Venting anyone else stuck between trying to get better or just CTB?

[lukas19]

think there is hope when you are younger but after 50 and your life gets worse, time to CTB

 

[Dolphin55]

I want to try to get better, but therapy and doctors terrify me and haven't been helpful in the past. Still, I made myself promise id give it at least one more shot before considering ctb more seriously. Even then, I don't know how I would overcome the guilt of leaving people behind who will be hurt my departure, so who knows if I could ever actually ctb. But trying to outlive my family sounds absolutely insane, it could be another 25 years before my parents pass. This situation is horrible.

 

[randy]

I am trying everything I can to get better.

I don't have high hopes, though

 

[enigma97]

sometimes i have the energy to think maybe i should try, but then i realize maybe it's not worth the effort anymore. will anything ever actually come out of my life?
debating cancelling my therapy appointments and stopping my medicine so maybe i get the balls to actually CTB finally.

anyone else feel this way?

Literally living in a state of limbo. My internal conflict is so intense and never ending. Everyone wants me to "try new things" and reassures me that "life will get better." But what's the point. You can't tell me that life will get better and in the same sentence say, we'll that's just life. LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE. I don't want to try. I'm more stuck with the guilt of leaving them with my mess. And I hate to ask but I've been a member for a long time and dnt know what CTB stands for. I get the context of it, but dnt know the actual definition…

 

[leavingsoon99]

At one point, I was. However, what would be the point of getting 'better'? What would 'better' even look like? I'm just at a point where I can't just conjure up stupid reasons to keep living. Life isn't worth it to me.

 

[FrostedHoax]

I've pretty much given up things getting better for me save for some cosmic level miracle that completely turns my life around but that never happens in real life. At this point, i'm basically completely set in my decision to kill myself within the next 1-2 years and there's not really anything that anyone can say or do to make me choose otherwise.