Anyone else have horrible self harm scars that make them want to die even more?

[Frowny]

I cut because I wanted to kill myself but couldn't bring myself to attempt at the time now the huge horribly noticeable scars it's left me has me wanting to kill myself even more anyone else dealing with this I feel I have no choice but to kill myself now because I have mutilated my arm and can't bear to live in this body and with this regret any longer

 

[Ash]

My scars are hideous. My arms are actually deformed from all the scar tissue. I think my wrist will be too after this latest episode.

But I no longer care as much. Maybe it helps that I'm now grossly (heavy - ha ha! Pun intended! - emphasis on the gross) overweight and that's far more of an issue in my head. I'm almost scared to kms as it's easy to convince myself that they'll need an extra wide and sturdy body bag and autopsy table. I know that's BS but that's the thought when I look down at all the rolls of fat.

Anyway, just a self-hating post to say "I hear you" xx

 

[Ln42]

I can resonate, my scars are gross as am I. I keep adding new scars which I know is repulsive but I believe I deserve it. I'm not even young which I kinda feel makes it more repulsive. I don't find other people's scars repulsive, they show to me that that person has been through unimaginable pain.

 

[Ash]

I can resonate, my scars are gross as am I. I keep adding new scars which I know is repulsive but I believe I deserve it. I'm not even young which I kinda feel makes it more repulsive. I don't find other people's scars repulsive, they show to me that that person has been through unimaginable pain.

Same. I feel like a right prat self harming at my age

 

[claeasi]

Yes, a part of me feels repulsion and disgust, another wants more lol

 

[SMmetalhead36]

Yes, I have both cuts and a recent burn mark.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I have quite a few SH scars and while they did use to cause me to feel more suicidal, I've come to feel neutral about them. They are kind of just there. My mom seems to be more concerned about their appearance than me. I'm just kind of annoyed about them being itchy.

 

[lann.371]

Yes, I feel that. I've got plenty sh marks and scars on my legs. But I don't really mind them much anymore.

 

[PinballWizard39]

I have literally thousands of ugly scars all across my body. I used to really hate them but these days, whilst I don't like them, I've come to accept them. They aren't going anywhere so it was almost like I tried to accept them (again, not the same as like) or I spend my life hiding. I know not everyone can do this, but I don't hide my scars anymore, so if I want to wear a t shirt in the summer, I will. I've gotten used to other people responses and I can honestly say it doesn't bother me much anymore. My friends don't even see my scars anymore because they say they are just a part of me, they aren't me. It's not easy dealing with scars but it is possible to get to a place where they feel more bearable.

 

[melancholymallory03]

Yes, a part of me feels repulsion and disgust, another wants more lol

Same omg lol

Yes, I have both cuts and a recent burn mark.

I find burn marks take so long to fade compared to scars :( I have lighter ones that look like A"s around my legs and I always feel so embarrassed of them..

 

[diadem99]

Oh yeah, this one hits. There are hypertrophic scars all over my thighs, and they are ones I will have forever. "The scars will fade but the pain will stay forever" poems were full of shit because upon doing further research I found out that these scars, in fact, will not fade away ever, unless I get surgery or something.

I have actually come to accept them. I kind of find them pretty cool now. They are a reminder of where I've been (I haven't SHed in months now) and a reminder that I can transcend into a state of peace that I am currently in.

Death will take these scars away, as it will take me.

 

[lifewasawillow]

Yes, especially cus now summer is here and it's super weird that I'm wearing long sleeves, in winter it's not a problem. I myself don't mind the scars though, I mind society's attitudes towards them- I don't wanna be seen as even more of a freak.

 

[Frowny]

I have quite a few SH scars and while they did use to cause me to feel more suicidal, I've come to feel neutral about them. They are kind of just there. My mom seems to be more concerned about their appearance than me. I'm just kind of annoyed about them being itchy.

Did it just take time for you to become neutral to them? I gave myself the ones that are super noticeable over a year ago and it feels each day I regret them more instead of it getting better

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Did it just take time for you to become neutral to them? I gave myself the ones that are super noticeable over a year ago and it feels each day I regret them more instead of it getting better

Yeah, I kind of just changed my mentality on them and tried viewing them from a neutral standpoint. They're now part of me so I'll just have to live with it. Most people have some sort of scarring or imperfections on their skin, it just so happens that mine were self-inflicted. They don't define nor do they suddenly make me repulsive. They're just something that I gained while going through a rough patch. That's the conclusion I came to while high on shrooms, lol. I don't regret them and if anyone has a problem with them then they can go fuck themself, lol.

 

[todienomore]

you can take stuff like serrapeptase or lumbrokinase to dissolve scar tissue. maybe an infrared therapy light too

 

[ladylazarus4]

My scars aren't huge or raised but I have scars covering my breasts and they make me feel disgusting and unloveable :(

 

[сет паслен]

I haven't been able to cut as often and as deeply as id like to, cuz of family, who'd definitely have me committed, but I get a good deep gash in now and then. They were sorta noticible after awhile, but I got a tat on each arm years back, right over top the scars, which is harder to see now, but each scar tells a story, and a memory. I don't find them ugly at all. They're just a reminder of why I hate this life..

 

[ImTelling]

It makes me sad I won't be able to wear shorts in public.

 

[сет паслен]

Yes, especially cus now summer is here and it's super weird that I'm wearing long sleeves, in winter it's not a problem. I myself don't mind the scars though, I mind society's attitudes towards them- I don't wanna be seen as even more of a freak.

I stopped caring at all about society's thoughts after finding this place.. F-society anyway..

 

[Coconut blue]

i only sh on my chest, breasts and lower belly where i always cover with clothing in front of other ppl so judgement from society isnt rlly an issue. only my close family knows i do it because sometimes when i get out of control and break down i do it in front of them (yeah ik its stupid). the scars and burn scabs do look very disgusting tho, they've convinced me I'm never gonna get a romantic/ sexual partner bc i dont think anyone would accept me naked

 

[Ash]

they've convinced me I'm never gonna get a romantic/ sexual partner bc i dont think anyone would accept me naked

That's crap and they know it too. Sure, superficial, vapid, vain people will probably be put off. But that's a lucky escape, if you ask me. Seriously, it's a cliché but it's honestly not about what's on the outside that makes and holds relationships together.

 

[UKscotty]

Yeah I think they are absolutely disgusting too. 10 years free of it but I still hate them.

There is nothing good or prideful about them in my view.

As usual people get offended and say they are signs of being a fighter or something. For me, that's simply not the case for me. Everyone that has ever seen them has looked at them in absolute disgust.

 

[Coconut blue]

That's crap and they know it too. Sure, superficial, vapid, vain people will probably be put off. But that's a lucky escape, if you ask me. Seriously, it's a cliché but it's honestly not about what's on the outside that makes and holds relationships together.

the problem is i don't have any desire to stop doing it or get better so i can't comprehend why a mentally healthy person would be attracted to me

 

[Ash]

the problem is i don't have any desire to stop doing it or get better so i can't comprehend why a mentally healthy person would be attracted to me

That's arguably different, I give you that, but not because of the scars and how they affect your appearance.

 

[lostintheloop]

Yes , I have hideous scars all over my arms, legs, and some smaller scars on my stomach. A lot were deep cuts that were stitched but no matter how well it healed most turned hypertrophic . The dr said it's just the way my skin is and will be stuck with them. I also have more recent scars of words and numbers which makes me so ashamed but i don't think they'll be permanent as not deep. But I don't really care enough to stop. My body makes me feel sick and adds to my reasons to die. But at this point adding more scars isn't going to make much difference so I keep going as will die soon anyway . Although I haven't cut deep in a while as don't want to keep ending up in a&e (luckily in uk though, you can go straight home after SH cuts, it's not enough to get you sectioned)

 

[Unreal.]

I feel disgusted by myself and horrible everytime I see the scars I inflected on myself. I don't even feel like taking showers or look at myself in the mirror anymore for how horrible I feel whenever I see myself in scars. It makes me feel worse and wants to die even more so it just keeps on going.