anyone else really tried to recover but life ended up the same or worse?

[RubySimon]

Yup which is exactly why I am here again.
Which sucks because I WAS getting better.

I found other transgender folk, I have a community now. Then I went.and fucked it all up by coming out to.my parents.

Their misgendering is cutting deep and I know I should challenge them on it. But I just drip drip back in dispair instead. Because I am weak and hate conflict and pain..

 

[stellabelle]

I absolutely know how this feels. It only got worse.
Things have changed now for the better but it's still an everyday struggle to cope with the trauma and hauntings and memories.

 

[Freetodie]

I've been trying but failing each time. What seems to hold me back is the toxic environment I'm in. Once I figure that part out other parts of my life should be easy to deal with

 

[Sweet emotion]

Yup which is exactly why I am here again.
Which sucks because I WAS getting better.

I found other transgender folk, I have a community now. Then I went.and fucked it all up by coming out to.my parents.

Their misgendering is cutting deep and I know I should challenge them on it. But I just drip drip back in dispair instead. Because I am weak and hate conflict and pain..

You're not weak if you come out to your parents as transgender which a lot of people freak out over and j think it's unnecessary. You have to live your own life with your own truth or you're going to feel like you're suffocating on the inside. I have a transgender cousin. I wish you the best of luck and I hope your parents come around. A parents love it supposed to be unconditional. All I would wish for my child if I had one was health and happiness. It wouldn't matter if they were gay or transgender or whatever. You're still s human being who deserves repsect.

i'm just so tired of trying, and i tried so hard to actually have some quality of life, not a great life, just one i could bear with.

tried exercise, being social, spending both money and time with my family and many other lifestyle changes, i even went voluntarily into a psychiatric hospital to see if that would help at all. but in the end, nothing worked and life just threw more shit at me. every time i had some minor success i was bound to experience something tragic or health kept getting worse and worse.

the worst part is that i'm still trying, but i just loose a bit of hope every time. it just feels pointless to keep trying.

I hate asking people this because I hate it when people ask me but have you talked to a good therapist? Sometimes when you find a really good therapist they give you amazing tools for how to attack the problem. I just wouldn't want you to end it before trying everything because life can be wonderful.

 

[throwaway1111]

Yes. But then i just gave up.

 

[hatelife]

like someone here said, I should have ctb years ago, then I wouldnt have experienced even more crap in life, when I think back to it, 1/10 years was ok, the rest were barely hanging on with so much anxiety.

 

[Nem]

I've already answered this but it's worth another go.
When my dr first tried to kill me I felt like my head was put in a 20-ton log splitter. Now a few years later, it feels like I climbed into a wood chipper stuck on max and my entire body getting chewed up like a food processor.
Rule number 1: If in doubt check out.
Rule number 2 : (see rule #1)
This is just my opinion pertaining to myself but holy fuck sticking around has been the equivalent of torturing myself for no good reason
Peace/hugs!

 

[lymbo]

I've already answered this but it's worth another go.
When my dr first tried to kill me I felt like my head was put in a 20-ton log splitter. Now a few years later, it feels like I climbed into a wood chipper stuck on max and my entire body getting chewed up like a food processor.
Rule number 1: If in doubt check out.
Rule number 2 : (see rule #1)
This is just my opinion pertaining to myself but holy fuck sticking around has been the equivalent of torturing myself for no good reason
Peace/hugs!

can u elaborate on the story when they left u for dead n the ambulance>?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I've never stopped trying. I've never gotten anywhere. Is this supposed to teach me something? Compassion, humility? It just makes me angry.
There's an old British Army saying:
All a flogging teaches a man is how to turn his back.

 

[Numbtopain97]

Yes

 

[teotme]

It's gotten to the point where I think I am not allowed to be happy or succeed in whatever I try.

 

[Santiago]

Me!

Moved to a different place, different uni and took a different career path.

The end result is still me sitting alone in my room on this damn website. These demons are immortal, I swear.

 

[readytogonow]

i'm just so tired of trying, and i tried so hard to actually have some quality of life, not a great life, just one i could bear with.

tried exercise, being social, spending both money and time with my family and many other lifestyle changes, i even went voluntarily into a psychiatric hospital to see if that would help at all. but in the end, nothing worked and life just threw more shit at me. every time i had some minor success i was bound to experience something tragic or health kept getting worse and worse.

the worst part is that i'm still trying, but i just loose a bit of hope every time. it just feels pointless to keep trying.

That's exactly how I feel

 

[BrokenAngel8]

Here, here.
I gave life too many chances. Part of me regretting that, should've gone sooner. Another part of me thankful that at least I've tried and exhaust all I could, I put that as a tribute to everyone who loves/loved me. I fought knowing if things still go wrong, I could peacefully pass away knowing I've tried. My life was my battlefield, I am happy to take my defeat knowing I fought. Hard.

The end result is still me sitting alone in my room on this damn website. These demons are immortal, I swear.

Perfect description. All trial leads to another torture. I feel you.

 

[Nem]

can u elaborate on the story when they left u for dead n the ambulance>?

Ambulance paramedics were fuckin kids and left me to die at the hospital without getting me triaged. I should've gone on a rampage
Peace/hugs

 

[bornsinner]

happen to me so many times. I'm just going to end it now

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I've tried to improve my social situation but something uncanny happenned to me so I drove my only friend away in an attempt to protect myself from the world.
Now I'm back at square one just like when I was sixteen, but with less hope.

 

[Saga]

i did and here i am regretting it

 

[BPD Barbie]

I tried many times and felt like I'd almost succeeded, but then it came crashing down harder than ever and after rebuilding time after time, I haven't got the energy to do it again. I'd got myself a rented house, a car, good job, busy social life, it was the best situation I'd ever found myself in.... and then it had all gone and here we are. Part of me isn't even surprised, I've been here time and time again.

 

[Moonicide]

Yes. I've been battling with mental illness for 15 years. Been in treatment, medication, therapy, have done partial hospitalization along with outpatient programs... It didn't really change much. I'm on disability and live on food stamps due to how mentally ill I am. I have shitty insurance. I can't afford to live on my own and tried applying on waiting lists to get into low income housing or Section 8 to get out of my abusive and toxic environment, but that could take years. I even called a safe house and they told me they could take me in for a month, but if there is no room for me they'd basically have to kick me out... This life I live isn't sustainable. This isn't even living at this point. I am absolutely tired and worn down... I fucking tried. And I'm done.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm starting to lose hope. I'm gonna try going for a second round of partial hospitalization and if that doesn't work, idk what I'll do

 

[mediocre]

2019 was the year I really tried to turn things around but it all blew up in my face. I feel worse than ever. I feel so overwhelmed now with problems that I burst into tears randomly. I don't know why I'm still alive now.

 

[BabyYoda]

I have tried but I ended as a cynical freak who doesn't care anymore. I interpret the phrase "it gets better" in my situation as no longer trying to fix what is beyond repair, even if that is not the result I wanted. Because of this I stopped hoping for a significant other or a best friend.

 

[2211264]

Tried A new job, it didn't work out.
Tried Moving, Twice and further away both times.
Tried a new social life.
Now I just travel around the countryside, living in my car and doing 1/2 week long jobs fixing stuff. I try to keep away from the cities and larger towns. If im not working, I just drive to another place and or look for work.
same as it was last year. Nothing changed. I didn't think it would change, but there was a brief while there, that i thought it was just o.k. and tolerable.

 

[charlie_z]

I tried, failed, and things got much worse.

 

[Davout]

2019 was the year I really tried to turn things around but it all blew up in my face. I feel worse than ever. I feel so overwhelmed now with problems that I burst into tears randomly. I don't know why I'm still alive now.

I know exactly what you mean. I had just begun to move in a positive, upward direction. Had made a good friend; turned things around at work; started working on my health and fitness. Then, in one day... poof! I made it all disappear with one fateful, fatal decision. That was in July, and I haven't recovered. Things were so promising and now...

 

[Unhumanly.]

I might taking an option to move out to a new place again to rebuild my life, but hm. How many times I've been moving to a new environment and fail miserably to build my ideal life again? I guess a lot but I don't know if i can say it's too many times

Not only that the problem is most people don't want to at least understand my condition
but the problem is also on me, because I'm mentally not fine that I can't manage myself normally and well

So I don't know what's anymore
Wanting to hope? I'm scared my hope will be betrayed
I'm already trying too, I'm not just hoping

I don't know.. really, I don't know what's anymore, it's too vague, it's a blur.