Anyone else just waiting for family members to die off first?

[Alexerini]

Honestly the only thing keeping me alive ATM is just that I couldn't make my parents so sad. Who knows how long they'll still be alive for. It makes me incredibly angry that they r the ones that r keeping me from blowing my head off. I feel ashamed for sometimes just thinking about them dying and me finally being free. Of course I have a brother too, but I'm not willing to wait for them, that's a bit too much time for me

 

[Squiddy]

That and my fear of a possible hell is what's keeping me alive

 

[BPD Barbie]

I thought about waiting for my mom to go and then I'd follow her, but I don't know if that could be years and years or not. I know it'll hurt her deeply when I go, but I can't wait anymore. I hope she does go on for many more years yet though.

 

[LMLN]

Hmmm...yes. My wait is over. Now it's just when I guess.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

Yeah my grandma just recently had to have her legs amputated. She'll most likely be in hospice care soon. Life sucks ass for the most part lol.

 

[Werewolf]

Well the wifey left already but I'd probably wait for my father to go before me, I cant bare the thought of putting him through all that agony.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

Well the wifey left already but I'd probably wait for my father to go before me, I cant bare the thought of putting him through all that agony.

Parents don't ever wish to burry their children, I feel like they'd feel some failure and go out feeling like they didn't help enough. It's good you have him in your thoughts even how shitty shit might be.

 

[DeathNoot]

Same I will probably wait, assuming nothing gets worse for me. I have a sibling as well, but as you said thats too much time. Our age gap is only 2 years. I will just distance myself so she doesn't even notice. It's already been years since I saw her.

 

[Werewolf]

Parents don't ever wish to burry their children, I feel like they'd feel some failure and go out feeling like they didn't help enough. It's good you have him in your thoughts even how shitty shit might be.

Thanks friend. I'm not at the bus stop yet but it can't be far. One day at a time.

 

[pete_x]

Honestly the only thing keeping me alive ATM is just that I couldn't make my parents so sad. Who knows how long they'll still be alive for. It makes me incredibly angry that they r the ones that r keeping me from blowing my head off. I feel ashamed for sometimes just thinking about them dying and me finally being free. Of course I have a brother too, but I'm not willing to wait for them, that's a bit too much time for me

Yes, I'm in a holding pattern for similar reasons.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

Thanks friend. I'm not at the bus stop yet but it can't be far. One day at a time.

I've came so close to killing myself but i had an "epiphany" somehow... part of why I don't think shits real. I try to help veterans mainly, but I don't like anyone hurting overall.. I'm just familiar with them. Just think of your life with pros and cons and see if that makes any difference. I honestly don't think you're ready, please try helping another, hug, random "how are you doing today?", kiss even (lol if you can pull that) I like to sometimes do what I wish others would do for me, sometimes that can make all the difference.

Whatever you choose though, I understand 100%, this world is shit.. especially 2020 lol.

 

[Cosmiq]

I'm not sure of my dads' life expectancy, but I definitely know I can't wait out my mom's. Everyone in her family lives too long. My grandma is 98, and is still pretty sharp. My grandma was the youngest of all her siblings and all the women lived to be in their late 90s, with a few reaching into their hundreds. My mom is 65, and besides being a bit overweight, has no major health issues. I think waiting too long could be a problem as she ages though, I really don't want to feel like she failed me. She did mess up early in our lives, but did the best she could after.
My dad is the same age, has had a stroke, back surgery, knee surgery, stuff like high blood pressure and high cholesterol while still eating extremely unhealthy, very overweight, and though he won't get into his emotions I'd say he's depressed.

 

[Cancún]

yo al reves , quiero morir antes que mi familia

 

[Werewolf]

I've came so close to killing myself but i had an "epiphany" somehow... part of why I don't think shits real. I try to help veterans mainly, but I don't like anyone hurting overall.. I'm just familiar with them. Just think of your life with pros and cons and see if that makes any difference. I honestly don't think you're ready, please try helping another, hug, random "how are you doing today?", kiss even (lol if you can pull that) I like to sometimes do what I wish others would do for me, sometimes that can make all the difference.

Whatever you choose though, I understand 100%, this world is shit.. especially 2020 lol.

Thanks for the kind words it means a lot. I was also close one time, many years ago. A friend actually saved me but that was an irrational and impulsive act and I'm actually glad it didn't end there.
When I do it, well IF I do, it will be planned out and with a clear head, and I'm not there yet. Who knows maybe I'll never be.

You seem like a good person, I try to help people out whenever I can but lately with everything on lockdown I don't have a lot of social contact atm. I'm thinking this covid crap is going to push a lot of people over the edge lol

Anyway, keep fighting another day.

 

[Eurus]

Yes,with my history my parents know of what I want,and I feel as though they know my intentions once they pass on,and as things stand now it's agony waking up every morning to see their smiling faces knowing they love me and wish the best for me,and as @Squiddy said,A possible hell has my mental state flared up.

 

[Wishiweredead]

No my mum will be better off without me all I am is a broken burden

 

[terry_a_davis]

yes

 

[woxihuanni]

No, what they do is not my problem.

 

[last_tour]

I used to think that, but then i read from an NDE relatives that passed away greet you in before entering the after life. I'd rather be there first and telling them what took them so long.

 

[Thatdude]

Kinda. I will off myself if my parents died or when I go homeless. However, I most likely will off myself before they died.

At one point I held myself off from dying due to another living. Like my grandparents being alive, and I don't want them to get hurt. But I learned that was stupid. At least for them, I think they would've gotten over it and it seems like they are suicidal. They are super religious so they aren't going to blow off their head. But they will not take care of themselves and put themselves in harms way like letting people visit even with this lock down, riding out a cat 4 hurricane in a house that isn't made for it, eating things the doctor says that will kill them (soda and what not), and so on.

I wouldn't be able to off myself if I had a spouse or kids outside of a few exceptions. Even more if I had kids that weren't grown up. If they weren't grown up.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Nope. They will move on just like everyone else.

 

[Justinian]

I have literally grown to hate my parent now tbh. They are not abusive parents and actually care for me. The normal person would probably call me some ungrateful bastard.

But.... I just couldn't help feeling so betrayed for them giving birth to me, knowing the cruelty life and the world has to offer and how all of these are but a rat race. We endure all these suffering in life due to nothing but them, and ctb is much easier if you stop caring.

And are they going to be sad? Yes but I don't care anymore. When parents give birth they know the child will have to deal with their death someday. That's incredibly cruel and I'll just do the opposite to you because you decided it's okay at the beginning.

 

[Winter_Flower]

Same reason I'm still here. When I first tried the look on my mum and dads face I'll never ever forget. It's burnt in my brain forever and I can't put them through that again. I have siblings but they've never really got me. I'm mostly on my own, so when the sad time comes that both of my parents are passed, if I haven't already it'll be within a few weeks of that xx

 

[helpmehelpme]

My mom has done so much to try to help me that I do feel a desire to stay alive, at least for her. Yet I also have told her it's my life, and I reserve the right to end it. This she refuses to hear. Bless her. And bless all of us that struggle with suicidal impulses. It is a terrible burden.

 

[FriendofDeath]

No my mum will be better off without me all I am is a broken burden

I don't know if that is true. Losing a child is very difficult and life-changing. I don't know your situation, but I can say with certainty I am not better without my son.

 

[Varstraben]

I promised to my mom that she will don't have to bury me. She also have a lot of suicidal idea, maybe it's a familly thing ...
So I will leave after her, but I will not wait for my dad, I want him to suffer as much as possible instead of killing him directly.

 

[Bct]

Kinda. The ideal condition is my father passed away first before me, but I don't know if I could be strong enough to bear these sufferings before he passed away.

 

[DarkAngel]

My partner has a terminal illness, so I am determined to stick around until it is time for us to both go.

 

[FullCircle]

My dog, honestly. He's all I've got and the thought of him not understanding what happened if I ctb keeps me alive some days.

 

[the-eternal]

it will be decades upon decades before my immediate family members are dead — if the average lifespan takes its course, of course

waiting that long to spare them the sorrow is simply out of the question

but what brings me the most hesitance is the thought of having to leave my dear cat behind