Anyone else having a hard day/night suicidality wise?

[Hope:-)]

I post so many threads on here, but today has been a hard day and now night suicidality wise. I still can't source benzodiazepines so I feel stuck here and I hate that feeling. Anyone else having a hard day? All my days are dreadful but this one has been very pressing suicidality speaking.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Me too, I think I have to give up my cats, and when I'm looking for a home all I get is:
"viewings are fully booked" *puts phone down*
"we'll ring you back" *they never ring back*
or just an answer machine, or they don't even answer at all, etc

:(

 

[Mofreeko]

My heart goes out to the members here that seem to be suffering from extreme emotional pain. For me it's almost complete emotional numbness and an overwhelming feeling of just being done with people, the world, and done just being alive.

 

[FuneralCry]

Today feels like an especially long day and time does pass rather slowly. I'm just so tired of it all. There is no point to this life and there never could be. It's so dreadful knowing that I will very likely not die in my sleep and have to endure another day. I really do dislike existing. Those who peacefully pass away are lucky.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Past few days, mind has been so overwhelmed that I literally have to pause and just breathe at times as if the pain is literally physical. No, I don't feel it physically, but that's how overwhelming it gets at times. I literally have to stop doing anything and just stand there until it eases up. This in turn is causing me to just want to take my SN impulsively. But I have to wait. Now is not the moment....although I so want it to be....

 

[whitefeather]

The Sun is leaving us

 

[StolenLife]

Since the beginning of september everything had slowly been coming back, this entire month has consisted of rumination and a depressive episode, though it started in july when the memories of loneliness I've felt for the past ten years settled in... My sleep schedule is a mess, I'd sleep all day if I could, and I can barely force myself to eat anything... I just can't deal with the fact that my life turned out like this. No more, please.

 

[StarryNights94]

As someone who hasn't felt the ideation before, it's extremely difficult as you don't know where to turn. I'm running out of time to be able to act decisively and the only viable methods that I have seem to be ineffective from what I have read.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I post so many threads on here, but today has been a hard day and now night suicidality wise. I still can't source benzodiazepines so I feel stuck here and I hate that feeling. Anyone else having a hard day? All my days are dreadful but this one has been very pressing suicidality speaking.

Yesterday and the day before was hard for me I got attached to someone and we are just friends my mistake it's rarely that I get this way for another human just feeling so restless the whole weeks have been hard but it was so intense yesterday or day before can't even remember but got angry and letting everything consume me. I am giving myself pain maybe.

 

[outrider567]

I post so many threads on here, but today has been a hard day and now night suicidality wise. I still can't source benzodiazepines so I feel stuck here and I hate that feeling. Anyone else having a hard day? All my days are dreadful but this one has been very pressing suicidality speaking.

A hard day, so many of them, like today, more of them ahead

 

[ManicPanic2018]

Today was a rough one for me. My SN and antiemetics arrived today, and I found out my housemate is away this weekend so I have an opportunity to go. It's sooner than I would have wanted.

I think its unlikely I'll go this soon, but fuck. I wasn't expecting the SN to arrive today either, I was expecting it next week.

Oh the plus side, I ordered a tonne of benzos of the darknet last night. Enough for when I go and then some. So hopefully when that arrives I can just numb myself until I figure this all out.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, it can get pretty rough. I mean I take kratom tea and a bunch of pills (sometimes) but life is becoming more unbearable. It hasn't helped since I got planted with a new neighbour from hell either. I don't expect to be around much longer. When it gets nearer to the end for me, I will start focusing more on just getting on with the mission of leaving this cesspit. Right now I am just laying low and trying to do the right thing.

 

[Jupit3rs]

Today i went back to unniversity and I feel very lost again: I had a panic attack/meltdown first thing in the morning, being here just triggers my suicidal ideation even more, i'm also sick right now, so yeah... what a fucking awful day, i just wish i was dead already lol if only it was that simple...

 

[chloramine]

Yeah. It was a worse day right when I woke up and then I had to go to university. I was able to repress and fake it but I got home and it feels like everything is just. Collapsing. I really need to study but I don't know that I can. I'm sorry you're having a hard day too.

 

[Hope:-)]

Thanks guys. Really hope I source benzodiazepines soon as frankly I just want to leave. Thanks for responding though xx

 

[miserableforever]

I post so many threads on here, but today has been a hard day and now night suicidality wise. I still can't source benzodiazepines so I feel stuck here and I hate that feeling. Anyone else having a hard day? All my days are dreadful but this one has been very pressing suicidality speaking.

Some days are unbearable, some are okish. I don't know anymore. Sorry you're not doing good.

 

[Olive_Eyes]

This was my free week and i got a terrible flu. The inhability of doing anything just made me come back here again after a while. Life has been rough and i have to get back to university next monday, wich i hate, so yeah.

 

[Cerulea]

I've had a near permanent pain in my chest for a week and a half. It's an emotionally turbulent time that I'm hoping I can sort out soon enough. Like many people here, the weight of it all is crushing and it causes me to move closer to my thoughts of no longer being alive.

I'm sorry you're hurting lately. Those deeply suicidal days/nights are so painful and hard. It's hard to justify existing like that. I hope you are able to attain some manner of comfort soon.

 

[sadstuffie]

earlier today i was actually feeling a lot better, but now idk it's like the darkness has set back in. it's gonna make it hard to sleep too & it's making me nauseous. i just am so conflicted with my feelings about whether i should stay or go.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

earlier today i was actually feeling a lot better, but now idk it's like the darkness has set back in. it's gonna make it hard to sleep too & it's making me nauseous. i just am so conflicted with my feelings about whether i should stay or go.

I hope you can sleep and feel better soon.

 

[sadstuffie]

I hope you can sleep and feel better soon.

thank you. i hope the rest of the week will treat you kindly

 

[DrekSS]

Yeah, I kind of think I am fucked anyway. I feel anger as the world seem to get madder. I don't know if I make more harm being alive than dead. I think someday I am going to lose it completely, I feel that at this pace I might kill, rape, and fuck somebody's life. I don't really want to. I am fucking done with running away from everyone. I may seem as somebody who is "good", and I cannot explain them I don't. I deserve to be death, because I want to, and they need so. Then, I know I will feel fine again, up, down, up, down. So yeah, not a particullary good day for me, particullary bad in fact.

 

[Lullaby]

My mood is generally pretty low, but I go through these periods where things get incredibly hard to deal with.

The last three weeks straight I've been struggling with even more suicidal thoughts and breakdowns. I'm just completely drained, feeling beyond tired and weak at the moment. I just wish it would let up so I could get a break.