Hi all - Just trying to seek maybe some community for other people who have had similar experiences.
I have chronic migraine that makes my life unbearable. Dont have a job that pays enough, cant work more because too disabled, am fairly isolated in my city (though making attempts to make friends - etc) I'm 26. Also going through an intense breakup.
Almost 2 years ago, I had a psychotic break - a voice appeared to me and told me if I go into work, I'll die, but also I'll die by the time I'm 27, but also that I'm "fated" to die somehow. From that point I have had worsening migraines and more frequent desire to CTB.
Having been in therapy for over a year now, I'm aware that what I experienced was what psychiatry calls psychosis. So I recognize it as a delusion. But, as my life continues to get worse, I find myself wanting more and more to exit this world. It is just too hard.
I've somewhat felt since i was a high schooler that the end of my life will be on my terms. I've read books like Final Exit, etc, and I believe so much that each person has a right to end their own life.
But anyway. I have heard here or there of people with similar psychosis/schizo-spectrum issues having similar issues. I wasn't sure whether to post this in Suicide Discussion or Recovery. But I guess I will just say, if you have a new, strong, intuitive spiritually charged conviction that you must die in a certain timeframe, I encourage you to find a therapist who has knowledge of psychosis, or find a first episode psychosis program to enroll in.
Me personally, I am in therapy still - and have trouble shaking that notion that I am gonna have to kill myself in the next few months. I don't have any desire to live, but as we all know it takes a great deal of courage to actually do what we are discussing here.
Not sure where I was going with this, but wanted to open a thread for people to discuss similar issues, how they have navigated this feeling of fated-ness, and deciphering truth from reality from real desires etc etc.
Sending love
I have chronic migraine that makes my life unbearable. Dont have a job that pays enough, cant work more because too disabled, am fairly isolated in my city (though making attempts to make friends - etc) I'm 26. Also going through an intense breakup.
Almost 2 years ago, I had a psychotic break - a voice appeared to me and told me if I go into work, I'll die, but also I'll die by the time I'm 27, but also that I'm "fated" to die somehow. From that point I have had worsening migraines and more frequent desire to CTB.
Having been in therapy for over a year now, I'm aware that what I experienced was what psychiatry calls psychosis. So I recognize it as a delusion. But, as my life continues to get worse, I find myself wanting more and more to exit this world. It is just too hard.
I've somewhat felt since i was a high schooler that the end of my life will be on my terms. I've read books like Final Exit, etc, and I believe so much that each person has a right to end their own life.
But anyway. I have heard here or there of people with similar psychosis/schizo-spectrum issues having similar issues. I wasn't sure whether to post this in Suicide Discussion or Recovery. But I guess I will just say, if you have a new, strong, intuitive spiritually charged conviction that you must die in a certain timeframe, I encourage you to find a therapist who has knowledge of psychosis, or find a first episode psychosis program to enroll in.
Me personally, I am in therapy still - and have trouble shaking that notion that I am gonna have to kill myself in the next few months. I don't have any desire to live, but as we all know it takes a great deal of courage to actually do what we are discussing here.
Not sure where I was going with this, but wanted to open a thread for people to discuss similar issues, how they have navigated this feeling of fated-ness, and deciphering truth from reality from real desires etc etc.
Sending love
