Discussion Anyone else suicidal because they hate themselves?

[tomz323]

I've always been bullied about the way I look, even still now in my 20's at work. I hate the way I act it's like I can't control it and my fucking ugly face. I will never find love, been wanting to end it all for my entire life.

 

[Stella78]

Yes I hate my stupid face. I cant enjoy life when I'm so ugly and my personality is shit.

 

[Mort]

Same here i even cant look in a mirror i just see a fat waster who onley time i ever had sex was with a prostitute. Even then i got turn down a couple of times how sad that:( . Larst time i had fuck was about 10 years ago so you could say i hate my self with Avengens . To top it of my parents see me as a total faller dont blame them as i am just a total shit at the end of the day.

 

[Alchemist]

Hard not to hate myself, everyone else does it.

 

[TAW122]

To an extent, yes, I do hate how I look and how my personality just sucks. It also doesn't help that I have Aspergers and social anxiety, while there are times things are a little better, it is often short lived and sucks overall. Socializing and being around people does suck a lot of energy out of me, but I still dabble in social interaction so I can have a bit of a semblance of a social life, despite how paltry it is.

 

[HappyEnding]

You look fine to me if that's you in the profile picture, OP :/

 

[Final Escape]

Yes, my life has been a huge waste I ended up a drug addicted prostitute and aborted all my kids. Now it's just goin to be a sad lonely life and I don't see any happy future just more struggle, regrets, pain, poverty.

 

[Kyrok]

I made some foolish mistakes about a year ago. Filled with anger towards myself.

 

[throwaway123]

It's hard to look into the mirror.

 

[nooo2]

One of the many reasons on my list, yes.

 

[tomz323]

You look fine to me if that's you in the profile picture, OP :/

I still feel like I'm ugly though, it's imprinted into my brain.

 

[Psilo]

I hate my body too, but its not the main reason.

 

[Bedlamb]

Hate the entierity of my being both physically and metaphysically. It's definitely a motivating factor.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yes its one of my reasons. I hate my anxious personality most of all. I hate how I look now too because after being homeless I lost too much weight.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I've always been bullied about the way I look, even still now in my 20's at work. I hate the way I act it's like I can't control it and my fucking ugly face. I will never find love, been wanting to end it all for my entire life.

I'm sorry you've been bullied and this is a cause of so much, despite how you look, it is the world that is an ugly place.
I hate myself too but it isn't really to do with how I look!

 

[throwaway777]

me too i want to die because i really cant live with myself i hate this person so much and i just want to kill her and never hear her thoughts again also i dissociate a lot and this makes me feel so trapped in a body and mind which dont feel like mine actually i dont want anything to be mine i want to be nothing im so confused i dont even know who this " myself" or" i " is im not making any sense i just want to die

 

[whatever1111]

yup. I don't think I deserve the self-hate, but it's so strong on an unconscious level, as if it's always working
against me in the background - every couple of years, when I do sth (and I always do, tnx to this self hate in the background)
stupid or destructive I fall apart because of the self-agressive backlash,
e.g. a full blown narcissistic wound, or how to call it. I have a really shitty psyche/self/confidence regulation.
I think I also have an untreated body-dysmorphic disorder, and other stuff like OCD, anxiety, itd.
I probably could have saved myself with due treatment and therapy.
I'm sorry you're suffering, I know how self-hating because of looks feels like, it's awfully painful and distracting.

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

Partially. I think it's more disgust than hatred. I actually do deserve it, though (I suspect that I have BPD, and you know what we're like), and whenever I try to worm my way out of it it comes back. In fact, if I ever became fully aware of how disgusting I am, I think I'd have no choice. I would be morally obligated to do it. I'm guilt ridden as hell and it would be a great relief to throw it all away, because I don't think it really disappears, otherwise. Not sure if it's worth also throwing everything else away, though, so I'm still on the fence even though it's a thought that I'm constantly preoccupied with. I try to tell myself that there are some good things in me, or at least the potential for good things, but when you do the math, it doesn't add up, and although there may have been a time where this self-disgust/hatred was a result of a warped perspective, I don't think it is anymore. I can sit here and blame all the factors in my life as much as I want, get all defensive and whatnot (where others seem to have the opposite problem- accepting criticism too readily and taking it to heart, or making negative assumptions about themselves, when it's clearly obvious to anyone on the outside that they're decent people), "but I used to be a sweet kid! THEY did this to me!", "it's not like I wanted to be messed up! I'd love to not be!", etc., and they may even be partially true, but it doesn't matter, and no one cares, because that stuff happens to everyone, most don't develop asshole complexes, and life goes on .

So it's a question of assessing what's worthwhile, and what's not, and what damage I'm doing, and things like that. And of course, I'm more fearful of death, and whatever judgment might occur, because of it.

 

[Livinginhell]

I absolutely hate everything about me, there's nothing to like about me. I can't live with myself, how can I expect anyone else to!

 

[r0_]

most of the time i dont like my face but i also have a narcissistic personality, its a weird contradiction. i used to frequent a now defunct video chat and id be on cam for hours a day doing random crap. one thing i noticed is that i dislike my looks more when im very depressed. also staying in shape helps me feel better about myself.

 

[iwanttosleepforever]

i dont hate my self i hate my illnes

 

[jake3d]

i dont hate my self i hate my illnes

Same here, i hate that i put everyone else before me and pushed myself too hard, I could've lived a long happy life otherwise.

 

[LastFlowers]

I don't hate who I am, I do hate how I look however and what's its doing to me, how it's changing me against my will, what it's taken from me that can never be gotten back, how it traps me and suffocates my true personality and potential.

When people say "you should love yourself" or "you are so hard on yourself" in response to how I feel about my looks, I just don't get it.
They will say this and at the same time say "looks don't define you" or "you aren't your looks".
Well which is it? Apparently my looks ARE myself and also NOT myself.
Stupendous stupidity.

Also, I detest these sentiments personally because I actually do like myself, who I really am at my core.
I may not like that that part of me has been unable to accomplish or experience much besides pain and suffering,
but I do love myself as a person.
I don't think I deserve to look like this.
So when I complain about it, it's not me being hard on myself, it's me advocating for the person inside the human suit. And how the human suit doesn't fit and somebody needs to fix it!! Or I'm going to rip it off and die in the process.
I want to be free. CTB is the closest I'll get to that.

 

[andy69]

I still feel like I'm ugly though, it's imprinted into my brain.

I agree with happyending. You're good looking.

 

[LastFlowers]

I still feel like I'm ugly though, it's imprinted into my brain.

Fortunately-or unfortunately-it's only your own opinion that matters in the end. No one else has to live in your body except you. Your truth trumps all others.

I feel your pain bro, I'm sorry you have to experience this.

 

[Imgonnahangmyself]

I'll never have love either cos I'm so ugly, and that's all I want in life

 

[andy69]

I hate myself. I consider myself a failure. Now, my partner of fifteen years left for another man. I blame myself for it. He could even tell me he was leaving. He ghosted me for two weeks and then told me over the phone what I bad person I became. I feel so ashamed and guilty over hurting him. I tried to kill myself once over this by using pills. I plan to hang myself in week or two because I am in so much pain. I hate myself for letting this happen.

 

[Weems]

Yeah, I can't stand myself. So many failures and humiliations--all brought on by narcissism and delusions of grandeur.

"I'm a narcissist" can be a humblebrag, the implication being that you're actually impressive somehow. Not always the case.

 

[not_a_robot]

nah. I'm just surrounded by hateful people no matter where I go. Killing myself will give them a lot of satisfaction but it's also the only true escape.

I would want to live if there was a way to totally isolate myself
But suicide is the only true way to do that.

I'll never have love either cos I'm so ugly, and that's all I want in life

aww. it's so overrated. even the people who look like they have it don't have it, they're all cheating or plotting to kill eachother for insurance money or molest each other's kids. Love is NEVER what it looks like from the outside. Never.

 

[Sailfisher]

I hate that I keep making mistakes to throw things off track when they are going well.