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rabbithole

rabbithole

Experienced
Oct 26, 2020
271
Overloaded with bad circumstances that make life unlivable?

there are people here complaining about what I consider simple problems, so I know their mental illness is overwhelming and it makes them want to ctb.

but my mental illness was never bad enough for me to want to ctb before I became physically ill. I now don't know how to live. I can only imagine one way out.

anyway please don't think I'm belittling anyone's problems. It's just all relative. I thought I was suffering terribly before I got a spinal cord disease/injury but now I know another dimension of suffering - something that makes each moment unbearable, not just feeling awful between livable moments. It's just bad circumstances. Anyone else physically injured/ill?

I am hoping to ctb soon but am stopped by my family. I don't want to hurt them and I'll likely kill my mom and dad if I do. I'm so f'd.
 
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constant_grief

constant_grief

Member
Nov 25, 2020
37
I also have chronic health problems which made me severely depressed. I guess the worst part is the hopelessness of it all, I would happily trade everything I have for a healthy body even if it meant starting from scratch with nothing. I feel like I am just about clinging on to life but it is scary how bad my suicidal feelings get.
 
LooksAtMoonDog

LooksAtMoonDog

Too Long in the Wasteland
Nov 10, 2020
719
I don't feel I'm mentally ill, unless you count occasional bouts of depression.

Really feel bad for folks who have real mental illness because it's so often dismissed or untreatable. If I was in their situation I'd have probably CTB long ago.
 
rabbithole

rabbithole

Experienced
Oct 26, 2020
271
That sounds awful, sending you love and support
Thank you <3
I also have chronic health problems which made me severely depressed. I guess the worst part is the hopelessness of it all, I would happily trade everything I have for a healthy body even if it meant starting from scratch with nothing. I feel like I am just about clinging on to life but it is scary how bad my suicidal feelings get.
Oh I feel you. Someone on Instagram put it like clinging to sand while falling down a hill...something like that. That's what it feels like. I really hope you get some moments of peace between the suffering. It's not fair.
Yes... it sucks to have an illness. I've been sad before but never felt it was a diagnosable.

I'm not a big fan of Jordan Peterson but someone posted a video of him talking about how some people acquire mental illness by a series of bad events.
I did watch that, makes a lot of sense. I already had mental illnesses and was in therapy for a decade before I went for a lumbar puncture that was botched and ended up with one of the most painful diseases that exist - arachnoiditis. I'm sure someone with a more resilient mind would be able to live with my circumstances but I just barely can. I can't see how my life will be any good being in pain. Plus I lost all sexual function and I have poor bladder function because of the injury. A nightmare.
I don't feel I'm mentally ill, unless you count occasional bouts of depression.

Really feel bad for folks who have real mental illness because it's so often dismissed or untreatable. If I was in their situation I'd have probably CTB long ago.
Me too. When I was in the psych ward I saw people in psychosis and man i can't imagine that. There was one girl who thought her face was falling off and she was so distraught about it...
 
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KuriGohan&Kamehameha

KuriGohan&Kamehameha

想死不能 - 想活不能
Nov 23, 2020
1,460
I have PTSD and it's quite bad but the physical health problems are dehabilitating. I know exactly what you mean when you describe the nature of that suffering, it's an entirely different dimension of complexity to grapple with when you realise that modern medicine can't fix many ailments and you are left to try to function in a world that scoffs at disabled and sick individuals. My life was bad before I developed chronic fatigue, but now it is so much worse.
 
newave3

newave3

I want out
Nov 21, 2020
2,751
I have chronic, untreatable trigeminal neuralgia which has thrown me into a severe depression on top of my ever present anxiety disorder. Whenever I am out in the public I feel totally disconnected from people, like I am not even a human being.
I feel no emotions. I am completely numb. The only things I like to do are eat and sleep...well that's something anyway.
 
rabbithole

rabbithole

Experienced
Oct 26, 2020
271
I have chronic, untreatable trigeminal neuralgia which has thrown me into a severe depression on top of my ever present anxiety disorder. Whenever I am out in the public I feel totally disconnected from people, like I am not even a human being.
I feel no emotions. I am completely numb. The only things I like to do are eat and sleep...well that's something anyway.
Geez I am so sorry. I'm there with you with a neurological pain disorder...it's awful.
 
rabbithole

rabbithole

Experienced
Oct 26, 2020
271
I have PTSD and it's quite bad but the physical health problems are dehabilitating. I know exactly what you mean when you describe the nature of that suffering, it's an entirely different dimension of complexity to grapple with when you realise that modern medicine can't fix many ailments and you are left to try to function in a world that scoffs at disabled and sick individuals. My life was bad before I developed chronic fatigue, but now it is so much worse.
Exactly. Suddenly you're useless to society and that hurts like hell. I hate being disabled. I'm so sorry you're suffering. Are there treatments for chronic fatigue?
 

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