Discussion Anyone else sabotaging themselves in order to will themselves into ctb? If so how?

[Hellis]

I dropped all my meds cold turkey, they kept me afloat for so long but I want to get bad enough to end it.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I stopped working out, stopped cleaning. I'm losing weight cuz I don't eat enough. But suicide doesn't just happen when you feel bad. It happens when you enact a plan, which requires you to feel good to an extent. I seem to be farther from suicide the more I want it.

 

[anorexiakilledme]

I stopped working out, stopped cleaning. I'm losing weight cuz I don't eat enough. But suicide doesn't just happen when you feel bad. It happens when you enact a plan, which requires you to feel good to an extent. I seem to be farther from suicide the more I want it.

I did exactly the same thing, like giving up on your own body and habits. I already have the means but I can't seem to get past the intense fear that comes right before doing it.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I did exactly the same thing, like giving up on your own body and habits. I already have the means but I can't seem to get past the intense fear that comes right before doing it.

What's your method? I've been trying hanging but I'm giving up on it, too scary and painful. Next up is gun but I gotta get cool enough to go into the store.

 

[anorexiakilledme]

What's your method? I've been trying hanging but I'm giving up on it, too scary and painful. Next up is gun but I gotta get cool enough to go into the store.

SN, I was able to get my hands on a bunch of it, a couple weeks ago, when I thought I was ready I started feeling dizzy without ingesting the SN at all, the scare from thinking I'd have permanent brain damage just from inhalation made it impossible for me to keep going with the attempt. Keep that in mind if you get some.

 

[elenaboo25]

It's quite a small thing because I don't want anyone to notice from the outside, but I no longer go to the dentist and I no longer go to the eye doctor. I think it's unneccessary if I'll be dead within the next 5 years anyway, one way or the other.

 

[witchcraft]

I might have self-sabotaged myself in a way that actually makes it more difficult. Couple years ago police banged on my door and windows until I woke up from a night of blackout drinking and took me to a psych ward. Didn't give me an option other than "do you want to go in handcuffs in the back of our car or strapped down like a psycho in an ambulance? Your therapist called us on you." Paraphrasing.

It's miraculous I got out that day. The whole ordeal, including being in that place, was traumatizing. I've never been the same.

But anyway, I'm pretty sure in the US that that puts me on some kind of list that would prevent me from buying a gun. I don't know for certain, I haven't tried. My father owns dozens of guns so I'll probably have to wait for him to pass away. Knowing my luck he'll live for another 40 years and reach 100.