Venting Anyone else have everything ready but struggles to do it?

[tooafraidtodiez]

I have everything ready meto,benzo,antacid and painkiller. But the last line of defense SI is tough to go against. IDK why i keep holding on even though i'm suffering. Maybe once a bad day arrive, I'll be able to crush my SI. Anyone else in my shoes?

 

[supercoolgummybear]

I've deleted everything on all my devices and have all the materials to do it, but I'm just too scared to actually go through with it. I've tried to attempt by overdosing on adderall and emptied all the pills into a can of Dr. Pepper, but I just sobbed uncontrollably for an hour while I tried to muster up the courage to then ended up going to sleep.

 

[KnightOfSwords]

I keep telling myself that if I'm hesitating today, it means it's not the time for me yet

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

For me to CTB I need two conditions to be met: 1) I'm able to fast 8-10 hours on a given day and 2) I feel sufficiently bad. So far this has only happened twice while I've had my SN— both times I blacked out cause my weak ass took too many benzos… oops.

I keep telling myself that if I'm hesitating today, it means it's not the time for me yet

I feel the same, often I'll look at my fast timer of 10+ hours and think "ehh, not today". My circumstances have also changed after getting a boyfriend.

 

[RyeSalRuff2]

I keep postponing it too I suppose. I suppose my issue is that I haven't scouted the place I want to ctb in and I haven't bought any painkillers yet but that's not an issue at all. Still my biggest worry is that I'll miss something truly great and somehow secretely hope that life will magically get better. It won't. My brain is a manipulative liar so I suppose the best bet would be to just ignore anything it says right? I am also in your shoes, wish you the best of luck and me to mine.

 

[chudpolonais]

all i need to do is write my letter and muster up the strength to do it, i'm afraid the latter will take so, so much time

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Yup.

 

[CharcoalEnjoyer]

yeah

 

[kq711]

Im in the same boat. My method was nitrogen. I got the tank and hardware and ran tests and everything is in place. But I cant get myself to do it.

I realized in order to be successful i need to overcome SI. And the reality is setting up the tank connection and strapping urself in place take time. 5 minutes minimum.

So now my new method is a firearm. Why the change?

Cus lets say I have a strong desire to CTB, I can load a gun and put it in my mouth and do it within 20 seconds. Just one small hand movement from there and all my problems are gone.

So although nitrogen is painless, if I have a strong desire to CTB with nitrogen, I have to have that desire to CTB for minimum 5 minutes while I set up. If my SI takes over for even a bit, I may call the plan quits. Thats the component I didnt factor when I originally picked this method years ago.

But with a gun HOPEFULLY I can overcome my SI by being able to do it so fast, "on the spot" so to say.

30 seconds contemplation vs 5 minutes.

Just waiting to get my permit approval to buy a gun, should be soon tho

 

[urgent]

I'm the opposite. I'm in so much overwhelming pain I want to do it now. I don't have a way because of my health and situation. I know I could be a good partner for someone who is in a situation where they can't get better, no cure, and we could end the agony.