Venting Anyone Else Have BPD?

[wildmoon]

Ugh. That man needs to be stopped. That hurts my soul- right down to my core.

Excuse my defensiveness, I was wry bc I thought you were likening Borderline women to Narcissists. Fundamentally they are different, &I find a lot of people use that term to describe someone who is simply self centred. So I got defensive.

Sorry to hear that you've been in relationships like that. I can't imagine what that would have been like/meant for you. :/ ♥ I thank you for explaining your perspective.

At this point my inner circle knows. Closest friends from high school &ppl who i truest deeply. Though it does take a substantial amount of time before I feel comfortable enough thtg

There's a lot of that type of thing, I try and ignore it but it's so unfair. Yeah, his channel is just very anti-women in general and very anti BPD.

I think a lot of people have experienced emtional abuse from narcissists and probably will not know much about NPD..I had no idea until the second time and somebody pointed it out to me.

That's okay, I guess you've heard people saying a lot of negative things and you feel defensive, which is understandable. I would never liken the two, though. Even though there are said to be some overlapping symptoms with personality disorders they are different.

At least you have some people you have told and you feel comfortable with telling. it is nice to have some support from people you trust and care about. It's understandable when being cautious in this day and age with people just not understanding it very well.

 

[Yomyom]

Have you been able to find comfort in knowing it's not you yourself that's flawed, but the sum of your circumstances during childhood?

I thought of that sentence a lot last night, and I guess it does give me kind of excuse,
But I can't forgive myself on the mistakes I did, I always feel an Ilustion like I have control, but I really don't, but yet I feel it.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

There's a lot of that type of thing, I try and ignore it but it's so unfair. Yeah, his channel is just very anti-women in general and very anti BPD.

I think a lot of people have experienced emtional abuse from narcissists and probably will not know much about NPD..I had no idea until the second time and somebody pointed it out to me.

That's okay, I guess you've heard people saying a lot of negative things and you feel defensive, which is understandable. I would never liken the two, though. Even though there are said to be some overlapping symptoms with personality disorders they are different.

At least you have some people you have told and you feel comfortable with telling. it is nice to have some support from people you trust and care about. It's understandable when being cautious in this day and age with people just not understanding it very well.

That person is irrelevant to me then, especially if he's anti women in general; as he's the type of man to think all women are the problem, as opposed to looking inwards &seeing how he can better himself.

That's why I was confused about why you brought up Narcissists because Borderlines & Narcissists are fundamentally different. Borderlines are plagued by low self esteem, and a poor self image, & Narcissists have a grandiose view of themselves- among other things. They are opposites. This, I am well aware of because my pursuits in psychology and I am currently taking a course in Abnormal Psychology in post-secondary. I just didn't want to make an assumption about what you meant.

Yea, the people I've told have all found out within the last 2 years. Though, it wasn't until I was in therapy and trauma counselling that I opened up about it. The professionals suggested that it may be a good idea, after I described my friendships with the 3 people who know about it.

I thought of that sentence a lot last night, and I guess it does give me kind of excuse,
But I can't forgive myself on the mistakes I did, I always feel an Ilustion like I have control, but I really don't, but yet I feel it.

Well, I didn't mean that it was an excuse. Far from it. I meant that it is supposed to offer answers as to why you think & act a certain ways.

Ex. Why do I struggle with self-esteem? Why do I feel I need to have such close relationships? Why can't I control my rapidly changing moods?

Answering these questions can better prepare you to defend against people who seek individuals with low self-esteem or how to combat thoughts that tell you that you are a POS.

 

[Yomyom]

Ex. Why do I struggle with self-esteem? Why do I feel I need to have such close relationships? Why can't I control my rapidly changing moods?

Answering these questions can better prepare you to defend against people who seek individuals with low self-esteem or how to combat thoughts that tell you that you are a POS.

I honestly think I'm addicted to fast change of the feeling, it's like a drug for me, I think that this make me to feel alive.
That's what I feel about my feelings

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

I have it. You are referring to borderline not bipolar correct?

 

[Why you?]

My abusive ex suffered from BPD (or rather HPD) and I am continually having to remind people that it was not the disorder that caused her to abuse me. I spent some time trying to get to know and talk to various people who suffer BPD, I wanted to know if they were similarly manipulative, dishonest, calculating and violent - I'm ashamed that I once held such a mindset but with the proliferation of articles on the internet it is hard not to follow the stereotypes and blame the illness.

It really opened my eyes to realise that the illness doesn't define the person, there are so many people out there suffering BPD who are infinitely more lovely than the majority of people who would consider themselves 'normal'. I only hope that the stigma (of which I was once guilty) is overthrown in much the same way as we can now openly talk about most other mental health issues without fear of reprisal.

WOW. That's....... Only a few people feel that way.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I honestly think I'm addicted to fast change of the feeling, it's like a drug for me, I think that this make me to feel alive.
That's what I feel about my feelings

Okay, well you do what works for you. This is just a bit of info for you if you ever feel like diving deeper. Take care. :)

 

[wildmoon]

That person is irrelevant to me then, especially if he's anti women in general; as he's the type of man to think all women are the problem, as opposed to looking inwards &seeing how he can better himself.

That's why I was confused about why you brought up Narcissists because Borderlines & Narcissists are fundamentally different. Borderlines are plagued by low self esteem, and a poor self image, & Narcissists have a grandiose view of themselves- among other things. They are opposites. This, I am well aware of because my pursuits in psychology and I am currently taking a course in Abnormal Psychology in post-secondary. I just didn't want to make an assumption about what you meant.

Yea, the people I've told have all found out within the last 2 years. Though, it wasn't until I was in therapy and trauma counselling that I opened up about it. The professionals suggested that it may be a good idea, after I described my friendships with the 3 people who know about it.

Yes, it's best to ignore people like that. Irrelevant, indeed. The best response is no response.

Like I said, I brought up Narcissists because it was a question about dating and they are the ones I seem to attract, not BPD. As a person with BPD I know I am not perfect and have made plenty of mistakes but I own them. I always accept when the blame is with me and I apologise all the time and often take the blame when it is not mine because I want peace. BPD sufferers also have empathy. Neither of my exes had any empathy at all and all they did was lie and never take responsibility for their actions...it was always somebody else's fault so I dont have much good will in terms of NPD, which may be unfair of me but I believe with lack of empathy, dishonesty and accountability then there's not much to work with (maybe you'll disagree with that as a student and correct me if I am wrong). But thanks for asking before you assumed. I really feel sad when misunderstood. I hope you are enjoying your studies, do you want to get into the field? Psychology is very interesting and I do a lot of reading but I wished I had studied it in depth.Good for you!

I am glad you found some good people to tell. What type of therapy did you have? Have you ever had DBT?

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I have it. You are referring to borderline not bipolar correct?

Yeah, Borderline Personality Disorder.
What's your experience like with it?

 

[Final Escape]

I have it and it ruined my life, add in shit parenting, noneducation by gov, psychiatry, brainwashing on tv as a kid, and I had a worse outcome than I might have had otherwise. So BPD by itself is not necessarily going to ruin your life but not being educated well, parented well, can make your BPD become a bigger liability than it otherwise would be if other things were there to kind of help u at least make wise enough decisions early in life. Sure the condition will impact u, but bad decisions based on inaccurate information is much more harmful to your life outcome.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Yes, it's best to ignore people like that. Irrelevant, indeed. The best response is no response.

Like I said, I brought up Narcissists because it was a question about dating and they are the ones I seem to attract, not BPD. As a person with BPD I know I am not perfect and have made plenty of mistakes but I own them. I always accept when the blame is with me and I apologise all the time and often take the blame when it is not mine because I want peace. BPD sufferers also have empathy. Neither of my exes had any empathy at all and all they did was lie and never take responsibility for their actions...it was always somebody else's fault so I dont have much good will in terms of NPD, which may be unfair of me but I believe with lack of empathy, dishonesty and accountability then there's not much to work with (maybe you'll disagree with that as a student and correct me if I am wrong). But thanks for asking before you assumed. I really feel sad when misunderstood. I hope you are enjoying your studies, do you want to get into the field? Psychology is very interesting and I do a lot of reading but I wished I had studied it in depth.Good for you!

I am glad you found some good people to tell. What type of therapy did you have? Have you ever had DBT?

Yeah, especially since the view is painfully one sided. I mean, I'm one for an open discussion, though if they're not even remotely interested in hearing the other side, why bother?

Accepting blame, I feel, is something we do all too often &all to well. &I see what you mean, though I'll admit I'm hesitant to call someone a Narcissist/NPD unless there is an official diagnosis, I feel it gets thrown around too often. I've had a few questionable at best, exes that did what you're describing. It's not an idea environment for personal growth. How are you navigating relationships nowadays?

Psychology was my passion way back when, though now I'm hoping to jump into social work. Being misunderstood was my initial reason for choosing Psychology. I want to help those who fell through the cracked &are the most vulnerable. &thanks.

I've done CBT, DBT &trauma counselling.

I have it and it ruined my life, add in shit parenting, noneducation by gov, psychiatry, brainwashing on tv as a kid, and I had a worse outcome than I might have had otherwise. So BPD by itself is not necessarily going to ruin your life but not being educated well, parented well, can make your BPD become a bigger liability than it otherwise would be if other things were there to kind of help u at least make wise enough decisions early in life. Sure the condition will impact u, but bad decisions based on inaccurate information is much more harmful to your life outcome.

I can agree with you to an extent, though I don't want to denounce the importance of genetics. Environment definitely plays a huge part, but a predisposition to it has an impact as well.
My parents were uneducated regarding MH &they denied anything having been wrong with me, so it went undiagnosed despite my asking to see a professional. Didn't see my first one until I was 23/24.

What kind of therapy have you tried, if I may ask?

 

[wildmoon]

Yeah, especially since the view is painfully one sided. I mean, I'm one for an open discussion, though if they're not even remotely interested in hearing the other side, why bother?

Accepting blame, I feel, is something we do all too often &all to well. &I see what you mean, though I'll admit I'm hesitant to call someone a Narcissist/NPD unless there is an official diagnosis, I feel it gets thrown around too often. I've had a few questionable at best, exes that did what you're describing. It's not an idea environment for personal growth. How are you navigating relationships nowadays?

Psychology was my passion way back when, though now I'm hoping to jump into social work. Being misunderstood was my initial reason for choosing Psychology. I want to help those who fell through the cracked &are the most vulnerable. &thanks.

I've done CBT, DBT &trauma counselling.

I agree. I think at some point most people have spent time trying to convince people of something to deaf ears...so I learned not to.

I understand, people are always diagnosing on the internet and things do get thrown about. I don't use the term lightly but having done a lot of research , they both fit the criteria of overt and covert to a tee...and not just some of the things I mentioned. I could be wrong but that's what I truly believe I was dealing with. The problem with NPD is , from what I reseached, is that many would not go and seek help as they do not think there is anything wrong. I don't have relationships that's best for me right now.

I hope those therapies helped you. I hear DBT is very good for those suffering from BPD.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I agree. I think at some point most people have spent time trying to convince people of something to deaf ears...so I learned not to.

I understand, people are always diagnosing on the internet and things do get thrown about. I don't use the term lightly but having done a lot of research , they both fit the criteria of overt and covert to a tee...and not just some of the things I mentioned. I could be wrong but that's what I truly believe I was dealing with. The problem with NPD is , from what I reseached, is that many would not go and seek help as they do not think there is anything wrong. I don't have relationships that's best for me right now.

I hope those therapies helped you. I hear DBT is very good for those suffering from BPD.

Seek help? God no, as far as the vast majority is concerned, they are perfect &we are the "idiots." Oh so you know, I wasn't refuting you're use of NPD, I was just saying that the ones I've dated were pretty messed up but I don't even know if I know enough about them to make an educated guess. You sound like you know what you're talking about. :)

I'd say, it's the best I've had thus far. DBT in a group setting is the way I'd recommend it. It's amazing the safe space you can create when you're surrounded by others who feel similarly to yourself. Plus sharing mutual life experiences helps too. If you're thinking about it, even if you're not 100% sure, I'd say at least put your name on the wait list. What could it hurt. :) *shrugs*

 

[wildmoon]

Seek help? God no, as far as the vast majority is concerned, they are perfect &we are the "idiots." Oh so you know, I wasn't refuting you're use of NPD, I was just saying that the ones I've dated were pretty messed up but I don't even know if I know enough about them to make an educated guess. You sound like you know what you're talking about. :)

I'd say, it's the best I've had thus far. DBT in a group setting is the way I'd recommend it. It's amazing the safe space you can create when you're surrounded by others who feel similarly to yourself. Plus sharing mutual life experiences helps too. If you're thinking about it, even if you're not 100% sure, I'd say at least put your name on the wait list. What could it hurt. :) *shrugs*

It's fine. I just wanted to make sure you didn't think i went around diagnosing everyone because you are right, people do it far too much and think they are doctors. Like that dumb guy who hates women, every woman who speaks up has BPD apparently.lol. Luckily there's a lot of medical research and reading to be devoured which can only inform us, though. It's good to be aware.

When were you diagnosed?

And thanks for the information and feedback. I am so glad that you had positive results from your therapy. It's also positive to hear good stories about therapy and it can inspire others to try..often it can be hard and I want to just give up on anything so it's nice to hear that. Thank you. I have my name on the waiting list...so fingers crossed.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

It's fine. I just wanted to make sure you didn't think i went around diagnosing everyone because you are right, people do it far too much and think they are doctors. Like that dumb guy who hates women, every woman who speaks up has BPD apparently.lol. Luckily there's a lot of medical research and reading to be devoured which can only inform us, though. It's good to be aware.

When were you diagnosed?

And thanks for the information and feedback. I am so glad that you had positive results from your therapy. It's also positive to hear good stories about therapy and it can inspire others to try..often it can be hard and I want to just give up on anything so it's nice to hear that. Thank you. I have my name on the waiting list...so fingers crossed.

Smh. Wow, that person is incredibly biased. That hurts my soul. Ugh.*facepalm* lol. Yeah, especially if have access to peer reviewed sources, reading case studies &studies done on ppl with bpd opened my eyes. I used to blame it solely on my parents, but I learned I was biased after writing a paper on BPD.

I was diagnosed at 26, in early 2017. Though, I figured it out years before. When I was 18 I think. Good ol' internet. What about you?

Oh no problem, &I agree- it's definitely scary &hard bc it brings up childhood memories/pain but if you can push through, it makes everything feel a little less... heavy. I'll cross my fingers for you &don't give up. I waited 1.5 years before I got my spot. So it could be a lengthy process.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I highly recommend The Dialectical Behavioral Skills Workbook. I have been in a DBT group and also used the workbook, and I found the workbook far more useful. If folks are waiting on a group, they can access the info and some great exercises now with the book.

I can see how a group is helpful when everyone shares the same diagnosis or root causes. I did not find the group beneficial because we all had different diagnoses -- I do not have BPD, some did, others had different diagnoses than mine and than BPD, so some needs of mine and others didn't get attention, while some needs applicable to only a few got a lot of attention.

Here's a link to the book in the spoiler below, if anyone is interested. It has some of the elements of the group protocol, but is presented differently and I personally found it flows better. I think it's a good adjunct to the group protocol.

Spoiler

Amazon product ASIN B07MMQ95VG

 

[bpdandme]

This is such an awful illness, I am so tired of my endless cycles that BPD put me through. Here if you need a chat or vent!

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I highly recommend The Dialectical Behavioral Skills Workbook. I have been in a DBT group and also used the workbook, and I found the workbook far more useful. If folks are waiting on a group, they can access the info and some great exercises now with the book.

I can see how a group is helpful when everyone shares the same diagnosis or root causes. I did not find the group beneficial because we all had different diagnoses -- I do not have BPD, some did, others had different diagnoses than mine and than BPD, so some needs of mine and others didn't get attention, while some needs applicable to only a few got a lot of attention.

Here's a link to the book in the spoiler below, if anyone is interested. It has some of the elements of the group protocol, but is presented differently and I personally found it flows better. I think it's a good adjunct to the group protocol.

Spoiler

Amazon product ASIN B07MMQ95VG

To be honest, the differences in diagnosis is why I found it helpful. Knowing that certain occurrences aren't limited to one diagnosis was liberating for me. Society works hard at dividing us by age, by income, by race, by sex... yeah, so it made me feel like I belonged. If we had questions we were allowed to ask during group &people got to share strategies that worked for them to help other achieve their goals &if we wanted a one-on-one we could set up appointments with the group facilitators at a later time.

Thanks for the suggestion. Anything to help during the waiting is beneficial, though being able to ask a professional can clarify things that are clear. So people can keep that in mind depending on their learning style &determination to get better or work on it.

This is such an awful illness, I am so tired of my endless cycles that BPD put me through. Here if you need a chat or vent!

Sorry to hear that you're not doing well right now. It sucks. What's got you down right now?

 

[Inferdan]

Easy answer, seeing as I've never even had an opportunity to do so

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

To be honest, the differences in diagnosis is why I found it helpful. Knowing that certain occurrences aren't limited to one diagnosis was liberating for me. Society works hard at dividing us by age, by income, by race, by sex... yeah, so it made me feel like I belonged. If we had questions we were allowed to ask during group &people got to share strategies that worked for them to help other achieve their goals &if we wanted a one-on-one we could set up appointments with the group facilitators at a later time.

Thanks for the suggestion. Anything to help during the waiting is beneficial, though being able to ask a professional can clarify things that are clear. So people can keep that in mind depending on their learning style &determination to get better or work on it.

You perspective makes sense. In retrospect, the clinician leading the group didn't do a great job making sure that everyone's needs were met, the same folks kept getting most of the focus. But, I was also further along in my recovery, and the folks that got the most focus were totally new to the process, so they were probably getting their needs met and I can't begrudge them that. :)

 

[SimplyTopHat]

You perspective makes sense. In retrospect, the clinician leading the group didn't do a great job making sure that everyone's needs were met, the same folks kept getting most of the focus. But, I was also further along in my recovery, and the folks that got the most focus were totally new to the process, so they were probably getting their needs met and I can't begrudge them that. :)

That makes sense, though it's still not fair to you. Sorry you had that experience, that actually makes me sad. I had such high hopes for DBT especially after having waited 1.5 years to get in, that I would have felt completely hopeless if the clinicians made me feel insignificant. :(

Easy answer, seeing as I've never even had an opportunity to do so

Are you referring to dating someone with BPD?

 

[wildmoon]

Smh. Wow, that person is incredibly biased. That hurts my soul. Ugh.*facepalm* lol. Yeah, especially if have access to peer reviewed sources, reading case studies &studies done on ppl with bpd opened my eyes. I used to blame it solely on my parents, but I learned I was biased after writing a paper on BPD.

I was diagnosed at 26, in early 2017. Though, I figured it out years before. When I was 18 I think. Good ol' internet. What about you?

Oh no problem, &I agree- it's definitely scary &hard bc it brings up childhood memories/pain but if you can push through, it makes everything feel a little less... heavy. I'll cross my fingers for you &don't give up. I waited 1.5 years before I got my spot. So it could be a lengthy process.

Yep, people are really that ignorant!

Re: blaming parents. I would love to hear more about that and your studies! Do you have any good reading recommendations? I admit, I blame my up bringing too.

So you were researching early on, which is good. You were clued up. I imagine you felt relief after you did get diagnosed and found out you were right. It's just good to know so you can deal with it correctly. I slipped through the net, to be honest and was only diagnosed in 2016 and I am older.

Thank you - I will definitely try, it is important to that if i have the opportunity to get DBT to take it, especially with the cuts to MH, and how hard it is to get help. I am so pleased it helped you. Where are you based? It's just very tough getting help here.

 

[PillowSia]

BPD, ADHD, Bipolar, and CPTSD here.

As far as I know, I've not hurt anyone since I was a kid. I believe its the "Quiet" type, if you believe that it's split into those 4 categories by some professionals. I was a very angry, loud, and rambunctious kid, but I got really bad depression/ptsd after a good 4 years with a handsy babysitter and that mellowed me out a lot. I just kind of got really sad and really anxious, and really, really dependent on other people and lost myself.

Honestly, I understand why people who are involved with people with BPD might feel slighted. Extreme reactions like GPS tracking and cutting cables to computers or game consoles can cause a lot of resentment, especially when the healthier party cannot or does not want to take time to understand and just expects you to behave 'normally.' Pair that with sometimes purposeful, sometimes accidental Machiavellian tantrums or threats or victimizing, like suicide or cheating or constantly bringing up the trauma for defense, and its not hard to see why the average person would resent us.

What I DON'T understand, is how those same people can look at us and say 'this is just a terrible person and they're not worth my time' instead of saying 'this person is clearly hurting, but also this behavior is not acceptable. I should communicate with them and set boundaries very firmly and if they can't handle that, then I will consider leaving for my own health.'

I have stayed in multiple situations for years where I was clearly hurting, being hurt, and unhappy because I genuinely cared about others. When I love, I love hard, and it takes a lot, a LOT to drag me away from them, even when I "split" on them constantly. But it's so easy for other people to just break off from people they've dedicated time and promises to. It baffles me, partly because I wish I could do that sometimes, but also because I don't... understand how they can be that... I don't want to say selfish, I know putting yourself first sometimes is healthy, but I don't know what else to call it.

"I love you, now and always, but I don't have to like you right now," is kind of my bread and butter, and its weird to me that other people don't understand what that means and can't do it themselves.

It's frustrating, but try not to resent them too much for it. Selfish as it may be, they're just... ignorant and/or jaded probably.

But I also have a very topical picture on my computer for just this occasion!

 

[Catlovergirl]

Yeah, Borderline Personality Disorder.
What's your experience like with it?

I am now struggling hardcore with BPD and DEPRESSION and I know I have more commorbidities laying around just undiagnosed. I'm attending my 4th session of therapy tomorrow with a psychologist but I know in my heart and soul it's pointless as I keep going back to square 1 like i take 5 steps forward then a trigger and i try and fight but bam, 10 steps backwards, i can no longer work to support myself and I know in my soul if any1 can tell me yes, it's true that 4 some BPD'S there is no hope. Here is some stuff i have screenshotted from the internet,

 

[loopylou]

So I have BPD &it's driving me crazy. I don't trust myself, but what's worse is I depend on others for reassurance &still don't trust anyone completely. *sigh*

I hate that I have it &more so hate the negativity/stigma that comes with it. Considering it's creation stems from trauma, how can a person call someone will BPD evil??
I am absolutely sick of things like:

- How to Deal with Someone with BPD
- Taking your Life Back from Someone with BPD
- How to Recover After Dating Someone with BPD

We didn't choose to be traumatized, &we struggle with our own minds and the distorted self image blessed upon us by shitty parents. Yet, it us we are the ones who "choose" to act this way.

Give me a fucking break.

I have bpd I was searching for support groups on Facebook and came across one for people who date us/ live with us/ related to us and all I saw was poison dripping out of it. Nasty!!

 

[goodbyecherry]

I never went To a psychologist, so I was never diagnosed, but read 6 months ago The symptoms, and I was in shok, it's like all my life in this Disease, so impulsive and so alone

This describes my experience so well. My condition went untreated for a looong time, but after learning about BDP and researching the symptoms, it fits exactly what I feel like, the emptiness, the impulsiveness, the loneliness and wanting attention from others. Plus all of the self harm too. I was in shock too realizing it. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I likely have it, or at least partially.