to deal with ordering N. He eventually got put on a watchlist and had to go inpatient at a psych ward. The thought of having to defend myself against legal persecution for wanting to end my decades long Suffering from pshycial and mental illnesses is too much, if there were proper channels to go through to get help I'd fucking qualify but there's nothing here for those of us who have tried the options available to us that won't cause us further harm (for example, half the time they offer me a treatment for one disorder I can't do it because it's not safe for another disorder I have.) I am dependent on others, have ZERO quality of life anymore, don't sleep, always in some sort of discomfort or distress. It's inhumane, if I were an animal I'd have been put down YEARS ago.

I also read even the people who receive N have their bottles tampered with by fucking customs and it arrived with one bottle empty, etc. you could of course order 3 bottles, but then one would be left over sitting there and I bet they'd try to raid our fucking phones and computers when we're gone to find the source. We get no privacy or dignity. I AM ONLY HERE BECAUSE NOBODY WILL FUCKING LEGALLY HELP ME!! Not to mention I can't figure out crypto to save my fucking life (which ironically im trying to end LOL)

Before this it was exit bag (my best friend caught the bus this way) but now i keep seeing the high chance of brain damage for people who aren't good at technical skills (which would be me.) can't do SN because I have a heart condition and it will be anything but peaceful (I can already get to 160/170 bpm with no substances). Hanging I've tried, partial is so easy to abort even while unconscious and I can't figure out how to make full happen without IMMENSE pain. Don't have access to a gun with my history of suicide attempts. I am TIRED and wanna get the fuck out of here.

Sorry for ranting yet again, I know I always do but there's nobody else who understands.

 

[cytokinestorm]

I can certainly understand how you feel. I keep researching different methods then rejecting them for whatever reason.

Try to investigate full hanging in more depth as I've seen videos of people doing this and it doesn't seem particularly traumatic. Obtaining N is a far off dream I think. The crypto freaks me out too, I've only just figured out Google pay on my phone

 

[Ta555]

@PrincessInWhite I feel exactly the same. My best option is full suspension but I also keep thinking of all the ways it won't work or whatever. It's exhausting and stressful. I think there is a lot of overestimation of failure on this site when people base what's going to happen on cases where people didn't plan or prepare properly. So many people ctb successfully every day without this site and without internet. I'm not saying that any method is 100% foolproof but damn, I'm sure if anyone can carry out a successful ctb it's anyone who's been on this site for more than a couple of days.
I'm sorry you're suffering so much. I have my own health issues too. I'm now leaning towards hanging and fuck it. I'll tape my mouth and nose shut just in case and hang. Because all this thought about failure is actually creating more anxiety which makes my situation worse, not better.

Do you have proof that actually happened to someone who ordered N? Because I find it a little hard to believe.

Yes in my country it's been on the news a few years ago. Elderly people ordering N from overseas getting it seized and getting police visits. This is not the US.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Tried to delete because I shouldn't have admitted that but I've been quoted so

 

[Someone123]

@PrincessInWhite I feel exactly the same. My best option is full suspension but I also keep thinking of all the ways it won't work or whatever. It's exhausting and stressful. I think there is a lot of overestimation of failure on this site when people base what's going to happen on cases where people didn't plan or prepare properly. So many people ctb successfully every day without this site and without internet. I'm not saying that any method is 100% foolproof but damn, I'm sure if anyone can carry out a successful ctb it's anyone who's been on this site for more than a couple of days.
I'm sorry you're suffering so much. I have my own health issues too. I'm now leaning towards hanging and fuck it. I'll tape my mouth and nose shut just in case and hang. Because all this thought about failure is actually creating more anxiety which makes my situation worse, not better.

Yes in my country it's been on the news a few years ago. Elderly people ordering N from overseas getting it seized and getting police visits. This is not the US.

It's interesting that you talk about full suspension as your best option, and then you mention failures iwth certain methods, but my understanding is that full suspension, if you are in a location where no one will hear you, is as reloiable as it gets- and it may be the most reliable method. When full suspension fails it is typically because someone walked in, often due to her noise, such as arms and legs banging on a door. But if you can be in a location where no one will hear you full suspension may be the most reliable method.

 

[Ta555]

Tried to delete because I shouldn't have admitted that but I've been quoted so

I deleted it for you :)

It's interesting that you talk about full suspension as your best option, and then you mention failures iwth certain methods, but my understanding is that full suspension, if you are in a location where no one will hear you, is as reloiable as it gets- and it may be the most reliable method. When full suspension fails it is typically because someone walked in, often due to her noise, such as arms and legs banging on a door. But if you can be in a location where no one will hear you full suspension may be the most reliable method.

I'm not sure what you mean. Other people here often talk about hanging failure, not me.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

Tried to delete because I shouldn't have admitted that but I've been quoted so

hey no worries lmao i really wouldn't stress over it. to answer your question no I'm absolutely not certain that happened nor do I have any proof att all, I just read it on here and it scared me so thank you for your experience <3

It's interesting that you talk about full suspension as your best option, and then you mention failures iwth certain methods, but my understanding is that full suspension, if you are in a location where no one will hear you, is as reloiable as it gets- and it may be the most reliable method. When full suspension fails it is typically because someone walked in, often due to her noise, such as arms and legs banging on a door. But if you can be in a location where no one will hear you full suspension may be the most reliable method.

I have 2 reasons I am hanging off (haha) on full hanging, one being I hear it can be really painful and uncomfortable and was hoping to avoid that (but if it's what it takes in the end i'll accept that, just would love to avoid suffering anymore than I already have) and 2 being I live with others and also can't even think of a single good spot to do it around me where privacy is guaranteed for the amount of time needed.

@PrincessInWhite I feel exactly the same. My best option is full suspension but I also keep thinking of all the ways it won't work or whatever. It's exhausting and stressful. I think there is a lot of overestimation of failure on this site when people base what's going to happen on cases where people didn't plan or prepare properly. So many people ctb successfully every day without this site and without internet. I'm not saying that any method is 100% foolproof but damn, I'm sure if anyone can carry out a successful ctb it's anyone who's been on this site for more than a couple of days.
I'm sorry you're suffering so much. I have my own health issues too. I'm now leaning towards hanging and fuck it. I'll tape my mouth and nose shut just in case and hang. Because all this thought about failure is actually creating more anxiety which makes my situation worse, not better.

Yes in my country it's been on the news a few years ago. Elderly people ordering N from overseas getting it seized and getting police visits. This is not the US.

thank you for the kind words <3 it's so true, I know multiple people who have ctb and the number keeps growing but here I am so paralyzed with options I can't even make a fucking move. it's maddening. i'm sending love to you <3

 

[Ta555]

hey no worries lmao i really wouldn't stress over it. to answer your question no I'm absolutely not certain that happened nor do I have any proof att all, I just read it on here and it scared me so thank you for your experience <3

I have 2 reasons I am hanging off (haha) on full hanging, one being I hear it can be really painful and uncomfortable and was hoping to avoid that (but if it's what it takes in the end i'll accept that, just would love to avoid suffering anymore than I already have) and 2 being I live with others and also can't even think of a single good spot to do it around me where privacy is guaranteed for the amount of time needed.

thank you for the kind words <3 it's so true, I know multiple people who have ctb and the number keeps growing but here I am so paralyzed with options I can't even make a fucking move. it's maddening. i'm sending love to you <3

How did the people you know ctb? Was it hanging?

 

[Someone123]

I deleted it for you :)

I'm not sure what you mean. Other people here often talk about hanging failure, not me.

Partial hanging seems to fail most of the time, though

 

[Ta555]

Partial hanging seems to fail most of the time, though

Yes. I wouldn't do partial.

 

[montana007]

To answer the OP directly:

Same problem here. Been actively suicidal for well over two years now. And in just the last month or so it's become a necessity as opposed to a choice (long story but it is what it is). And each time I've settled on a method I've ended up finding fault with it or questioning it. I started out thinking that SN was the ticket so ordered 100g of the shit. Then I figured that with all of the hype about Fentanyl then that's the way I'd go but there's a more than average chance of that failing (contrary to popular belief) and causing some permanent physical damage (and by that I don't mean sudden death either unfortunately).

Anyway and long story short: with this constant over analysis (because in reality that's exactly what it boils down to) of methods I've begun to question my resolve and that is painful in and of itself. Like there's no way out. Almost as though the back and forth between methods is an excuse to not go ahead (and that's not an option for me at this time). I've therefore come to the conclusion that the only way I'm going to succeed is to decide on an additional method that's sudden and can be employed on the spur of the moment if/when triggered (and believe me I am triggered on an hourly basis right now as things stand). Problem with what WERE my initial preferred methods is that they require a fair amount of planning and forethought Point I'm trying to make is that unless I lay my hands on a firearm I don't see this happening and as noted this (suicide) ain't optional anymore i.e. my choices staring me in the face are being out on the street, broke, and slightly physically impaired (had a stroke about a month ago so I'm unable to move around the way that I was able to before and being physically challenged on my streets ain't an option i.e. I don't particularly feel like getting robbed injured or worse on the street and would be in no position to defend myself or even run if necessary). Conversely: it speaks volumes to me that it's the single reason I'm still here i.e. not being able to act on impulse and with immediate effect. I've had SN and Fentanyl stored now for a year at least but both require some forethought and preparation and pre-planning and time to implement and action (not to mention time to death and this is huge problem for me as either way I'll get found while in the middle of the proceedings).

So in short: I well identify with the OP. It's excruciatingly painful to be in limbo like this (endless loop). Not to mention mentally and physically exhausting. And just adds to the pain and anguish. To the extent where if I thought I could off myself right now by bashing my head against a brick wall I'd give it a bash right now (no pun intended) due to the sheer and absolute frustration of being in limbo like this. Like many around here; I really really just want out and have to do whqtever it tqkes and soon too).

 

[Ta555]

To answer the OP directly:

Same problem here. Been actively suicidal for well over two years now. And in just the last month or so it's become a necessity as opposed to a choice (long story but it is what it is). And each time I've settled on a method I've ended up finding fault with it or questioning it. I started out thinking that SN was the ticket so ordered 100g of the shit. Then I figured that with all of the hype about Fentanyl then that's the way I'd go but there's a more than average chance of that failing (contrary to popular belief) and causing some permanent physical damage (and by that I don't mean sudden death either unfortunately).

Anyway and long story short: with this constant over analysis (because in reality that's exactly what it boils down to) of methods I've begun to question my resolve and that is painful in and of itself. Like there's no way out. Almost as though the back and forth between methods is an excuse to not go ahead (and that's not an option for me at this time). I've therefore come to the conclusion that the only way I'm going to succeed is to decide on an additional method that's sudden and can be employed on the spur of the moment if/when triggered (and believe me I am triggered on an hourly basis right now as things stand). Problem with what WERE my initial preferred methods is that they require a fair amount of planning and forethought Point I'm trying to make is that unless I lay my hands on a firearm I don't see this happening and as noted this (suicide) ain't optional anymore i.e. my choices staring me in the face are being out on the street, broke, and slightly physically impaired (had a stroke about a month ago so I'm unable to move around the way that I was able to before and being physically challenged on my streets ain't an option i.e. I don't particularly feel like getting robbed injured or worse on the street and would be in no position to defend myself or even run if necessary). Conversely: it speaks volumes to me that it's the single reason I'm still here i.e. not being able to act on impulse and with immediate effect. I've had SN and Fentanyl stored now for a year at least but both require some forethought and preparation and pre-planning and time to implement and action (not to mention time to death and this is huge problem for me as either way I'll get found while in the middle of the proceedings).

So in short: I well identify with the OP. It's excruciatingly painful to be in limbo like this (endless loop). Not to mention mentally and physically exhausting. And just adds to the pain and anguish. To the extent where if I thought I could off myself right now by bashing my head against a brick wall I'd give it a bash right now (no pun intended) due to the sheer and absolute frustration of being in limbo like this. Like many around here; I really really just want out and have to do whqtever it tqkes and soon too).

I understand you completely. When I first found this site I was so relieved thinking finally!! I know how to do it now! I've got my ticket out any time I want! Now I constantly overanalyse and second guess everything. My method is full suspension and despite having a good rope and anchor I find I lose confidence in the method and every method if I'm honest the longer I'm on this site. But I love the community here. So it's a tough call.

 

[Someone123]

I can really empathise really believe that everyone is just trying to do the best they can with what they have.

This tstaement is, sadly, bnot true about many people- many people are crule and sadistic without reason, there are evil people in this world who can seem very nice, and they are really not trying to do the best that they can- often they are trying to do the worst that they can.

 

[Wrennie]

I am fucking tired of this. I am near rabid with exhaustion. I keep cycling between methods because I keep finding faults and risks with them when I choose them and I become petrified of ending up with more damage or in jail.

I'm currently exploring N again after swearing up and down I wouldn't. I can't find the thread right now but I found an account here of someone in the US who got a visit from authorities and had to go to a fucking courtroom in shackles to deal with ordering N. He eventually got put on a watchlist and had to go inpatient at a psych ward. The thought of having to defend myself against legal persecution for wanting to end my decades long Suffering from pshycial and mental illnesses is too much, if there were proper channels to go through to get help I'd fucking qualify but there's nothing here for those of us who have tried the options available to us that won't cause us further harm (for example, half the time they offer me a treatment for one disorder I can't do it because it's not safe for another disorder I have.) I am dependent on others, have ZERO quality of life anymore, don't sleep, always in some sort of discomfort or distress. It's inhumane, if I were an animal I'd have been put down YEARS ago.

I also read even the people who receive N have their bottles tampered with by fucking customs and it arrived with one bottle empty, etc. you could of course order 3 bottles, but then one would be left over sitting there and I bet they'd try to raid our fucking phones and computers when we're gone to find the source. We get no privacy or dignity. I AM ONLY HERE BECAUSE NOBODY WILL FUCKING LEGALLY HELP ME!! Not to mention I can't figure out crypto to save my fucking life (which ironically im trying to end LOL)

Before this it was exit bag (my best friend caught the bus this way) but now i keep seeing the high chance of brain damage for people who aren't good at technical skills (which would be me.) can't do SN because I have a heart condition and it will be anything but peaceful (I can already get to 160/170 bpm with no substances). Hanging I've tried, partial is so easy to abort even while unconscious and I can't figure out how to make full happen without IMMENSE pain. Don't have access to a gun with my history of suicide attempts. I am TIRED and wanna get the fuck out of here.

Sorry for ranting yet again, I know I always do but there's nobody else who understands.

I am in basically the same predicament and it's fucking perpetual torment and misery amplified to the max. I feel you, OP. If death were easier I'd be long gone already. I don't want to have to resort to SN because due to my pre-existing medical conditions it'll likely be excruciating, and I'm too freaking disabled to try and hang myself. Jumping out of a window didn't work for me when I attempted back in 2020. I have a train station nearby, but Christ…

If I fail my suicide then the depraved sociopaths at psych wards will torture me and drug me until I look like SFX from the Walking Dead (not that I don't already, but shit can always get worse).

Everyone keeps telling me that I have no other option but to move forward. It feels like I'm being held hostage by the people that are supposed to have my best interests at heart. Well, death is in my best interest. Being put under General Anesthesia was the closest I've come to experiencing non-existence and I want desperately to return to my origins: nothing & nowhere.

 

[montana007]

I probably could have learned a whole language in the time I've spent researching suicide methods.

So now I'm back to SN again. I feel now that after all these years, the time is getting really close.

You and me both. And on both counts too!

It's been an interesting "journey" all of his "research" though and it's certainly dispelled some myths. For one thing: that shit about a hangmans's noose and knot. I practiced making that shit up a few times proper. And what I couldn't fathom was how rigid the noose and knot became. I figured there is no WAY this thing is going to close on its own not unless it was around a bus or something ridiculously heavy. And as it turns out: that big knot (the coils is actually there for a reason i.e. and to be placed in a certain particular position. It's not "as seen on TV". A "proper" hangman's knot/noose will not just close on its own under weight. Who knows. Maybe I put too many loops? Wrong rope? Too many variables. But see: therein lies the danger i.e. that was before I'd come across this site i.e. I was just winging it. Only to find out that it's supposed to be a slip knot. God knows had I tried it I'd probably still be hanging there some two or more years later and would probably have died of starvation and dehydration or exposure by now! It took some doing trying to manually close the noose with my hands and then you couldn't get it loose. So you'd have to pull the whole thing through itself and start again. Laughable in hindsight actually. Tell you this much: never ever did I think it'd be so incredibly hard to off yourself. Seems to me it's a bit of an art to be honest. And which in and of itself is perplexing to say the least. I mean to say: look at all of those youngsters that died playing that "choking game"? No effort required if any of the videos on YT (that WERE on YT i.e. not sure if they're still around). So far as I can tell: a few minutes of hyperventilation and a buddy comes along and grabs at the right place or a smack in the chest and they're down (not dead though) in seconds.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I still haven't firmly settled on a method for myself. It's between SN, night night, and shallow water blackout.

 

[LADY007]

I understand you completely. When I first found this site I was so relieved thinking finally!! I know how to do it now! I've got my ticket out any time I want! Now I constantly overanalyse and second guess everything. My method is full suspension and despite having a good rope and anchor I find I lose confidence in the method and every method if I'm honest the longer I'm on this site. But I love the community here. So it's a tough call.

I think the constant looping-of-methods thinking is because after one chooses a method and learns all they can about it to their satisfaction.......the next step is courage. The ONLY REASON I had the courage to go on a 1 mile, very steep zipline (same height as the Empire State Building) off a mountain (at 70 years old) was because I had gone on a much lower, smaller one before that. Cbt involves limited, if any, practice. More courage is needed to do this..

 

[montana007]

I think the constant looping-of-methods thinking is because after one chooses a method and learns all they can about it to their satisfaction.......the next step is courage. The ONLY REASON I had the courage to go on a 1 mile, very steep zipline (same height as the Empire State Building) off a mountain (at 70 years old) was because I had gone on a much lower, smaller one before that. Cbt involves limited, if any, practice. More courage is needed to do this..

Nice post. Thank you for it.

I take my hat off to you. At 56 and even under the influence I know for sure I wouldn't be able to do what you did.That's very high

Been thinking about the practice bit myself of late. And I think you're quite right. I have a sneaky suspicion that if SN is the choice once you start the process it'll all fall into place. Maybe? But it's the coNstant thing of what ifs and trying to picture the scenario that's the problem. Hence my referring to a firearm in one of my posts above. There's no second guessing or thinking about it if triggered and no hesitation presumably kinda like ripping a plaster off as opposed to slowly peeling it off. That's my thought process on the issue at hand. I sort of normalise this to myself in a crass attempt to get this done. It's like jumping into a cold swimming pool. People like me will stand on the side and take a half hour to psyche themselves up before diving in only to find how refreshing the water is in spite of it being really cold. And by the time you've done that half of the afternoon is gone. Dunno if I'm making any sense here. I'm trying anyway. It's beyond belief to me how difficult this is considering that this is not a decision I've made lightly and have thought about and rationalised it almost hourly for the last two years at least. And it doesn't make a person feel too great when they're that sure about doing something but then actually have to admit to themselves that they don't have what it takes. And in my case the red flags are there I.e I'm constantly now saying to myself well what else has to happen before you get your act together i.e. does the impending situation or future have to be lit up in bright neon colors in order for you to get the message or are you waiting for a Royal invitation. Been thinking about tasting this SN just to see exactly how bad it apparently tastes. I mean how bad can it be? Not that the taste could or should be an issue but it's the going through the actual motion. Maybe that's a good starting point for me to be honest. Doesn't help to see the stuff in the cupboard every single day and wondering about it. If anything that makes it more difficult. Too much thinking. And if I'm honest: I think what bugs me more than anything else is not knowing my reason for hesitation. Then again does that make any difference in the bigger picture of things? Nope. I don't think so. No matter how well I get to understand things the future path from here is laid out very clearly and no amount of introspection or self-understanding or self-awareness is going to alter that course.

Sorry. Mostly off topic. Just musing aloud with people that I know understand. Because if there is one thing I do know for sure these are thoughts and feelings that there is absolutely no point in discussing with "the others". It's like it's not real to them. I've been rather amused at other people's reactions over the past two years when asked so what is your solution or plan? And openly blurting out that suicide is an option that I have and nobody, no matter how hard they try, can take that away from me as being an option. It's caught more than a few people totally off guard and with a blank stare and a mouth full of teeth and wide-eyed and at a loss for words. Quite funny really i.e. it's usually at that point of the conversation that the platitudes and pie in the sky advice stops immediately.

And the above one of the reasons why I ALMOST feel sorry for these people who think they could have saved somebody were it not for this site and had they had the time. Would never happen. Once the person has reached a certain stage with this no amount of bargaining and discussion and flanneling would change anything. At best it may have delayed the inevitable.

And actually and in just thinking about all of this and your post I think you're onto something. I was just reminded of a time some years ago when I did indeed have access to a firearm. I used to play around with it. Don't laugh although there's nothing amusing about this I guess. I'd horse around with it as a joke. I remember putting it into my mouth and pulling the trigger (knowing only too well it wasn't loaded i.e. no ammo. in the house). The first time I remember it feeling rather uncomfortable and out of place or just felt plain "wrong". Wasn't suicidal at the time. But as time went on and with enough horsing around I could do it in one smooth and liquid motion and not even flinch or think about it. I'm guessing I would have been in for a big surprise had I made a mistake re: ammo. But then I probably wouldn't have been any the wiser at the time let's face it. Would for sure have taken anybody else in the room by surprise! Yeah. I know. My sense of humor leaves much to be desired. Whatever the case: sadly it wasn't my firearm otherwise I'm 200% sure we'd not be having this "conversation". Basically just desensitizing yourself (practice?) to the procedure. Almost like building muscle memory. For the sake of peace: probably worth noting publicly that I'm not advocating nor encouraging these antics. Because as we are all aware (or should be) a gunshot to the head isn't a guaranteed method either and is fraught with it's fair share on complications and also requires some little bit of research and forward planning (although not sure I totally believe my last statement to be honest). I guess the point I'm making is that horsing around with firearms isn't advisable because you may not be so lucky or, maybe, those around you won't be so lucky. So there's my disclaimer (of sorts).

Alrighty then. I've used up my time on the floor enough I think.

 

[LADY007]

Nice post. Thank you for it.

I take my hat off to you. At 56 and even under the influence I know for sure I wouldn't be able to do what you did.That's very high

Been thinking about the practice bit myself of late. And I think you're quite right. I have a sneaky suspicion that if SN is the choice once you start the process it'll all fall into place. Maybe? But it's the coNstant thing of what ifs and trying to picture the scenario that's the problem. Hence my referring to a firearm in one of my posts above. There's no second guessing or thinking about it if triggered and no hesitation presumably kinda like ripping a plaster off as opposed to slowly peeling it off. That's my thought process on the issue at hand. I sort of normalise this to myself in a crass attempt to get this done. It's like jumping into a cold swimming pool. People like me will stand on the side and take a half hour to psyche themselves up before diving in only to find how refreshing the water is in spite of it being really cold. And by the time you've done that half of the afternoon is gone. Dunno if I'm making any sense here. I'm trying anyway. It's beyond belief to me how difficult this is considering that this is not a decision I've made lightly and have thought about and rationalised it almost hourly for the last two years at least. And it doesn't make a person feel too great when they're that sure about doing something but then actually have to admit to themselves that they don't have what it takes. And in my case the red flags are there I.e I'm constantly now saying to myself well what else has to happen before you get your act together i.e. does the impending situation or future have to be lit up in bright neon colors in order for you to get the message or are you waiting for a Royal invitation. Been thinking about tasting this SN just to see exactly how bad it apparently tastes. I mean how bad can it be? Not that the taste could or should be an issue but it's the going through the actual motion. Maybe that's a good starting point for me to be honest. Doesn't help to see the stuff in the cupboard every single day and wondering about it. If anything that makes it more difficult. Too much thinking. And if I'm honest: I think what bugs me more than anything else is not knowing my reason for hesitation. Then again does that make any difference in the bigger picture of things? Nope. I don't think so. No matter how well I get to understand things the future path from here is laid out very clearly and no amount of introspection or self-understanding or self-awareness is going to alter that course.

Sorry. Mostly off topic. Just musing aloud with people that I know understand. Because if there is one thing I do know for sure these are thoughts and feelings that there is absolutely no point in discussing with "the others". It's like it's not real to them. I've been rather amused at other people's reactions over the past two years when asked so what is your solution or plan? And openly blurting out that suicide is an option that I have and nobody, no matter how hard they try, can take that away from me as being an option. It's caught more than a few people totally off guard and with a blank stare and a mouth full of teeth and wide-eyed and at a loss for words. Quite funny really i.e. it's usually at that point of the conversation that the platitudes and pie in the sky advice stops immediately.

And the above one of the reasons why I ALMOST feel sorry for these people who think they could have saved somebody were it not for this site and had they had the time. Would never happen. Once the person has reached a certain stage with this no amount of bargaining and discussion and flanneling would change anything. At best it may have delayed the inevitable.

And actually and in just thinking about all of this and your post I think you're onto something. I was just reminded of a time some years ago when I did indeed have access to a firearm. I used to play around with it. Don't laugh although there's nothing amusing about this I guess. I'd horse around with it as a joke. I remember putting it into my mouth and pulling the trigger (knowing only too well it wasn't loaded i.e. no ammo. in the house). The first time I remember it feeling rather uncomfortable and out of place or just felt plain "wrong". Wasn't suicidal at the time. But as time went on and with enough horsing around I could do it in one smooth and liquid motion and not even flinch or think about it. I'm guessing I would have been in for a big surprise had I made a mistake re: ammo. But then I probably wouldn't have been any the wiser at the time let's face it. Would for sure have taken anybody else in the room by surprise! Yeah. I know. My sense of humor leaves much to be desired. Whatever the case: sadly it wasn't my firearm otherwise I'm 200% sure we'd not be having this "conversation".

Alrighty then. I've used up my time on the floor enough I think.

Montana007...My husband is an engineer and before I went on the small zipline..I literally brought the equipment to our car to show him for safety purposes first. Went on sites like Answer.com to ask experts in different fields about the following methods. Talk about being thorough!! You may laugh at this next paragraph. I have a .38 S&W w/hollow points. I have the Rebreather II, I have SN, I have ropes and a steel beam in the basement and I have a 40cf tank of nitrogen gas !!! I researched each one and saw pictures of the failures. Nitrogen wins for speed, lack of pain and success rate if done properly. Courage is the last hurdle and each person is very different in this respect. I am reviewing several statements to have in mind to overcome this emotion.

 

[montana007]

Montana007...My husband is an engineer and before I went on the small zipline..I literally brought the equipment to our car to show him for safety purposes first. Went on sites like Answer.com to ask experts in different fields about the following methods. Talk about being thorough!! You may laugh at this next paragraph. I have a .38 S&W w/hollow points. I have the Rebreather II, I have SN, I have ropes and a steel beam in the basement and I have a 40cf tank of nitrogen gas !!! I researched each one and saw pictures of the failures. Nitrogen wins for speed, lack of pain and success rate if done properly. Courage is the last hurdle and each person is very different in this respect. I am reviewing several statements to have in mind to overcome this emotion.

You ain't messing around that's for sure!

 

[LADY007]

You ain't messing around that's for sure!

The only way to attain enough courage is practice what you can. Wishing you peace in whatever you decide to do !!

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I think the constant looping-of-methods thinking is because after one chooses a method and learns all they can about it to their satisfaction.......the next step is courage. The ONLY REASON I had the courage to go on a 1 mile, very steep zipline (same height as the Empire State Building) off a mountain (at 70 years old) was because I had gone on a much lower, smaller one before that. Cbt involves limited, if any, practice. More courage is needed to do this..

I've got to agree.. SN was scary till I practised but now I need to get fresh SN in case the one I had stopped working, which is harder than getting a blue moon. Argh.

I thought seriously about CO poisoning as it's common in my region but it's just very hard for someone like me who never lit a campfire in my life..... so much as I like the thought of a fast and painless death via CO poisoning, it can only remain as a fantasy.

I did consider something very interesting with something related to SN antidote though. But it's just something that came about from some facts available.

 

[LADY007]

I've got to agree.. SN was scary till I practised but now I need to get fresh SN in case the one I had stopped working, which is harder than getting a blue moon. Argh.

I thought seriously about CO poisoning as it's common in my region but it's just very hard for someone like me who never lit a campfire in my life..... so much as I like the thought of a fast and painless death via CO poisoning, it can only remain as a fantasy.

I did consider something very interesting with something related to SN antidote though. But it's just something that came about from some facts available.

My problem with SN is the possible length of time and losing what you swallowed from nausea. I guess I don't trust the anti-nausia pills enough. Just to be safe.. I have scarves to wrap my forearms to the chair arms which I will slip into at the last minute. Nitrogen is very reliable as long as the bag is solid (I filled mine with water to test it for holes), most oxygen has been pushed out of the bag before filling and the tube is securely attached inside the bag. Hope you go at your own pace and find the peace you need!

 

[Meditation guide]

Hi, I'm also still trying to find a method. It's maddening. I was reading this and it sounds painless:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...with-nitrogen-and-replace-the-exit-bag.79080/

Carbon monoxide sounds also very painless but getting a high enough percentage sounds possibly difficult.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

SN with a heart condition is entirely ruled out? Im ignorant, but I wonder if it would make you pass out quicker? Idk

 

[PrincessInWhite]

SN with a heart condition is entirely ruled out? Im ignorant, but I wonder if it would make you pass out quicker? Idk

put it this way, you know how they say don't do a stimulant overdose because it will be a massive painful heart attack? that's what SN would be for me since I'm already so tachy. I would go into 200's for sure and at that point there is absolutely nothing peaceful about it, plus I have many anxiety disorders so it would just be a terrible time.

 

[Ta555]

put it this way, you know how they say don't do a stimulant overdose because it will be a massive painful heart attack? that's what SN would be for me since I'm already so tachy. I would go into 200's for sure and at that point there is absolutely nothing peaceful about it, plus I have many anxiety disorders so it would just be a terrible time.

I'm in the same boat as you. My normal hr is already usually around 100. But I was thinking maybe if you can take benzos first? Won't slow down the heart but may be less freaky?