DarknessAtNoon
Student
- Apr 24, 2022
- 111
All my problems in life trace back to my crippling social anxiety. It has been a such a curse and it pains me to think how amazing my life might have been if I wasn't like this. Anyone that can relate?
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LaVieEnRose
Angelic
- Jul 23, 2022
- 4,361
flightless bird
somewhere over the rainbow
- Aug 18, 2022
- 272
You can beat it with propranolol. Take one before you go out. It'll provide short term relief, keep you calm and confident for at least 5 hours. As you spend time among people, your brain will rewire itself and your perceptions will change.
It's a vicious cycle of hiding away and then being depressed because you cannot venture out like the rest of the world. Everybody seems so happy when you do, it makes me feel like somethings wrong with me because I'm miserable... The quest to ctb is so daunting yet alluring...
Ginnn
Student
- Aug 20, 2022
- 123
I can relate, I have social anxiety and low self steem problems since childhood. Life sucks
Kismet
life is pointless
- Feb 16, 2022
- 141
Being around people is exhausting, the more people, the more draining it is. Doesn't matter if it's work, or at the store. I guess it's social anxiety, definitely a disorder. Growing up living one life that people could see and accept, and hiding the life they couldn't see and wouldn't accept. I guess it takes its toll on a person eventually
On Replay
What a day What a day
- Sep 23, 2022
- 279
I hate leaving my apartment. Don't look people in the eye when going out because I don't want to be seen & afraid , can't hold a conversation for the life of me. Even applies to family , they're like strangers to me … strangers I'm use to I guess , idk. Lack of connection from everything
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Ive not been diagnosed with social anxiety but living in a high crime rate area gave me extreme anxiety and paranoia around other people. It fucking sucks
On Replay
What a day What a day
- Sep 23, 2022
- 279
"It's safer that way" is what I said when someone was trying to make light of me saying I had no friends … but in reality… it really is more than not sadly
TydalWave
Brutally Self-Aware
- Sep 20, 2022
- 436
Yeah... My social anxiety reached its peak in my 20s and it took me 8 years trying different medications, most of which made it worse, to finally find a regimen that helped. Unfortunately, once I found the right meds for me and reached that level of clarity I always desired I could see the world for what it was my whole life.
I thought eliminating anxiety would be the end of my suffering but instead it just uncovered the stark reality of how terrible this life has been for me. I feel like anxiety gave me the tunnel vision required to keep on living. Once it was gone, I saw the world for what it was. A dark, dark place.
GrumpyFrog
Exhausted
- Aug 23, 2020
- 1,913
My life is completely screwed to the point when issues like this no longer matter, but other than that - yes, I can relate to this to a huge extent. I've never been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder, but I do have very severe social anxiety, it limited me in very, very many areas of life and it was essentially the main cause for my first CTB attempt. I am at the point of my life where making social anxiety go away will not fix anything anymore, but if I never had it in the first place I could've actually gain resources to save myself and start my life over, even at this point. And looking back at my life, I am deeply saddened by realizing what a hollow experience it was, and how much more I could've done in the past if not for the crippling social anxiety that kept me hiding away from everyone in the backroom for the most of my life.
I'm sorry you suffered from it so much too.
I'm sorry you suffered from it so much too.
noalarms
Member
- Jun 18, 2022
- 98
Yup. I don't even look my family in the eye when I'm talking to them, never mind strangers. Conversation has always been a challenge for me as well. I have lost contact with the few friends I have made in my life because of my inability to hold a conversation. I remember when I started college, my friend from high school invited me out for drinks. Aftere about 10 minutes we had ran out of things to talk about, and several minutes would pass between either one of us speaking. I even ended up asking him the same question that I had asked earlier. I eventually made excuses so that I could leave. I know that I am the problem, as the friend in question has quite a vibrant social life. I have not made contact with that friend in years, mostly because of that night out.
I always try to imagine if I would still want to CTB if I had a different personality. I would definitely be better off if I was naturally more outgoing and less neurotic, but I still think I would want to CTB. One of the reasons I want to CTB soon is so I will not be plagued by doubts and "what ifs". The hardest thing for me to accept is that my life could be different and even be worth living, if I had made different choices and handled my negative emotions differently.
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lachrymost
finger on the eject button
- Oct 4, 2022
- 349
Yes. It's debilitating and I had to reinvent myself and my values in order to live with it. Once I was finally comfortable with myself--with being a recluse sans any ability to hold a job or get a formal education, things were okay for a brief while until I was violently thrust into a new type of mourning. You know how it is.
This....100% my entire life choices are what kill me the most, always striving for better and trying so hard for nothing and a lifetime of "starting over" and hardship
Temporal_Anchorite
wanting outta this bitch
- Sep 23, 2022
- 138
I've only been diagnosed with ADHD and social anxiety disorder, but I speculate there's a high likelihood I have Avoidant Personality Disorder as well considering I fit most of the DSM criteria for it. Throughout my life, I've had a pervasive pattern of struggling to maintain interpersonal relationships of all forms (platonic, familial, romantic). My extreme aversion to intimacy and becoming vulnerable invariably leads to friendships and relationships slowly evaporating over time.
hamvil
Wizard
- Aug 29, 2022
- 650
Lots of my problems in life can be traced back to this. Maybe is a result of childhood trauma maybe is genetic. I am unable to relate to people I never was, I try to communicate but I often come out wrong. When I am in large groups I find myself switching from a sub group to another hoping to find something interesting to say but I always fail.
At 43 I learned to live with it. I know I do not get the non-verbal part of the communication. I know that people think: this is obvious it does not even need to be said. Well I do not get that part. I need things to be said clearly otherwise I do not understand. All this makes me nervous and the end result is that I tend to exaggerate things because I think people are insulting me all the time.
I hate social relations, I try dating from time to time but the results are often bad. This when I manage to put together a few words to break the ice. Usually this happen the rare times the woman is more active in the communication since the beginning. Most just wait there for you to impress them.
At 43 I learned to live with it. I know I do not get the non-verbal part of the communication. I know that people think: this is obvious it does not even need to be said. Well I do not get that part. I need things to be said clearly otherwise I do not understand. All this makes me nervous and the end result is that I tend to exaggerate things because I think people are insulting me all the time.
I hate social relations, I try dating from time to time but the results are often bad. This when I manage to put together a few words to break the ice. Usually this happen the rare times the woman is more active in the communication since the beginning. Most just wait there for you to impress them.
Hollowillow
The only place that allows negative feelings.
- Aug 7, 2022
- 1,515
It's not a disorder. It's self preservation after trauma. At some point my only way to go out is to give permission to my SI to do murder if I get brutally attacked yet again. But now I can't at all. Too sick. Not worth the risk.
If it's just shyness find a board game club of introverts. They won't overstimulate you to death like extroverts in a bar.
If you want to die you might usenthe high crime at your advantage? Buy fentanil, a gun, throw yourself at bullets in a gang fight? Lurk at night?
almaranthine
Wizard
- Nov 28, 2019
- 615
I wasn't always like this... but I find it to be pure torture, just getting dressed and going to the gas station in the middle of the night to get cigarettes. I don't even want to think about how much money I've blown on food delivery because even the idea of going out, being seen, to get food drives me into a panic.
Hollowillow
The only place that allows negative feelings.
- Aug 7, 2022
- 1,515
You're only 43? I'm 42. I thought you were like 55. But I have the mind of a child so I can't tell age.
It's hard to find introverts. Even harder to find someone who dare to look into the abyss. And probably impossible to not find someone superficial.
Well...
Vitamin b to burn energy, c to heal the burn.
Delivery food rarely has any. Cigarette destroys vitamin C...
Poison in, nutrient out...
Welcome to hell. Try to reverse that?
almaranthine
Wizard
- Nov 28, 2019
- 615
hamvil
Wizard
- Aug 29, 2022
- 650
You mean to murder yourself or others?
I like board games and card games. Used to hangout in a similar club at university. Much better than overwhelming dinner parties or regular parties.
Yes we are same age. I did know and remembered that from other posts. IRL I cannot tell age as well.
Well introverts find themselves sometimes. In special clubs (card games, sci-fi, etc) all places where there is a clear context and goal. I always lived in small places without even a comic book store so I bought everything online but I could not interact with similar people. Tbh people find me superficial and not interesting. Which is probably true. I knew how to do my work and I enjoy niche things. I barely follow news (for example I just discovered there is something happening in Iran but i do not precisely what and I have no idea what is happening in russia).
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Hollowillow
The only place that allows negative feelings.
- Aug 7, 2022
- 1,515
Self defense murder is actually legal. They will probably say I used too much force but they don't stop if I say no or if I bleed. Mad dogs.
Yes, introverted people are as fun as hard to find, impossible in some places maybe...
News are fake... I got sick of the main media. Lies.
Absolutely and it is impossible for me to change that. I just gave up socializing entirely and I feel better being a hermit
Ineedtodie
Shame, Avoidance, hopelessness, lonliness, cbt, pm
- Nov 9, 2022
- 401
yuzuchan
Member
- Sep 9, 2022
- 64
so u have crippling social anxiety I've taking online tests that say I proably have avoidant personality disorder.
I'm proably high functioning austisic I've refused to be tested.
And yes a huge reason for this is behind or lead to me wanting to ctb.
At the age of 30 I've not so much as kissed a girl before meeting people make me nervous I had panic attacks at work and couldn't ever hold a job down.
The one job I could do and I was left alone to do failed when the pandemic started the company died and the vaccine seems to have fucked my body.
I have everything I need to cbt but I seem to be procransing which is bad since j need to go tne sooner the better j won't elaborate its a long story
But to answer your question yes
foreverfalling
Experienced
- Jul 22, 2022
- 271
I'd say I do. I've been to a few social anxiety meetup groups, but still I felt like the odd one out, as if most people there didn't have social anxiety. Most people describe it as fear of public speaking or speaking to strangers. But once they get over that hurdle it seems they were well adjusted. I feel a perpetual disconnect with people, like I have nothing in common with them. I can relate to singular focused ideas when presented in say this forum, but in real life I haven't met a single person I feel fully comfortable with. I've wanted friends/a relationship, but I've accepted being alone is my preferred nature, because people are just too hard to deal with.
If I didn't have this 'problem' then I'd probably be living a much more 'normal' life just like the rest of society which I shun, so I'd be a completely different person with different problems.
If I didn't have this 'problem' then I'd probably be living a much more 'normal' life just like the rest of society which I shun, so I'd be a completely different person with different problems.
Fadeawaaaay
Visionary
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2,160
Yh I can relate, actually have AVPD I believe in my cocktail of Mental health Issues.
Funny thing is when I seeked help doctor kinda dismissed me on the AVPD and I don't have lots of money to go down private route in UK.
Find myself looking back lot kinda thinking if I talked this, then, at the time things would have been better or different.
Funny thing is when I seeked help doctor kinda dismissed me on the AVPD and I don't have lots of money to go down private route in UK.
Find myself looking back lot kinda thinking if I talked this, then, at the time things would have been better or different.
vipatherappa
Student
- Feb 28, 2023
- 35
i know this thread is old and the user is banned(?) i don't know if you've ctb or not but your experiences pretty much line up perfectly with mine. it's really weird seeing someone else who has gone through the same exact misery as you. i hope you found peace or have recovered somehow.
