Discussion Anyone else hoping that fear will help them in their CTB attempt?

[Forever Sleep]

I expect it sounds like a strange question. I think most of us are scared of actually attempting- perhaps more than anything else.

Still- I'm thinking weirdly that fear is something that I may be able to use to get over my SI. There is one particular person in my life that I feel like I would do ANYTHING not to see again... (to the extent that- if hell exists- they'll be down there waiting for me.) I feel like the fear of that may well be enough to make me just do it.

There's a likelihood I would have to see them too. I'm waiting for my Dad to pass first and there's a high chance they would go to the funeral. I'd literally have a few days I suppose to do it- after learning the news.

Just to clarify- I'm not wanting to CTB purely just for that. They certainly initiated all this shit. Still- I overall think life is shit. I REALLY don't want to be a part of it. I guess- if I didn't have to see them, I could take my time more but suicide feels likely at some stage regardless.

Also- I'm hoping that my ENORMOUS amount of social anxiety would stop me from calling an ambulance. It's 'worked' in the past- I had more than 10 gallstone attacks before I sought help and even then- I didn't call for an ambulance. They were extremely painful too and the first one was terrifying- I thought it was a heart attack. I'm hoping I can use that fear to overcome the actual fear that's bound to arise from the process!

How about you? Is fear a motivating factor for you? I think many of us want to CTB because we fear what's lying in wait in our futures.

 

[Falseunderworld]

Sometimes i hope fear can just drive me to do it more, but its hard to deny that it also drives me away from it

Op if you ctb i hope your fear can help drive you in the direction of peace , then the sleep you want , you'll get

 

[Darkover]

fear is what is holding me back i don't want to get caught ordering prescription drugs and be set to jail just because i want to kill my self but it's a risk i am going to have to take sooner or later i can't keep living like this, i don't fear death and know that can without difficulty kill myself with the right cocktail of chemicals mainly N or olanzapine.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do see life as being something to be feared, as just existing in this world comes with risks. If we continue to exist there is no limit as to how much we can suffer and how much we can potentially be tortured and to me, this is reason enough to make the thought of non existence sound so incredibly appealing. The unpredictability and uncertainty that comes with life certainly makes suicide the most logical decision that one can make to me. Life is always something that I'd rather avoid at all costs.

But when it comes to actually attempting, the fear of a ctb attempt going wrong is what scares me and keeps me here, but I know that if I had a peaceful and reliable way to free myself from this world, I would no longer have any fear, I would just feel relieved and I would have absolutely no problems going through with ctb.

 

[misfit]

I expect it sounds like a strange question. I think most of us are scared of actually attempting- perhaps more than anything else.

Still- I'm thinking weirdly that fear is something that I may be able to use to get over my SI. There is one particular person in my life that I feel like I would do ANYTHING not to see again... (to the extent that- if hell exists- they'll be down there waiting for me.) I feel like the fear of that may well be enough to make me just do it.

There's a likelihood I would have to see them too. I'm waiting for my Dad to pass first and there's a high chance they would go to the funeral. I'd literally have a few days I suppose to do it- after learning the news.

Just to clarify- I'm not wanting to CTB purely just for that. They certainly initiated all this shit. Still- I overall think life is shit. I REALLY don't want to be a part of it. I guess- if I didn't have to see them, I could take my time more but suicide feels likely at some stage regardless.

Also- I'm hoping that my ENORMOUS amount of social anxiety would stop me from calling an ambulance. It's 'worked' in the past- I had more than 10 gallstone attacks before I sought help and even then- I didn't call for an ambulance. They were extremely painful too and the first one was terrifying- I thought it was a heart attack. I'm hoping I can use that fear to overcome the actual fear that's bound to arise from the process!

How about you? Is fear a motivating factor for you? I think many of us want to CTB because we fear what's lying in wait in our futures.

dostoyevski once spoke on the topic of fearing death, saying how he always feared it until one day when he saw a picture of his mother and siblings before he was born, and that although he didnt exist when those photographs were taken, they didnt frighten him the way thinking of not existing in the future did. the lesson i took from this was that fear, like all forms of pain or discomfort, is merely a consequence of existence itself.. that although we fearfully cling to life, the release of life is the simultaneous release of the fear that binds it to us.

 

[HybridSpectre]

I think almost all suicidal thoughts I've had stem from fear of what may be in the future as a consequence of the shitty hand that life has dealt me and my sisters. So a few weeks ago I made up my mind that I wasn't gonna endure this pain and sorrow any longer and the fear of uncertainty gave me massive courage to CTB. I purchased multiple razor blades. I knew all I needed was a clean through and through sever of the carotid, and all my pain and suffering would be over in seconds. The stage was set. I'd go to an isolated place at midnight and get this over with. When I tried to do that I suddenly got overwhelmed with extreme fear that something may go wrong and my mind was flooded with many thoughts that there may be something else I could do. I pull back from my plan. But with the current trajectory my life is taking I think I'll CTB for real this time, soon at some point, if my life doesn't change. 'Cause I don't think my life is worth living. So yeah, I think fear of what may come in the future is what gives someone the courage to CTB. But it's not that simple. This fear has to come from something and someone's will to die has to be greater than their will to live.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think almost all suicidal thoughts I've had stem from fear of what may be in the future as a consequence of the shitty hand that life has dealt me and my family. So a few weeks ago I made up my mind that I wasn't gonna endure this pain and sorrow any longer and the fear of uncertainty gave me massive courage to CTB. I purchased multiple razor blades. I knew all I needed was a cut to the carotid, and all my pain and suffering would be over in seconds. The stage was set. I'd go to an isolated place at midnight and get this over with. When I tried to do that I suddenly got overwhelmed with extreme fear that something may go wrong and my mind was flooded with many thoughts that there may be something else I could do. I pull back from my plan. But with the current trajectory my life is taking I think I'll have enough courage to CTB soon at some point. 'Cause I don't this my life is worth living. So yeah, I think fear of what may come in the future is what gives someone the courage to CTB. But it's not that simple. This fear has to come from something and has to be sufficient to drive someone to do that.

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point. Honestly though- I'm glad you backed out of the cutting attempt. From what I've heard, it isn't very reliable. I considered it myself when I was young but I think you have to cut pretty deep and I'm so squeamish. I hope you can find something more peaceful if you do indeed decide to go ahead with it. All the best to you.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

The fear of not being able to commit suicide and ending in a nursing home is a driving factor for me to kill myself. When you are old it can easily happen that you are not able anymore for example as a result of a stroke.