Discussion anyone else regret not killing themselves sooner

[dragonofenvy]

I think the only time between the ages of 8 and how old I am today I didn't try attempting was when I was 13. What always stopped be prior to adulthood was the thought that when I was an adult I'd be able to forge a new, better life. That never happened, and it in fact, just got worse. If I had gone through with it at 8 I would've saved myself 16 years of pain.

 

[Leichter Kampfwagen]

Has anyone else been in a situation where they could have attempted, decided not to, and then later regretted it?
I'll use myself as an example.
I really, really wish I had just killed myself when I was 15. I didn't because I was scared of the method I wanted to use (jumping). The funny thing is I have a pretty strong belief that children shouldn't ever kill themselves, that they should at least wait until theyre an adult to decide if their life is really not worth continuing, but I consider myself an exception. In july someone tried to convince me not to kill myself and they went "think of all the things you got to do and all the friends you got to make after you tried to CTB!!" but ive done basically nothing worthwhile in the 6 years between then and now. If anything, I've only hurt people close to me, it would have been better if I had just killed myself bc then I wouldn't have hurt anyone. I'm ashamed that I'm 21 and still haven't died already.

Same age, same boat. My life value has been negative from the first attempt window to now, for me and others. If you extend it to first suicidal ideation, even more so. Net present value appears to be negative as well despite all external factors pointing towards a positive one. My circumstances are literally helping me. I'm the problem. I'm throwing. Only still here due to procrastination.

i think i was 16 or 17 and was just staring at the gun nothing stopping me from doing it it could've ended then and there but i didn't. somehow flipped that into being a positive thing (idk if not caring about anything is positive but it is to me) and things really have only gotten worse but after moving in with pops things are starting to look better

I've held guns as well. Too much of a bitch to commit. I've also had a nitrogen tank from work and I was going to run away with it but literally fell asleep and awoke to cops at my door (my bedroom door by the way, not the front door, as in they were inside my apartment when I woke up). I don't think I could've gone through with it then but maybe I had a chance.

In my case it's not regret, it's anger. I tried it 2 times 3 years ago when I was 17, the first time I ingested bleach I was drowning and ended up vomiting everything, it was horrible, the second was a survival attempt with the inert gas method, I ended up with 3 days of extreme headache and damaged vision forever, my regret is having survived, the fear of ending up being a vegetable or other consequences that end up leaving me disabled in this world have left me paused, but every time I think about that I only get angry, I wish I had died despite the pain.

This is my biggest fear. May I ask what happened that caused the insert gas attempt to fail?

 

[madscotsman]

15 I decided I'd kill myself before I turned sixteen as that's an adult in scotland and I did not want to carry this shit into adult hood and kill myself one day at 20 something and always be remembered as the 20 something crackpot with nothing going for them that offed themselves. Well here we are right where I predicted meanwhile everyone kept telling me not to be silly it always gets better. They lied to me and I knew it. It doesn't get better for everyone.

 

[rotten]

I wish I had done it properly when I was 14 because I was genuinely not afraid of dying. Being that young I also didn't consider any negative outcomes. Now I think about the possibility of failing way too much. On top of that my family knows about it too :) they handle it with violence and stupidity. So yea…I missed a good opportunity.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

Right now, I regret not ordering the SN that was in my cart on 1 Dec, for use 31 Dec. Now it's too late as I'm leaving the country early Jan. However, I'm glad that suicidal thoughts from my teens and twenties didn't amount to much.

 

[Roadrunner]

Yes, 100%

 

[grungy自殺]

Yes...

Literally i can't stand being here in this world being faced with judgement and stigma because i'm getting older and older

And wish i've hanged myself when i was 15..

 

[onlyforever1]

There are so many times I wish I had killed myself. After high school. Before I left the country. In 2022 before my life went to shit. I really wanted to be able to leave life on a high note I wanted to have a last golden summer but I keep putting it off and putting it off and now I'm never going to be happy again.

 

[singingcrow]

yes. I wish I found this site after high school

 

[czzod]

yes and no? it's hard to explain.
i am the oldest of 5 children and have lived a pretty good life compared to most. despite this i still wanted to ctb when i was 12(ish). it sounds stupid but i wanted to use scissors to cut myself in my room and then thought about how it would hurt and left my room.

now that my siblings are older i almost wished i did it back then so they wouldn't remember me if/when i ctb in the future

 

[picklemick]

Yeah I regret not doing it when I had SN by IC in 2022. Life just got worse and now I don't have a way out anymore

 

[Too_Many_Years]

Wish i had properly managed it when i was 15 so yep

 

[Permanoir]

No, because I didn't have a good method but I sure wish I had done it when I was 14

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Has anyone else been in a situation where they could have attempted, decided not to, and then later regretted it?
I'll use myself as an example.
I really, really wish I had just killed myself when I was 15. I didn't because I was scared of the method I wanted to use (jumping). The funny thing is I have a pretty strong belief that children shouldn't ever kill themselves, that they should at least wait until theyre an adult to decide if their life is really not worth continuing, but I consider myself an exception. In july someone tried to convince me not to kill myself and they went "think of all the things you got to do and all the friends you got to make after you tried to CTB!!" but ive done basically nothing worthwhile in the 6 years between then and now. If anything, I've only hurt people close to me, it would have been better if I had just killed myself bc then I wouldn't have hurt anyone. I'm ashamed that I'm 21 and still haven't died already.

Yes, very much. Should have died two years ago when I wanted to jump in front of the train.

 

[offtoseethewizard]

I regret not dying when I first got sick.

 

[easypeasy]

Yes. Oh god yes. I say this all the time…. The botched surgeries and increased pain and betrayals of massive proportions I would've avoided….. god yes.

But I also trust and have faith in timing. I've recently made a friend who is making this experience make more sense. If I had have gone sooner…the experience may have been worse. In fact….im sure of it…. So ……sometimes…..the additional pain (while unwanted) is still just additional pain.

I have a strange sense that there is a bigger picture that we don't understand while we are alive….or at least it's hard to articulate. So while sooner cab would've avoided finding out some gut wrenching information and increased mobility issues and pain……if I'm really honest….i am choosing to trust the process.

 

[isolatedl111]

Has anyone else been in a situation where they could have attempted, decided not to, and then later regretted it?
I'll use myself as an example.
I really, really wish I had just killed myself when I was 15. I didn't because I was scared of the method I wanted to use (jumping). The funny thing is I have a pretty strong belief that children shouldn't ever kill themselves, that they should at least wait until theyre an adult to decide if their life is really not worth continuing, but I consider myself an exception. In july someone tried to convince me not to kill myself and they went "think of all the things you got to do and all the friends you got to make after you tried to CTB!!" but ive done basically nothing worthwhile in the 6 years between then and now. If anything, I've only hurt people close to me, it would have been better if I had just killed myself bc then I wouldn't have hurt anyone. I'm ashamed that I'm 21 and still haven't died already.

Yes

Has anyone else been in a situation where they could have attempted, decided not to, and then later regretted it?
I'll use myself as an example.
I really, really wish I had just killed myself when I was 15. I didn't because I was scared of the method I wanted to use (jumping). The funny thing is I have a pretty strong belief that children shouldn't ever kill themselves, that they should at least wait until theyre an adult to decide if their life is really not worth continuing, but I consider myself an exception. In july someone tried to convince me not to kill myself and they went "think of all the things you got to do and all the friends you got to make after you tried to CTB!!" but ive done basically nothing worthwhile in the 6 years between then and now. If anything, I've only hurt people close to me, it would have been better if I had just killed myself bc then I wouldn't have hurt anyone. I'm ashamed that I'm 21 and still haven't died already.

I want to die as fast as possible

 

[KlMeNw]

A 21 year old me, once sat on a hotel room bed, gun in hand, pointed at my head, ready to pull the trigger. I'm 41 now and all I wish is I had pulled that damn trigger. Would have saved myself and many others so much pain.

 

[hardcorebisnis]

yeah, that cope "things will get better" just never applied to me, there are no memories i have that make me think "that was worth all this terrible shit in my life"

 

[Red Moon]

I should have done it at around 13 or so when I first attempted but my dad interfered. I thought that things were going to get better and they never truly did, since then it has just been a painful suffering existence for the most part.

 

[VoidAetherium]

Fond hanging my most profitable method for the last of the end of year of 2024. But then tension, possible failure and emotion conflict arises i was felting like one of Poe's worst nightmare tales Tell Tale Heart where my heart itself was condeming me with his pulsating agony. My regreat was about having a heart because if not i would already be dead by now for sure!