gnomeboy17
Specialist
- Feb 11, 2020
- 355
Tbh it is undeniably my parents fault, I know they'll play the victim when I die but I can't feel guilty when I know I wouldn't kill myself if they treated me better
_Kaira_
This Isn't Fine
- Oct 2, 2020
- 826
No guilt. My parents contributed to the broken mess I am today. It's too exhausting for me to care about living just for the sake of other people, especially that feed the pain and ironically think suicide is a coward's way out.
elfgyoza
Cursed
- Aug 5, 2019
- 326
I used to feel the guilt, but I've been exploring antinatilism more often recently. So if my parents become distraught after I CTB, perhaps they should've considered just not fulfilling the void in their lives with children all those years ago
_Kaira_
This Isn't Fine
- Oct 2, 2020
- 826
This. My parents had children just to make sure someone was around to take care of them in their elderly years. Even after they found out the hard way that my mother was a carrier of a genetic disease (brother passed) they still continued to go on and have one last child. And then go on to abuse their children. Selfish to the max.
elfgyoza
Cursed
- Aug 5, 2019
- 326
Wow, I'm sorry about that. I was discussing having kids with my friends the other day and one of them actually said if they had one they'd be able to take care of them when they're old. I couldn't believe how selfish she was. You can't create an entire new life, a person with their own feelings and consciousness, just to expect them to look after you. If my parents ever told me they expect me to do something like that, I'd have no issues telling them to go f themselves :)
_Kaira_
This Isn't Fine
- Oct 2, 2020
- 826
No need to be sorry. Sadly, I feel as though a lot of parents think this way. I know that this was the purpose of my birth, because my parent's always loved showing examples of it. They always felt inclined to take care of both sets of my grandparents, but then turn around and complain that they had to and no one else wanted to help. Even now, I escaped across county away from them, and they used to call me and guilt trip me into going back to them. "Could use help around here." "I could use your help." "I have to do everything around here." "Well who else can do things since no one else is here." The list goes on of things my mother would tell me.
If only they knew how much I resent them. But I do not have the strength or willpower to tell them how I feel, because I am such a weak person. I hate my very existence, because I have no interests in life, born to just be a slave. Not only to society but to my own family. Obligations just because they gave birth to me, lmao.
It's just so stupid. I wanted a family at my own at one point, before I realized several truths. One of them being I do not want to pass on this hereditary suffering that my brother went through. Even if I can have kids (may be infertile), I don't feel like rolling the dice to create sickly sons, or daughters who will create sickly sons. Life just isn't fair.
Is what it is, i guess. Which is why if and when I CTB, I won't feel any remorse for them. After all "if you're gonna do it (suicide), you're going to do it." was one of their favorite sayings to me. Damn right I will, because I was never bluffing.
I don't know really. They did tell me to kill myself when I was young and belittled me often, yes, but they also put a roof over my head and fed me...they rarely let me outside to make friends other than going outside to catch the school bus for school. I don't know really sorry
Gnip
Bill the Cat
- Oct 10, 2020
- 621
My father (a retired elementary school principal) has told me most of my life that suicide would be a good thing for me. He's never stopped boasting about it.
I promised my Catholic mother (who has read the Bible and Summa Theologica in Latin and understands Thomas Aquinas) that I would not CTB within her lifetime, but I also told her I wouldn't stick around long enough to see her interred. (She believes my father is going to go to Hell for what he deliberately did to me in crippling my developing mind, while I am excluded from Hell, immune to any afterlife condemnation on the sacramental grounds of "diminished capacity," since my father was purely an abuser who by his own admission was never subject to any form of abuse himself.)
Nominally, I am Syrian Orthodox, but I may agree to be baptized Catholic to accommodate my mother before we die.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communion_and_the_developmentally_disabled
I promised my Catholic mother (who has read the Bible and Summa Theologica in Latin and understands Thomas Aquinas) that I would not CTB within her lifetime, but I also told her I wouldn't stick around long enough to see her interred. (She believes my father is going to go to Hell for what he deliberately did to me in crippling my developing mind, while I am excluded from Hell, immune to any afterlife condemnation on the sacramental grounds of "diminished capacity," since my father was purely an abuser who by his own admission was never subject to any form of abuse himself.)
Nominally, I am Syrian Orthodox, but I may agree to be baptized Catholic to accommodate my mother before we die.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communion_and_the_developmentally_disabled
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