Venting anyone else too tired to ctb but also too tired to live?

[hybridtheory]

I have no energy at all to get through the days or get out of bed and I'm tired of wasting space on this earth
and being a huge fucking burden to everyone around me... yet i'm just too tired to work up a plan to ctb.
Is that even possible? Or does it make any sense?

 

[jlshghr]

Yes, it makes sense and is completely possible.
I have had the same feeling of tiredness before. You need to remember to eat and drink enough to have energy to live your day. If that doesn't help you can also try to talk to your primary care doctor or a psychiatrist. I take Abilify and it gives me energy.
I hope you feel better soon.

 

[not_a_robot]

Yes. I'm definitely just languishing between the two, hoping a tornado will take me.

 

[hybridtheory]

Yes, it makes sense and is completely possible.
I have had the same feeling of tiredness before. You need to remember to eat and drink enough to have energy to live your day. If that doesn't help you can also try to talk to your primary care doctor or a psychiatrist. I take Abilify and it gives me energy.
I hope you feel better soon.

I don't ever have the energy to eat or drink either ..
but thanks

Yes. I'm definitely just languishing between the two, hoping a tornado will take me.

that would make all of this so much easier

 

[Niko]

yeah I feel that. no energy to do much of anything at all except go on this forum I guess. Everything is heavy, everything's a chore. It'd be easy if there was a button somewhere I could press to get out of this, but nope. just stuck in no-mans-land forever and ever. sigh.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

I have no energy at all to get through the days or get out of bed and I'm tired of wasting space on this earth
and being a huge fucking burden to everyone around me... yet i'm just too tired to work up a plan to ctb.
Is that even possible? Or does it make any sense?

Yup, it makes sense to me.


Too Tired to CTB:
It's a full project but more difficult than a normal school or work project because

• outside of these forums, i feel like I'm on my own to do this. and no one can make the ultimate decision for me.
• outside of these forums, all the prep work has to be hidden, like it's a secret mission. no one IRL can find out what you're doing. not family, not friends, not co-workers, not therapists, not gooog, not ebey, not customs, not the delivery driver.
• the decision includes emotions and everything & everyone that led up to this point. it can be a difficult decision for anyone to go forward in pulling the plug, even with all the info in front of you.
  you have to learn how to overcome survival instinct. no TED talk on GetMotivated on that one.
• it's scary if you do it wrong; easier to turn off brain and sleep.
• the goal achieved may be only the second best outcome. For me death is freedom, but I wish I could be free from an imploding mind, bad people, and limiting circumstances by being able to enjoy life rather than the most feasible solution being to eliminate life. :(

The amount of effort to peacefully CTB is daunting, my mind becomes overwhelmed, shuts down and back to bed.


Too Tired to Live:
I've experienced enough of life that I'm exhausted.

• for others, people can be supportive and inspiring. For me, they're discouraging, sometimes hurtful. I just try to cope, endure. It's draining. I dread dealing with certain people because of how dismissive they are of me and how much I have to defend my own choices for my own life: whether I want to buy a car, who I want to marry, whether I want to eat a certain food. Or what happened in my life when they don't have a clue everything that's gone on. And sometimes it's draining to socialize when you don't feel connected with people around you; it doesn't matter how many meetups you go to. There's only so many times I can re-energize before my battery doesn't work anymore.
• It doesn't seem like life works right no matter what I do. Logic doesn't always prevail. Something can not be my fault, but I end up paying for it. Even when I'm right, I can be told I'm wrong with no appeals process. How does one succeed in that type of world?
• Staying out of a bad financial situation seems to never end.

Well, that was discouraging. I'm going back to bed. :)

But seriously, it makes total sense to be too tired to do anything because either path may not be something you can build upon. *hugs*

 

[BlueWidow]

I totally agree with tiredofcoping. Being around other people & having to either put up a front and pretend I'm fine, or get told over and over how I should or shouldn't feel and what I should or shouldn't do to feel better by other people is exhausting and overwhelming for me. I come home completely exhausted and end up sleeping for several days afterward. People had no understanding of hard it is on me or why I can't go out 2 days in a row. I hate being around other people. Why can't they just leave me alone! Just getting out of bed is exhausting. Just being alive and forced to face another day is almost too much for me sometimes.

But planning to ctb is also overwhelming. Each method has all sorts of intricate details to consider and implement. Sometimes I look at the megathreads and I get very discouraged by how difficult and detailed the process is. I just want a simple, inexpensive method to ctb! Why is that so difficult?! I feel like I'm going in one big giant circle, never getting anywhere.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yes I really wanna go out and practice for partial hanging but I have no energy or motivation because of apathy I heard that often people who get on anti depressives will kill themselves because now they finally got the energy to do it.

 

[837]

Yes but the thing is im more scared of not actually dying than planning because im afraid I will fail and the police would show up and i would end up in the hospital with my belongings taken away from me which could also end up somewhere I might not find again and im scared of the pain that i will feel while doing it but living is very tedious and not all ppl treat each other with respect unfortunately. Its too much to think about so i dont try to plan my suicide because i dont know if i will fail at that.