Venting anyone else only alive because they feel guilty for hurting people?

[harbinger0]

i want to die so badly and i have a method to use but my therapist made me promise her i wouldn't kill myself until our next session. i don't want to live, i hate being alive, all it brings me is pain, but i keep imagining how devastated she would be and i hate myself for making people feel like that. i have family as well... i know they love me and they really don't want me to die, and i know there are other people who want me to stay alive, but it feels like i'm being torn apart very second i'm still living but the thought of people hurting because of me makes me want to rip my eyes out. i hate everyone, why do i have to care about them so much? i just wish there was some way i could die and make everyone who knows me forget i ever existed.

it's not fair, why does living have to entail so much suffering? even trying to escape living is so difficult and hurts so many people, even though i'm supposed to be leaving them behind for forever sleep. i'm so tired.

 

[KlakkidClaude]

I feel the same. I'm only alive because of one person in particular who I value more than anything. At the same time I feel too guilty to wish they never knew me because for some reason they think they love me and that my existence makes their life better. It's too much. I want to leave but I can't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it

 

[EternalDaydreaming]

Yes I am only here because I know the pain of someone close committing but I know the people close to me are emotionally stable enough so I should be gone in the next few years

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I'm the same. I'm hanging on for my Dad to go first. I know it would devastate him if I did it. I don't know how I'm going to feel after that. Most of the rest of my family and friends are very distant now. I've almost tried to keep it like that. I agree though- the decision would be so much simpler if we didn't feel pressured to stay alive for others.

 

[harbinger0]

I feel the same. I'm only alive because of one person in particular who I value more than anything. At the same time I feel too guilty to wish they never knew me because for some reason they think they love me and that my existence makes their life better. It's too much. I want to leave but I can't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it

yeah i just wish no one loved me because they don't deserve what i put them through, it's really not fair that the people i love most don't want me to die— and the whole dilemma of do i tell them that i'm planning on dying? if i do then it could make them feel better that they had the opportunity to do something about it and that i trust them enough to tell them, but at the same time that might make them feel like they didn't do enough to stop me and blame themselves for my suicide which i want to avoid at all costs.

Yes I am only here because I know the pain of someone close committing but I know the people close to me are emotionally stable enough so I should be gone in the next few years

i'm glad the people around you are emotionally stable enough to leave behind without too much suffering. i hope that you manage to find peace while hurting as few people as possible. i think suicidal people get painted as selfish a lot of the time, when really we care so much about other people, it's just that we're in so much pain we can't keep living.

 

[Torabol]

My parents don't deserve to experience this. I'm going to live my life out for them, even though I'm not particularly happy much of the time.

 

[Cajuncatastrophe]

Wow. I cannot imagine relating to anything else more. That is my situation in a nutshell. If the "others" in my life were fine and dandy without me….I'd have a very different future.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's very similar here, I feel the same. Just a few persons (loved ones) would not get over it although everything would be so much better for me if I finally was gone for good. But sth keeps me back from the last step because I do not want to hurt loved ones. I'm trapped.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Just think about yourself - some of these people would be the ones responsible for hurting you- your peace comes first before anything and always remember to choose yourself….